"I"m here to sign up with the guild."We entered the stereotypical large, tavern/inn-looking guild HQ where drunk adventurers were conversing amongst themselves heartily.
The eye candy of a handsome man and pretty woman was, of course, present. We talked to the woman who was just closer.
And by we, Damien meant him, Big D, Milly, and Baz. Also the Mandate of Heaven. How? Apparently, the f.u.c.king thing floats. Milly told him all about it, though she didn"t--or rather couldn"t--recall how she knew about it.
….Aw yeah, boys and girls. With a cushioned seat, Day was riding on a floating golden throne throughout the city like a young Deity descended from heaven. With Milly standing on an armrest and leaning on the throne, and Baz carrying Big D with somewhat of a struggle, and Damien"s transcendent charisma, there were people everywhere pointing and talking about him.
Total boss status right there.
He caused quite a ruckus as he paraded through the streets. Some people were stunned into silence. Others prayed to themselves. Which caused angel wings to sprout from his back and make him all the awe-inspiring.
Damien was growing a fondness for the attention. He even circled around several times just to see the people"s reverent gazes. The women reached for him while the men knelt down in devotion.
"A Divine has descended upon the world…." They whispered to themselves.
"What a mesmerizing aura…"
"That sword looks a bit wicked though."
The Dao of Lord Bai was slowly being awakened in Damien"s heart as he basked in their attentive stares.
Anyway, he had to widen the entrance to the guild and the drunken festivities stopped as soon as he arrived so they weren"t all too chatty anymore….but yeah. He and Baz approached the pretty bob-haired woman with indifference and just up and said, "We"re here to sign up."
The poor girl was shocked into silence. Her heart felt like it was stolen right from her chest. This...this….what sort of being had come to their little city? Which family"s young Great One had deigned to descend upon them? No, surely this youth was some reborn Divine.
But if he was truly a holy being, why did his mere presence inspire such sinful thoughts in her heart?!
Neither she nor Damien realized the faint Asmodian blood from his mother"s side was being roused due to his maturing body.
"Lady, are we gonna do this or what?" Damien yawned.
The ambiguous words made the receptionist think all kinds of thoughts. But she shook her head and stammered, "Y-Yes sir….please fill in these forms here. Oh. Um..." She reached out only to realizing he was too far away. That throne needed a lot of s.p.a.ce and it was floating quite high.
Damien waved a hand and sent a Barrier plate towards her. She hesitantly placed the doc.u.ments on the transparent disk and watched as it flew back to it"s caster.
Everyone in the room, all of them quite tipsy despite the early day, were speechless. What was going on?! They had never encountered such a situation before.
"For this dude too." Damien pointed at Baz.
"Thanks, miss. " Baz nodded and gave a winning smile, laying down on the floor to fill out the proper information
The heavy thud as he put down Big D scared the rest of the adventurer"s s.h.i.tless. It made a hole in the floor…
Who uses such a monstrously large weapon? They nearly fainted.
Damien ignored them. He returned the doc.u.ments a few moments later.
"So. What? Do I start as a D-rank or something?"
The woman looked at him strangely. "No? My Lord, that system has long since been deemed inefficient. It"s all about licenses now."
"Huh?"
She smiled. "Simply put, we now prioritize actual skill over all other factors. You will receive certain licenses after taking tests. If pa.s.sed these will enable you to take on quests that would be normally locked to new guild members were it our old system. You now are no longer limited by things like rank just because you"re new. So long as you have the proper license you can take on any quest. Even age doesnt matter as long as you have the verified skills a quest calls for. "
Damien was almost smiling. That sounded great! Finally someone did away with the usual s.h.i.t tier ranking system! He always felt that stuff was annoying. Like, how does that make sense? Just because you"re new, you"re a c.r.a.ppy bronze or D-rank who can"t take on certain quests? Have to work you way up, despite being too G.o.dd.a.m.n OP? Be looked down upon by people who might be weaker than you, or less knowledgable?
This was a d.a.m.n breath of fresh air.
"What sort of tests are there?"
"Many kinds. The basic, mandatory test is of course combat capability. Others like teamwork, leadership, cartography, and herbology are optional but do offer a wider range of quests you can take. These being just some of the skills you can acquire a license for."
