"Say, bo, doan hand me no truck lak that."--_Judge_.
The only trouble with a 60-horse-power motor is that every darned horse balks at the same time.
BILL--"Just happened to run into an old friend down-town."
PHIL--"Was he glad to see you?"
BILL--"You bet not. I smashed his whole right fender."
"My brother bought a motor here last week," said an angry man to the salesman that stepped up to greet him, "and he said if anything broke you would supply him with new parts."
"Certainly," said the salesman. "What does he want?"
"He wants two deltoid muscles, a couple of kneecaps, one elbow, and about half a yard of cuticle," said the man, "and he wants them at once."
An elderly lady of very prim and severe aspect was seated next a young couple, who were discussing the merits of their motor-cars.
"What color is your body?" asked the young man of the girl at his side, meaning of course, the body of her motor.
"Oh, mine is pink. What is yours?"
"Mine," replied the man, "is brown with wide yellow stripes."
This was too much for the old lady. Rising from the table, she exclaimed:
"When young people come to asking each other the color of their bodies at a dinner-party, it is time I left the room."
"Why didn"t you stop when I signaled you?" inquired the officer.
"Well," replied Mr. Chuggins, "it had taken me two hours to get this old flivver started, and it seemed a shame to stop her merely to avoid a little thing like being arrested."
_Who Can Tell?_
Dear Sirs,--About the engine. Well, We write to let you know We"ve waded through the booklet on "What Makes the Engine Go."
It took us close on half a day To read through all the guff; The engine goes all right, but don"t Keep goin" long enough.
It"s very good to understand What makes the engine go.
But why the deuce the d--- thing stops Is what we want to know.
So now we"re making this request, While tears and curses drop, Please send along a booklet on What Makes the Engine Stop.
The folk around here all await With interest your reply: To them the reasons why she goes Don"t seem to signify.
So while we wait and chew the cud Don"t let the matter flop; For Gawd"s sake write and let us know What makes the blighter stop.
_See also_ Fords; Garages; Horses; Reputation.
AVIATION
TOMMY (to Aviator)--"What is the most deadly poison known?"
AVIATOR--"Aviation poison."
TOMMY--"How much does it take to kill a person?"
AVIATOR--"One drop!"
ENTHUSIASTIC AVIATOR (after long explanation of principle and workings of his biplane)--"Now, you understand it, don"t you?"
YOUNG LADY--"All but one thing."
AVIATOR--"And that is--?"
YOUNG LADY--"What makes it stay up?"
ENTHUSIAST--"Don"t the spectators tire you with the questions they ask?"
AVIATOR--"Yes. What else do you want to know?"
MANDY--"Rastus, you all knows dat yo" remind me of dem dere flyin"
machines?"
RASTUS--"No, Mandy, how"s dat?"
MANDY--"Why becays youse no good on earth."
BACHELORS
It is a safe guess that the man who pokes fun at a woman for shopping all day and not buying anything isn"t married.
MADGE--"You shouldn"t say he"s a confirmed bachelor unless you know."
MARJORIE--"But I do know; I confirmed him."