Chapter 51: Don’t Leave the House if You Don’t Have 40 Million
Translator: Dragon Boat Translation Editor: Dragon Boat Translation
“I’ve already given the management a heads up so if you need anything just ask Gao. If he can’t deal with it, then call me.”
He moved two stools over while the minister exchanged contact info with Meng Fan, he stuck his hands in his pockets but decided not to take them out. He asked Meng Fan: “As for the city wall, are you still coming tomorrow?”
Seeing Meng Fan nod, he happily turned and left.
As he walked further away, he pulled his hands out of his pockets pinching a few tickets. He had originally intended to give them to Meng Fan after the silk tossing ceremony. But after helping him with the drawing booth, the minister decided he could save it for another time.
“Gao bro, thanks again.”
Meng Fan obediently expressed that he would follow the rules.
The tall and skinny manager smiled and nodded. Before he left, he pointed at the evidently st.u.r.dier-looking stool and said to Meng Fan: “You sit on this one, its… more comfortable.”
As he headed for the shaded area, his seat was across from a small door. The door was cracked open so not much cool air escaped, but it was enough for Meng Fan to feel ice and fire in the burning heat.
He set up his easel and hung one of his finished drawings on a stick Gao had found. The cartoon had been the six main characters of a recently popular drama, similar to a poster.
Below, he wrote the words; “Exclusive cartoon caricatures” and “Free” in large text, and “student homework a.s.signment” in smaller text underneath. Then he added in bright red color; “This is a live stream, be cautious.”
Clarifying what this booth was for; why he was doing it, as well as a reminder that all of it was streaming to the internet. After all, there were always people who did not wish to be filmed.
Moreover, Meng Fan wasn’t sure if his stream counted as a commercial activity or not, so he had to respect people’s wishes to be filmed.
He then set up the GoPro like a stream a.s.sistant, adjusted the camera to his frame with the easel to his left and an empty stool to his right. When the tourists come, they would see it there and be in view of the camera.
Meng Fan was not in the frame, with his hand and a bit of body peaking out at most.
Once he connected to the server, Meng Fan dragged the specific chair Gao had given him next to the easel. He sat down. He was officially “Open for business”.
“Hoo!”
The manager who had been sitting on the other side of the door enjoying the cool air watched as Meng Fan sat down, the stool seemingly fine. The stool was fine. He took a deep breath, thankful for his own wits.
Meng Fan started streaming but he didn’t alert the group chat.
He stared at the progress bar for [Famous Streamer] in his ‘mind’, seeing a visible increase.
Even with the 0 online users that were currently on his channel, it was still rising. Therefore, he confirmed that these numbers were provided by the tourists that were pa.s.sing by to look at the stream themselves.
He hadn’t noticed this when he was in the studio, as not many people had been present around him. Hence, the number of live viewers compared to online ones was unnoticeable.
It was only when he streamed his morning run that he noticed something was off and entered into a speculative state. Slowly, he realized the reality.
After confirming it once again, Meng Fan then alerted the group chat.
Before he had even updated the group, people were already entering his channel.
Meng Fan’s channel had attracted 30,000 viewers at it’s highest point. With the added metaphysical attribute, it was natural for people to come this fast.
Shortly after his message was sent, his viewer count hit one thousand.
The current stream announcement was: [Today, I am drawing caricatures in Song Cheng].
“What’s going on? You’re streaming so early today!”
“He switched locations!”
“Judging from the t.i.tle, Meng fatty is challenging the outdoors eh.”
“Hahaha, Meng boss set up a booth outdoors!”
Meng Fan kept in mind some details that required his attention as he held his phone to read the live comments. It was rare that he wasn’t in the studio today, so there was no need to suppress his voice. “I don’t have cla.s.s in the afternoon, so I set up a booth outside, drawing caricatures for tourists for free.”
He used the stream a.s.sistant to sweep the vicinity again before putting it back in its original position.
“There’s a lot of people, but I feel like n.o.body wants me to draw for them.”
“Give it some time.”
“Feels like it’s open for business but not thriving today.”
Meng Fan said it as a matter of fact. Only two minutes had pa.s.sed so he wasn’t worried as he looked at all the live comments dissing him for being too ugly for people to approach or calling him a scam artist.
Regardless, he was uncomfortable. He thought about it. “How about while we wait, I’ll tell you guys some jokes. It seems other streamers are doing this as well.”
The live comments had not realized that the host was a person scared of silence when he had streamed in the studio.
“In this season, there’s always typhoons. Let me ask you when a typhoon hits, how much money do you bring out?”
