What is his number?
Is he dressed like other constables?
Can he run anyone in, and make them move on if found loitering on his beat?
Is his beat all round the Tower?
Is he a special? one of the _force de tour_, empowered to use a _tour de force_? (You see I am well up in French.)
I saw a very amiable-looking policeman cracking nuts in the vicinity of the Tower. Do you think this was the constable in question?
Yours,
RUSTY CUSS IN URBE.
P.S.--Pantheon means a place where all the G.o.ds are. I know Greek.
The Pantheon in Regent Street I find is now a wine merchant"s. Is England exclusively devoted to Bacchus, and is temperance a heresy?
[Ill.u.s.tration: ON THE NINTH.
_Freddy._ "And do they have a new Lord Mayor every year, mummie?"
_Mother._ "Yes, dear."
_Freddy._ "Then what do they do with the old Lord Mayors when they"ve done with "em?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Clerk._ "Lady been here this morning, sir, complaining about some goods we sent her." _Employer._ "Who was she?" _Clerk._ "I quite forgot to ask her name, sir, but she"s a little woman--_with a full-sized tongue_!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Little Boldwig_ (_he had been dining with his Company, and had let himself in with his latchkey--to gigantic stranger he finds in his hall_). "Come on. I"ll fight you!" (_Furiously._) "Put your shtick down!!"
[_But his imaginary foe was only the new umbrella-stand_--_a present from Mrs. B.!_
[Ill.u.s.tration: MAKING THE MOST OF IT]
A SHOCKING THING TO THINK OF!--A galvanic battery.
"CASH ADVANCES."--Courting a rich widow.
MOTTO FOR HAIRDRESSERS.--"Cut and comb again."
CORRECT MOTTO FOR THE EASY SHAVER.--Nothing like lather.
[Ill.u.s.tration: ADVERTIs.e.m.e.nT INADVERTENCIES
_Perpetrated by Dumb-Crambo, Junior_]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Suitable opening for a pupil"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Pushing man to take orders"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "No reasonable offer refused"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Mother"s help wanted"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "A good plate cleaner"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Goods carefully removed (in town or country)"]
THE BEST POSSESSION.--Self-possession.
TWO SYNONYMOUS TRADES.--A hairdresser; a locksmith.
THE BEST SUBSt.i.tUTE FOR COAL.--Warm weather.
[Ill.u.s.tration: Pa.s.sING AMENITIES.--_Growler._ "Hi! Hi! Carn"t yer look out wher" yer a-comin"?" _Omnibus._ "Garn! Shut up, jack-in-the-box!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "I wonder when that A. B. C. girl is going to serve us?
I"ve called her half-a-dozen times."
"Perhaps she"s D. E. F."]