_Old Party_ (_very naturally excited_). "Why, confound you! You are wiping my plate with your handkerchief!"
_Waiter_ (_blandly_). "It"s of no consequence, sir--it"s only a dirty one!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: IN DESPERATE STRAITS
_Jones_ (_blue ribbon--to abstemious lady he has taken in to dinner_).
"Look here, madam, we don"t seem to be getting on a _bit_! Either you must have a gla.s.s of champagne, or, by Jove, I must!!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID
_Guest_ (_who is a bon-vivant, to host, who isn"t_). "You must come and dine with _me_, Jones!"
_Host._ "With pleasure, my dear friend! When?"
_Guest._ "_Now!_"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "NOT QUITE THE CHEESE!"
_British Farmer._ "What sort o" cheese do you call this? Full o" holes!"
_Waiter._ "Grew-yere, sir."
_British Farmer_ (_suspiciously_). "Then just bring one that grew somewhere else!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
THE END