[Ill.u.s.tration: A PROP OF THE DRAMA
"What, back already, Archie! Was it a dull piece, then?"
"Don"t know. Didn"t stop to see. Just looked round stalls and boxes, and didn"t see a soul I knew!--so I came away."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: SHOWING THAT SOMETIMES IT IS GOOD FOR A COBBLER _NOT_ TO STICK TO HIS LAST.
_Fair Matron._ "I remember your acting "_Sir Anthony_," _years_ ago, when I was a girl, Sir Charles! You did it splendidly!"
_The Great Mathematician._ "Ah, would you believe it, that bit of acting brought me more compliments than anything I ever did?"
_Fair Matron._ "I should _think_ so, indeed!"]
THE COMPANY THAT FREQUENTLY FILLS A THEATRE BETTER THAN A DRAMATIC ONE.--The Stationers" Company.
The managers of Drury Lane, Gaiety, Alhambra and Empire Theatres ought _ex-officio_ to be members of the Worshipful Guild of Spectacle-makers.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "_Walking Lady_" (_late for rehearsal_). "Oh, I"m so sorry to be late! I _do_ hope you haven"t all been waiting for me?"
_Stage Manager_ (_icily_). "My dear Miss Chalmers, incompetence is the gift of heaven; but attention to business may be cultivated!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: AN UNKIND CUT.--_Amateur._ "It was very kind of you to come to our performance the other night; but what did you think of my _Hamlet_? Pretty good?" _Professional_ (_feigning ecstasy_). "Oh, my dear fellow, "pon my word you know,--really I a.s.sure you, good"s not the word!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _First Critic._ "Well, have you seen the great tragedian in _Romeo and Juliet_?"
_Second ditto._ "I have; and I confess he didn"t come up to my ixpictations. To tell ye the truth, I niver thought he would!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A CROWDED HOUSE
_Angry Voice_ (_from a back seat_). "Ears off in front there, please!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE PROVINCIAL DRAMA
_The Marquis_ (_in the play_). "Aven"t I give" yer the edgication of a gen"leman?"
_Lord Adolphus_ (_spendthrift heir_). "You "ave!!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A CONDUCTOR OF HEAT]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "STARTLING EFFECTS!"
_Peep-Showman._ "On the right you observe the "xpress train a-comin"
along, an" the signal lights, the green and the red. The green lights means "caution," and the red lights si"nifies "danger""----
_Small Boy_ (_with his eye to the aperture_). "But what"s the yaller light, sir?"
_Peep-Showman_ (_slow and impressive_). "There ain"t no yaller light--but the green and the red. The green lights means "caution," and the red lights si"nif----"
_Small Boy_ (_persistently_). "But wha"s the other light, sir?"
_Peep-Showman_ (_losing patience_). "Tell yer there ain"t no"----(_takes a look--in consternation_)--"Blowed if the darned old show ain"t a-fire!!"]
EX NIHILO NIHIL FIT
["Fashions in drama change as frequently as fashions in hats. It has been reserved for our own day to evolve the comedy of nothing-in-particular. Nowadays nothing happens in a play."--_The Outlook._]
SCENE--_Nowhere in particular._
CHARACTERS.
HE, _a nonent.i.ty_.
SHE, _another_.
_He._ Dear----!
_She_ (_wearily_). Oh please don"t. [_Does nothing._
_He._ Why, what"s the matter?
_She._ Nothing.