He paused. He didn’t care if answers popped up on the live comments and said, “40 million. When the typhoon hits, without 40 million, don’t leave the house.” He paused again, then reiterated himself. “During typhoon season, without four don’t leave the house.”*
“Where did you get this kind of stupid a*s joke from haha.”
“Hahaha, I thought of a similar joke—When it rains if you don’t have thirty million then don’t leave the house.”
*In Chinese, the characters for ‘without 40 million’ sounds like ‘if you’ve got nothing to do’, hence the pun is ‘during typhoon season, if you don’t have 40 million then don’t leave the house’ translates to ‘if you don’t have anything to do then don’t leave the house’. Similarly, 3 in 30 million is synonymous with ‘umbrella’, hence ‘on a rainy day if you don’t have 30 million (umbrella) then don’t leave the house.*
“666”
Upon seeing n.o.body coming to his booth, Meng Fan told a second one, “A hunter shot a gun at a fox, why did the hunter die?—Because it’s a reflective fox.”
Still, n.o.body came. Meng Fan became anxious, but could only keep telling satirical jokes.
“In Grim’s fairytales, who had the smallest chest? Little red riding hood, because her grandma was eaten by the wolf.”
“Hey host, are you sure you’re not the grandma?”
“Grim’s fairytales are in french, French people don’t separate between paternal and maternal grandmas.”
“To the one above, are you sure it’s French and not German?”
Many people had pa.s.sed by now, and most of them had noticed Meng Fan. They only gave him a look at most, with some coming by to see what was happening but left without saying anything.
Meng Fan, who had been telling ‘cold’ jokes felt very cold inside indeed. Although he was fat, he wasn’t greasy and definitely not shameless. Was he really that untrustworthy?
He looked at the time and became more anxious.
Before, he had always streamed in the studio, a place he was familiar with. Now that he was outdoors; and he couldn’t just slip out as he had after his dances on the city wall, he had to confront his ‘customers’ face to face.
Also, the timing of his streams would inevitably lead to someone watching his painting. If it was through the screen; Meng Fan didn’t care, but if they are standing just behind him, the more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable he felt.
He had to overcome his nerves.
Don’t panic, just wait.
He had to wait out at least half an hour before he begins begging.
It’s too pitiful to beg people to do something that’s free!
Meng Fan continued telling his jokes.
“Show Luo, Will Pan, and JJ Lin are going out together but there is only one bicycle, who rode it?—Show Luo, because piggies are suitable for riding.” *
*Show Luo’s nickname is ‘piggy’, and a synonym for Peppa pig is ‘piggy is suitable for riding’.
“Show Luo, Will Pan, JJ Lin are in a fight, who loses?—Will Pan, because a meager force is not enough to break teeth.”*
*Will Pan’s name is Pan Wei Bo. Wei Bo sometimes sounds like meager force (but with a different spelling).
“The three of them again got sent to a remote island because they were fighting. Who lives? —JJ Lin, because the wise man recognizes food.”*
* JJ Lin’s Chinese name is Lin Jun Jie. ‘Jun Jie’ means wise man.
As Meng Fan told six more jokes regarding these three people, the live comments filled with people asking him to release those 3 from Meng Fan’s atrocities. Of course, it immediately changed to—
“Pretty girl!”
“It’s here, finally someone who wants to be drawn!”
“And it’s a beautiful girl too!”
“Boss, you’ve got business!”
“Everyone thank this girl for saving Will Pan, Show Luo, and JJ Lin! If you came later, who knows what kind of trouble those three would be in.”
Meng Fan’s eyes lit up. Finally a customer.
“Can you draw one for me?”
The pretty girl smiled at him, not asking if the service was really free.
“Okay, have a seat… It’s you? What are you doing here?”
Meng Fan did a double-take, feeling like he had seen her before. He took a closer look and recognized the actress who played Miss w.a.n.g at the city wall.
It wasn’t because Meng Fan was bad at remembering faces, but more due to Miss w.a.n.g looking very different in her modern-day clothes as opposed to her historical costumes.
w.a.n.g Xiao Chun, the actress for Miss w.a.n.g had already changed out of her costume and removed her makeup. “I just got off work and was pa.s.sing by, so I thought I’d take a look.”
“Oh.” Meng Fan nodded. “Didn’t I draw one for you already?”
“You drew me Miss w.a.n.g, not me.” Ma Xiao Chun had no hope for Meng Fan’s ability to talk with girls. “Besides, you look so lonely, not a single customer has come by. I feel bad, so I’m here to support you. You didn’t even thank me, are you rejecting my business?”
“No, no of course not.”
Meng Fan waved a few times and watched the well-dressed lady sitting in front of him, feeling a bit unsure.
She expected a “thank you” for a free drawing… Women are an unreasonable species indeed.