His things had started collecting dust, and there was something incredibly sad about that. It was like the nail on the coffin of the life we had. My future was still up for grabs, but his fate was sealed. In most ways, I had come to terms with that, but with Jack currently freezing me out, the isolation of my life felt even more intense.
After the apartment looked cleaner than it ever had before, even with Milo cleaning it, I had nothing else to do. I had occupied myself for the better part of the day, but the sun had just begun to set, and that"s when the terrible loneliness started. I had gotten used to spending my days alone, but the nights didn"t seem to get any easier. As of late, I had been able to fill them with sleep, but with that infernal fatigue finally gone, I had nothing to busy myself with on a Sat.u.r.day night. I was rather pathetic when I thought about it.
I took a shower, then tried to find a way to relax. I put on some comfy pajamas and put the New p.o.r.nographers alb.u.m in my stereo. Curling up in bed and reading a good book would be the perfect way to pa.s.s the evening, and it would help keep me from noticing how very slowly time pa.s.sed. I flopped back in bed and reached over onto my nightstand for Peter"s book, but my hand came up empty. The book wasn"t there.
Confused, I got out of bed and started rooting around for it. It wasn"t on the floor around the nightstand, and since I had cleaned, there weren"t even dirty clothes on my bedroom floor for it to hide under. I laid on my belly and squeezed under my bed, which was still pretty full of dust bunnies and random garbage as well as a dirty sock or two, but no book.
160.
My search was interrupted by Milo"s familiar ringtone playing Bright Eyes. Instantly, the book was forgotten. I scrambled on my knees to the nightstand and grabbed my phone. A text from Milo wasn"t as exciting as one from Jack, but maybe they were ending the embargo. Or at least Milo might want to see me, and that had to be far better than spending the next twenty-four hours in bed.
Jane keeps calling me. She"s drunk. Milo text messaged.
I"m sorry? I replied, unsure of what exactly he hoped I would do about it.
I can"t talk to her. I just make it worse. Milo responded, but that still didn"t explain what he expected me to do.
Then don"t talk to her. It seemed pretty obvious to me.
Can you talk to her? She"s making weird threats.
Like what? My heart raced and fell at the same time. He wasn"t texting me to talk to me. I was supposed to clean up his mess, but strangely, that made me feel special.
Stuff about "exposing" us. I don"t know. Can you try reasoning with her? Milo suggested.
I"ll see what I can do.
I sighed and ran my finger through my hair, trying to get the dust bunnies from under my bed from unsticking to my damp hair. I climbed up off the floor and sat on my bed. Text messaging would be out of the question. Jane was probably drunk and at a party or something, so her typing and reading skills would be sorely lacking. They always kind of were, but when mixed with alcohol, they were illegible. My best bet would be to call her and try to distract her long enough for her to pa.s.s out or hook up with somebody. So it would probably take about five minutes.
"What the h.e.l.l do you want?" Jane slurred loudly into the phone. I could hear music playing in the background and there were laughter and voices mixing with it.
"Nothing. I just wanted to talk." I had started shouting too, but I wasn"t sure if I really needed too.
It was loud on her end, not mine.
"Are you with those d.a.m.n blood suckers? They sent you, didn"t they?" Her voice got an edge to it, an admittedly fuzzy one thanks to the alcohol, but it was clear that she was suspicious of my intentions. Also, she was talking very loudly in what sounded like a room full of people.
"They didn"t "send" me anywhere. I"m at home, just sitting in my room. I called to see what you were up to," I explained calmly. It was a Sat.u.r.day night and I wasn"t doing anything. It would be perfectly reasonable for me to try and find a party. That"s what other high school kids did, right?
"Yeah, right." Jane made some kind of hallow laugh that sounded more like a cackle, and there was a banging sound where I"m pretty sure she dropped the phone for a second. "Are you with Milo? You tell your brother that he can"t just leave me hanging like this. I"m an attractive girl, you know! I can"t wait around forever him!"
"I don"t really know what you"re talking about, but I"ll be sure to pa.s.s along the message," I sighed.
"Why doesn"t he want me, Alice?" Jane pleaded, and it sounded like she had started to cry. In the background, I heard a guy yell something about wanting her, but she turned her head away from the phone and shouted, "Shut up, you stupid a.s.s!" When she spoke into the phone again, she sobbed, "I just don"t understand what I have to do make him want me!"
