My Sister The Villainess

"We thank you for your contribution, brothers and sisters. Your support will not soon be forgotten."

With the excuse of surprise inspections as a cover these thieves twist the arm of all they come across.

They dominate with overwhelming might.

"...And the G.o.ds created the glorious Furry-Eared Ones..."

They continued to conquer and capture, converting enemies to alies with vile mind magicks.

"WHERE ARE THEY, d.a.m.n YOU?! I KNOW YOU KNOW!"

The Dry Lands is a dangerous, almost lawless area of the world where the sick and s.a.d.i.s.tic enjoy solitude, thriving in a place the justice system could not reach.

Among these people were the ones known as the Humane Society. But don"t let their name fool you, they were human supremacists with extreme idealogies. They reviled all inhuman races and either killed or maimed those with features humans did not themselves possess.

Among the top of their list were the mutant Beastkin. They actively sought out these mutants to clip off ears and tails alike.

The Spanish Inquisition had began b.u.t.ting heads with these extremists.

"DEUS VULT!"

These bandits were also fanatics and rallied around a singular ent.i.ty known only as Solaire.

With a beautifully runed magic sword at his back and a Great Club in hand, this "Solaire" wrought havoc everywhere he went.

If he was not robbing, he was killing.

Numerous accounts of him breaking into Society strongholds and performing "cleansing ceremonies" on the inhabitants piled up more and more each day.

"Praise the sun, motherf.u.c.kers."

When enemies saw the painted sun upon his chest they lost all hope. Of either life, or life as they knew it.

"It"s a big one, boys! We"re gonna be feasting tonight!"

Coincidentally he also saved several villages from extinction. How? He began hunting monsters with a team of savage "h.e.l.l hounds."

"Good meat. Tastes like...chicken? f.u.c.k. Why does everything tastes like chicken, seriously..."

And devoured their flesh. Rumour is he gained the power of those he ate, having displayed great strength and inhuman skill in combat.

Not only that but some claimed he even wrestled a few monsters to the ground and made them submit to his rule by merit of physical prowess alone.

Regardless, he still demanded compensation from the people rescued.

"...This isn"t a charity, alright?"

Strangely, however, several of those villages would later find new oases pop up where their was previously only desert. They reported large, resounding booms the night before.

It"s said the youth, with his angelic face and vigorous aura, is actually the incarnation of a powerful, forgotten Water G.o.d from ancient times. An era when the Dry Lands was a great forest of life.

Were you to give in to his demands you"d be gifted an oasis. Show ingrat.i.tude and no amount of water would quench your thirst.

Yes.

The Spanish Inquisition, only a single month into it"s birth, was quickly growing in numbers and power as they swept through the land.

As new oases, large and small, continued to mysteriously appear all around the Dry Lands people started to question: Who or what was causing these miracles?

Many did not want to believe the new Bandit Lord Solaire was actually a "Water G.o.d" but they couldn"t deny the strangeness all began with his sudden arrival.

Soon even the giant clans began to pay attention...

***

"Another bountiful inspection." I breathed.

I turned my bucket-like helm into the sky, as if pondering something profound. My left hand rested on Milly at my side while the other gripped Big Destroyer, who was perched atop my shoulder.

"Young Master, this is the fifth group this week alone!" Baz stomped a foot. "I"m tired! Please let us rest!"

So let"s start at the beginning.

First Ca.s.s showed up, a little behind schedule, and we commenced the inspection. They hoofed it all the way from the immagrant city which was built close to the Dry Lands some years prior.

Since their supplies had been low, as I knew they would be, I requisitioned food and water from the merchants as compensation for getting rid of the real bandits from before.

I only said that thing about a robbery to scare Harris but I think they"d taken it seriously since he was scared out of his mind.

It was only a couple of days until they reached their destination so I wasn"t feelingly guilty.

Because I was trying to get a grip on the whole exploding thing we just d.i.c.ked around fighting monsters--some of who were as large as houses. I wasn"t scared though. I"d lost the fear of dying basically so I charged head-first each time I saw one. Even made a few my pets.

But we ran into numerous other bandit groups.

"Give up your water and women."

See, now a few of them were looking at Dolly and the other girls weirdly.

"Young Master, shall we make these sc.u.m half-men?" Vera oh-so-casually suggested castration.

I pinched her little cheek, suddenly having a bit of affection for this crazy, foul-mouthed maniac.

She had some great ideas once in a while.

"They don"t deserve to live, let"s just send them to h.e.l.l to get b.u.t.t-f*cked by the thorned p.r.i.c.ks of zombie Ogres."

