"Baseball," says a Big League magnate, "is the public"s luxury." The small boy will disagree with him, a luxury being something you can do without.-Puck.
At a ball game between a South Carolina negro team and a visiting team of similar color a negro preacher was acting as umpire. The pitcher had gone rather wild, and had permitted all the bases to fill. Another man came to the bat, and the nervous pitcher shot one over.
"Ball one," yelled the ump.
The pitcher tried again.
"Ball two," was the decision.
Another effort by the hurler.
"Ball three," said the umpire.
The pitcher saw his predicament, and made one master effort to save the day.
"Ball four," yelled the ump, "and the man"s out."
"How come, I"se out?" inquired the enraged batter.
"I"se repelled to put you out, n.i.g.g.e.r. Don"t you see dar"s nowhere else to put you?" reasoned the umpire.
They were getting up a ball game in a small town and lacked one player. They finally persuaded an old fellow to fill in, although he said he had never played before. He went to the bat and the first ball pitched he knocked over the fence. Every one stood and watched the ball, even the batter. Excitedly they told him to run. "Shucks!" he said, "what"s the use of running, I"ll buy you another ball."
An Englishman was seeing his first game of baseball, and the "fan" was explaining the different plays as they were being made.
"Don"t you think it"s great?" enthusiastically asked the "fan."
"Well," replied the Englishman, "I think it"s very exciting, but also a very dangerous game."
"Dangerous nothing," replied the fan.
Just then a runner was put out at second base.
"What has happened now?" asked the Englishman.
"Chick Smith has died at second," laconically replied the fan.
"Died at second?" replied the astonished Briton. "I knew it was a dangerous game."
They arrived at the fifth inning.
"What"s the score, Jim?" he asked a fan.
"Nothing to nothing," was the reply.
"Oh, goody!" she exclaimed. "We haven"t missed a thing!"
At the base ball game.
SHE--"What"s the man running for?"
HE--"He hit the ball."
SHE--"I know. But is he required to chase it, too?"
An Englishman was once persuaded to see a game of baseball, and during the play, when he happened to look away for a moment, a foul tip caught him on the ear and knocked him senseless. On coming to himself, he asked faintly, "What was it?"
"A foul--only a foul!"
"Good heavens!" he exclaimed. "A fowl? I thought it was a mule."
BATHS AND BATHING
"S-s-s-s-sus-say, ma," stammered Bobby, through the suds, as his mother scrubbed and scrubbed him, "I guess you want to get rid o" me, don"t you?"
"Why, no, Bobby dear," replied his mother. "Whatever put such an idea into your mind?"
"Oh, nuthin"," said Bobby, "only it seems to me you"re tryin" to rub me out."
PA--"At last I"ve found a way to make that young scamp of ours stop winking his eyes."
MA--"Really?"
PA--"Yes; I"ll show him the article in this science magazine where it says that every time we wink we give the eye a bath."
BEAUTY, PERSONAL
"Is she very pretty?"
"Pretty? Say! when she gets on a street-car the advertising is a total loss."
"I don"t like these photos at all," he said, "I look like an ape."