"No, sah, Ah doan"t neber ride on dem things," said an old colored lady looking in on the merry-go-round. "Why, de other day I seen dat Rastus Johnson git on an" ride as much as a dollah"s worth an" git off at the very same place he got on at, an" I sez to him, "Rastus," I sez, "yo" spent yo" money, but whar yo" been?""
Beneath this starry arch, Naught resteth or is still; But all things hold their march As if by one great will.
Move one, move all: Hark to the footfall!
On, on, forever.
--_Harriet Martineau_.
PROHIBITION
A bone-dry nation means a life full of sorrows without any chance of drowning them.
_Cla.s.sic Thoughts on Prohibition_
I love fools" experiments.--_Darwin_.
The rising world of waters dark and deep.--_Milton_.
Earth a failure, G.o.d-forsaken, Ante-room of h.e.l.l!--_Kingsley_.
If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.--_Shakespeare_.
The law is a a.s.s, a idiot.--_d.i.c.kens_.
Lean, hungry, savage anti-everythings.--_Holmes_.
The remedy is worse than the disease.--_Bacon_.
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts.
And men have lost their reason.--_Shakespeare_.
Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do"t tomorrow.--_Fletcher_.
The h.e.l.l of waters!--_Byron_.
The frigid theories of a generalizing age.--_Disraeli_.
O, happy, happy Liver!--_Wordsworth_.
--_E.H._
"Do you think there"s a chance of prohibition"s being repealed, after all?"
"I hope not," answered Uncle Bill Bottletop; "anyhow, not soon."
"I thought you didn"t quite approve of prohibition."
"I don"t, quite. But for years folks have been talking about a lot o"
chaps that "ud be such wonders if they didn"t drink, an" I want to see "em get a little more time to make good."
"It is indeed a pleasure," remarked the man who approves of prohibition, "to be able to walk the streets without seeing a saloon on every corner."
"And yet," returned the unregenerate one, "it"s a great comfort to know they are there, even if you don"t see them."
Prohibition doesn"t prohibit; it just provokes.
"Mamma, what does it mean when you"re wined and dined?"
"That"s an obsolete term, Harold. Now you are only grape-juiced and cornbreaded."
"This Prohibition outlook is a trifle expensive."
"How so?"
"Why, I"ve just had to build an addition to my wine cellar."
"Well," said the first clubman, "we may have to drink water pretty soon."
"Water?"
"Yes, that"s the stuff the waiter brings you with your napkin."
_When It Comes_ _We Shall Miss_
That appointment with an old business acquaintance.
Calendars from our favorite brewery.
Blotters from same.
Reunion dinners.
(a) College.
(b) Fraternity.
Scientific dissertations on the only non-refillable bottle.
Stories about how Broadway spent New Year"s eve.
The real mint julep.
The 5:15--without being unjustly accused.
_We Shall Not Miss_
Sermons against rum.
Sermons against Prohibition.
The free lunch.
The Southern gentleman who says he"s the only man who can make the real mint julep.
German beer gardens.
The man who never drinks without offering a toast.
New Year"s eve on Broadway.
Comic-opera drinking songs.
A vote on the next Const.i.tutional amendment.