She was stunned.

"Young Master...I knew there was a reason I liked you."

I snorted. "Little demoness, since when have you ever... ah nevermind."

She was practically my sister too, right? I liked her, annoying as she could be.

"So, pulverization?" She asked with bright eyes.

"Let"s make mincemeat outta them."

The other, less disgusting bandits I only beat down.

"Let us join you, O Great One!"

Having basically struck like the great hammer of Thor each time, none of the other bandit gangs were able to put up much of a fight. Not against a few dozen well-trained former knights and an army of wolves.

Not to mention a snake with iron-like skin and a Holy Sword who"d recently gotten a taste for blood.

There were all kinds of races in the Dry Lands so the bandits weren"t all Aeil, in fact few were.

Since the Aeil were all powerful warriors in their own right I was a bit lucky since I think I"m the only one who besides Ca.s.s who could take them on.

Even that one I punted twenty feet away back when I was with Harris was still able to get back up and fight, after all. Took me five minutes to actually put him down for good. He screamed a lot before then though, as promised.

Sinners deserved little more...

Ahem. Anyway. Several of them kneeled down and begged for their lives. Others, the leaders of their gang, offered me their daughters. Or wives. Sometimes sisters.

But while I did allow the girls to serve me--I needed people to bring me my drinks and wash my back, after all--I didn"t accept them in THAT way.

I"m a man of quality, not quant.i.ty, understand? I"ve got Minvera, and she"s worth a hundred bandit-leader daughters. Or wives. Or sisters.

Secondly, we ran into an unsavory lot known as the Humane Society.

He was just a single member, and we didn"t know who he was at first. But as soon as I introduced Minerva the guy sniffed the air like some sort of dog and went completely bats.h.i.t insane.

I learned a lot from interrogating him and flew into a fury. Taking Milly, Big D, Arbok, Patches and his pack to go teach those heathens the error of their ways.

But they didn"t listen, so a Cleansing it was.

March Of The Templars played in my head as I smote Sinner left and right.

The Purge had begun, ladies and gentlemen!

I soon discovered a surprising little tidbit during my time here as well: I had a lot of fans here!

So apparently my novels were really popular in the Dry Lands? And had a cult-like following. What did this mean?

You have culture, and YOU have culture, everyone has culture!

A lot of people did, in any case. Not very many could read, but a good few could surprisingly.

I only had to show off Minerva"s ears and there were hundreds of people with hidden fetishes that came out of the woodwork.

There were still many who didn"t like her and called her a freak, but they saw the light eventually.

Food and water deprivation did wonders for brainwashing! Listening to the Holy Texts for days on end also may have had something to do with it.

Lastly was the d.a.m.n explosions I kept having. They went off so often that our little hideout, a nondescript cave you could find anywhere, was now a lush paradise.

We had to keep moving. Ca.s.s and his gang kept looking at me oddly ever since and I had to explain to them what was going on.

Which made Ca.s.s stare at me EVEN WEIRDER. Because he"d never heard of an aura so unique.

And as we traveled often times our inspections or hunt for dinner led to a new oasis popping into existence.

This led many to believe I was some sort of Water G.o.d?

The natives of the Dry Lands started to follow the trail of oases until they reached our new hideouts, then begged to join me.

Day in and day out I kept getting new followers.

Some for my war against this Humane Society, some from those who came to recieve the favor of Water G.o.d Solaire--I wasn"t about to get my real name mixed up in all this s.h.i.t--and others who needed to be converted.

Don"t tell anyone but I think Evie and Minerva had something to do with the Water G.o.d followers...I"ve heard them talking about some "Great Revival" and a new "Golden Era under His reign" with some of the devotees.

Oh. Wait. Not only them.

Other Furry-Eared Ones also recently tracked us down.

So apparently there were way more out there than I thought? They, like Evie"s mother did for Minerva, had used magic to hide their mutations. Those who couldn"t acquire some sort of magical a.s.sistance kept their heads down.

Many had come to the Dry Lands due to the vastness and lawlessness of the area where they would not be held accountable for protecting themselves.

They thought it better to move to somewhere they could live freely in secrecy rather than stay in Kingdoms with dense populations of people who resented them. It was easier to hide in a large area like the Dry Lands where hooded robes and cloaks were the norm.

Once they heard about me and my followers they, too, decided to come out in the open.

Now, some weeks later, the number of total people I had come under my care was around a thousand or so.

Finally I knew I couldn"t run around anymore. So I picked a spot and let loose, teraforming the land from a desert into a large oasis with a football stadium-sized lake.