161.
"Jane, he"s gay. That"s a pretty big obstacle," I told her as gently as I could.
"So what are you saying? Like s.e.x change?" She sniffled and thought about it for a second.
"That"s expensive, but I think I could do that. Then he"d want me?"
"I think you should just forget about Milo," I advised her carefully. "It sounds like you"re at a party with a lot of other guys, and you can pretty much get any guy you want. There"s no reason for to worry about Milo."
"You think I don"t know that?" Jane snapped. "You don"t think I don"t know how hot I am? I do. But I can"t stop thinking about Milo! I can"t! You don"t know what this is like!"
"I think I do," I muttered to myself. My apartment was cleaner than it had ever been before because I was trying to keep myself busy so I wouldn"t think about Jack. It hadn"t worked as well as I would"ve liked, but it was better than nothing.
"I don"t know what to do!" Jane wailed, pulling me from my thoughts on Jack. "I don"t think I can live without him! Really, Alice. I"m trying... and I just can"t do it!" She was crying hard, and I had never heard her this upset about anything before, not even when she was drunk.
"Jane, where are you at?" Obviously, just giving her a quick pep talk on the phone wasn"t working. This was much deeper than that.
"Why do you care?" Jane retorted.
"Jane, just tell me where you are." I got up off the bed and rummaged through my closet, looking for something that I could just throw on so I looked presentable to the rest of the world.
"I"m at Dan Kelly"s house," Jane answered almost reluctantly. She sighed rather dramatically. "I"ll be around if you can make it here." Then she clicked off the phone.
Dan Kelly had dated Jane when we were fourteen, and he only lived a few blocks away from me, so I knew exactly where he lived. Hurriedly, I changed into a pair of jeans and purple top. I ran a brush through my hair, trying to detangle the dust from it, but I decided to forgo the make up.
There wasn"t really anybody I wanted to impress. I was just going to get Jane, talk some sense into her, and then... and then I don"t know.
That was as far I had thought through.
I tucked my phone into my pocked and darted out of the apartment. There had been an early morning rain that had turned into a dense fog as the night rolled in. On top of it was a distinct chill that made me wish I had a grabbed a sweater or a jacket before leaving, but I figured that if I walked quickly, I could stay warm anyway. The street lights cast eerily across the fog, making it shadows visible in the air.
I heard the party before I saw it, but that wasn"t really unusual even when there wasn"t fog. Much to my surprise, Jane was standing out in front of the house, smoking a cigarette with her cell phone pressed up to her ear. She was babbling something about being the hottest thing sliced bread, so I a.s.sumed she was talking to Milo.
"Jane," I said, walking across the lawn towards her. She shook her head and waved me away, but I kept going. "Jane, what are you doing?"
"Answer the d.a.m.n phone!" Jane shrieked into her phone. "I know that you"re there!"
"Jane, it"s voicemail. He can"t hear you," I explained calmly.
162.
"They sent you." Jane flicked her phone shut, then looked at me evenly through her bloodshot eyes.
Mascara and eyeliner made streaks down her cheeks, and her bright red lip gloss had smeared across her face. I had never seen her look quite so terrible before. "Just like I said."
"n.o.body sent me. You sounded horrible on the phone. I"m just worried about you." I reached out to touch her, but she shied away from me and shook her head.
"I don"t need your d.a.m.n pity." Her cigarette had burned down to the filter, so she tossed it on the gra.s.s and pulled another one of her bra. When she wore get-ups like the one she wore now, she tended to store her cigarettes and cell phone in her bra. The rest of her skimpy skirt and tight top didn"t allow for any storage room.
"I"m not giving you any." I crossed my arms on my chest, trying to look defiant in some way.
"So did you come here to gloat then?" She exhaled smoke in my face and tried to glare at me.
"I have nothing to gloat about." I coughed and waved the smoke out of my face. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"You have no idea what this is like." She chewed the inside of her cheek and shook her head. "It"s like I can still feel him inside of me, and not in a way I"ve ever felt before. He"s under my skin, and I can"t shake him, and he doesn"t want anything to do with me."
"I know exactly what that feels like, Jane," I corrected her. "Exactly."
