Chapter 139 - a.s.ses to ashes, cussed to dust
Seated in the computer lab among all the other students, Ben reviewed his venomous strategy.
As an online gamer, he understood toxicity. What was the best way to make an environment toxic? By filling it with the most potent poisons in existence—words.
Like poison, words could function as a medicine or as a lethal weapon.
Like a deadly contagion, words could transfer from one person to another over great distances.
Like a plague, words could become viral, sweeping through entire civilizations until they were left in ruins, with only random wandering infected still spreading the virus by groaning "Esket.i.t" or "YOLO..."
...
Words were a potent weapon that could attack the mind in an instant, delivering critical damage, and yet few were immune.
The most terrible thing was that anyone could cultivate in the dark art of wicked words. In fact, Ben himself joined the dark side long ago, gaining great competence in the forbidden techniques...
Sitting in the computer lab, Ben closed his eyes as he imagined those countless nights he spent as a child, dipping his tongue into a vat of 100 poisons: Halo, Minecraft, LoL, CoD, Fortnite, Dota 2...the list was endless...
"Eat sh*t noob..."
"There"s a dog on the controls..."
"This isn"t a soup kitchen so stop feeding them..."
...
He"d suffered through all the poisons himself, so that he would come to know them like his own hand...knew his dongoid...
Every day, he felt their burn, tasting the smoke, smelling his charred flesh, getting a skin graft on his face from constant verbal smackdowns...
...
Then, one day, the poisons no longer stung him... He"d gained immunity. What"s more...he developed his own poison gland...
"Y-you"re the dummy..."
It started weak at first...only delivering a tickle...
"**** ****** *******" It then went over the line, into cancellation territory...
...
After making sure he wouldn"t poison himself...Ben found the perfect middle ground, the sweet spot. From there, he started learning as all greats have--with the cla.s.sics.
"Your. mother. is. a. wh.o.r.e..."
...
From there, he learned to improvise...
"The wh.o.r.e office got an application from your mother today, but declined because she was overqualified..."
...
Soon, the young Ben demonstrated his prodigious talent by writing his first symphony...
"Your sister"s a wh.o.r.e. Your auntie"s a wh.o.r.e. Your granny"s a former wh.o.r.e. And your momma does it for free!"
...
Ben opened his eyes, returning from his origin flashback, which he hoped might land a spinoff deal since a studio even paid for X-Men Origins: Wolverine...
He looked around the computer lab, re-centering himself in reality, when he met eyes with Charlotte who was sitting in the next chair. Her expression showed concern and bewilderment. Ben"s entry into sudden enlightenment scared her. Watching him close his eyes and drift off for several minutes left her wondering if she should call for help...
Ben smiled. "Sweet child...she hasn"t heard of the MC inner monologue yet..."
...
Having rekindled old games...Ben knew he possessed the weapons he needed to win. Next was to review his plan of attack.
Over the following several days, he would take preliminary shots at the other teams he suspected might jump onto his corporate bandwagon. The weapon? His poisonous tongue...
Ben expected this to have a certain outcome: them developing a mental bias to stay away from him and his segment as a result. After all, if they joined corporate, wouldn"t he only berate them even more?
Dropping a deuce on Lawrence earlier was a good start...
His group was among the few Ben worried about. Still, that wasn"t enough. Looking around at the multiple nearby targets, Ben knew he needed a much higher casualty count...so he decided on his next tactic...
He would use the remaining cla.s.s time to set a trap...
Ben planned to utilize one of the cla.s.sic 69 Strategems of web novels...
This was the 48th strategem: play the pig to eat the tiger.
It was a cla.s.sic maneuver to incite random conflict, where an OP character would enter somewhere looking like a peasant. Next, someone would belittle him, after which he would deliver a faceslap, or even a murder...
A character could use this method to ensnare an opponent to underestimate them, or in the case of most web novels, to create a motive-less filler arc...
As for Ben, his trap was a simple one. He opened a website to read manga in a room full of pretentious college students…
...
Soon, Ben received his first customer... A woman from one of his target groups pa.s.sed by his computer, glimpsing his screen and sneering. "Comics? Aren"t those for kids?"
Ben"s ears twitched when he heard this. "I"ve got a bite…" The edge of his lips stretched upwards. "Woman, my flames will roast you!"
…
He swiveled his chair around to face the woman who spoke. Then, he squinted at her chest, as if he was looking at a mosquito. "A-cups? Aren"t those for kids?"
