My Sister The Villainess

Now.

An unexpected explosion of sound, a burst of activity. All of a sudden a dozen bladed wooden stars descended from above.

The intruder"s sensitive ahoge shook with terror as her body was outlined in sharp and strange weaponry. Not a single edge touched her, but had I willed it that would have changed.

" What do you want?" My gravelly voice echoed throughout the land. It seemed to emanate from the forest itself.

"Y-Young Master, please! You"ve been out here for three days already! Everyone"s worried!" The girl croaked out.

A murder of crows dropped from tree branches and converged. They morphed together, quickly forming a tall figure robed in black. Numerous red cloud patterns adorned the cloth. They shimmered faintly, and the sway from the wind gave an illusion of movement to them that was somehow both dreadful and mesmerizing.

"Leave me, Baz." I turned my eyes to the cliff to my right where the morning sun bathed me in splendorous light. I schooled my face to a brooding, apathetic thoughtfulness. "I"m a ninja now."

"Ninja? Huh? I don"t understand...and what"s up with your eyes?"

"I had Evie teach me illusion techniques," I explained and shot him a hard glance.

I had found her in one of the secret pa.s.sages she uses to spy on me after hearing soft snores in the wood. Bubbles had been scared silly thinking there was a ghost in the house. Poor kid must"ve had a Weed Adventure from all the smoke and been unable to find her way out.

"Careful." I warned. " I can"t control them well yet. Stare too long and all that awaits is a h.e.l.l of shackles and stakes."

"I...what?" Her face twisted. "Honestly, I don"t get anything you"re saying at all!"

A chuckle. "Let"s hope you never do."

"...Well, whatever, I don"t care. Are you coming back soon or not?" She narrowed her eyes. I was struck with an a.n.a.lytic gaze. "No, forget it...you"re coming back even if I have to make you! I"ll pay you back for everything you"ve done!"

"By yourself?" A derisive shake of the head. " Fool. You"re too weak to make me do anything."

"Oh yeah? Hmph. See how I deal with you then. You motherf.u.c.king--"

"Please, let"s not bring Mary into it."

A pregnant pause. " What"s my mother have to do with this?" She asked warily.

"It"s too late, Baz. I"ve already f.u.c.ked her."

I could see the wheels in her head make an abrupt stop. The cogs jerked and twitched attempting to process the new information.

"I did tell you that you"d make a great son. You"ll make an even better daughter."

The shock was so great she promptly fell to her knees and cradled her head. "No...it can"t be...that"s...no...NO!" She agonized. "b.a.s.t.a.r.d. I"ll kill you. I swear I"ll--!"

I knelt down and lifted her chin. "Foolish little sister. If you wish to kill me, then hate me, detest me, curse me, and survive in an unsightly way. Run, run and cling to your pitiful life."

"Young Master!" He snarled. "So….um….are we done now?"

I gave him a thumbs up. "Yup. That was grade-A acting right there, Basmina. You really get me. Alright, I"ll come back."

"Heh, good. I almost didn"t know what to do this time." Baz, having long since having to put up with these little acts of mine whenever the mood took me, wasn"t one to miss my cues.

" It"s a d.a.m.n pain trying to make Jutsu anyway. "

[You do not meet the requirements to create this skill]

The f.u.c.king system had been c.o.c.kblocking my jutsu-making attempts for as long as I"d been here. I just barely got the crow thing to work. It was nice camping out, though. I hadn"t it quite some time. Hunting beasties and roasting them over a fire, foraging for nature"s herbs. Staring up at the stars. Was fun.

"By the way, what happened here? The trees….those flowers...just pa.s.sing through here I saw a lot of knocked-out animals being eaten by the roots! I almost got knocked out myself!"

Ha! So did I. d.a.m.n things reminded me of that other flower I found at that Uncle of mine"s place. Least that one didn"t try to eat me.

"Let"s just say Advent of a World of Flowering Trees didn"t quite come out as I expected." I scratched my cheek guiltily." Nevermind that." I made sure to put up "BEWARE--MAN-EATING TREES" signs all over the place. Baz must just not have seen them.

Speaking of man-eating trees, I was starting to miss Vee and Mary. I was so enthusiastic over trying to create new moves that I forgot to look for Vee, Dolly, Charlotte and Sera. I"m sure they"re able to take care of themselves, especially Sera and Vee--and since Vee took Dolly when she left I wasn"t worried overmuch about her either--but I"d still like to know what happened to them.