Thats sounds a bit complicated, but still better than the other system.
"Nice. Lead the way." Damien hopped off his throne.
"This is going to be fun." Baz handed over his doc.u.ments too and followed the receptionist as she led us to a door to the far right.
"You"ll be fighting opponents of varying levels of skill."
"Who"s the strongest dude here?"
"Huh? That would be the resident guild master. But you can"t be thinking of fighting him...he"s a strong aura user, capable of--"
"Call him down."
Ten minutes later Damien was standing, bored, as a muscular old man shot beams of sword energy at him. Which he blocked with the lowest level defensive spell, Barrier.
The spell was condensed to dramatically increase it"s defense and five disks hovers around his body. The amount of control needed to move every single disk in real time to block the sword beams was surely mindboggling.
"This brat….how is he….?" The guild master, with many years of experience facing mages under his belt, was at a complete loss.
Damien unleashed his own aura, bursting with golden light. His feathery wings which made the old man sure he belonged to the Feather Folk, a minor race of little importance, became impossibly glorious.
"Get f.u.c.ked." And he slashed at him with Big D, copying Sir Kane"s motions which he was so familiar with.
The aura found a catalyst for it"s power and poured into the weapon as he swung, releasing in a single burst while the weapon was brought down.
Blinding white light tore the floorboards apart. The vast training area they were sparring in became destroyed in an instant.
Needless to say, he pa.s.sed with flying colors and was told to please never come back ever again. Very politely, with bows from the entire staff.
How rude.
***
"Look at it, Baz. Ain"t it glorious?" Damien stood with his hands on his hips As he admired the giant entrance to the dungeon. The thing was built into the ground, the opening a giant and wide set of stairs leading into the earth with a tall ceiling which cast shadows over the entire thing.
Mult.i.tudes of people swarmed the area. They were all adventurers of all sorts in all kinds of gear coming in and out. There were even stalls nearby selling food, weapons or armor. One particularly rich merchant was even selling a few healing potions like the one Damien had given to Minnie way back when. Though Damien was a Mercy main right now so he didn"t at all need that.
"I don"t like it. Too many people." Baz said as someone b.u.mped into him.
"MIlly, your thoughts?"
"I can"t wait to smite heathen sc.u.m!" The evil Holy Sword thirsted for bloodshed. Sparks of red-colored electricity arched along her silver body. Damien wasted little time.
"Atta girl. But we"re monster-slaying today, no uncultured swine on the menu tonight." He chuckled. "Alright, we"re skipping ahead of the line. Baz, grab on."
"Can I leave this thing here? It"s heavy."
"What? No, you can"t leave my precious Big Destroyer behind."
"But--"
"No buts!"
Damien hopped off his throne, took hold of Baz, and soared over everyone else. Who of course pointed and gasped at the sight of an Angel being followed by a flying sword and throne.
Though Baz was barely hanging on, and Big D hit quite a few heads as they flew low. So he did receive a colorful comment or two.
Such as, "This pidgeon f.u.c.ker!"
Which roused Damien to shout back with a,"It"s chicken, a.s.shole!"
As they approached the entrances he found that the identification card he received earlier from the pretty receptionist started vibrating. The darkness swallowed them whole.
And then there was light.
"My eyes!" Damien blinked.
"Hey, f.u.c.k you." The bald giant frowned at him from ten feet away. To explain, they emerged from the darkness to a world of green gra.s.s and blue skies. The air was cool and crisp, the sun bright.
And reflecting that bright sun, turning it blinding, was a swole baldy in leather armor….that seemed more like some sort of bondage outfit since it covered very little, to be honest. With but a loincloth at his crotch and thick leather belts on his arms and legs, the man was an odd duck.
"Bald. Bald. Bald." Baz pointed.
The bald giant, at least 6"5, growled at him spitefully. "b.u.g.g.e.r off. f.u.c.kin" moss headed b.a.s.t.a.r.d." He hefted a club over his shoulder.
Baz snorted. "Mine"s bigger than yours." A smirk.
The tall, muscled pervert in the male equivalent of bikini armor barked out a gruesome laugh. "Bigger isn"t always better. You need skill, see, skill!"