Good news--I was starting to run out of juice. I don"t think I was learning control but finally I was begining to run out of my overabundant life energy. So less explosions.

Bad news--I"m now in charge of a thousand fanatics who were beginning talks of founding a Kingdom....

All that aside, I"ve ran everyone ragged going after more and more merchants caravans based on intel one of them had been secretly supplying the Society.

And Baz had had enough. His ahoge was drooping lifelessly. I could almost see it panting in exhaustion, even!

Off to the side was Ca.s.s who looked equally worse for the wear.

Ca.s.s was a medium-sized man with leather armor and markings all over his body. He was corded with wirey muscle and rarely smiled. But when he did, it was terrible. Because you were half-sure he was murderer. Which, as a matter of fact, he was, but only since he knew right from wrong.

As a former knight disillusioned by the world after his King"s descent into madness, and having been part of the group to mount the ruler"s head on a spike, he lost all faith in humanity when his cousin nearly became part of the Mad King"s insane plot.

And then he found me, who introduced him to the Master Race.

The man had been a loyal friend ever since.

So yeah, he"d killed in cold blood before. But really anyone who DIDN"T step up and stop that a.s.shole is the real monster, eh?

As thing turned out, he"d gotten his cousin out before anything bad happened. And his cousin? She was the pervy big sis bandit no.3 from all those years ago!

Small world.

"Fine." I shrugged. "Load the cargo and we"ll go back."

I really, really, didn"t want to go back...

***

"Milord, we"ve captured several Society sympathizers."

"Off with their heads."

We don"t spare filthy ear-cutters.

"Milord, it"s been said slavers have been spotted trying to sell a Furry-Eared One as a laborer."

"Off with their heads!"

We help regular slaves find their families. If we can"t or they"re the ones who sold them, they become paid servants.

I"m working on establishing an education system but it"s slow going for now.

"Milord, we"re having trouble with the plantation."

"Go kidnap some farmers then. If they don"t wanna help... off with their heads! Compensate them generously if they do help, though. And don"t threaten them first. I"m a fair and generous G.o.d."

Is it really that hard to figure out? They should be able to think about this solution without me...

"Milord, the bandit groups with past grudges are acting up again. What do we do?"

"Simple. Off with their heads!"

I"m starting to feel like a certain Queen over here.

"Wait, better idea: Starve them until they shut up. It happens again, off with their heads!"

"Milord--"

"Fudge!" I stood up. "Whatever it is, figure it out yourselves for once!"

I"m tired of this!

All the complaining, all the micromanaging!

"But Milord, there are representatives from the five great clans waiting to meet you!"

Ah. That changes things.

"Well why didn"t you lead with that?!"

***

The current hideout was centered around a large rock formation which had been hollowed out somewhat to create a series of tunnels and chambers. Thought to have been created long ago by ancient Aiel as a method of resisting the strong dust storms that used to ravage the area.

Right now the storms in this region were no more, for whatever reason, and now the circular formation was surrounded by lush green, a giant body of water to the side, and tents of all sizes spread out around the entire thing.

The land was dead before I came along and so none tried to make use of the structure.

Me, my place was deep inside the formation where all the tunnels eventually connected. Though many had been sealed off.

I didn"t meet guests in the central room, however. It was considered a "sacred place." to some and they raised a b.i.t.c.h fit so only certain people were allowed in with me.

No, the place I met guests is a huge tent with a long black and silver carpet leading the way in.

I entered from the back and sat on the throne where the carpet ended.

Before anyone could say anything I let out a growl.

"For f.u.c.ks" sake, can someone around here PLEASE steal me a more comfortable throne?!"

This one was taken from some chieftan, whose great-great grandfather had taken it from the ruins of a dusty old place years ago...and it had no cushion. No cup holder, no lumbar support, nothing!

Sure it was gold. Sure it had gems and shone with the brilliant radiance of the sun for some reason when I sat on it.

Sure Milly"s runes brighten up whenever it came near as if having found a long-lost relative.

But it was hurting my a.s.s, dammit!

Suddenly a thousand-watt smile slammed right into me.

It came from a tall, tan young woman with red hair.

"...Yesmina?"

That annoying chick was here?!

"Damien!" She exclaimed.

Her pupils were f.u.c.king heart-shaped! Dammit, girl, rein in your dere!

I calmly put on my helmet.

"Nope. No Damien here, sor--"

Then,

"Damien!"

A horrified gasp.

"Lil Bro!" I exclaimed.