The Moment that Keeps Repeating 1
16 Votes
There’s nothing I could do, I can’t stop myself from loving you.
Before I know it, I’ll end up forgetting such feelings.
However, this alone I’ll remember.
That I might have once had such feelings for you—-
*************************
Aah, it’s happening again.
I thought vaguely, watching him falling in love right in front of my eyes.
He had an impa.s.sively morose expression, so I couldn’t tell the difference with that at first.
But, there was no mistake that something certainly dwelled in his dispa.s.sionate eyes that resembled thin ice.
I understood it perfectly.
It’s not like the long time spanning more than ten years we’ve spent together was just for show.
No, strictly speaking, we’ve spent a far longer and crueller time together than that.
And so, I’ve seen this scene so many times now.
Each time, the past me would despair, and each time, I’d tell myself, there’s no way such a thing would happen.
「Nice to meet you, Onii-sama」
Smiling widely, my younger sister from a different mother greeted him with a lovely voice.
This tea party had been arranged in order to introduce my fiance to my younger sister.
Since she couldn’t show up for the formal introduction because of her illness, this had been arranged specifically for her.
「Nice to meet you, imouto-kun. I’m afraid it’s a little early to call me『onii-sama』」
My fiance’s pleasant voice tickled my ears.
His voice was the same. But, there was something different.
I could do nothing but watch at the side as the pair locked eyes.
Watch as my cute younger sister blushed.
Watch as my fiance sincerely took in her appearance.
The past me became jealous of this and had ruined the meeting.
Even now I still remembered my fiance gently smiling as he said「You don’t have to worry about it 」when, in contrast to me, who was raising h.e.l.l, my sister pitifully and meekly bowed her head with a「I’m sorry, Onee-sama」.
In the end, my jealousy ended up pulling the two closer. What an embarra.s.sment I am.
「Ilya, what’s the matter?」
When I gazed absentmindedly at the two, who were forming a good relations.h.i.+p, my fiance sent me a quizzical look.
That’s right, it has always been like this.
There was no fondness mixed in the looks my fiance gives me.
「No, there’s nothing wrong. I just feel under the weather, that’s all」
「Oh what, again?」
「Yes. With that being the case, is it alright if I retire earlier?」
When I said that, my fiance frowned slightly.
Can’t you endure for a bit longer? seemed to be said wordlessly.
Parrying it with a smile, I stood up as slowly as I could.
Slowly, so that they wouldn’t realize I was ever upset.
「Sorry about this, Sylvia. I’ll leave 『onii-sama』 in your care」
「Ah, y-yes..!」
I knew there’s no way my fiance would believe such an excuse like feeling under the weather.
The one who has a weak body wasn’t me, it was my younger sister.
My weak, delicately ephemeral younger sister.
My younger sister, who aroused in others the desire to protect, who
was loved by all.
「Wait, Ilya. I’ll see you to your room」
I was already walking when the voice called out from behind.
「No, there’s no need to trouble yourself. After all, it’s the long-awaited tea party. Please, enjoy yourselves」
I dropped my line of sight so as not to see his face, but I replied carefully so as not to sound sarcastic.
「No, but still」
Trying all the more to insist, my fiance was, to extremes, honest to a fault.
I know he was trying to be a proper fiance.
「There’s a guard with me and there’s nothing to worry about either」
I exchanged looks with my guard who was standing close to me. Reading the atmosphere, he s.h.i.+fted his body as if to block the look that came from my fiance.
Being quick on the update, he probably realized when I wanted to hurry back to my room.
But, there’s no need for my guard to do that. There’s no need to block my fiance’s gaze. After all, he was no longer looking at the likes of me.
His heart was already with my younger sister, after all.
My feet stepped on the lawn with a crunch.
The full bloom roses in the vast garden. The gentle wind and, the blue sky that stretched over to the ends of the world.
Why this scene which I’ve seen so many times invoked grief… could it be because the past me kept crying?
Could it be because she longed for her fiance? Because she loved that person?
Again, it repeats.
This never ending time.
*****************************
I’d been cursed to keep going back to the exact moment.
Some call it「reincarnation」 and some simply call it「repeating time」.
I don’t know what meaning this time was trying to achieve for me.
I don’t know whether there’s even a meaning to begin with.
It only keeps returning to that exact moment.
The course was always the same.
He’ll fall in love with my younger sister, then, I’d die.
If I had to remember, it’d be nice if I remembered my previous life starting from when I’m born.
If I could remember, then I wouldn’t have made a mistake in dealing with my fiance.
However, it was always at that tea party when I’d remember.
By then, it was already too late, the hopeless distance between my fiance and I was already set that it became completely impossible to undermine.
Thus, he would inevitably fall in love with my younger sister.
In my first life, I loved my fiance enough that I mourned.
I was only five when I was first introduced to him, so I had always fixed my eyes on him alone.
Even if this was just, say, a political marriage, I had been convinced that one day we’d work it out and build a loving home.
My parents had been like that, after all.
But, he was the marquis family’s hope for the future, so I wasn’t even allowed, as his fiancee, to rashly approach him.
Our country was in a court rank system, furthermore, court ranks were designated with a grade, these were divided as far as five grades that the positions for them grows fewer in number as the rank rises.
He was a 1st grade Marquis family, and my family was a 3rd grade Earl family.
His family was the highest grade among the few Marquis families, while mine was at the center among several Earl families.
If we’re only talking about grade alone, there were already 8 grades separating us. (1)
Although my family had been an Earl family with wealth and history, nevertheless, one way or the other, insults were cast behind my back that my family status wasn’t up to par with his.
As to why he became engaged to the likes of me, they say it was nothing more than a stroke of luck.
Originally, there had been a different engagement partner for him, but that girl was attacked by disease a few months after they contracted the marriage and pa.s.sed away.
Hence, since the fathers of the two families just so happened to be friends, and since it just so happened that I, who was near his age, was without a fiance, I ended up exalted as his fiancee in a blink of an eye.
Suddenly put into a position of being the fiancee of a Marquis’s son, I became under immense pressure.
Since I ended up falling in love with him, I did what little I could to be a good match for him, but I knew that alone wasn’t enough.
Even though it just so happened that I was selected, I always doubted myself and thought, ‘weren’t there actually others more appropriate for him?’.
No matter how much effort I put, there was nothing I could do about my appearance. Even if, for instance, one tried dressing up with a certain level of charm, if the raw material is bad, there will surely be a limit. But on the other hand, good-looking women, who I couldn’t even come close to surpa.s.sing through effort, flocked all around him.
That’s why, I picked off the women close to him.
I made great use of my position as his fiancee.
I mean, that was the only thing I could boast of, after all.
—–that’s right, that’s how I ended up being abandoned by him in my very first life.
I knew that he’d never direct his heart to me.
But even so, I’d hoped he’d begin to love me once we start living together in marriage.
I’d planned to spend a long time together. I’d planned to take my time raising our love.
I believed time was all I needed.
But when he was introduced to my younger sister, I realized, all of that was nothing more than a pipe dream.
Time didn’t matter.
In just a heartbeat, he fell in love with my sister.
And I… could only look on.