I did ask about Charlotte from Baz but all I got in response was, "Our differing ideals about the future of the organization led to an unfortunate split." Which, upon a lot more pestering, I discovered meant Baz wanted Dragon slayers while Charlotte had dreams of Dragon riding.

She thought it would be a lot cooler taming a Dragon than killing one and took half of her followers with her. Not sure how the h.e.l.l she thought Dragon riding would work out considering there are only a few Dragons she actually knows. Dolly and Mother won"t be giving her rides, I"m sure.

And I"m not a taxi service. Also, I"m more Angel right now considering I haven"t unlocked the Dragon skin for my wings yet anyway. While I don"t mind her riding my back I ain"t having rando climbing me for a quick soar across the city, no way.

Still, the two parties went their separate ways and Baz hadn"t seen her since.

Really, that kid. First she wants to strike me down for being a Demon King reincarnation(I"m not) and now she wants to tame me to look cool in front of everyone.

Well, I guess I should just be happy she doesn"t wanna kill me anymore.

"Nervermind? But--"

"We going or what?" I was already strolling past him. "Say, has Sera come back to the house yet?"

"Who?"

"Ah. Right. You haven"t met her. Eh, nevermind that either." I waved him off.

He sighed. "I really don"t know how you have the time to just bring more women into the house. It"s ridicul--"

"Did you want something?"

"b.a.l.l.s!" Baz jumped back ready to take some names only to find the woman in question, Sera, standing not even five feet away.

"Don"t sneak up on people like that." I admonished, putting away my wooden kunai. Nifty trick, eh? Thanks to Vee giving me Wood Release it was pretty easy to control wood once I tried.

[You have learned the skill "Wood Manipulation"]

Was what the system told me after my first success in creating moving some roots around.

Apparently there was a proficiency system too. It seemed like as I got a better feel for how to control the wood the higher my proficiency became. It slowed down at a certain point and then I discovered that only creating more intricate objects would make the proficiency rise again. But I didn"t bother with that because I don"t need to master a skill like this anyway.

I did notice it got harder to control bigger wooden objects, and this difficulty increased exponentially the more detailed the creations I made were, but I wasn"t gonna be making sculptures.

I found out about the difficulty increase when trying to make a life-sized model of a Gundam. But yeah. Not gonna be trying that again for any reason. Controlling tree trunks and whatnot is likely gonna be all I"m going to be doing in a fight with this skill. Unless there is a reason to increase the proficiency further in the future I"m just going to leave it at the current Intermediate level.

I"m not going to become the Legendary Ironwood Sculptor--or whatever the equivalent would be--anytime soon.

"Sorry." She apologized. I saw her avoiding my eyes.

"What"s wrong?" I asked.

The woman shook her head. "It"s nothing important."

"Huh. Smells like bulls.h.i.t, but whatever. Where"ve you been then?"

Baz stepped in. She waved her hands. "Hold on a minute, you guys are going to fast! Who the heck is this, Young Master? Don"t just leave me out of the loop."

"Look man, ain"t no one tell you to go off on your own hatching plans behind the scenes the last few chapters. Don"t blame me if you don"t know all the new characters who show up, okay? Look at the glossary."

"Nevermind. Forget I asked."

"So?" I turned my attention back to Sera. "Where the heck have you been then?"

"Resting. I was tired after the fighting so I stayed inside your body to recover."

Nah. I wasn"t having it. Something smelled fishy here and I don"t see Bubbles anywhere in sight.

"It took you all this time to do that? I know I give you f.u.c.k tons of energy by letting you live inside me. You can"t tell me you were so exhausted after the little scuffle in the living room that you had to sleep for over three days."

She stiffened. "That wasn"t the fight I was...no. Forget it. It doesn"t matter why I was tired, does it? Anyway, tell me what you wanted. You were asking about me for a reason, right? "

"Right. So it"s like this." I then grabbed Baz"s hand.

"Hey, what do you think you"re--OH MY G.o.dS LET GO OF ME!" She shrieked. The girl tore her hand out of my grip and blew on it with tears in her eyes. "Young Master, you"re way too hot!"

Ignoring her, I asked, "So I"m f.u.c.king boiling, apparently, but I don"t even feel it. I almost started a forest fire last night. If Smokey was around to see that s.h.i.t he"d hang his head in disappointment."