"What are you talking about?" Her expression was skeptical, but she started to soften.
"I don"t really wanna get into everything right now, but... it"s Sat.u.r.day night, and I have nowhere else to be right now. n.o.body has called me in days." I tried to shrug it off, but it stung worse saying it aloud. It had actually been almost a week since I"d last talked to Jack, and just thinking it made me sick to my stomach.
"So why do you look better than I do?" Jane eyed me over, and gave me her highest form of compliment.
"Honestly, I don"t know. Except that I haven"t been drinking." The only thing I had over her was that I had more practice with trying to pretend like everything about vampires didn"t freak me out.
"We could go fix that." Jane gave me a wicked smile and nodded towards the house. "I"m sure there"s a drunk guy in there that would just love to feel you up."
"That is probably true, but I don"t think that"s the answer."
Last time I had gotten drunk, I had gotten myself in a situation and then Jack had to come save me. While having him saving again did sound very inviting, I had a feeling that this time he wouldn"t. From here on out, it seemed like I was going to be on my own.
"Come on." I took step backwards and nodded in the direction of my house. "Let"s go back to my place. We can watch bad Lifetime movies all night long. It"s far more therapeutic than drunk dialing."
"I think I"d much rather finish off that bottle of vodka, and see what Dan is up to." She looked longingly back at the house, then glanced back at me. "You"re more than welcome to join me."
"No, come on, Jane." I wanted to grab her arm and drag her back with me, but I stayed where I was and tried to think of a convincing argument. "Don"t you ever have enough of that?"
163.
"You don"t have to approve, but this is my life, okay?" Jane replied harshly. "I don"t know what the h.e.l.l you do to get you through the night, but this is how I cope. And I"m not gonna change it just cause you don"t approve."
"Whatever," I grumbled, but she actually had a point. "You just gotta stop calling Milo, okay? He"s not gonna talk to you, and nothing you can say or do will ever change his mind."
"I know," Jane breathed shakily. "And that"s why I need another drink."
"But you won"t call him anymore?" I asked her as she turned to walk into the house.
"Scouts" honor!" Jane crossed her finger over her heart as she walked precariously in her heels.
"I"ll even delete his number from my phone!"
Even after she"d gone in the house, I stood out in the fog, debating on what I should do next. I had really wanted her to come with me, but mostly for my own selfish reasons. Spending another night alone sounded like torture, and I couldn"t even find Peter"s book to keep my company. I thought about calling to Milo to let him know mission accomplished and to see if he had taken the book for some reason, but then I decided I against it.
I briefly considered taking Jane up on her offer and joining the party. I wouldn"t drink, but at least it would be good to be around people. But then I remembered how much I avoided the very seem people in school, so it would be rather awkward to strike up a conversation with them.
The fog made me feel even more alone as I walked home. It blanketed everything around me, making me feel like the only person on a deserted planet. I shuddered at the thought, and I tried not to pretend like everything wasn"t getting to me. It was pretty amazing that Jane was a crying wreck, but I was holding up still.
Maybe it was all the denial. I just kept trying to tell myself that eventually things would have to change.
Somebody would have to talk to me. Right?
I had been so lost in thought that I didn"t notice the footsteps falling behind me until I heard that familiar helium laugh echoing off the fog, making it sound far away and right next to me at the same time. I froze because I have absolutely no flight or fight reflex, and I was completely unprepared. It was just me, alone on an especially deserted street, and n.o.body had any clue where I was, except maybe for one drunk girl. There would be n.o.body at home to miss me, and it would probably be a few days before Milo would notice if I didn"t call him.
I was going to die, and not only would n.o.body care, n.o.body would even notice. Deciding that it was better to die with dignity, I turned to face my attackers. I wouldn"t be able to out run them, and besides that, since they were probably stalking me, they knew where I was going. It was pointless to run or plead for mercy. For whatever reason, I had gotten under Lucian"s skin and he wasn"t keen on letting me go.
"So, I know you"re there!" I announced into the fog.
