"Remember? That time I took you to the concert after we first met?" His eyes danced at me, like he had won the lottery. "And you asked what my angle was, and I said isosceles, but really I should"ve said oblique. And I said that I"d remember it for next time, and I did!!"
60.
"Wow," I laughed. "You showed me."
"I totally did!"
At least we arrived at his house on a happy note. I figured that as soon as we walked inside, there would be fresh tension. I wasn"t that far off base. Matilda ran to greet us, and Milo followed right after her. Seeing him was still a hard adjustment, and I wondered how long it would take me to get used to the new, mature him. His still had the graceful, clumsy walk, like he was about to trip over his own feet, but then would elegantly catch himself. He was like Bambi learning to walk a it was all stumbles and then a graceful bound.
"Hey," Milo sounded out of breath and his smile was too bright.
He brushed his hair from his forehead, and I realized he was even styling it different now. It had always been kind of just standard guy cut, but he was going for side-bangs and a more popular cut. I wondered if he did that all on his own, like vampires just had naturally cool genes, or if Mae had done it for him.
"How are you?" Milo asked me, doing this weird fidgety thing with his sleeve. He had a weird head bob, too, and he reminded me vaguely of Mike Meyers when he was in Wayne"s World.
Was this Milo"s interpretation of cool?
"Good," I answered unsurely. "You"re looking really... good. I like your hair."
"Thanks." He touched it self-concisely and blushed bashfully. There was a glimpse of cute Milo that made me miss him again, but then he went back to the awkward head bob. "Mae did it."
"She loves hair," I said.
"Yeah.," Milo greed absently.
Then he looked over to Jack and rubbed the back of his head, and that"s when it finally dawned on me.
He was nervous and trying desperately to impress Jack. He suddenly lacked the ability to mask his crush, so he knew that everyone knew about it, and he had no clue what to do himself. Newly gay, newly vampire, and not even old enough to drive.
I suddenly felt like the biggest b.i.t.c.h in the world for being irritated with him. Sure, he was messing up my non-relationship with Jack, but he was just a scared, confused kid. He was going through a whole huge thing that I couldn"t help him with at all, and I should be happy that he had someone like Jack to show him around, instead of getting all bitter and jealous.
"You guys have a nice drive?" Milo looked at Jack, and his eyes were hoping that we didn"t have too nice of a drive. This had to be an incredibly hard thing for him, too, and I had to remember that.
"It was good," Jack nodded. He chewed the inside of his cheek, growing increasingly uncomfortable with the way Milo looked at him, but I think that was only for my benefit. Ordinarily, I"m sure he would brush of Milo"s adoring gaze, but with me there, it felt... well, everything just felt really, really awkward.
"So, um, while you were gone I totally found that thing and I got to the next level," Milo announced randomly, and it took me a second to realize he was talking about some kind of video game.
61.
"Oh, yeah, really?" Jack said, looking genuinely impressed, which was probably a little bit too much for Milo.
"Yeah!" Milo beamed. "Here, I"ll show you!" With that, he reached out and took Jack"s hand in his and started dragging him off to the living room. The gesture was probably meant to be flirtatious in someway, but it only succeeded in making him look even more like a little boy.
"I"m going go check out the level," Jack explained, shooting me an apologetic smile as Milo pulled himaway.
"That"s okay," I smiled back at him.
Once they were gone, I took a deep breath. This is my life, and it"s not the end of the world.
Things are weird, but Milo"s still Milo, Jack"s still Jack, and pretty soon we"ll have this all sorted out. Soon. That"s what I"ve gotta believe.
"Why are you hiding in here?" Mae wondered, walking into the entryway to claim me. "I saw the boys go in the living room with those stupid games, and I couldn"t believe they"d just left you stranded here."
"I wasn"t really stranded." But she was already looping her arm through mine, and much like Milo had pulled Jack, she was leading me on through the house.
"You know, Jack and Milo aren"t the only ones that miss seeing you." She"d apparently forgotten our girls" night only the evening before. "It"s just so strange not having you around all the time."
"At least you don"t have to make so much food," I suggested helpfully, and she laughed loudly.
"I know I"m a horrible cook, but I still love baking!" Mae insisted happily.