"Hm. Yeah. That"s not supposed to happen. Even fire Dragons don"t get that hot unless they actively use their powers. Your internal temperature is crazy high. I thought I felt a bit warmer than normal recently...You know, it"s probably because of that Phoenix in you."

I nodded. "So we"re on the same page. I thought so too. What"s up with that, anyway? You mentioned it once but never explained."

"How could I explain? I don"t know anything. You"re the one who put it in."

"Phasing."

"What?"

"Nothing. But no I didn"t."

"Uh, yes. You did. Think harder, it had to come from somewhere. You know any Phoenixes? Maybe you caught it from one of them."

"Please don"t say it like I caught an STD."

"How do I know you didn"t?" She snorted coldly. An amazing feat for such a fiery woman. "That night…"She trailed off sullenly.

"That night?" I wondered. I then remembered where I"d seen this kind of behaviour before. s.h.i.t, I thought. Don"t tell me she was tired because she was trying to fight those Angels off of me?

"What night?" Baz inquired.

"Nothing. Just old news." I waved off his question. I think Sera hated the way I brushed it off because she got noticeably more irritated when I said that. Not surprising considering my family are basically religious figures to her kind. Having me being taken advantage of by a Wh.o.r.e of Angels with her trying and failing to stop it must have really p.i.s.sed her off. Like someone p.i.s.sing in her cornflakes. Well, probably a bit angrier than that.

"But yeah I think I know who I have to talk to. Come on, Bazmilla, we"re going home. "

I"m gonna go take a bath and then track me down a spicy chicken.

***

"You seriously kept her like this for three days?" I was fascinated and horrified at the same time. I was looking at a Fae Queen who was collared, leashed and tied to the front deck. Her clothes were ragged and showing splendid alabaster skin. They were also slightly damp. They had apparently been throwing water on her to keep her clean and feeding her pizza, the only thing she craved in her drugged up state during her infrequent bouts of lucidity.

The woman was wrapping herself in a blanket and staring unblinkingly at my rocking chair, giggling to herself periodically.

"She"s a Faery Queen! You can"t just treat her like some dog." I protested.

Poor Rhea! My heart bled for her, the poor thing.

"She"s too dangerous." Mary didn"t back down at all. "We had to keep her sedated. Without you here I"m sure she"d have just killed us all. In fact, she would have killed us all even if you were, then kidnapped you. I really don"t know if all of us combined could win against her in a direct fight. Even your Mother can"t." She calmly justified. " And that Sera woman had been missing along with you. WIthout her backup I didn"t want to leave the woman in full control of her faculties."

"Okay. Understandable. What about Mira?"

I heard the front door open. It was the Queen"s daughter herself. "I don"t mind." She smiled. Her pretty, elfin features looked at her mother with a twisted sort of pleasure. "It"s odd seeing her reduced to this state when she"s always been such a huge presence, but she did worse things to me and Claude back then. This is just what she deserves, I"m sure." Not a single bit of reservation entered her eyes.

d.a.m.n. That"s cold. I get it though. If Mira said it, it had to be true. Plus, yeah, I"m also sure she was a major c.u.n.t to a lot of people considering how hostile Mary was being. For being such a mean mother to Mira alone meant she deserved a good thrashing. Sadly I can"t give her one, least not when she isn"t high as h.e.l.l. And she"s too pitiful to thrash like this.

"Woman"s going to be a major c.o.ke addict by the time she comes out of this." I pointed out.

"Maybe." MIra shrugged.

"By the way, where"s Claude anyway? I haven"t seen him in a good minute."

"I"m not sure...he sent a note saying he"d be away. He went to see King Lucius to have his name officially cleared and then he just vanished."

"Huh. I"m sure he"ll be okay."

She nodded gently. "He"s capable."

You"re telling me. I had a tough time killing the b.a.s.t.a.r.d in the sixth game. Was a real b.i.t.c.h.

"Are Vera and Dolly alright? Have you heard from them?"

"They"re okay, mostly. They stayed indoors that night so they didn"t see much of what was going on. It"s just…" Her brows knit themselves together.

"Just what?"

"Something happened after. It"s nothing too concerning, but there was a bit of a scuffle."

"...Scuffle…"

"It"s best you see for yourself. You"ll be going there later on, won"t you? You"ll know, I"m sure."

