My Sister The Villainess

"Yes. The border between life and death." Answered the captured Stormcloak in his thick Nordic drawl. "Too early for you, though. Not quite the time for that yet." He glanced about. "Odd environment. Why this?"

I ignored him.

"...Todd, you absolute mad lad." My voice was tinged with admiration. "Greatest prologue ever. G.o.dd.a.m.n. Didn"t see this s.h.i.t coming at all." I clapped my hands in praise.

"Look at him. He"s delirious." Lokir laughed. "I wonder who he thinks we are?"

"I felt the man was somehow insulting me. So I replied, "You"re going to die by arrows while running away like a rat. Sovngarde has no place for cowards."

"Coward!" He visibly shook with anger. "You….b.i.t.c.h!"

"Don"t like it? Do something about it you coward."

"I"ll butcher you." He threatened. "Grind your bones. Devour your flesh…"

"I"ll give you to my dog and let you be his little f.u.c.k toy. Prepare thine cheeks for clapping. Coward."

"You...f.u.c.king….punk." He grit his teeth. "Really haven"t changed at all!"

Ralof raised a hand. "Alright, enough. Let it go. It"s been ages. Can"t you get over it?"

"Get over it? He stole my wife!!"

I looked down at my arms and legs. They didn"t look like mine. Way too swole. "What the h.e.l.l? A new game world and I"m still playing the dude who steals people"s women? Son of a b.i.t.c.h." I sighed. Oh well. "But hey, if you got your wife stole then isn"t that your fault? People always blame the women but don"t ever stop to think maybe it"s the men"s fault too. I mean not EVERY girl is a thot. Maybe you"re just a s.h.i.tty lover, ever think of that? Or maybe you"re an a.s.s and she had enough of your s.h.i.t."

Ralof agreed. "He has a point, you know."

"See? Ralof gets it. Anyway, that wasn"t me. Blame the last dude who had this body, yeah? Besides, we"re all brothers and sisters in binds now, thief."

"Thief?" His eyes narrowed murderously. " Thief? You"re calling ME the thief?!"

"A horse thief, to be exact. Now shut up. I wanna get this over with and enjoy myself. I have a whole bunch of s.l.u.tty Skyrim mods of download."

"Nine h.e.l.ls. He"s insane." Lokir shook his head. "Can just send him back already? I don"t want to look at this mama"s boy anymore."

"We have let this go on a bit long." Ralof admitted. "We shouldn"t allow him linger too much or--"

I heard the flapping of wings above us. Like, what? Alduin"s here already, is he? I looked up expecting to see a giant winged lizard about to spew fire at us. Sadly, though, there must"ve already been a couple mods installed because Alduin was NOT a scaled monstrosity but instead a very heroic-looking female. One with long, luxurious grey hair and sparkling golden eyes. Also, her wings were a pretty silver.

Alduin waifu mods are the best mods. I approve. The woman stopped and stared. Her eyes blazed with a possessive light. Yandere Alduin waifu?

"Okie?" Her voice was as clear and charming as a bell. It pierced through the distance and entered the ears as if she were speaking right beside you.

"s.h.i.t!" Lokir cursed. "Send him back!"

I knew, of course, that I was dreaming. The lack of pain was a giveaway. I a.s.sumed that by the direction of the talk I would be waking up soon.

"She"s trying to inform the others. Get her." Ralof"s face turned grim just as the woman made the choice to retreat. Why, I didn"t know. Or care.

Lokir stood and flew into the sky in chase.

"Say, anyone have a knife?" I asked. "Wait, I think I got it." Thinking a bit, I summoned the image of a dagger. What appeared was the blue blade stolen from that cultist a while back.

"A claw fragment. Here?" Ralof furrowed his brows. "Impossible. Have you recovered your abilities to that extent? The seal should still be working, how…?"

But I"m not going to listen to the ramblings of a dream construct. I"ve had weirder dreams so I didn"t mind the weird setting.

I decided that if I"m going to go, I"m leaving that Lokir a present. Dream construct or not, he"s too d.a.m.n arrogant when talking to this Venerable self.

I chose to take a page from good old Alkibiades. With my own twist.

So I took off my pants as soon as I saw Lokir flying away.

"Hey, f.u.c.ker! Catch!"

I hollered, throwing a certain something upwards with all my strength. He looked down in surprise and caught the object in his hands. He gave a disgusted look seconds later.

My severed c.o.c.k was firmly grasped within his palm.

"In case your wife misses me!"

His face turned purple with rage.

And I was gone.

***

When I woke up Mother was peeling herself out of a boulder, her hair a mess and with clothes so torn up you could see the smooth porcelain skin of her waist, legs, and hips peeking out from underneath.

Not far from her was Father, Mary, Vera and Baz. They were surveying the area. Or the destruction of it.

Mother, on the other hand, was freaking out. "What," She started off in a shout, "The heck was that?! Did you just create a new Word?!" Her eyes were two round disks of complete and total astonishment.

I was still blinking away the dizziness from my head. "Uh...no?"

"Liar. You did, didn"t you? " She coughed up some dust. "That"s amazing! Do it again."

Father quickly raised his voice. "Don"t you dare!" He warned. "I don"t know what the h.e.l.l kind of craziness you two were up to, but that last shockwave leveled what was left of our house!

"....My treasures…" I heard Vera sighing.

"My drugs!" I panicked. And then, as an afterthought, "Was anyone hurt?"

