The Moment that Keeps Repeating 2
23 Votes
It should’ve been just love.
That’s right, that’s what it had been at first.
There had been no mistakes with that.
When had it started to distort?, that I don’t know.
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「Oh, Soleil-sama is with Sylvia-sama again」
Walking to my side, my friend said this in a murmur while abruptly looking over the courtyard.
When I followed her gaze, I saw two figures nestled closed to each other there.
Once again, a sense of deja vu crossed my mind.
The pair’s figures sitting side by side on the lone bench stood out more than I imagined at the school’s courtyard.
Do they know what they’re doing? Or do they not even care about the eyes around them?
Though the pedestrian traffic wasn’t that much, the students who do happen to pa.s.s by, kept looking their way.
「Is it alright not to call out to them?」
Well-known for her beauty, my friend asked as she flipped her golden hair.
I gently shook my head.
「Soleil-sama takes great care of my younger sister for me」
The words slipped out so dispa.s.sionately that it sounded like a barefaced lie even to me.
When my life restarted on countless occasions, I often intentionally uttered this line to protect my fiance, who cherished my younger sister, from prying eyes.
Even though being alone with some woman while already having a fiancee wasn’t something to be praised about, it’s another matter when that someone was the fiancee’s younger sister.
I know it’s an excuse to say,『they’re going to be family after all』 .
「Ilya-sama, how tolerant of you」
Marianne, my good-looking friend, smiled with an indescribable expression.
She knows I’ve hindered women from coming close to my fiance, after all.
And, she’d been one of them too.
Long ago, when I heard a rumour that Marianne was scheming to get close to my fiance, Soliel, I promptly went and had a word with her.
『Don’t go near my fiance 』, I told her.
Thinking back on it now, even though I’m only now recalling how haughty I acted to the those in higher standings, it just comes to show how narrow-minded I’d been back then.
A woman mad with love. That phrase came to fit me the most.
It was an affair that wouldn’t have been strange even if Marianne’s family lodged a formal complaint.
Without confirming the facts, I got deceived by the rumour and falsely accused her, after all.
If I had to answer why we’re forming a friendly relations.h.i.+p without it turning sour.
『I won’t get in the way of two of you』
She said, smiling with a moony expression.
『I’m not so uncouth as to get in the way of two people’s love』, she continued.
If she’d said it after 「that tea party」 , this would’ve been when I’d think, ‘what kind of hara.s.sment was that?’, but Marianne exchange those words long before my fiance and my younger sister were introduced.
That’s why, when I heard those words, I simply felt like I was walking on air.
Because that meant that from the viewpoint of those around us, it looked as if my fiance and I held affection for each other.
That my fiance… loved me.
Even though I became friendly with her after harbouring that kind of idiotic delusion, I was never hated.
In other words, the one who was tolerant wasn’t me, it was Marianne.
As to why the disturbing rumour that「Marianne was trying to get close to Soleil」 had come around, was entirely because of Marianne’s striking good looks and family status.
Her family was a first grade Earl family which was closer to Soleil’s family in status, I’d heard whispers that had I not been around, Soleil’s fiance would’ve definitely been her.
Even if I left that aside, Marianne was a good match for Soleil.
When I mentioned it to her, she simply smiled once more and declared:
『Since my head is filled to the brim with my own fiance, that’ll never happen as long as I live』
Those eyes were of a woman in love after all. At that time, her eyes were exactly the same as what I saw in my own, so that was why I was able to readily accept her words.
——in my previous life, she and I never became friends, though.
Long, long ago, in those same old past lives of mine, even though Marianne and I ran across each other in a public place, we were never onced exchanged words.
With the same rank but different grade, we were always treated like rivals.
The people around us never allowed us to get close.
But even though she had hated the very sight of me in a different life, she was my close friend in this.
Just like this, repeating lives produce some inconsistencies on different occasions.
I don’t know the reason why. At any rate, prior to the tea party, I didn’t have any memories of my previous life.
I didn’t mean to make a mess of anything on purpose.
Maybe my unconscious actions did make some trivial differences for all I know, but I don’t know how much of that was true.
It’s just… while it may be true that my life repeated, I simply know that each and every human being was not confined to take the same actions they’ve done once before.
Marianne had been one such example.
In the previous life, I wouldn’t call the relations.h.i.+p between Marianne and her fiance as “good”.
But in this life, it’s become a relations.h.i.+p that can be called “mutual love”.
If a reason had to be given for this barely produced disparity, then I could only say that some larger force, which I played no part in, was in effect.
And everyone, including even me, was changing little by little because of it.
—–and yet,
And yet, no matter how many times it repeated, it’s only his love towards my younger sister that never changed.
Does that mean he loved my sister to that extent?