…
Several people who overheard this gasped...before the room once again erupted!
"G.o.dd.a.m.nnnn, that was brutal!"
"This boy is spittin" hot fire!"
"Wheeeeeeeeee!"
Even Charlotte stifled her laughter with one hand! Though her instincts made her cover her b-cups with the other!
The rude woman"s jaw dropped! She couldn"t believe one attack drained so much of her HP bar!
Glancing down at her flat chest, it seemed as if she never noticed there was a target on her front!
In her subconscious, she even cursed her ex-boyfriend for not buying her implants!
...
Seeing his reception among the crowd of degenerate male students...Ben shook his head in helplessness. "n.o.body cared who I was until I made a Jojo reference..."
…
Then, he decided to finish off the insulting woman with a fatality…
Ben pointed at her. "Listen up, don"t ever critique my Otaku culture! The only culture you possess is bacteria!"
…
"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"
"THAT LINE"S ANTIBIOTICS!"
"STOP. THE. PAIN!"
The woman"s face turned pale as she staggered backward! She never expected her little dig at Ben would cause a cave-in that unleashed an ancient poison dragon!
…
However, it wasn"t the end. An overweight woman from another of Ben"s target groups came to the defense of her friend—who was now a charred female corpse…
Shuttling over to Ben like a double-decker train...she b.u.mped several people"s chairs including Charlotte"s without any care. "Hey you loser! How dare you speak to a woman like that?"
"Loser?" Remaining in his seat, Ben only snorted and put his hand up in front of her. "Hey, train wreck. This isn"t your station..."
…
He then pointed to a snack machine visible from the room"s entrance. "Your destiny awaits..."
...
"OH MY GAWD! SHE GOT AMY SCHUMERED!"
"SNAP CRACKLE POP!"
"SAVE. HER. SOUL!!"
…
Seeing someone new jumped into the pit to draw the dragon"s attention…the original woman who insulted Ben escaped after chewing her own leg off…
Now, the overweight woman who b.u.t.ted in was standing there frozen. Her mouth hung open, not knowing how to reply; suffering the stun effect from Ben"s noxious breath…
He put his hands up in a gesture to ask why she hadn"t left yet. "You still here? No point waiting with your mouth open like that since I don"t have any treats to give you … You can go to your dish now..." He pointed at the vending machine and gave her a final rea.s.suring nod. "That"ll do pig, that"ll do…"
…
The following silence was longer this time, but it was only the calm before the swarm!
"HOLY SH*T! SHE GOT CHARLOTTE"S WEBBED!"
"IT"S WILBUR VALDERRAMA!"
"GIVE. HER. A TREAT!"
People were dying from laughter! Howling to the point of tears!
Like the first rude woman, this new one traced her steps, stumbling backward until she leaned against a computer desk to end the knockback effect...
It was like deja vu! The burn was so hot, it caused a glitch in the Matrix!
Charlotte was holding her mouth with both hands...but she felt responsible due to sharing her name with the reference Ben used as tinder for the pig roast...
So she went into her bag to dig out M&Ms, planning to give them to the woman thinking she was really going through diabetic shock to be stumbling around!
However, Ben waved to her that there was no need. Although the overweight woman"s body was there, her soul already drifted away...
There was no point wasting recovery items on the dead…
…
As for Ben, he felt justified in his actions. Even though he set a trap, it would only work on someone rotten to begin with. The first chick insulted him for no reason, so why would Ben not be able to return the favor?
14th stratagem of web novels: If someone gives you a cun(inch), you return a chi(foot), for good and bad. The world needed justice.
Here, Ben applied the stratagem through his personal translation: if someone acts like a c*nt...you teach a lesson to that chick...
As for the second woman, she also attacked him, coming to the aid of the first one despite hearing her insult him. By far though, her biggest mistake was not heeding the warning signs. It was most foolish to antagonize a poison-spitting dragon picking its teeth with the first trespa.s.ser"s bones...
…
When both of the girls retreated to their groups without daring to say another word, Ben smirked as he watched their teams glare at him with a mixture of animosity and fear. "A good teacher should both be respected and scorned..."
Since the professor wasn"t around, leaving only Miyuki during the computer room sessions, he took it upon himself to give the cla.s.s a lesson...
Yet, it wouldn"t be the last. Demonic professor Ben prepared a long syllabus...and Diablo 2 hath many layers.