Chapter 1163: Self-Perception (2 in 1)
“What I need you to do is very simple. If any doctor or nurse comes to inspect the room after I leave, you only need to pretend to be asleep.” Zuo Han did not place much hope in Chen Ge. “Do not give away any extra information. No matter what they ask you, just tell them you do not know anything.”
“That’s all?”
“Yes. Oh, other than that, when I return, remember to open the door for me.” Zuo Han lay in bed and stopped talking to Chen Ge. About ten minutes later, Zuo Han glanced at Chen Ge, got out of bed, and walked to the room door. He quietly pulled the door open slightly. After ensuring that there was no one else in the corridor, he snuck out of the room.
“This person is highly suspicious of everything. His various actions and words are consistent with the diagnosis that he suffers from paranoia.” Chen Ge sat up in bed. “Should I help him or not?”
Without even thinking too much about it, Chen Ge realized that Zuo Han had not left the room that night just to explore the hospital only. It was also a test for him. He did not trust Zuo Han, but Zuo Han also did not trust him fully. Inside the world of patients with delusional paranoia, the whole world was dangerous, and every corner was hiding a potential enemy. Without moving an inch, Chen Ge sat in his bed for about ten minutes, but Zuo Han still had not returned.
He glanced at the slightly ajar door. He got out of bed. Dragging his leg that was encased in plaster, he slowly moved to the door. Pulling open the door, Chen Ge glanced outside. The corridor of the hospital was not fully dark. The corners of the corridor and the nurse stations had lights.
“This is different to my memory of the hospital. Could it really be true that I completely imagined that eerie and dark midnight hospital?” Chen Ge had managed to work out a way to think about things. As long as he did not venture deep into any contemplation, as long as he did not try to think about the past, the pain would not a.s.sault his brain like it was trying to tear it into pieces. “When I think back what happened in the morning, the headache will not come, but whenever I try to think back to what happened before I fainted, the intense pain overwhelms me. This in itself is very strange. What is the meaning of these former memories to me? Why would the pain come just because I wish to remember them?”
Even under the influence of heavy medication, his body’s incredible weakness, and the torment of pain, even with all that, Chen Ge still maintained the ability to think for himself.
“In a way, I am rather similar to Zuo Han. He believes that everyone in this world is trying to harm him, and I also think everyone in this world is lying to me. Does that mean that we are really sick?”
Since he had such similar symptoms to a diagnosed mental patient, then the simple conclusion was that he must be a mental patient as well.
“To be able to realize that I might be sick, this means that I still have some ability to a.s.sess my own condition. My power of self-perception has not been weakened… Wait a minute, self-perception?”
The sudden term that burst through the fog of his brain stunned Chen Ge.
“Why does the word self-perception feel so familiar to me? This thing appears to have very great importance for me. I need self-perception or rather something that will be able to help me become self-perceptive!”
Pain rushed at him like waves. Chen Ge appeared to have triggered his former memory again. Different memory fragments collided in his mind, and the pain was so intense that he almost fell unconscious. Chen Ge gripped the edge of the bedpost with both of his hands and gritted his teeth firmly. Blood leaked out from the gums of his teeth, but he still did not make any noise. “Why would I have such a deep impression of the term self-perception‽”
His consciousness started to flag. If Chen Ge continued to focus on this, the headache would escalate, and he might just faint on the spot. Taking a deep breath, Chen Ge tried his best to make himself calm down. He followed the breathing method that was taught to him by Doctor Gao. He tried it several times before the pain in his brain slowly faded away. In a short few minutes, Chen Ge’s back was already soaked in cold sweat, and he felt even more drained than before.
“If I’d fainted then, would the other me have appeared? Would I be able to communicate with him?” Just as Chen Ge prepared to return to his own bed, the sound of footsteps suddenly came from the corridor. “Zuo Han does not make any sound when he moves, so this should be the hospital worker.”
Chen Ge still remembered what Zuo Han had asked of him. He hurried back to his bed and pretended to be asleep. After about ten seconds, the sound of footsteps stopped at the door. Narrowing his eyes, Chen Ge glanced toward the door. He was not nervous and did not feel any anxiety. It was only then that he realized how strong his heart really was.
Knock.
Someone knocked lightly on the door. Then, as the sound of footsteps picked up, the person outside the door left.
“What is the meaning of this? The person came to knock on the door just once at three to four am in the morning and then left just like that? Is this a prank by one of the workers?” The person outside the door did not come in or even open the door. This was what confused Chen Ge the most. “Who knocked on the door? The hospital worker? Zuo Han? The doctor? Or another patient at this hospital?”
After some time, the door was pushed open, and Zuo Han walked in frostily.
“So, how did it go?”