「Ilya-sama is truly kind. I heard you persuaded your parents to allow Sylvia-sama to attend school」
Marianne continued talking while directing her gaze at my fiance, Soliel, and my younger sister.
Because of his dignified and imposing att.i.tude, with sleek, smooth black hair, Soleil often appeared older, but since young, my younger sister often appeared small and delicate due to her weak const.i.tution.
The retreating figures of a pair like that greatly differed in physique.
But, nothing felt out of place, they matched each other perfectly.
As if, they’d been a「set」from the start.
Following Marianne’s gaze, I murmured in my heart as I focused my gaze on Sylvia’s light fluttering hair that seemed to be spun out of silver.
I wasn’t kind at all.
Doing all I could to have my sister attend school had nothing to do with kindness.
I just couldn’t do anything else to put up with it any longer.
『Onee-sama, what’s Soleil-sama like at school? Do you perhaps have lunch together?』
My younger sister’s lovely voice inquiring about my fiance’s movements.
That’s what I just couldn’t put up with.
I was only scared of getting exposed for knowing almost nothing about my own fiance.
I don’t know how Soleil goes about attending school.
Not once has he called me out for lunch.
If it’s about a friend he was close with, I know something, but even that was limited to only his name and face.
Since his friend was an eye-catching man with a good pedigree like Soleil, there were various gossips about him among the female students. It’s simply because I’ve heard these that I know about him.
Now that I’ve repeated lives, I can recall the personality of that person, his interactions with Soleil, and the color of his eyes, but never had Soliel introduced him to me directly.
No matter what life it had been, even though he’d been by Soleil’s side, we only got to talk a handful of times.
And, it’s not like Soleil greets me when we pa.s.s each other at school sometimes, even in rare occasions, he only tries to meet my gaze.
The details I could share with my younger sister wouldn’t amount to much.
If it had been prior to the tea party, I probably wouldn’t even think of having my younger sister attend school.
Soleil was a charming man. And, my younger sister was very attractive as well.
If there’d been a possibility that they’d grow closer then, I would’ve prevented her from attending school no matter what.
In fact, in my previous lives, I had taken an approach like that.
But, if it was when my memories came back after the tea party, after finding out that they had feelings for each other, then my thoughts up to that time underwent a drastic change.
I thought in a way that, if she wanted to find out so much, then it’d be better if she sees it for herself, if she hears it for herself.
I gave a suggestion to my parents who, thinking something might happen to her because she was delicate, were set against having my sister attend school.
I told them that attending school was necessary for Sylvia’s future.
I told them that it should be a good opportunity for my younger sister who still didn’t have a fiance.
My frail younger sister needed to find and obtain a fiance who’d protect her as soon as possible.
I gave a fiery speech saying I’d back her up without fail if her condition worsens.
I practically arranged words that all but said “for my sister’s sake”.
『I’m so happy I’m attending school! Onee-sama, thank you!』
My sister’s round cheeks tinged red.
“Never mind that”, I said smiling while pretending not to know the pain running through my heart.
The past me was crying out.
——–Why did you do that!
——–Don’t let her come near Soleil!
Even I don’t quite understand. Why I did it?, What I wanted to come from it?, I don’t know.
Prior to that tea party, I’d certainly been in love with Soleil.
It was my entire reason for living – no, for life.
That moment I encountered him when I was no more than five, ever since I told myself I will become worthy to stand by his side, I’ve come to live as 『Soleil’s fiancee』.
I worked hard to the point of vomiting and recently, finally got others to recognize my efforts.
The despair I felt when I found out that all of that had been completely useless, was beyond description.
The way Soleil looked at my sister. The way my sister looked at him.
I know that they were trying to hide their feeling so as to never let those around them on to the loving way they looked at each other.
So as to never let it show. But I watched them, as an outsider, as they exchanged pa.s.sionate looks.
Even though I should’ve already seen the scene several times, this was the first I’ve seen the sight in this life.
Every time I saw this, I certainly felt hurt.
So then why did I seem composed after seeing the look, that had never been directed at me, centred solely on my sister’s figure?
In my first life, the other people put the blame on me who’d been confused after the tea party.
“Your poor younger sister”, “Why are you being cruel to her?”, even my parents made grim faces.
——–“It’s disgraceful to have a daughter like you”, they said.
If this was a story, the heroine would no doubt be my younger sister.
A pitiful girl who was loved by her sister’s fiance, a man she could never be with.
One could call her the tragic heroine.
The story drew the audience in, and I was just like the villainess that got in the way of the main character’s romance.
But this wasn’t a story, this was, by no mistake, my life.
If that’s the so, why must I be condemned for pitying my own life?
Cruel. Cruel. Why? Why is that?
I feel as if the wailings of the past me were echoing even to this day.
——-Why won’t anyone understand me?