I hated people leaving me on vague c.r.a.p like that, but more importantly I wanted a bath so I didn"t bother pressing her.

***

"Haa...haa...haa…I admit. You"re good." Dolly wiped the blood from her mouth and spat.

Cory glared at her with raw hatred. She slowed her breath and took a stance."So are you. " She smirked. "Just not good enough!" The girl roared and threw herself forward.

"Have at thee!" Dolly replied, also stepping forward with an unstoppable momentum.

What ensued was an epic, b.l.o.o.d.y, merciless...slap match.

"Give up, Dolly! I am inevitable!"

She tilted her head away while trying desperately to connect her palms to the opposing girl"s cheeks.

"It"s your fate to lose! Dread it, run from it, destiny still arrives. Or should I say...I have!"

These two kids are in the middle of the school"s front yard having a d.a.m.n showdown spouting lines like villains. What the heck?

And not to mention the other two.

"You"re strong." Helena sneered softly. " But I could snap my fingers and you"d cease to exist."

Numerous wooden tentacles surround Vera, all pointed towards Helena. "Your confidence is misplaced, Phoenix."

There battle was a lot cooler. Helena was throwing fire from her hands from in twenty feet high and Vee was uprooting the ground to block it. Vera would shoot roots at the other girl and narrowly miss her by a hairsbreadth. Helena"s clothes would become just slightly more shredded and display hints of a slim waist or side b.o.o.b.

Then Helena got smart and went for an AOE attack that might"ve actually burned Vera had I not stepped up and poured ice water all over the burning little chick.

I just hosed her down with a single open palm that spouted a great stream of water. The cold water sizzled and turned to steam as it neared her but eventually won out in the end.

"Your Grace…" Helena sputtered.

Ignoring her, I said, "Listen here, little girl. If you"d have gotten even a single singed hair on my Vee I"d have murdered you, your family, and your cow. Calm down. We good? Good. Now, can someone please tell me why the h.e.l.l everyone"s fighting? You"re scaring the students." It was like a warzone. People were screaming hysterically and running around. Some despaired, others prayed. I saw a little girl stealing another girl"s shoes when the kid was out cold on the ground.

Pure chaos.

"Where are the teachers? Who the heck is allowing this?" I threw my hands up, thoroughly exasperated.

"Most of them quit. You tied them to trees and started protesting about saving the rainforests or something before you set up the whole strip dance routine. " Vera"s cool voice drifted into my ear. She was right beside me before I could blink. "I hear that a few of the former adventurer teachers who tried to resist got blown away in an explosion. With your antics and that night"s strange visitors most of the school is under lockdown and performing self study in their rooms these days. "

b.o.l.l.o.c.ks. "And what"s with the fighting?"

"About that…" Vera was just about to begin the explanations when the two warring lolies noticed my arrival.

"Hubby!" Cory"s eyes lit up like firecrackers. Dolly, ever the opportunist, took this chance to smack her upside the head. "Oof!" The girl fell exaggeratedly, spinning twice before hitting the ground. She began sobbing pitifully.

I raised a brow.

"Filthy lying b.i.t.c.h. How dare you try to take advantage of Day"s instinctual kindness! Acting like this, don"t you have any shame?! What a conniving little harlot you are!"

Dolly then started kicking her in the stomach with all her tiny might. "Imma bite you to death!" And went on to leave bite marks all over the kid, like the great poodles of yore.

"No~ Hubby, help!"

"Young Miss!" Helena fussed. She ran over and tried to help but was promptly admonished.

"Idiot, what are you doing? You aren"t my hubby! Go away!" Cory disdained.

"No, but...Young Miss…"

I gave Vee a look. "I get it now."

"You really never cease to cause me trouble, Young Master. They"ve been like this for three days."

"What?! Are you guys okay?!" I quickly examined her, turning her face this way and that, looking over every inch of the woman with utmost scrutiny. She slapped me away ruthlessly.

"I"m fine." She said irritably. "You"re too hot, don"t touch me." As her words threatened to rend my soul from my body, she continued, "Besides we weren"t even fighting seriously. When all this started Dolly just told me to handle the big one and we"ve been pretending to battle each other the whole time."

"Oh. Thank goodness. So this has been going on for a while?"

She nodded. "This is their 326th battle."

Its already over 300?!

"Holy h.e.l.l that"s a big number! They"ve seriously fought over a hundred times a day?"