Damien nodded. "It do be that way, though." He then added, "But you can pick up skill as you go. Besides, that"s mine anyway. "
"Whatever just get outta here will ya?"
Just then someone shouted, "Dammit, Rohk, get yer a.r.s.e back here and help us finish this feisty t.w.a.t! What"re ya doin"? This ain"t b.l.o.o.d.y f.u.c.kin" tea time!"
Someone wasn"t happy.
"I"m comin", I"m comin"." Rohk yelled back. He took a moment to stare at the weird floating sword and throne, then ran to his companions who were busy fending off attacks a bit away.
Baz and Damien both realized they were in the middle of an altercation between a party and some small, furry something that was bouncing all over the place at an incredible speed.
"What the b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l is that?" Damien asked.
"I dunno." Baz"s eyes sparkled. "But it"s so cute. Vee would love it! Young Master, let"s catch it!"
Damien considered. "Vee would? You think so?"
"Huh? Uh, yeah? But do you care?"
"Oh. Well, because we"re engaged now."
The ahoge went stiff as a board. "WHAT?! Since when?!"
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"Since, like, this morning?"
Baz let out a shocked expression. "...Oh. Oh, this changes things. Er, I"ll be back. I gotta go buy some milk. "
And he was never heard from again. b.a.s.t.a.r.d doesn"t even like milk.
"Looks like it"s just you and me now, Papa." Milly hummed pleasantly.
"Guess so."
The gem-encrusted golden throne gently nudged him. "And you, too, gaudy piece of s.h.i.t. You too." Damien patted it"s armrest.
Meanwhile, someone was punted up into the air. The giant, furry something? A f.u.c.king Roo. And no, my friends, I wasn"t talking about Kangaroo Jack. Nope, this guy was all of three feet tall if you were generous.
But it had serious power because one kick made a grown man defy gravity.
Damien lightly sprinted over and found the guy just about ready to die. His chest was caved in, he has bruises all over and coughing blood.
"Poor thing. Lemme heal you."
The youth started punching the guy"s face. The satisfying crunch of bone being mended let him know when to stop.
"Papa, there"s another one coming." Milly called to his side. And sure enough, someone was tail-whipped into the sky, falling right next to them. This bloke was a light-haired youth just a little younger than himself. Fresh-faced and handsome, with an aura of self-righteousness about him that left Damien wanting to spit on his shoes for the hypocrisy.
"Nurse Milly, I"m done here. Please keep an eye on the patient while I tend to his friend. Please don"t try to taste his blood."
"M-Milly wasn"t going to do that….Silly Papa...hahaha...ha..." She started to sweat mercury.
"Gaudy piece of s.h.i.t, with me." The throne tilted forward in a nod and floated after him. Damien examined the barely-alive second patient. He held his chin. "Severe bone fracture to the left rib cage. Shortness of breath" He checked the boy"s pulse. "Elevated heart rate. Blood seeping from the mouth. All sIgns of internal bleeding and about a thousand other things, but I"d say it"s the first one. Okay. Dr.Piece Of s.h.i.t, let"s operate."
Another tilt. A pale golden light came from it"s entire body and lifted the youth up.
"Neat. You can do that?"
It nodded for the third time.
"Cool. Alright, administering treatment." Damien cracked his knuckles. His hands rose, taking a perfect boxing stance. Pa, pa, pa! A rapid succession of blows to the man made him unconscious. But the treatment wasn"t finished!
Another round of fists came flying at him with no remorse.
"Papa, another!" Milly called helpfully.
"Dr. Schitt, catch that man!"
Two more men, including Rohk, came after him, both basically in the midst of vying for death"s lovely hand. But sadly, just as they were about to seal the deal on that sweet a.s.s, they were yanked from oblivion and beaten up by a fourteen-year old kid.
Damien finished treating them and turned his face to the Roo fearlessly.
The first man whom he treated woke up and saw what was happening. He coughed several times as an aching pain spread through his body in spite of him not finding a single wound.
"Kid, run....that thing is the guardian of this floor, it"s too powerful." He croaked. "Leave us, save yourself…"
Damien turned back to the guy with a sage-like calm. "I want to give my little tree a pet. Shut up."
