"PIKES AND BIKES"
(_By a "riding Poet"_)
In years gone by our sires would try To abrogate the highway "pikes."
No tolls to-day, can bar the way, But freeing of the road brought "bikes"; And there are many Northern Tykes, Who would prefer the "pikes" to "bikes."
Ill.u.s.tration: _Old Lady_ (_describing a cycling accident_). ""E "elped me hup, an" brushed the dust orf on me, an" put five shillin" in my "and, an" so I says, "Well, sir, I"m sure you"re _hactin"_ like a gentleman," I says, "though I don"t suppose you are one," I says."
A motor-car, proceeding along the High Street the other evening, took fright, it is supposed, at a constable on point-to-point duty, and exploded, blowing the occupants in various directions over the adjoining buildings. The policeman is to be congratulated upon averting what might have been a serious accident.
A well-known motorist has been complaining of the campaign waged against motor-cars by humorous artists, who never seem to tire of depicting accidents. "One common and ludicrous error in many drawings," he said, "is the placing of the driver on the wrong side of the car." But surely, in an accident, that is just where he would find himself.
_Sympathetic Lady._ "I hope you had a good holiday, Miss Smith."
_Overworked Dressmaker._ "Oh yes, my lady. I took my machine with me, you know!"
_S. L._ "What a pity; you should give up needle and thread when you"re out for a----"
_O. D._ "Oh, I don"t mean my sewing machine! I refer to my bicycle!"
Ill.u.s.tration:
SCENE--_A remote district in the Wolds._
_Driver of Motor-car_ (_who has just pulled up in response to urgent summons from countrywoman_). "Well, what"s the matter? What is it?"
_Countrywoman._ "Hi, man, look! You"ve been an" left yer "oss on the "ill!"
THE CYCLING GOVERNESS
I no longer teach my cla.s.ses Their Shakespeare and the gla.s.ses, And the uses of the globes, as was my custom; But all they"ll learn from me Is to ride the iron gee-- All other lessons utterly disgust "em!
The girls no more will meddle With the painful piano-pedal, They"ll only touch the pedal of their "Humber"; Like their grannies, they begin At an early age to "spin,"
But the road it is their spinning-wheels enc.u.mber.
So wheeling now my trade is, And finishing young ladies In the proper kind of bicycling deportment; _I_"m nearly finished, too, And battered black and blue, For of falls I"ve had a pretty large a.s.sortment!
WOE ON THE WHEEL.
There was a "scorching" girl, who came down an awful purl, And scarified her nose, and scarred her forehead.
She thought, when first she rode, biking very, _very_ good, But now she considers it horrid!
Ill.u.s.tration: _Winny_ (_one mile an hour_) _to Annie_ (_two miles an hour_). "Scorcher!"
THE FAVOURITE OF THE MOTOR-CARS.--_Pet_roleum.
In England, says a French writer, motoring is not considered a sport because it does not involve killing anything. This is but one more example of Continental aspersion.
As a result of his trip over the Gordon-Bennett course, the Roman Catholic Archbishop of Dublin now recommends the motor-car for pastoral visits. This will be no new thing. For years past some people have looked on the motor-car in the light of a visitation.
CYCLING CONUNDRUM.--_Q._ What article of the cyclist girl"s attire do a couple of careless barbers recall to mind?
_A._ A pair of nickers.
Motorists are still expressing their indignation at a recent disgraceful incident when one of their number, because he could not pay a fine at once, was taken to prison, and forced to don ugly convict garb in the place of his becoming goggles and motor coat.
Ill.u.s.tration: _Engineer._ "There"s certainly a screw loose somewhere."
_Simple Simon_ (_with gleeful satisfaction_). "He-he! I knaws where "t be too!"
_Car Owner_ (_intensely interested_). "What do you mean, boy?"
_Simple Simon._ "He-he! Why I"ve got "un! All the folks say as "ow I"ve got a screw loose somewheres!"
WHEELS WITHIN WHEELS
_Dialogue between two Young Gentlemen, dressed in Knickerbocker Suits, Gaiters, and Golf caps. They have the indescribable air which proclaims the votary of the "Bike"._
_First Young Gentleman._ Yes; I certainly agree with the French view of it. Cycling shouldn"t be indulged in without care.