"Here in cool grot and mossy cell We rural fays and fairies dwell!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: HARD ON THE DOCTOR--_Old Lady._ "My "usband "e never did "old with doctors, and "e wouldn"t let me send for yer till "e was real bad. What"s wrong with him, doctor?" _Doctor._ "Mainly senility, Mrs.
Wilkins." _Old Lady._ "Lor" now! An" I dessay "e wouldn"t "ave "ad it if "e"d "ad yer soon enough!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
"There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."--_Hamlet._
(_Heard outside a Country Circus._)
_Old Jarge._ "Wen ye sees wot comes from furrin parts, bless yer "eart, ye just feels like a bit o" dirt!"]
"THE LAST STRAW."--For further particulars apply to the gleaners.
THE WEATHER AND THE CROPS.--_Note._ Always have your hair cut very short in the hottest weather.
GARDENING AMUs.e.m.e.nT FOR COLWELL-HATCHNEY.--Spinning turnip tops.
ADVICE TO THE FARMER.--Keep your weather eye open.
[Ill.u.s.tration:
"Did ye see the Lord Mayor when you was up to Lunnon?"
"Aye, lad, I did."
"De" "e gang aboot wi" a chain?"
"No; "e gangs loose!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
_Miss Hobbs_ (_who dislikes tobacco_). "I see you are at your idol again!"
_Smoker._ "Yes; I"m burning it!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A DRY CALLING
"Th" ole squire stop an" spoke to me this marnin"; an" Oi ast "im "ow Master Philip was gettin" on in Lunnon. "Oh," says "e, ""e "s bin called to the Bar." Oi dunno wot "e meant, so Oi didn" say nothin"; but Oi says to meself, "Ah," Oi says, "from what _Oi_ remember of "im, "e didn" want no _callin"_!""]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
ACCOMMODATING.--_Old Lady._ "Now then, what do you want?" _The Tramp._ "I ain"t pertickler, lady. What "av" yer got?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration:
_The Vicar"s Daughter._ "Papa was very shocked, Giles, to see you standing outside the "Green Man" this morning, after church."
_The Village Reprobate._ "Oi can "sure ye, miss, it wus na fault o"
moine that I wus standin" ootside!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "I"m surprised to find that you keep a dog, Tomkins! Why, you can barely keep your wife! What on earth do you feed him on?"
"Well, I gives "im cat"s-meat. And when I can"t afford that, why, "e "as to "ave wot _we_ "ave."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Mrs. A._ "I"ve just been to see a poor soul who was almost dying of dest.i.tution." _Miss B._ "Did you take her anything?"
_Mrs. A._ "Yes--a pound of mutton." _Miss B._ "That wasn"t much, was it?" _Mrs. A._ (_indignantly_). "Quite enough to make her some _beef tea_!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Tell your fortune, pretty gentleman?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Fond of music! Why, when I"m in town, I go to a music-hall every night!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A SURE SIGN OF IMPROVEMENT.--_Village Doctor._ "Well Scroggins, I hope your wife is much better to-day, eh? How is her pulse, eh? And how"s her temperature?"
_Scroggins_ (_considering_). "Well, doctor, I don"t know much about her pulses, but as for her temper"--(_feelingly_)--"she"s got a plenty of _that_ to-day!"]