At that very moment, a streak of light brown came charging at him. Damien lightly stepped aside, reached out, and grabbed the little guy by his ears.
The man"s eyes went hilariously wide. "You...you…" He stammered. "It was caught just like that?!"
The Roo swung it"s tail and hit Damien"s side, all but foaming at the mouth in anger. Damien didn"t react, but Milly blew up.
"Filthy rat, hitting Papa like that in front of me….divine punishment!" She whacked him a few times with the flat of her blade.
"A talking sword!"
The captured Roo coughed blood. It struggled violently, swinging it"s arms and legs with vicious intent. The mad look in it"s eyes showed unbreakable will!
This will was broken after five minutes of being pounded into the ground and slapped across the face.
Damien glared at it. The thing was bloodied up and frightened, not daring to utter a peep for the longest time. Then Damien patted it"s head. "Good boy. Here, a cookie."
Could a roo eat cookies? Probably not, but this one did.
The Roo whimpered, then sniffed, and finally began to munch on the cookies originally meant for Baz.
"There, there…" He held it in his arms and started to scratch behind it"s ears.
The other men who were starting to wake up nearly shat themselves. This thing that had terrified countless adventurers with strength too great for the floor it made it"s home, was, at this moment, being tamed by some random kid! A kid with giant feathery wings, so he wasn"t exactly normal...but still!
"The floor"s guardian is being treated as a pet....!"
"That symbol of death, being fed cookies…"
"f.u.c.kin" "ell, Ro, where"d ya meet this kid?" The man who had his chest caved in asked his friend.
"He just showed up...I don"t know him!" The baldy shook his head, face pale. What sort of disaster did they encounter THIS time? He glared at the boy laying a few feet away. This blasted kid…! It"s all his fault!
Ever since the brat joined them they had nothing but trouble. Getting them into fights at the local taverns because he saw some a.s.shole make a grab at the barmaid. Getting them banned from the gambling dens because he won a few times too many and was suspected of cheating. Being called out and asked by random strangers to do odd jobs, roping them in too somehow...
They even thought he was cursed because since the first day he joined they kept running into more monsters than normal during their dungeon raids.
And this time? It"s him who nearly got them all killed! Just running off to save some girl from the guardian like that, attracting it"s aggro onto them…
That girl was pushed down the slope of this small hill, who even knew if she encountered something else? That chick, so young and tender-looking, the heck was she doin" here? She probably already died anyway.
This boy is just bad luck, dammit.
His other friend Rory, the leader of their party, stood up. "Well….you"re a strange fellow, kid, but your help was much needed. How you healed us is something I can"t even fathom...I vaguely remember being hit? Regardless, thank you. You saved our lives. My name is Rory. The big guy"s Rohk. Those two there, "He jerked a thumb to his left. "Are Wyn and Cedric. Then you have Paddy here, the youngest." A smile. One which felt forced as he was still stiff from pain." Now you know our names. Might we know yours?"
Much clearer in his speech, this one. "Damien." He yawned. "Anyway, who can point me to the next floor"s entrance? I"m on the hunt for s.e.xy slime girls."
"I"m sorry...what?"
"Ah, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d, you stole my prey! Just you wait till I get there...I"ll bite you to death!"
The familiar threat sent shockwaves through Damien"s body.
"You and that...that….that c.o.c.k for brains little s.h.i.t! That nosy b.a.s.t.a.r.d, I"ll have him beheaded! Hmph Just see how I...deal...with you..." A black-haired little beauty came running at them, shouting abuse angrily only to trail off into silence. Her mouth dropped. "It"s you!"
Damien opened his arms. "Enough with the p.r.o.noun game. Come to Papa!"
Charlotte screamed at the top of her lungs. "You aren"t my Papa!"
After ten minutes of explanations all around, Damien got the gist of the situation.
"So you came here to gain experience. Fate really does work in mysterious ways. The universe has brought my first daughter back to me. How touching." He turned to Paddy. "And you nearly got these guys killed." He scoffed. " Kid, if you can"t f.u.c.king help, don"t."
The handsome youth exploded in fury. "That"s nonsense. She was in danger! I"d never leave someone to just die like that!"
