[Ill.u.s.tration: _c.o.c.kney Macbeth (a trifle "fluffy" in his words) bellows out:_ ""Ang out our banners on the houtward walls! The cry is--"Let "em _all_ come!""]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Hedwin._ "Hangeleener! Won"t yer "ear me? Wot "ud yer sy if I told yer as I"d "took the shillin"?"
_Hangelina._ "Sy? Why--"halves"!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Man Cleaning the Horse._ "Naa then lazy, w"y don"t yer do some work?"
_New Hand (loafing)._ "I"m agoin" to."
_M. C. H._ "Wot are yer goin" ter do?"
_N. H._ ""Elp you."
_M. C. H._ "Come alorng, then."
_N. H._ "All rite. You go orn, I"m agoin" ter do the "issing."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "BACK TO THE LAND."
_Old Farmer Worsell (who is experimenting with unemployed from London)._ "Now then, young feller, "ow long are you goin" to be with that "ere milk?"
_Young Feller._ "I caunt "elp it, guv"nor. I bin watchin" "er arf an hour, and she ain"t laid any yit."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: ""Ere, just "old my broom a minute. I"m just goin" up the street. If any of my regular customers comes, just arst "em to wait a bit!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: ART IN WHITECHAPEL.
"Well, that"s what I calls a himpossible persition to get yerself into!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Loafer (looking at a hundred pound dressing-bag)._ "I wonder wot sort of a bloke it is as wants a bag of tools like that to doss "isself up with?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Comin" up to "Yde Park to "ave a bave, "Arry?"
"Yers--an" "ave all me cloves run orf wiv. Not if _I_ know it!"]
THE c.o.c.kNEY"S ADDRESS TO THE SEA.--"With all thy faults I love thee _still_."
A COSTERMONGER"S CANT
Bill Coster said, "See them two fish?
Them there"s both females, mister; A pilchard she in this here dish: That "ere"s her errin" sister."
FOR THE USE OF SCHOOLS.--(_By a c.o.c.kney._) Why should not Dr. Watts"
poems be read by youth?
Because they contain _Hymn-morality_.
A LINE FROM BROWNING
(_For hairdressers who recommend a wonderful "Restorative," and are careless of the aspirate._)
"An everlasting wash of air."
A c.o.c.kNEY CON.--When may a man really be supposed to be hungry?
When he goes to Nor-(gnaw)wood for his dinner.
[Ill.u.s.tration: SO VERY CONSIDERATE.
_Stout Coster._ "Where are ye goin" to, Bill?"
_Bill._ "Inter the country for a nice drive, bein" Bank "Olidy."
_Stout Coster._ "Same "ere. I sy! don"t yer think we might swop misseses just for a few hours? It would be so much kinder to the hanimile!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _"Arry (whose "Old Dutch" has been shopping, and has kept him waiting a considerable time)._ "Wot d"yer mean, keepin" me standin"
abaat "ere like a bloomin" fool?"