_Hal._ "Is there anything the matter with this egg, Martha?"
_Martha._ "Oh no, it"s only a little cracked."
_Hal._ "Oh! Then would the chicken that came out of it be a little mad?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: NATURAL HISTORY.--"Oh, _look_, mummie! Now it"s left off raining, he"s come out of his kennel!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: SENSIBLE CHILD.--"Well, Jacky, and did you hang up your stocking for Santa Claus to fill?"
"No. I hanged up muvver"s!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Look what I"ve bought you for a Christmas box!"]
HAD HIM THERE.--_Uncle Jim._ Here"s half a mince pie for you, Tommy. I need hardly remind a person of your cla.s.sical culture that "_the half is greater than the whole_!"
_Tommy._ Quite so, uncle. But, as I"m not very hungry, I"ll only take a whole one.
AN EYE TO THE MAIN CHANCE.--_The Major._ You"re a very nice fellow, Tommy! Don"t most people tell you so?
_Tommy._ Yes, they does. And they often gives me something!
[Ill.u.s.tration: LOST, OR, LUCID INFORMATION
_Kind-hearted Old Gent._ "There, there, don"t cry! What"s your name and where do you live!"
_Chorus._ "Boohoo! We"se Doolie"s twins."]
"SANCTA SIMPLICITAS."--"Auntie, ought Bertie Wilson to have _smiled_ so often at me in church?"
"No, dear. Where was he sitting?"
"Behind me."
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Philanthropic Old Lady_ (_to little boy caressing dog_).
"That is right, little boy, always be kind to animals."
_Little Boy._ "Yes, "m. I"ll have this tin can tied to his tail soon"s I"ve got him quiet."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Poor likkle doggie--hasn"t got any fevvers on!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Master Tom._ "Wish I could catch a cold just before Christmas."
_Effie._ "Why?"
_Master Tom._ "Well, ma"s always sayin", "feed a cold." Wouldn"t I?
_Just!_"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "_Please_, auntie, _may_ I have the fairy off the Christmas tree--_if I don"t ask you for it_?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Shocked Mother._ "Oh, Tommy! What have you been doing?"
_Tommy_ (_who has just returned from the first day of a preliminary course at the village school_). "Fighting with Billy Brown."
_Mother._ "That horrid boy at the farm? Don"t you _ever_ quarrel with him again!"
_Tommy._ "I ain"t likely to. He can _lick_ me!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: RUDIMENTS OF ECONOMY
"May I _leave_ this piece of bread, nurse?"
"Certainly not, Miss May. It"s dreadful wasteful! and the day may come when you"ll _want_ a piece of bread!"
"Then I"d better _keep_ this piece of bread till I _do_ want it, nurse.
Hadn"t I?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: BLUE FEVER.--_Visitor_ (_after a long discourse on the virtues of temperance_). "I"m glad to see a little boy here wearing the blue ribbon. That"s a good little fellow. Persevere in your good----"
_Billie Groggins._ "Please, sir, I"m _Hoxford_!"]