My world was supported by only one wish.
Amongst thousands of stars…
We are a small family.
Elder brother, me and younger sister.
Elder brother is often not at home because he’s always working. He would go to work abroad and would come back home once in a while. Sometimes once a year, once in three years, etc. He’s a workaholic and I think he forgets there are younger siblings waiting for him at home. This was why my younger sister and I aren’t that close to elder brother.
As for my lil’ sis, since I was the one who brought her up, we are naturally extremely close…so close we don’t hide any secrets from one another.
So close that she’s able to read 18+ novels in front of me with a straight face.
“Sometimes I just think, am I bringing you up or are you bringing me up into a fudanshi*?”
“Idiot big bro, have you just notice you’ve fallen into my trap?!”
…Your big bro’s not an idiot but I love you that’s why I fell into your trap voluntarily!
Even though I may be able to accept it, my elder brother does not approve of it. That’s why, the activity we do before elder brother comes home is to hide all of my younger sister’s BL related books but there was once where we couldn’t hide it from him…even worse, what was in my elder brother’s hand was a book with an explicitly drawn cover, it seemed to be a SM hardcore doujinshi.
“Big bro, you’ve got great eyes! That’s one of my top 5!”
I wanted to clap for big bro, it’s a doujinshi which my psychotic lil’ sis bought behind my back! Even I didn’t know this existed until big bro found it…he’s seriously lucky. Then his face would start to darken and he’ll begin one of his lectures, he’ll continue nagging us until he gets on a plane to go overseas.
Our life was as simple as that…there was nothing more, nothing less.
But we were happy…we were the happiest family.
.
.
.
Every year on my birthday, only two of us would be there to celebrate it.
I regarded her as high as a person could regard someone. Even if I may have a lot of friends, she will always be number one! As for elder brother…he rarely comes home, sometimes I think he’s forgotten his own younger brother’s birthday!
To be honest, I don’t mind if he doesn’t send me a present at all but if it was my lil’ sis’ birthday and he doesn’t send anything…I would print a photo of him in black and white, light an incense, take a photo of this and send it to him as a threat saying, ‘if you don’t send her a present or wish her a happy birthday, her birthday will also be the day of your funeral!’.
Which was why, every year on my younger sister’s birthday, there will always be a present sent in advance. This was his way of saying he’s never forgotten his younger sister and my threat. Although, he may have a fairly bad taste…but it’s fine. Having two different objects would only create comparison and the fact that my lil’ sis likes my present more makes me ecstatic.
“Idiot big bro, this is the cake I prepared myself!”, my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis broke into a smile and pushed a strawberry-flavoured ice-cream cake forward. I thought she probably chose the flavour accordingly to her likings rather than mine.
“Happy birthday to you…Happy birthday…”
A song, sung by the two, gradually became louder.
After the second round, she told me to make a wish.
“I wish we would forever be together…”
I wished for nothing more, just like these past years, I say it repeatedly then laugh with her, blow the candles, cut the cake into two portions, sitting in the middle of a room which was too big for us, listening to her favourite anime song.
“Your wish is too typical, don’t you ever think of changing it?”
“Hm…or should my wish be you getting a boyfriend instead? Between a 2D guy and a 3D guy…”
“Obviously I’d choose a 2D guy! If he’s Haref Lancelot then that’ll be even more wonderful!”
“…Psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis, you need to separate reality from your daydreams!…”
Laughter.
Just like every year.
Nothing ever changes.
.
.
.
Our cousin is getting married.
Although we’re not that close but when an invitation card, which was sent from the countryside, arrived, we decided to go. Elder brother…whatever.
We packed our bags and hopped on a van to the countryside. It was quite far away so psychotic fujohshi lil’ sis started playing a game.
“Wow, wow, wow, it seems like I’ve gotten into a secret character’s route idiot big bro!”, my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis cried out. She was playing a game called Ushinawareta Hoshi which she’s crazy about right now. Her room is flooded with all the characters’ merchandise from the game!
“I thought you only play Haref Lancelot’s route.”
