Ji Yun"s departure had bound the girls together from now on. If Ji Yun were watching from above, she would perhaps be heartened to see that.
Liang Mulan saw that Lin Ran had turned her body sideways to let Lin Nuan enter. Seeing the door close, she couldn"t stop herself from smiling.
The pain hidden in her heart had fermented and acc.u.mulated a gas that made her feel awful… impacting her within her body now and then. Lin Ran urgently needed to find an outlet to vent it.
She sat before the desk, back facing Lin Nuan as she told the latter about the things that happened when she was young…
"When I was young, I always finished my homework at school. It wasn"t that I was super diligent, but because… there was no heater at home, and there was limited coal. Other than using it for cooking, we usually couldn"t bear to use it wastefully. The house was as cold as an ice cellar, not much warmer compared to outside! That"s why I always chose to finish my homework at school. I persisted throughout spring, summer, autumn, and winter, acting carefully so that my cla.s.smates wouldn"t discover my reason for doing so! I was afraid that any abnormal activity on my part would allow them to find out that I had a mentally ill mother…
"In the past, I used to envy my cla.s.smates for being able to rear pet dogs at home. We were living from foot to mouth, yet Mom found a way to bring home a Tugou. I would give a portion of my rice to Xiao Bai every day. I felt like Xiao Bai was my family. That afternoon, when Xiao Bai came to fetch me from school, I watched as my cla.s.smates used a stick and rocks to chase after Xiao Bai and hit him, calling him a lunatic"s dog! The minute it saw me… although it was clearly beaten so badly that it was bleeding all over, it kept wagging its tail at me! I"ll never be able to forget those clean and pretty eyes of Xiao Bai! I hate myself for running away and not daring to rescue Xiao Bai, fearing that they would discover that my mother was the lunatic at that time! From that day onwards, I never saw Xiao Bai again…
"I truly… have done too many wrong things because of my vanity! Be it Mom or Xiao Bai, neither will give me a chance to make it up to them again!"
The careful manner Lin Ran lived in those days had become shackles that bound her today. The more she struggled, the harder they restrained her. They were so tight that it made her unable to breathe.
Lin Ran stared at the table light. Even the gentle lighting was piercing.
Her eyes were sore and painful as she said in a choked voice, "Granny keeps saying that I can"t compare to you. I admit it! Because I"m indeed inferior to you in my treatment of Mom! I lived every day carefully, and my nerves were highly strung every day, afraid people might find out! Back then, in school, I liked this boy. When Mom came to fetch me on a rainy day, I was especially afraid the boy I liked would find out, so I walked far away from her and hid from her like a plague!"
"But you… you dared to bring Mom to your lover, and you even fetched Mom from the mental hospital and helped to settle her down! I think if it were me… I would have rather died than brought such a mother to my lover. I had to s.h.i.+eld my laughable image before a boy I liked, much less before a lover!"
It was painful for Lin Ran to admit that she couldn"t compare to Lin Nuan!
They were born on the same day, and their ident.i.ties were mixed up by some strange turn of events. It was destined that they wouldn"t be able to get along as sisters, that they would be at loggerheads for life.
But Ji Yun"s death changed everything.
Lin Ran covered her face painfully…
She heard Lin Nuan"s clear and warm voice. "You and I have different circ.u.mstances, so there isn"t any comparability between the two of us, and there"s no such thing as one of us being n.o.bler than the other!"
Lin Nuan sat down on the sofa in Lin Ran"s room, tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ear, her pet.i.te face looking gentle with the pink sweater…
"Because I hogged the living conditions that ought to have belonged to you, you lived in poverty on behalf of me in that family for so many years. If I were in your position back then, I might not have done better than you! I never had to worry about money growing up, living in a well-to-do environment. I never worried about someone slighting me because of my family and parents. I never had the experience of being chased by someone while they shouted "lunatic"s daughter" at me, so my self-esteem has been fine."
Lin Nuan saw Lin Ran staring at her through the round mirror on the desk. She continued, "As for you… The best possible life Mom and Dad could give you was making sure you were fed! The circ.u.mstances and the neighbors" pitiful stares would make your self-esteem several hundred times more sensitive. It wasn"t your vanity… you merely didn"t want others to look down on you!"
"Just as how, with your well-to-do family background now, you too would take your lover to visit Mom, even wanting to accompany her overseas with your lover. So, Lin Ran… this was a result of circ.u.mstances, not because of yourself! You have always… been a strong and kind girl!"
Lin Nuan"s expression was sincere in the mirror. The black of her reddened eyes looked clear, and she didn"t look like she was being perfunctory or merely saying that to comfort her.
Looking at such a Lin Nuan, Lin Ran suddenly laughed lightly, her heavy feelings slightly lifted. However, Lin Ran didn"t say the words "thank you" after all.
…
Due to a good night"s rest, Tuan Tuan woke up really early in the morning!
It was snowing heavily outside, and the skies were still kind of dark. Inside the house, only a small table lamp was turned on.
Tuan Tuan turned around and propped his hands against the mattress, sticking up his little b.u.t.t as he stood up on the bed. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and realized that he wasn"t in his own room, and neither was it Papa and Mama"s room. He widened his round eyes and looked a little shocked, but when he turned around, he saw that Papa and Mama were both around. Papa even put an index finger to his mouth and made a "shh" gesture!
Tuan Tuan felt his heart put at ease.
When the little one thought of how he had slept on the same bed as Papa and Mama last night, his ears turned red in happiness.
He saw that Lin Nuan, who was still sound asleep, had reddened eyes. He rubbed the corner of his s.h.i.+rt with his finger, lost as to what he should do, thinking of how he should comfort Lin Nuan.
Seeing Mama lie on Papa"s arm, Tuan Tuan carefully walked to Lin Nuan"s side and sat down, gazing at her face as she slept.
Tuan Tuan felt that his mama"s eyelashes were super long, and her face was super fair and super pretty. She indeed was the most beautiful mama in the world. The little one couldn"t resist secretly kissing Lin Nuan on her eyes. Then, as if afraid Fu Huai"an would lecture him, he put a fat finger to his lips and made a "shh" sound, indicating that he was going to be good subsequently, his black and bright eyes looking around.
"This was Mama"s room in the past…" Fu Huai"an, who was in an excellent mood, explained to Tuan Tuan.
Tuan Tuan nodded his head in surprise, then slid down from the bed, bouncing around the room barefoot and taking in his surroundings.
When the little one was standing before the bookshelf filled with Lin Nuan"s trophies and certificates, he raised his head, retreated two steps, and looked up… There truly were a lot of prizes and certificates. He had to raise his head in order to see them all.