Damien raised a brow to Charlotte, who was decked out in a knight"s attire from head to toe. The kid looked like a black-haired, red-eyed Saber. It made him wanna take a picture so bad, like for real.
"Were you in danger?"
She thrust her chest proudly. "Heh. My powers have doubled since the last time we met, Damien."
He couldn"t help it. He had to. "Two times zero is still zero."
Charlotte longed to take her hands and watch lovingly as she wrings the life from his eyes.
"I practiced more, okay? I"m strong now!"
Damien asked the Roo, "What did you think?"
The animal...monster...was very intelligent. It understood his meaning and shrugged.
"She was a worthy foe." It"s eyes seemed to say.
Charlotte smiled smugly. "See?"
"Never doubted you." Damien nodded. "Anywho." He stood and dusted off his pants. "About that question I asked."
The man who introduced himself as Rory pointed behind Damien off into the distance. "Nearly three days that way."
What the f.u.c.k. Why is it so far? Even if they flew it might take hours.
"Yeah. No. h.e.l.l with that." He grumbled. Then asked, "So, is the next level below us?"
"Yes. Exactly beneath our feet. Why do you ask?"
Damien hoisted Big D off the ground where Baz dropped him."Oh, no reason. You might wanna step back, though."
Everyone felt their hearts freeze for some reason. "Why?"
"Oh, no reason."
A pillar of light erupted from Damien"s body. That overwhelmingly powerful Aura sent waves of air outward with him at the center.
"But I"m only going to catch my Lottie."
Charlotte suddenly remembered a rather unpleasant fall. She started rationalizing. The ground was able to support all this land. Who knew if it was thick or thin, but there was no way it could be broken.
She also remembered he was a Dragon-Angel hybrid and immediately had thoughts about running. But it was too late.
The earth shattered.
***
They realized that the gap between floors were, surprisingly, not all that big.
It was a fifty-foot drop into a dimly-lit chamber. Charlotte was safe in Damien"s arms, coughing as dust clogged her lungs. As for Baldy and the others, Dr.Schitt didn"t want it"s efforts wasted and chose to kindly help them out.
They levitated with queasy looks to their faces. In particular, Rohk vomited only to have it float up into his face. Pretty disgusting.
Damien also coughed to rid his lungs of the bad air and landed. The others were also on the ground by now with Rohk rushing to a nearby stream to wash off
"Where are we?"
The area was similar to that place good old uncle Llyr had created, but no drugs, smaller, and less vegetation. About a half mile away you could see a feudal-erlike castle
"This…" Rory looked around. "This is the second floor, I"m sure. Amazing. Someone capable of breaking the ground of a floor, it"s unbelievable. I didn"t think something like that was even p--"
"Where are we?" He asked again.
"Ah. That, I don"t know."
A thin man with a beard that looked like a smile, very familiar somehow, frowned. "This must be a secret area of the floor. I"ve never seen it before. It doesn"t match the rest of the floor in design, but it has to be part of it. The map doesn"t show anything like this, though."
Damien was about to say something when a feminine voice interrupted him.
"Well, well, well, look at what we have here. "
They were suddenly surrounded by pretty women of all ages wearing mere loincloths.
Damien had a spear pointed at his back.
He glanced. And found a statuesque blue-haired woman. She had light green skin and two tiny tusks jutting somehow cutely past a pair a full red lips. Her ears were long and knife-like, with one ear decorated stylishly by several jeweled earrings.
She was also naked. Which obviously allowed one to see a pair of truly enviable knockers few could match.
Let"s see, a beautiful orc woman wearing nothing but her birthday suit. Incredibly gorgeous and curvy.
Damien likes him some s.e.xy orc girls, just the same as any man.
So you know, this would have been a pretty nice sight...if it wasn"t for the head of a 12-inch long c.o.c.k smiling up at him.
"Right. Who the h.e.l.l are you then?"
"Riley MacBrodie MacCallum MacFinley MacLachlan MacGrannus MacGregor." She p.r.o.nounced. "Who"re YOU?" She sneered. "And what the f.u.c.k are you doing in my harem paradise?"
*********
Author: Happy birthday, froggo. This one"s dedicated to you. Hope I"m not TOO late with this.