"The staff weren"t there and the workers were on break. So no. But my house…. "

"What about my drugs?"

He kicked me. "Go dig them up if you care about them so much! Our home is gone and all you can think about are your dang drugs?"

"They"re really good drugs." I said matter-of-factly as if that excused everything.

"What were you trying to do?" Mary"s dispa.s.sionate face was turned away from our bickering.

"He wanted to form his second core." Mother explained. "I think he...may have created a new Word."

Mary nodded. "Impossible. Only a true Divine might be capable of such a thing."

"So?" She pouted with crossed arms. "My son"s a genius."

"Please don"t let your son complex blind you to reality." Mary flicked her on the forehead as if chastising a child.

And as they conversed amongst themselves Vera took the time to walk over and help me. She offered a hand just as I was about to raise myself.

"You"ve done it again, Young Master." She monotoned. "Another glorious f.u.c.k up. And I lost everything this time around. But don"t worry, I"m not mad. After all, you"ll take responsibility, won"t you?"

"...May I pay in head pats, perhaps?

"..."

Well.

She didn"t say no!

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***

"That"s it….keep going, you"re almost there...just a little more…" Mother"s excited whispers were a bit too erotic for the innocent actions. I caught a faint chocolate fragrance wafting from her ripe body.

She sat down in front of me cross-legged. The tight trousers she had worn previously was much like Dana"s in how they outline her supremely fit and beckoning figure. But now they were in tatters and exposed endlessly long legs. In fact, they were so worn out due to my previous and accidental use my Shout that they"d become closer to booty shorts or perhaps even a minskirt. Leaving half of her perfectly sculpted b.u.t.t cheeks on full display.

Right now she was helping me "meditate." Giving me a refresher course on the "Words." I didn"t feel anything special when thinking about them, however. To me the knowledge seemed very ordinary, as if I"d grown up speaking it.

Yet even so, when I muttered them there was just the slightest of vibrations echoing in my body that said they were somehow more.

Something was strange about this language, however. I learned that the Words seemed to be ever-changing. For example, the word for wind. Or fire. The would constantly warp, never staying the same. And despite this I always knew what they represented. The words changed and yet every time they did I would still somehow, some way, remember their meaning.

But they were not just words that meant "a flame" or "a wind"

Not "a fierce fire" or a "brisk wind." There were no such distinctions. No, the name for wind and fire encompa.s.sed ALL winds and ALL fires. Everywhere. At every time. Like they were just one ent.i.ty.

d.a.m.n weird. Anyway as I started recalling more and more of the language something happened in the center of my clavicle, just under my chin. A heat. An intense, searing heart that made me feel like I"d just swallowed burning coal.

This had gone on for some time already and I was getting pretty tired of the feeling. It itched.

"There! Right there! You"re doing so good, keep it up! Keep going!" Mother"s sweet seductions continued.

I snapped. "I"m sorry, are you frustrated or something?! "

"I"m just happy for you, though…can"t I be excited for my own son?"

"No!"

"Eh?! Why?!"

"Because I"m seriously worried about what kind of exciting you"ve got going on right now!"

"Mothers can be any kind of excited for their sons."

"I"m starting to not want to be your son anymore." I felt a vein pop.

"The bond between a mother and her son can"t be broken that easily!" She intoned. "Other men come and go, but only a son will forever remain by his mother"s side! Likewise, a son can have and want any amount of women in his life but the only one he needs will always only ever be his mother! In short, no matter what, mothers and sons are an inseparable existence! So there!"

"FIlthy soncon." Mary, Father and I were in complete sync just then. Mary went on to elaborate. "It"s actually quite sad when you think about it, however. The mother"s a soncon but the son"s heart belongs to his sister, a true siscon. How tragic."

"...Hey." I am a siscon, but she didn"t have to make it sound so dirty.

Baz chimed in. "Specifically the Young Master prefers older sisters. With gla.s.ses. And kneesocks." As expected, Baz understands me much deeper than anyone else!

"Actually." Vera began in a bored tone, "The Young Master likes pantyhose much more. And a very strange fixation with something called a slime girl." She paused after receiving several stares. "What?"

...I don"t think I ever talked about slime girls. Actually, aren"t they from one of my unfinished ma.n.u.scripts? DId she read them? Did she memorize them?! I felt the rekindling of hope.

Father rubbed his chin with interest. "What"s a slime girl?"

"Ah!" Mother exclaimed without warning. "Son, look! You did it!"

"Hm?" A small fissure in the air appeared before me. "This..."

"It"s about to birth the seed...hurry and reach in!"

"I have to stick my hand in that thing?"

"Just do it!"

"FIne." With a few misgivings I stuck my finger into the small black fissure and wiggled it about tentatively.

"What"s with the foreplay? Stick it in already." Mother urged.

"Phrasing." I reminded her, reaching deeper. "Ugh. Feels cold. And slimy." There was at first nothing. Then something p.r.i.c.ked me. I quickly withdrew my arm. "Something cut me!" Just then something popped out from the tiny void.

It was a strangely familiar-looking blue gemstone.

But that wasn"t all. The gemstone was soon followed by a leather-bound hilt. Then a gold-colored guard. And finally, a silver sword with red--formerly blue--runes along it"s fuller.

"Milly?!" I blinked.

I was responded to by a jubilant, child-like voice.

"Papa~!" The Holy Sword cooed. "I wanna devour the blood of the innocent!"