After a little Leaver went on.
He had come upon an unexpected complication--one undreamed of by himself or the consulting surgeons. "You know--" said Leaver. Burns nodded, emphatically. "You bet I know," said he, and his hand came again upon Leaver"s, and stayed there. Leaver went on again, slowly.
Instant decision had been necessary, instant action. It was such a moment as he had faced hundreds of times before, and his quick wit, his surgeon"s power of resource, his iron nerve, had always come to the support of his skill, and together these attributes had won the day for him. Fear, at such crises, had never possessed him, however much, afterward, reviewing the experience, he had wondered that it had not. But this time, fear--fear--a throttling, life-destroying fear had sprung upon him and gripped him by the throat. Standing there, entirely himself, except for that horrible consciousness that he could not proceed, he had had to beckon to the most experienced of the surgeons present who surrounded him as onlookers, and say to him: "Get ready--and take this case. I can"t go on."
There had been no apparent physical collapse on his part, no fainting nor attack of vertigo, nothing to help him out in the eyes of that wondering, startled company of observers. He had been able to direct his a.s.sistants how to hold the operation in suspension until the astonished, unwilling colleague could make ready to step into the breach, cursing under his breath that such an undesired honour should have been thrust upon him.
Then Leaver had walked out of the room, quite without a.s.sistance, only replying wanly to those who questioned, "There"s nothing to say. I couldn"t go on with it. Yes, I am perfectly well."
It had not got into the papers. They had been kind enough to see to that, those pitying professional colleagues who had witnessed his dispossession. The patient had lived. If he had died the thing must have come out. But he had lived. The situation could not have been as desperate a one as it had seemed. The other man had handled it,--and he was by no means a man eminent in his profession. There had been no excuse, then, for such a seizure,--no excuse. It meant--the end.
Well, it was certainly the end of recounting it, for when he had reached this point Leaver"s power to endure the thought of it all failed him, and he lay back upon his pillows, his brow damp and his breath short.
Burns silently ministered to him, pain in his eyes, his lips drawn tight together. His sympathy for his friend was intense.
It seemed to him incredible that this shaken spirit before him could be John Leaver--Leaver, whom, as he had told his wife, he had often envied his perfect self-command, his supposed steadiness of pulse, his whole strong, cool personality, unaffected by issues such as always keyed Burns himself up to a tremendous tension, making him pale with the strain.
"Leaver"s made of steel wires," had been his description of his friend to Ellen. Well, the steel wires were stretched and broken, now, no doubt of that. The question was whether they could ever be mended and restrung.
When Leaver was comfortable again,--comfortable as far as an evenly beating heart and a return of blood to the parts which needed it could make him,--Burns spoke to him once more.
"We won"t talk about this any more to-day, Jack," he said. "You"ve had enough for now, and I have what I needed,--the facts to work upon. Just let me say this much. I"m not discouraged by anything I"ve heard to-day.
I"ll not try any bluffs or jollyings with you, because I know they wouldn"t work, but I do say this, honestly: I"m not discouraged. And I"m interested--interested to the bottom of my heart. I"m going to put the best there is in me into this problem. I never tackled anything in my life that appealed to me more powerfully. If that"s any comfort just now, I offer it. If you were my brother I couldn"t be more anxious to pull you out of this ditch. Now, trust me, and try to go to sleep."
Leaver did not look up at the kind, almost boyishly tender face above him, but he pressed the hand which grasped his own, and Burns saw a tear creep out from under the closed lids of the eyes under which the black shadows lay so deeply. The well man took himself away from the sick one as quickly as he could after that,--he couldn"t bear the sight of that tear! It was more eloquent of Leaver"s weakness than all his difficult words.
When he met Miss Mathewson, an hour afterward, in the hall, on her way back to her patient, he delayed her.
"I want you to do more than nurse this case, Amy," he said, fixing her with a certain steady look of his with which he always gave commands.
"I want you to put all your powers, as a woman, into it. Forget that you are nursing Dr. Leaver, try to think of him as a friend. You can make one of him, if you try, for you have in you qualities which will appeal to him--if you will let him see them. You have hardly let even me see them,"--he smiled as he said it,--"but my eyes have been opened at last.
I"m inclined to believe that you can do more for our patient than even my wife or I,--if you will. Suppose,"--he spoke with a touch of the dangerously persuasive manner he could a.s.sume when he willed, and which most people found it hard to resist,--"you just let yourself go, and try--deliberately try--to make Dr. Leaver like you!"
She coloured furiously under the suggestion. "Dr. Burns! Do you realize what you"re saying?"
"Quite thoroughly. I"m asking you not to hesitate to make of yourself a woman of interest and charm for him, for the sake of taking him out of himself. Isn"t that a perfectly legitimate part for a nurse to play when that happens to be the medicine needed? You have those powers,--how better could you use them? Suppose you are able, through your effect of sweetness and light, to minister to a mind diseased;--isn"t that quite as worthy an occupation as counting out drops of aconite, or applying mustard plasters?"
Amy Mathewson shook her head. "Do you realize, Dr. Burns, that a man like--your guest--is so far beyond me in mind and--tastes--in every way, that I could never--interest him in the way you speak of--even if I were willing to try?"