“This hospital is enormous. It is a general hospital. The third sick zone where we are located is just a very small part of the whole structure.” Zuo Han walked to Chen Ge’s side and gestured with his hands. “If we a.s.sume this pillow is the hospital, I believe we are right about here.”
“Are you confident that you can escape from this place?” Chen Ge was more concerned about that. The strange knocking on the door earlier gave him a sense of urgency. It was as if his instincts were telling him that if he stayed there any longer, something worse was going to happen.
“No.” Zuo Han did not hide the truth from Chen Ge. “There are cameras installed at the start of every corridor, and our floor itself has three hospital workers and two nurses working twenty-four hours a day. The door to leave the hospital is also locked, and I have no idea who might have the key.”
“A key?” With the mention of the key, lightning flashed in Chen Ge’s mind. He was like a drowning man finding a floating log drifting toward him. “I need to find a key!”
“Yes, without that key, we won’t be able to escape from this place.” Zuo Han thought Chen Ge was acting quite strangely, so he did not communicate further with Chen Ge and returned to his own bed.
“Aren’t you going to sleep?” Chen Ge realized Zuo Han was still wearing his clothes and shoes. He leaned to the side and did not look like he intended to sleep at night.
“I do not wish to die in my sleep.” Zuo Han closed his eyes. He hid one of his hands inside his s.h.i.+rt. His palm appeared to be hiding something.
Could it be a knife? It does not look like it, but it should be something sharp. Where did he get it? When he was outside? Based on what the doctor said, Zuo Han is a patient with serious paranoia. Staying inside the same room with such a dangerous character who has access to a possible sharp weapon is very dangerous. Just the thought of it is quite scary.
Chen Ge’s rationality told him that he should be afraid, but to be honest, his heart did not feel any tension at all.
Turning to a more comfortable position, Chen Ge closed his eyes and slept.
…
The door opened, and Chen Ge slowly opened his eyes. The sun outside the window fell on him, and he stretched comfortably.
“This kind of life is not so bad. As long as I do not go and force myself to think about those horrible memories, my life is not much different from that of a normal person.” Chen Ge turned his head around. Zuo Han was still lying in bed. The young man appeared to have fallen asleep only after the sun came up.
“Looks like you got a good sleep last night.” Doctor Gao stood at the door. He did not stop to inspect Zuo Han but strode directly to Chen Ge’s bed. “Did you have any nightmares last night?”
“No.” Chen Ge shook his head. The image of Doctor Gao that he had in his mind was overlapping with this Doctor Gao in real life. Perhaps his mind was slowly recovering. The two previously contradictory memories started to heal and agree with each other. There was a force in his mind that was slowly changing his perspective, to aid him in seeing the truth and helping him slowly and gradually peel away the pain.
“This proves that my treatment is still quite effective.” Doctor Gao was thankful. “Today, I will stop Xu Wan from coming to bring you any more meals. You have stayed for far too long inside this room. It is time for you to work your muscles. I believe it will help immensely with your recovery.”
“That means that I can finally go out? Can I go visit that theme park?” Chen Ge was instantly given a shot of enthusiasm.
Doctor Gao tried to hold in his laughter at Chen Ge’s antics. “You wish to go and visit that female boss of the haunted house, do you? I am afraid that is not possible at the moment. For now, you can only temporary move within the hospital.”
“Okay then.”
“I will grab a pair of crutches for you. Hold on.”
After Doctor Gao left, Zuo Han, who Chen Ge thought was asleep, suddenly opened his eyes. He gestured at Chen Ge and after he got Chen Ge’s attention, he whispered, “Do not believe a word that he says.”
“You’re still awake? Aren’t you tired?” Zuo Han did not reply anymore. He did not move again. It was as if he had been asleep the whole time.
Several minutes later, Doctor Gao returned to the room with the crutches. He helped Chen Ge up from the bed, and the two of them left the room together. Throughout this whole process, Doctor Gao did not spare even a second for Zuo Han. It was unclear whether it was because Doctor Gao did not want to disturb the sleeping Zuo Han or there was another reason.
After breakfast, Chen Ge and Doctor Gao went to the garden outside the hospital building. Because they had already missed spring, there were not that many flowers in the garden, but even so, staying there made one feel quite at ease. The wind blew through the tree branches and caressed their faces like a pair of gentle hands. The sunlight filtered through the foliage and danced on the ground like swimming goldfish. The shrubs at the sides of the corridors were neatly trimmed. The whole place was like a verdant heaven in the middle of the hospital.
“Have I been lying in the sickroom for a very long time now?” Chen Ge stood with the help of the crutches and slowly moved his body.
“Why would you suddenly ask a question like that?”
“Because it feels like I have not felt so relaxed in a very long time. In fact, I do not think I have felt anything quite so serene before.” Chen Ge touched the bark of the trees around him to feel the grain under his hand. Then he found a quiet place and sat down on a wooden bench.
