The dream that the Soleil of thislife sees is – 2
“Wow, your wedding was reallysomething. You know, your fiancé… no, she is already your wife now. I thoughtshe was a strong-willed woman, but if she doesn’t speak, she doesn’t look thatbad.”
Therewas only me standing beside my friend. I listened to him spoke without mincinghis words and I smiled wryly. From the beginning, Iria was a person of fewwords. But it’s probably useless to explain this to my friend who has alreadyseen her frightening side. A part of him think Iria is a person who regularly abuse others verbally.
“But once everything is thought andsaid, the best one is still Silvia-chan! She was like an angel!”
Heclenched both his hand in excitement, and his loud voice attracted the glancesof the people around us, exactly like that other time. The expedition of thechivalric order I belong to had ended and we finally had returned to ourheadquarters. I hadn"t gone back home for several weeks already and my superiorwas laughing at me, saying I had it hard as a newly-wed. I was told that if Iwrote a letter my wife would be pleased, but since the wedding ceremony, thetwo of us didn’t have a single conversation that sounded like one. Although Iwent to town to buy some writing paper that a woman would like, at the moment Iput down the tip of my pen on that brand-new paper, my fingers became rigid. Atthe very least, I thought it would be alright to write down words inquiringabout her health, but the ones I came up with only expressed concern about thestate of the territory, it ended up being a businesslike letter asking her totake care of the well-being of the citizens. I couldn’t help but be shocked bythe content that was like a written report. Originally, I didn’t have theintention to write something like this. I wanted to say something morepersonal, for example, in the area of the expedition, I saw the white flowersIria liked growing en ma.s.se and that sight was really beautiful. Or that when Iwent downtown, I found a hair ornament which would s.h.i.+ne in her hair. That itwas hard to submit the group of bandits but we somehow managed to fulfill themission. That the expedition was harder than what I had imagined but my friendssupported me. Everything I wanted to say was really trivial, but I intended tomake a list of all the things she probably wanted to know. And yet, the penarbitrarily chose different words and put the sentences together. When Ifinally finished writing, fold the paper then put it in the envelope, theweight on my shoulders increased. Only a sight leaked from my mouth. I feltthat I spent most of my free time during this expedition writing letters. I didthink it was bothersome. But I wanted to become “a good husband.” As a man Ihad the aristocratic duty of forming a political marriage, but I understood Icouldn’t carry out that responsibility by myself.
Iwant to go home. I want to go home soon. When I’ll see her face, surely, thewords will come to my mind naturally. The physical distance was surelyproportional to the distance of our hearts. It must be that, surely.
…… However, somewhere inside my heart, there was also a part of me who thoughtit would be better to not meet her. When she’ll see me, she will surely lowerher eyes. She has been doing that since long ago. That’s why I could easilyimagine that scene. I knew that it’s not like she hated me, so I’ve asked herwhat was wrong. But, she had simply shaken her head a little and showed me asmile. “It is nothing”, she said. But on her gentle expression, anotherintention was hidden.
Butthe depth of that intention, its strength, I didn’t know them.
AsI quietly looked out of the window, the cold moon was looking down on me. I’llprobably return to the mansion tomorrow morning. For some reason, when I closedmy eye, I suddenly saw silver hairs. Iwonder how is Silvia? Such a thought crossed through my mind. More than theface of my wife, more than the existence of my wife, what floated in my mindwere those of that little sister. Although I was considerably disturbed by that fact, Irealized during the expedition that I was only thinking about her. Then,another letter was written separately aside from the one for my wife. When avoice echoed inside my mind, telling me such a thing was wrong, I ignored itand continued writing. Sometimes I enclosed a pressed flower inside the letter,and I dreamed of the happy expression of that little girl. I s.h.i.+vered at thethought I pulled out something like that without the slightest hesitation eventhough I never did this for Iria. Yet, I couldn’t control myself.
Becausethat child was my little sister. I justified my conduct by even preparing theexcuse that it’s obvious I should be concerned about that person.
UnlikeIria who can manage everything by herself, Silvia will look at me with adependent gaze. I felt a sense of relief when I see the silhouette of thetroubled girl who can’t even stand up by herself. What is present here, is theideal I pictured during my childhood. I wanted to become a person you couldrely on. I wanted to be a strong person who could protect and cherish someone.However, it wasn’t allowed for the person standing beside me to be someone weakwho needed the protection of others. Governing a territory wasn’t somethingeasy. At the moment a weakness appeared, you would be scooped of your feet.That was why, I couldn’t become the partner of that person who would become myweakness. My partner must be someone who think by themselves, who can expresstheir will, stand on their own feet, who can stand up at the front in case ofemergency and take the commands. That’s why I chose Iria. I chose her becauseit’s a political marriage, but it wasn’t the only reason. I was engaged withher since we were children, however, if her achievements to become the wife ofa marquis weren’t enough, the relations.h.i.+p could have been canceled at anytime. She didn’t know about it, nevertheless, she wasn’t negligent in herefforts. I found her att.i.tude of sincerely appealing that she liked mepreferable, and while love seemed unlikely to bud, I thought trust couldprobably be given. It was practical and realist. I trusted her, and I should betrusted.