I still couldn"t see them, but that wasn"t saying much. They"d have to be almost directly in front of me, but I heard they"re odd echoing footfalls and their dark silhouettes started to materialize. My heart was racing, and I knew they could hear it, but I planned on hiding all the other evidence that I was terrified. My stomach was doing flips but I swallowed hard, and I clenched my fists to keep from shaking. I stuck my chin out defiantly, even though that meant that I would expose my neck more. It didn"t really matter. They would find a way to get to my veins no matter what I did.
164.
Then they were in front of me. Lucian"s pitch black eyes looking at me like I was a piece of meat or the holy grail. His greasy black was slicked back, and he smiled widely, revealing his ridiculous fangs. There was still something enchanting about him, his flawless skin and cheek bones, but I tried not to let myself be entranced. I glanced over at Violet, and the fog made her purple hair fall flat and dull. Her thick black make up had smeared, and instead of looking pleased to finally catch me, her smile seemed to falter.
"You spoiled the chase," Lucian said, his voice sounding like venom.
"Well, she"s not very much of a catch," Violet pointed out in her freaky gothic Tinkerbell voice.
She looked at me contemptuously, then shifted her gaze to one of pure l.u.s.t when she looked at Lucian.
That"s why her smile faltered. After her original appet.i.te for me, she would"ve been content to forget about me and go on with her life. But Lucian was the one that wouldn"t let go, and she was becoming increasingly threatened in his interest in me, which only frightened me more. Generally speaking, people wouldn"t be jealous of a hamburger, so it didn"t seem right that Violet would jealous of me either, unless Lucian"s intentions for more were more than strictly food.
"Okay. Let"s get this over with," I declared as evenly as I could. I wasn"t exactly eager to die, not that I really had much to live for anymore, but I didn"t want a long drawn out death. If it"s got to happen, the swifter it is the better. That"s always been my motto.
"What"s the hurry?" Lucian reached out to touch my cheek with the back of his hand, but I flinched and his grotesque long, black nails barely brushed my skin. He smiled sweetly at me, and I had swallow back the vomit. "You"re still feisty."
"Who cares?" Violet scoffed, and they were my sentiments exactly. I never commented on my celery"s s.p.u.n.k.
"I"ve just decided that today is a good day to die, and midnight is rapidly approaching, so we better get this done," I explained quickly.
Despite my proclamations that I was in fact ready for this, I had unconsciously taken a step back from them. My legs felt like jelly, but they were burning to run. My racing pulse was suggesting that I bolt, but I knew I wouldn"t get very far before I felt Lucian"s arms around me and his hands on me, and that thought just made my skin crawl. That"s when I decided that my best bet out of this was p.i.s.sing off Violet and hoping that she"d just kill me.
"You"re make up looks stupid," I spouted at her. It wasn"t really as witty or as painful as I had hoped, but panic was starting to clog the really helpful parts of my brain.
"You look stupid!" Violet countered, giving me a disgusted glare.
"Ladies!" Lucian held up his hand to silence, and I noticed for the time this fingers were bedazzled in rings and jewels. From his exaggerated fangs to his long black coat, his was every vampire cliche that Jack refused to be.
At the club, Violet had even accidentally confessed that his name was really Hector. He had probably been some horrible computer geek that had somehow stumbled onto the vampire underworld, and I"m sure that he completely sought out this life. He wanted the gothic romantic vampire lifestyle, even when it ended up just being kind of tacky and making him into a Halloween caricature.
"This is stupid!" I shouted, surprised by how strong I sounded. "If you"re not gonna kill me, then I"m just gonna go home."
165.
I don"t even know how that was really a threat or why it made sense to me, but Lucian looked a little surprised and Violet did her shrill little laugh. I was beginning to wonder if she had surgery on her larynx or something, because she did not sound human at all. Technically, she wasn"t, but every vampire I had met sounded human. That was part of their disguise. But her disguise really sucked.
"I"m not going to kill you," Lucian a.s.sured me, and it was just as I suspected. He had something worse planned for me. Just the same, he wasn"t about to let me go. His placed his hand on my arm, and something about his touch set something off inside me. It made it real somehow, and my panic really kicked in.
"Get off me!" I screamed and struggled to pull my arm out of his grip. I knew it was futile before I even started, but I couldn"t stop fighting it. My skin was crawling and I wanted to throw up. "Don"t touch me! Let go! Let go!"
"Alice!" Lucian hissed and then his other hand was pressing firmly on my mouth to quiet my screams.