I expected her to take me into the living room, where she would hara.s.s the boys until they quit playing video games and socialized with us. That was her usual tactic in situations like this, but instead, she took me past the living room and down the hallway, to Ezra"s den at the far end of the house. I"d seen it before, when she gave me her rapid tour the first time I"d come over, but I"d never actually been inside before.
It was mostly what I"d expected of a rich vampire"s den. The walls were lined with bookcases covered in books and antiquities. The furniture was brown, distressed leather. There was a ma.s.sive mahogany desk in the center of the room with high end computer equipment on it. On one wall, there was a reproduction of Rembrandt"s The Mill hanging above the sofa. Behind his desk, there was a ma.s.sive window, revealing the blackened lake behind the house.
Ezra was seated at the desk, staring intently at the flat screen computer monitor. If Mae hadn"t been dragging me in, I never would"ve entered his den. He looked deep in concentration, and I didn"t want to break that. Mae, on the other hand, thought nothing of it.
"h.e.l.lo, love!" Mae chirped, and Ezra looked up from the screen to smile at us. "And what, pray tell, has your attention so tightly?"
"Nothing of any real importance." He leaned back in his chair, giving the screen one last wary look, before turning his attention fully to us. "Just a stock tip someone told me to check into. I don"t think its going to be fruitful but..." He shook his head.
"The truth is that Ezra doesn"t care what he"s looking up on the computer as long he"s looking it up," Mae revealed to me with a bemused smile. "The other day I caught him watching a video of an elephant painting with his trunk."
62.
"It was an elephant painting!" Ezra insisted, but that only succeeded in making Mae giggle. "Oh.
And I suppose you"ve seen an elephant paint?"
"No, but it"s just a weird thing for you to be interested in," Mae explained, and I concurred with her entirely.
"Well, its just technology that fascinates me," Ezra allowed, then rested his eyes on me. "I mean, I can watch an elephant paint live on the internet. That sounds like nothing to you, but when I was a younger man, it would"ve taken months for someone just to tell me the story of it. By the time I"d get around to hear it, it would"ve mutated a hundred times, and the poor animal would"ve been dead for twenty years. I don"t know what you think about me, but this right here a this is magic."
"You"ll never cease to amaze me, darling." Mae looked at him with completely adoration. It made me feel uncomfortable just witnessing it, like I was spying on some private moment.
"I should hope not," Ezra smiled back at her. She left my side and walked over to him, giving him a small but pa.s.sionate kiss on the lips.
"I never will," she promised, then turned and started heading out of the room. "Well, I"m sure you two have a lot to talk about." Before shutting the door behind her, she waggled her fingers at us and then disappeared.
"Mae"s never been one for subtlety," Ezra sighed, staring back the closed door. I stood awkwardly in front of the desk, waiting for him to tell me what we had to talk about. My heart was racing, certain it was going to be some terrible news. Every time Ezra talked to me, it was bad news. "Go ahead. Have a seat."
"Okay?" I looked at him questioningly and carefully sat down on the sofa behind me. "There"s something you have to tell me."
"It"s not something I need to tell you so much as a conversation we need to have." Ezra moved his chair over slightly, so he wasn"t hiding behind the computer anymore. He leaned back and tried to look relaxed, but he was hesitant to meet my eyes.
"I think you"re splitting hairs." For some reason, I had been very tempted to follow that up with "with all due respect, sir." Something about the den made him seem even more imposing and patriarchal.
"You"re right." He exhaled deeply, smiling grimly at me. "Your brother"s turning was quite unexpected."
"For both of us," I agreed. "For everyone, really."
"In the end, I don"t think it"s a bad decision." He was looking at a spot on the Oriental rug on the floor, thinking of something. "Once everything is sorted out, I think he"ll be a very good fit for the family. And I think it"ll be a wonderful opportunity for you, so you don"t have to split from him. I know how important he is to you."
"Yes, he is," I swallowed hard. The ball was going to drop any minute. I could feel it.
"As you"re finding out, new vampires require a lot of time and energy," Ezra went on. "All of us have spent hours with him, helping him transition as easily as possible. Jack, in particular, has been teaching him, since Milo feels so heavily bonded to him. But the bond itself is nothing to concern yourself with. It will ease with time. It"s just something that"s required in the beginning, much like a baby is bonded with a mother. He couldn"t survive on his own, so he feels compelled to be around Jack."
63.