By living that way and acc.u.mulating days , we will become a genuine couple. I have vowed todo so. Even if love didn’t bloom, at least, I thought we could become comrades inarms who leaned on each other backs. And yet.
Gachan!!!
Whenthe pulled-out table cloth struck the floor, broken pieces of porcelain flewoff in all directions. Iria who was staring at them dumbfounded, unconsciouslystumbled to reach out to them. No hand came to support her and she abruptly floponto the floor. My face made an expression of scorn as I saw her appearancethat could be called unsightly.
Silvia,died.
Facedwith this fact, I couldn’t suppress the violent emotion that boiled up from thedepth of my body. Sadness only dominated me for a moment, after taking one deepbreath, I was immediately controlled by hatred. Inside my body a burning hatredand fury swirled forth. If I were to speak now, I could only spat out curses. Breathingout heavily like a best, I finally managed to say something.
“… You?”
You, did you kill Silvia?
Thevoice that said that seemed quite distant. As if the scene that was played in frontof me was acted by somebody else. Nevertheless, Iria who clearly showed arelived expression when she heard Silvia was dead, made me comprehend the heartof the matter. Without thinking my hand which had seized a knife stiffened andI took a big step with the intention of stabbing it in her neck. If the stewardhadn’t thrown half his body forward to protect her, the point of the knifewould have certainly pierce her pale skin. Having your mind goes blank wassurely the situation that happened to me at that moment. “Master!” The voice ofthe steward was almost threatening and deprived me of my fighting spirit. Theknife dropped of my fingertips, at the same time, my whole body was drained ofits strength as if it couldn’t bear that sense of emptiness. That I barely managedto not sit down was probably because as a n.o.bleman, as a man, I retained a lasttrace of pride. I didn’t know if I was relieved I didn’t end up killing my wife,or if I was regretting I couldn’t accomplish it. I trusted her. I intended totake care of her. I had faith in her as my wife.
WhenI thought that, I no longer wanted to see her face. That woman’s complainingvoice mixed with sobs seemed to follow me and it felt extremely unpleasant. Feelingnauseous as I caught sight of that woman’s fingers reached out in my direction,I left the room while scolding my staggering feet. I have to go see Silvia. Ifthat girl has truly died, at least I wanted to say a few parting words.
It’sfine to condemn Iria later.
Ididn’t intend to forgive that woman who murdered her little sister.
…… Wrong, wrong, wrong!!
Why,why did you reach that conclusion? You, what the h.e.l.l are you saying? Iriawould never do such a thing. She is not the kind of person who can do that.Certainly, it was hard to say she had her little sister in her heart. They werefar from getting along well as sisters. But she didn’t hate her to the point ofwanting to kill her. Iria, loves her little sister. That’s right, I’m sure ofit.
“Collect the proofs of the crimecommitted by Iria. Don’t miss a single one, gather everything.”
WhenI gave the order to the steward who had chased after me, he replied immediately anddisappeared. He’ll probably start to work on it at once. He is an excellentbutler. I could see that it wouldn’t take long before the work could befinished. In the meantime, I have to proceed with the preparations to divorce Iria.Murdering a member of one’s family is a serious crime, although most n.o.ble couldn’tget away from it, it was a different story for someone from a marquis house. Tonot let Iria be protected by our court rank, I have to remove her from thefamily register and I also have to isolate her from her parent’s earl house.
Wait,please wait. What the h.e.l.l are you trying to do?
Thegirl who called me her reason for living was killed. That sin must be paid for.
Stopit, stop, stop it please… !!
Iwill show you a dreadful reality worse than death.
…… Why, why?
“… You… Why, are you so unjust, whyare you going that far…? Even if it was for a short period, she was still yourwife.”
Afterhaving taken a leave from my affiliate knight order, I shut myself in themansion. When I was compiling doc.u.ments in order to apply for the divorce, myfriend appeared with a grimacing expression like he was visiting someone ill. Theman I had not seen for a long time didn’t have his usual cheerfulness. He wasthe man who insulted Iria, my used-to-be-“wife”. I smiled and said I wasdisillusioned by her unsightliness and how she abused others. Even you, weren’t you infuriated when you heardshe had murdered Silvia? That things have come to this, it’s Iria paying forher own wrong doings. It’s not me who did this.
“Soleil, I… I can’t bear to see youlike this. Both you, and her.”
Why won’t you forgive her? My friend hunghis head and muttered a few complaining words. Forgive? What are you saying? Arethey any reason to forgive?
Shehad killed Silvia.
“Did you go see her even once? Sheis still believing, that you, will come pick her up.”
Thevoice of my friend collapsed unnaturally. I thought he might be crying, but Ididn’t understand the meaning of his tears. When I bent my head in wonder, helooked like he saw something unbelievable and covered his face with his righthand.
“Do you plan to become a murderer…?”
Ithought about the meaning of his inquisitive words said in a m.u.f.fled voice, butI really couldn’t understand. The one who was a murderer, was Iria. Why do Ihave to be blamed? I’m doing the right thing.
Theright thing.