_Mrs. B._ And the Clothing Department calls for a woman"s knowledge. The hideous snuff-coloured garments must be retained for warfare, but with the new costume for walking out and ceremonial I think something might be done.
_Mrs. L.-C._ The woman who makes my frocks is as clever as she can be, and always has her head full of ideas for those sort of things.
_Mrs. C._ Michel Angelo did not disdain to design the uniform of the Swiss Guard. Perhaps Gilbert, or Ford, or Brock might follow in the giant"s footsteps.
_Col. B._ You ladies always design such sensible clothes for yourselves, do you not?
[_He is frozen into silence again._
_Mrs. B._ And the education of young officers. From a cursory glance through my husband"s books on law, topography and administration, I should say that there are no military subjects that the average woman could not master in a fortnight. Strategy, of course, comes to us by intuition. The companionship and influence of really good women on youths and young men cannot be over-rated, and the professors both at the Staff College and at the Military Academy should be of our s.e.x.
_Mrs. L.-C._ I always love the boys; but I think some of the staff college men are awfully stuck up.
_Mrs. B._ Now as to the regiment. The mess, of course, should be in our province.
_Mrs. L.-C._ How ripping. The guest-nights would be lovely dinner parties, the ante-room we"d use for tea, and the band should always play from 5 to 6. We"d have afternoon dances every Thursday, and turn the men out once a week and have a dinner all to ourselves to talk scandal.
[_The colonel groans._
[Ill.u.s.tration: "REGIMENTAL ORDERS"!
_Volunteer Captain._ "Ah, Sergeant Jones--didn"t I send you an order to be at headquarters on Monday, at nine o"clock, with a corporal and six men for duty?"
_Sergeant._ "Yes, sir. But I think if there was a little more "request", and a little less "order", it would be (_a-hem_)--better!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "BOBS"
An Indian idol--as worshipped by Mr. Thomas Atkins.
(_The property of the British nation._)]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "BOBS" AS A BOBBIE
["CORONATION CLAIMS.--There being no succession to certain offices, the appointment thereto rests with His Majesty, and the following are regarded as probable candidates:--Lord High Constable--The Earl Roberts," &c.--_Vide Daily Mail_, Nov. 19, 1901.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: SORROWS OF A SUBALTERN
"Curious way that boy has of salutin". Don"t believe it"s correct!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE DOG!--_(A romance of real life.)_
_The Gallant Major._ "I beg a thousand pardons for the apparent liberty I take as an entire stranger, but may I make so bold as to ask you, is not this one of that wonderful breed of black or Chinese pugs?"
_The Pretty Lady (most condescendingly)._ "Yes, you are perfectly right, and if I am not mistaken, you are Major McBride, of the Ninety-ninth Hussars."
[_From that moment they became fast friends, and within the next three months there appeared in the "Morning Post," "A marriage has been arranged between Major McBride, of the Ninety-ninth Hussars, and Mrs. Bellairs," &c., &c._
[Ill.u.s.tration: "ONE OF OUR CONQUERORS."
_Imperial Yeoman._ "Much obliged if you would pick up my sword for me."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: TOMMY"S SUNDAY AFTERNOON AS IT WILL BE
["It has been decreed in several line battalions that in future no soldier will be allowed to walk arm-in-arm in the street with a female."--_Daily Paper._]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Oh! I say! "E "as got eyes after all!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Doctor._ "Don"t feel well, eh? Appet.i.te all right?"
_Tommie._ "Eat like a wolf, sir."
_Doctor._ "Sleep well?"
_Tommie._ "As sound as a dog, sir."
_Doctor._ "Oh, you"d better see the vet.!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE JOKE THAT FAILED
_Lubber._ "I say, Jack, do you know why they"ve painted the ships grey in time of _peace_?"
_Jack._ "I s"pose "cos it"s a _neutral_ tint!"