“He’s still my main guy and this secret character is just a hidden boyfriend!”, my lil’ sis protested before smiling and continued playing the game.
It would’ve been a good day and we would’ve been happy…
…only if…
SCREEEEEEEEECHHHHHHH!!!
CRASH!!!!!!!!!!
…all this never happened…
It hurts.
My entire body hurts.
I don’t know what happened.
My ear could hear sounds. My nose could smell something. I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I’ve seen this kinda situation in the news several times but I’ve never thought it’ll happen to me…
A car crash.
Am I going to die…
“Don’t you dare sleep idiot big bro.”
I could hear my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis’ voice clearly, it was probably because she was lying beside me. I wanted to open my eyes and look at her but unfortunately, I didn’t have any strength left. I could only force my voice out…
“Hey lil’ sis…we were born from the same parent and when we die, we’ve got to die together?”
“Are you for real?”
I laughed…
“We won’t die, trust me. If there’s still hope, we won’t die…”
I smiled…even if I my eyes couldn’t see anything, I still smiled.
Liar…We’re this injured, there’s no way we’ll survive…
But because she said it, even if it may be a lie, I’ll believe her.
I could feel a faint hug, my psychotic fujoshi’s familiar smell, when I thought about it, I sighed. “Hey psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis, since we’re in this state, I have something to confess to you…”
“Don’t you dare say farewell as if you’re gonna die soon. That won’t do…”
I laughed.
“Don’t you dare sleep…idiot big bro…you have to survive…please…”, it sounded like she was crying. “You have to survive…you have to live on…”
Because it was her desire, I kept breathing…no matter how much it may hurt.
“I love you…big bro, you said if I proclaimed my love to you, you’ll become stronger, isn’t that right?”
“So, don’t you dare sleep…that’s an order…”
“You have…to survive…”
All kind of voices travelled into my mind.
I don’t believe in G.o.d.
I don’t believe in miracles…but I believe in her.
“…Big bro…keep it up…finally…help arrived..”
“Big bro…”
I believe her.
“Come here quickly, someone’s injured!!”
I’m sorry…but I’m too tired…
.
.
.
Ultimately…I was still alive.
My body hurts all over but I sighed in relief. My elder brother who rarely came home, frequented to the hospital so often I couldn’t bare to not joke about it. Elder brother didn’t mind so I teased him a lot. When I was satisfied, I asked him to take me to my psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis.
Elder brother smiled.
It was a rare sight because he normally doesn’t smile that much. It was even creeper when elder brother hugged me. I’m not as close to my elder brother as I am with my lil’ sis but when I thought he’d nearly lost me, I hugged him back just to service him…
Then he cried.
He’s such a cry baby.
Because he was my elder brother, hugging him was nothing in me so I tried to wiggle out from his embrace but he wouldn’t let me so I just let him continue to hug me. “Big bro, I know you’re still shocked but when I hug you, you’re not as soft as lil’ sis so would you mind taking me to psychotic fujoshi lil’ sis?”
“Lil’ sis…”
My world was supported by only one wish.
In only a second…
“Lil’ sis…pa.s.sed away.”
…my one and only desire was destroyed.
My world…it was shattered into pieces.
.
.
.
“Oh…all the mechanisms in here have been destroyed…”
“But ‘that thing’s’ mechanism was the only thing we couldn’t destroy so…”
…
I knew full well. The ‘younger sister’ standing in front of me is merely a mirage the mechanism created.
Just like in my dreams…
…where I deceive myself over and over.
“The only way to escape this mechanism is to…kill…”
Even though, there’s only her in this place.
If I want to escape this G.o.ddam hallucination, the only thing I have to do is to kill her.
I don’t know who built this mechanism, whether it be Bedivere’s ancestor or that beautiful blonde women, this mechanism is really something, it’s so funny, it makes you want to cry out in pain but the one thing they could never predict is that there’s no way I will kill her.
Whatever she may be, an illusion or anything else.
As long as she’s here…
I have no other desires…