"Oh." That was all I could think to say to that. It made sense, but it wasn"t really new information to me.
"We had a plan for you to turn when you felt that Milo was ready." He licked his lips, and my heart thudded painfully. "With all that"s been happening, I"m sure you think that Milo will be ready much sooner than you expected. But his turning has changed your plan."
"What do you mean?" Some part of me was hoping he meant that they had b.u.mped up my plan.
This was how he was going to invite me to turn. But the rest of me knew better.
"Milo needs too much right now, and you"d need just as much if you were to turn," Ezra explained, his eyes finally looking sadly on mine. "It would be impractical and unfair to both of you to have two very young, very new vampires in the house. On top of that, Jack isn"t that old himself and really wouldn"t be up for the responsibility of siring you both into this. It"s unwise to have so many young vampires in one house."
"Oh." It was sinking in what he was saying, but I couldn"t think enough to argue against it. I just swallowed hard and stared vacantly in front of me.
"It"s only temporary, though," Ezra added quickly. "It"s just that we"re postponing things. Well, actually, we"re probably sticking closer to the original time frame, but after Milo turned, I"m sure your expectations changed."
"They kind of did," I said quietly. There was nothing left for me in my old life anymore, and I only wanted to turn and move back into this house, and he was telling me that I couldn"t. "Wait. The original timeline? You mean... you mean like one or two more years?"
"You can finish out high school this way," Ezra offered, like that was something that really mattered to me.
"I don"t care about high school!" I snapped.
"I know," Ezra sighed. "But I"m trying look at this positively."
"How is any of this positive?" I heard myself whining, and I hated myself for it.
"I don"t know," Ezra admitted tiredly.
"Why does this just keep getting harder and harder?" Tears were br.i.m.m.i.n.g in my eyes, but I didn"t even fight them off. He knew this would upset me, which is why he"d told me alone in a room with door shut. He didn"t want my reaction to effect Jack and Milo, like we both knew it would.
"I don"t know." He got up and came over to sit next to me on the couch. Gently, he put his hand on my back, trying to comfort me. "I am sorry this is so hard for you, Alice. I truly am. But I don"t know what else to do. In the meantime, you can still hang out here as much as you want."
"Yeah, right," I sniffled. "Like Milo could handle that right now. Or like Peter could, if he ever decides to come back."
"Milo will settle down soon, enough where you can be around as much as you"d like," Ezra a.s.sured me, but I noticed that he made no mention of Peter.
"Can I ask you something?" I looked at him directly. "Do you think... I"m ever going to be able turn? I mean, is it ever really going to make sense for me? Or would I just be better off getting on with my life and pretending that I never met any of you?"
64.
"I can"t answer that for you, Alice." His deep voice sounded saddened by my question. "I"ve always told you that regardless of how we feel, you need to do what"s best for you. And if you don"t think that"s this life, then it isn"t."
"Like I have any idea what"s best for me!" I cried. Folding my arms on my knees, I buried my face in them. It just felt embarra.s.sing to have Ezra see me cry like that.
"I think you do." Ezra"s hand felt strong and safe as he gently rubbed my back.
After a good minute of solid crying, I decided that was enough and lifted up my head. I wiped at my damp cheeks, pushing strands of hair of my face and tried to collect myself. I exhaled deeply, trying to remind myself that even this was not the end of the world. It was just a postponement.
"Do they know?" I asked tiredly.
"Jack started getting on me about you turning last night, but I was evasive," Ezra answered. "No, I haven"t told them that you"re going to have to hold off. I think they"re both thinking it"s going to be a matter of weeks."
"Well, everything is a matter of weeks when you really think about it," I said dully, and Ezra laughed lightly. "Are you going to tell them?"
"We can work this however you want. You can tell them if you want, or I can, or we can. We can do it now, or next week, or next month. Whatever you"re comfortable with." He brushed a strand of his hair off of his forehead and looked out the window. "I know neither of them will take it well."
"Not tonight." That was the only decision I could come up with. It seemed like far too much watching Jack get sad and angry over this. Feeling it myself was enough without having to feel it for him too.
"That"s understandable," Ezra said, dropping his hand to his side.
"So I probably need to get myself in order before I go back out there, or they"ll know something"s up." I started to smooth out my hair when I thought of something. "How come Mae was so cheerful when she brought me in here?"