She spoke with difficulty. As Burns studied her downbent face, the profile his wife had brought out by her skill at hair-dressing showing like a fine cameo against the dark background of the wall, he was thinking that unless Leaver were blind he must find her rather satisfying to the eye, at least. He answered her with confidence.
"He"s a man of education, it"s true. But what are you? Come,--haven"t I found all sorts of evidences, about my office, that you are a woman of education? It doesn"t matter whether you got that education in a college or from the books I know you have read,--you have it. I"ll trust your ability to discuss six out of a dozen subjects Leaver may bring up--or, if you can"t discuss them all, you can do what is better--let him instruct you. Don"t tell me you can"t handle those cards every fascinating woman understands so well. If there"s anything a man likes to do it"s to teach an interested woman the things she cleverly professes she wants to know--and the best of it is that no matter how often you play that game on us we"re always caught by it. Leaver will be caught by it, just as if he hadn"t had it tried on him a thousand times. And while he"s playing it with you, he"ll forget himself, which is the first step on the road I want him to travel."
She looked up. "Do you mean that I am to keep on attending him after he is able to leave his room? Is he going to stay with you after that? He told me only to-day that he intends to go as soon as he is able to travel."
"We shall keep him as long as we can possibly persuade him to stay.
Meanwhile, my plan is to have you settle down and stay with us, as a member of the family. We"ll have someone else attend to the office. You can go with me, as usual, when I operate, but I shall put you on no case but Dr. Leaver"s, and the greater part of your time will be his."
"But what will he think? Doesn"t he know that I"m your office nurse?"
"How should he know it--unless you have taken pains to tell him?"
She shook her head. "He only knows that I am your a.s.sistant at operations. The other point hasn"t come up."
"Good. Then he will accept whatever situation he finds, and never think of questioning it. The way is clear enough. And it"s the only way I know of to insure his having what he needs--the close companionship of a sympathetic--yet not too sympathetic--woman--with a face like yours,"
he added, slyly.
The quick colour answered this, as he knew it would. "Dr. Burns! You know I"m not even good looking! Please don"t say such things."
"I only said "a face like yours." That may imply a face as plain as you think Amy Mathewson"s is--and as my wife and I know it is not. It"s time you waked up, girl, to your own attractions. You ought to have faith in them when I"m asking the use of them for this patient of mine. I"d give about all I own to put him on his feet again."
"I hope you can--indeed I do. And of course--anything I can do--"
He nodded. "I"ll leave that to you. Consult--not your head alone, but--your heart!"
And he let her go, smiling at her evident confusion of mind. But when left alone he sighed again.
"He needs a woman like my Ellen,--_that_ would be a drug of a higher potency. But--he can"t have that--he can"t have that! I must do the next best thing."
And he went on his way, studying it out.
That evening he took his wife into his confidence. He did not tell her the whole story,--it was not his to tell. But he made her acquainted with the fact that Leaver had had a severe nervous shock and that the thing to be overcome was his own distrust of himself, the thing to be recovered was his entire self-command.
"I have insisted on his staying as long as he can be content," Burns explained. "I had your consent to that, I know?"
"Of course, Red. You knew that."
"In my enthusiasm I went a step further, without realizing that I had not consulted you. I asked Amy Mathewson to stay with us too, as a member of the family. I asked her cooperation as a woman, as well as a nurse, and to have that it seemed to me necessary to have her here, even after he is up and able to look after his own wants. How will you feel about that?"
He looked straight into her eyes. They were sitting upon a small side porch, in the late June evening. He had come in from a visit to a nearby patient, and, finding her upon the porch, had thrown himself upon the cushion at her feet, his head against her knee. Now, he turned and looked up at her, and she could see his expression clearly in the moonlight.
"I don"t believe I quite understand yet," she said. "What is it that you want Amy to do for him, "as a woman"? Read to him, and walk with him, and be a sort of comrade?"
"Precisely that--and a bit more."
"Can you prescribe that sort of thing, and make sure that it will work out? He may not care for it."
"I want him to have a woman"s companionship; it"s what he needs, I firmly believe. It must be a certain sort of woman--the kind who will be good for his nerves, gently stimulating, not exacting. One of the brilliant society women he knows wouldn"t do at all. The ideal kind would be--your own kind. But he can"t have that." He spoke so decidedly that she smiled, though he did not see it. "It seems to me that Amy, if she puts her heart into it, can give him just what he needs. Remember he"s a sick man, and will continue to be a sick man for some time after he"s walking about our streets and climbing our hills."
"Yes, I"m afraid he will be. And you think he will accept Amy"s companionship, after he is walking about, as a part of his medicine?
Shall you insist on her being with him, or is she to wait to be invited to read to him and walk with him?"
His brows knit in a frown. "You think I"m prescribing something I can"t administer? But I think that he will grow so used to having her with him, while he actually needs her as a nurse, that, when he gets about and finds her still here, he will quite naturally fall into the way of seeking her company."
"Perhaps he will. At any rate, she is very welcome to stay, as long as you want her for the experiment."
"You are an angel! I realize that I shouldn"t have made such an arrangement without asking your permission. To tell the truth, I"m so used to--"
He stopped short, with a little e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n of dismay.
"I understand, dear," she said quickly. "You are so used to being master of the house that you forgot the new conditions. It"s all right--you are still master--particularly in everything that has to do with your profession. And if you can find a cure for poor Dr. Leaver"s broken spirit I shall be as happy as you."