The divorced woman, if she drops her husband"s name by permission of the court, uses her maiden name on her cards, with the prefix Mrs. If she retains her husband"s name, she usually combines her family name with it, as Mrs. Jones Brown.
A card should never be handed to a hostess or any member of the family.
Lay it on the table. If a member of the family opens the door, a card need not be used, though one is often left as above.
At afternoon teas, receptions and "At Homes" the visitor leaves a card for the hostess on the tray in the hall, and one for the guest of honor, or the debutante if one is being introduced.
A card to an "At Home" or an afternoon reception does not require either acceptance or regret. If the person invited attends she leaves her card; if not, she sends it by mail to reach the home on the day of the reception.
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An invitation to a dinner must be answered immediately, and unconditionally accepted or declined.
If, having accepted, it becomes absolutely impossible to keep the engagement, the earliest possible notice must be given to the hostess.
It is unpardonable to be late at a dinner party. Arrivals are expected within ten minutes of the hour named.
One wears the best she has that is suitable for a dinner party.
The reply to an invitation must follow the style of the invitation. If formal, that is, in the third person, the reply must also be in the third person. If informal, the personal form being employed, the reply is also informal.
Do not send your card with "Regrets" written upon it, in response to any invitation, formal or informal.
Telephone invitations are admissible only for informal affairs. General invitations, given verbally, have no social footing. "Do come and dine with us some day," unless followed by a definite date or note of invitation, means nothing.
An invitation given by a man to dine or visit, or to a home entertainment, is not to be accepted unless seconded by his wife.
A girl, sending invitations to commencement exercises, encloses her card.
It is bad form to show that one feels slighted or affronted at not having been invited to any function, or not given the precedence one feels herself ent.i.tles to. The hostess, in her own home, obeys such rules as she believes correct.
A visitor is expected to contribute her share to the pleasure of the occasion by being conversationally agreeable.
If hostess, one must overlook every awkwardness on the part of the guest or servant, and any accident to one"s belongings, but be deeply solicitous and apologetic if an accident happens to a guest,
The guest of honor at a dinner party should take leave first. Other departures follow speedily.
Remember--
That an invitation to spend a few days with a friend requires a speedy reply. It is not allowable to say one will come either earlier or later than the time specified.
A visitor should adapt herself to the ways of the household, be punctual at meals, and make no plans or arrangements without consulting her hostess.
She may not invite a friend of her own to a meal without requesting permission of her hostess.
She should be careful not to infringe upon the privileges and prerogatives of the man of the house.
MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 785
She may accept invitations in which the hostess is not included, but never without due consultation with her hostess.
She should show herself pleased with the efforts made to entertain her and enter into them readily.
She should leave promptly at the expiration of the time set for her visit.
It is almost invariably a mistake to outstay the limit. If no limit was named in the invitation, she should, within a day or two of her arrival, state the date on which she will leave.
On her return home, her first duty is to write her hostess, announcing her arrival and expressing her pleasure in the visit. To omit this is a grave discourtesy. A hostess once said of a woman who failed in this particular: "We don"t know whether she reached home or not; we never heard from her after she left."
On departure, maids or servants who have attended one should receive a gratuity, proportioned to the means of the visitor and the style of the establishment.
The hostess should arrange to have the visitor met, either meeting her in person at the station or being first to greet her on her arrival at the house.
Guest rooms should be in perfect order and equipped with every possible convenience for the comfort of visitors.
The hostess arranges whatever pleasures are possible for her guest"s enjoyment, invites her friends to call on her, and probably gives a tea or reception in her honor.
Do not forget that it is ill-bred as well as unkind to discuss the family affairs of one"s hostess with others; to criticise or complain of her arrangements; or gossip about her or her family.
Remember--
The announcement of an engagement comes from the family of the girl.
The parents and relatives of the bridegroom-elect should call on the girl and her mother, or if living in another city write cordial letters without delay.
The bride-elect should respond to these advances with cordiality.
She should try to make her future husband"s family like her.
Etiquette is not relaxed in the case of an engaged couple. They do not make calls together except on relatives or very close friends. They may not make journeys together unchaperoned.
The cost of a wedding, whether at church or at home, is borne by the bride"s family, the bridegroom paying for the wedding ring, the clergyman"s fee, and the carriage in which the pair leave the church after the ceremony.
Though it may be necessary to limit the number of invitations to a wedding, announcement cards should be sent to all the friends and acquaintances of the two families.
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The "giving away" of a bride by her father is no mere form; it is a recognition of family authority, the claim of a father upon his daughter.
It should therefore be a part of the ceremony.
Invitations to the church ceremony do not necessitate a wedding gift.
Those invited to the reception may send gifts if they so desire.
Cards are usually removed from gifts, but in some cases are left on.
All gifts should be acknowledged before the ceremony if possible, by the bride herself.
If the bridegroom"s parents live out of town, it is customary for the parents of the bride to invite them to their home as guests of the occasion. If this is not practicable, they may engage rooms for them at a hotel, paying the bill in advance.