“It is not that you have not experienced something like this before. It is just that you are currently trapped inside a room with no light, and you have already forgotten about that feeling.” Doctor Gao sat down beside Chen Ge. He seemed to like chatting with Chen Ge.
“A room with no light?”
“This room with no light is your heart. You took the key and locked yourself inside it. All I can do is try to figure out a way to help you walk out from that room.” Doctor Gao looked into the sky. It was unclear what he was thinking.
“Does this mean my illness will be cured after I leave this room?” Chen Ge asked seriously.
Doctor Gao shook his head. “Mental illness is different from psychological illness. Mental illness cannot be corrected with only self-determination. It needs to be combined with medication. Helping you walk out from the room in your heart is just the first step.”
“Then doctor, how would you consider that I have already cured from my illness? Actually, to be honest, at this moment, I feel like I am not that different from a normal person.” Chen Ge leaned against the back of the wooden bench, and his eyes were gla.s.sy with confusion.
“You still have not realized that you are sick. This is evidence that you are still quite a distance away from full recovery. The knowledge of illness and self-perception are the basis that we doctors use to determine the severity of a patient’s condition.” Doctor Gao started to chat with Chen Ge.
“Self-perception? What is that?” Chen Ge grabbed the edge of bench and kept his head lowered. He did not want other people to see the current expression on his face.
“Self-perception is the patient’s ability to diagnose his own mental health and condition. It enables him to see whether his own mental health is good or not. It is clear that you do not have any self-perception at this stage of your illness.”
“But I still feel that I am not so different form a normal person. The only difference is the occasional headache.” Chen Ge lifted his head, and his hands reached to his temple. The headache appeared to have visited him earlier. Doctor Gao did not say anything to counter Chen Ge. He merely lifted his finger to point at a man who was talking to himself at a pergola that was not that far away from them.
The man was about thirty, and he was also wearing a patient’s garb. He stood under the sunlight and kept mumbling to a spot that was under the shade of the pergola. Chen Ge felt the man look incredibly familiar, but in that moment, the name could not come to his mind.
“His name is Zhang Jingjiu. He once stayed in the same room as you, but we realized after he had moved in with you, his condition kept on worsening, so we moved him to another room.”
“Zhang Jingjiu?”
“Yes, his family runs a big winery in Xin Hai. He is not that old. His future should have been incredibly bright, but unfortunately, something went wrong with his mental state.”
“What kind of illness is he suffering from?” When Chen Ge heard the name Zhang Jingjiu, his expression twitched slightly.
“Undifferentiated schizophrenia.” Doctor Gao stared at Zhang Jingjiu, watching his every move. “This patient is under the impression that he can see ghosts.”
“Ghosts?”
“Of course, there are no ghosts in this world. Actually, we have conducted many tests on his senses and realized that they are different from a normal person’s,” Doctor Gao said casually. “Unlike normal people, he finds it difficult to focus his senses. He keeps feeling that there is someone talking to him. This condition does not improve even when he is inside his room alone, and his brain has some issue when processing sound. I will give you a simple example. When a normal person hears a simple sentence, their brain will contemplate the meaning of this sentence, but he will hear them in individual words, so it means that every single sentence that he hears will be fragmented when it reaches his mind.”
When Doctor Gao was chatting with Chen Ge, the patient called Zhang Jingjiu turned his head around to them. His eyes suddenly widened as he ran over toward them. Before Doctor Gao and Chen Ge could even react, Zhang Jingjiu pulled on Chen Ge’s arm as he tried to pull Chen Ge off from the wooden bench. However, he did not realize Chen Ge’s leg was injured, so in the end, Chen Ge was dragged up and was left careening to the ground. This came without any warning, so even Chen Ge did not have the time to cus.h.i.+on his fall.
“Help! Nurse! We need help over here!” Doctor Gao and a patrolling worker dragged Zhang Jingjiu to the side. When he was being dragged away, he still kept screaming at Chen Ge, “Ghost! Ghost! Ghost!”
“Are you alright? Are you injured?” Doctor Gao helped Chen Ge up from the ground.
“I’m fine. It’s just a fall. It’s nothing serious.” Chen Ge sat back down on the bench. He thought the whole episode was rather strange. From Zhang Jingjiu’s parting words and tone, it was clear that he was afraid of ghosts, but if he was afraid of ghosts, why would he voluntarily come to grab me? And after he failed to do that, he kept screaming the word ghost at me…
Chen Ge lowered his head to pat away the dust from his clothes, and at the same time, he moved his eyes away from Doctor Gao. He should be trying to warn me that there is a ghost around me. He believes Doctor Gao is a ghost.