THE BEST SCHOOL OF COOKERY.--The office of a City accountant.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE OBSTINACY OF THE PARENT
_Emily Jane._ "Yes, I"m always a-sayin" to father as "e oughter retire from the crossin", but keep at it "e will, though it ain"t just no more "n the broom as "olds "im up!"]
THE MONEY MARKET
The scarcity of money is frightful. As much as a hundred per cent., to be paid in advance, has been asked upon bills; but we have not yet heard of any one having given it. There was an immense run for gold, but no one got any, and the whole of the transactions of the day were done in copper. An influential party created some sensation by coming into the market late in the afternoon, just before the close of business, with half-a-crown; but it was found, on inquiry, to be a bad one. It is expected that if the dearth of money continues another week, b.u.t.tons must be resorted to. A party, whose transactions are known to be large, succeeded in settling his account with the bulls, by means of postage-stamps; an arrangement of which the bears will probably take advantage.
A large capitalist in the course of the day attempted to change the direction things had taken, by throwing an immense quant.i.ty of paper into the market; but as no one seemed disposed to have anything to do with it, it blew over.
The parties to the Dutch loan are much irritated at being asked to take their dividends in b.u.t.ter; but, after the insane attempt to get rid of the Spanish arrears by cigars, which, it is well known, ended in smoke, we do not think the Dutch project will be proceeded with.
"LETTERS OF CREDIT."--I.O.U.
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.--Stopping in London in August.
RESIDENCE FOR THE CLERK OF THE WEATHER.--"The clearing-house."
[Ill.u.s.tration: A MAN OF LETTERS]
[Ill.u.s.tration: MOST a.s.sURING.--_Brown (who is nervous about sanitary matters, and detects something)._ "Hum"--(_sniffs_)--"surely--this system of yours--these pipes now--do they communicate with your main drain?" _Hairdresser (with cheery gusto)._ "Direct, sir!"
[_Tableau._
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Gilded Johnny._ "How long will it take your bally cab to get to Victoria?"
_Cabby._ "Oh, just about the same time as an ordinary keb, sir."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "NEVER TOO LATE TO MEND"
_Respectable Man._ "Dear me! I"m sorry to see this, Muggles! I heard you"d left off drinking!"
_Disreputable Party._ "Sho I "ave, shir--(_hic_)--jesh "ish very minute!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: OBVIOUS.--_Stingy Uncle (to impecunious Nephew)._ "Pay as you go, my boy!--Pay as you go!"
_Nephew (suggestively)._ "But suppose I haven"t any money to pay with, uncle----"
_Uncle._ "Eh?--Well, then, don"t go, you know--don"t go!"
[_Exit hastily_.
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Street Serio (singing)._ "Er--yew will think hov me and love me has in dies hov long ago-o-o!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: SHEWERFIT & C^o.
ARTISTS IN HAIR FACE Ma.s.sAGE MANICURE CHIROPODY BLOOM OF CUPID FOR THE COMPLEXION
[Ill.u.s.tration: REAL GRAt.i.tUDE
_Tramp (to Chappie, who has just given him a shilling)._ "I "ope as "ow some day, sir, _you_ may want a shillin", an" that I"ll be able to give it to yer!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Vendor of Cheap Music._ ""Ere y" are, lidy! _"I"ll be yer Sweet"art."_ One penny!"]
CORRESPONDENCE
If you please, sir, as a young visitor to the metropolis, and well acquainted with history, I want to ask you--
Who is the Constable of the Tower?