"Each bout ends pretty fast, that"s why. They"ll spout abuse at each other, exchange a few slaps, have tea, and start over."

"Your Grace, please! T-The Young Miss…"

I"ve only ever known Bubbles to call me Your Grace. And that"s because she knew who I was. I suppose this girl does too? And, Young Miss? Strange. Helena and Cory are obviously both Phoenixes but I wouldn"t have expected someone of Helena"s standing to sound so subservient to Cory.

Isn"t the girl from one of the n.o.ble families from this realm, like Father? It is weird. Maybe they"re secretly a high-ranking family from one of the foreign races too, like Mother. It"s odd that she"d be here if so...no, actually they might be here for that? The artifact I wanted to get here originally belonged to Helena"s race, after all. I was going to wait for Haytham"s tournament arc before stealing it, like the original thieves did, but somehow...yeah I don"t think that"s gonna happen.

"Private Dolly! Atten-hut!"

The girl looked over with a sour expression.

"Dolly…" I warned.

"Hmph." She turned her head away. I was floored.

"You will stand at attention, Private!" I screamed with all the power of a Drill Sergeant

"Hmph!" She folded her arms, her cheeks puffing up adorably.

I swear I went blue in the face with anger. "Are you disobeying a direct order, soldier?! You stand at attention now or you"re cleaning the latrine pits with your tongue!"

"Day is all bark and no bite! You don"t have the will to do what needs be done...but I do!" Dolly grit her teeth and set her lips in a grim line. "It"s alright, Day. You don"t have to act tough anymore. Leave everything to me."

She turned her back, and her tiny frame just looked so unbelievably reliable just then. She raised her hand over the cowering Cory.

"No!" Helena screamed.

"Hubby…" Cory whispered softly. In her last moments she didn"t cry or beg. Instead her gentle gaze fell upon me like a knife to the gut, as if there were only the two of us in the entire world.

Dolly gave no quarter. With bone-chilling decisiveness….she slapped the ever-loving mind outta the loli.

***

"It hurts~" Cory groaned. The bright red welt was already starting to puff up. She placed her head over the table, forgetting all kinds of proper etiquette, and sullenly rubbed her newest war wound.

I offered to heal it but was refused. "This is a symbol of my determination. I won"t back down even if I was slapped ten million times! A billion!"

"Anyway, about the whole "manifestation of a Phoenix hanging out in my spiritual sea" thing" Or whatever you"d call it. I didn"t want to explain the whole Sera situation again so I just opted for bulls.h.i.tting with a few xianxia terms.

"That is strange." Helena tapped her chin. "I don"t know why it would appear there. Or anywhere in your body, for that matter. But now that I have a closer look, yes. You house a very pure Phoenix aura within you. Strange, very strange. I wonder why…?" While sitting across from me she stared hard and learned slightly forward, as if trying to peer inside and gleam all my secrets.

In short, it felt like she was undressing me with her eyes. Vera blocked her gaze with a hand. "That"s enough leering."

"Leering?" Helena"s nose wrinkled. "I was doing nothing of the sort."

Vera said nothing, not even deigning to look at the girl.

"Anyway, I"m sorry. I have no idea why you"re like this. I could write a letter to my grandmother and ask her but I"ve never even heard of something like this in any of our records. Strangely enough, the Young Miss is also experiencing an odd situation with her physique. Maybe the two are related?"

No sooner had she said this did Cory let out a creepy chuckle. "Kek…" Her smile was absolutely terrible. "Keke...I told you, Dolly...I"m inevitable! Just admit me as your Sister-in-Law already."

Dolly pounded her little fist on the table. "Ridiculous! You filthy s.l.u.t, what did you do to my Day?" The girl reached for my hand. "Day, i-it"s okay. I"ll never let anyone else have you! I"ll straighten out this spicy chicken right good. Then we can play. We haven"t played much recently, you know? I have my maid outfit all ready, too! It looks sooooo cute, you"ll love it! It"s much more colorful and frilly than Vee"s."

It sounds like an abomination. Vee"s maid outfit is perfect, there"s no need for any useless embellishments and colors. If it"s bright and frill, is it even a maid outfit? Maids require a certain aesthetic, otherwise they lack that unique maidly aura and would instead become mere imitations.

Black and white maid outfits, prim and proper maid outfits...those are and always will be, supreme! I"m not opposed to s.l.u.tty maid costumes provided they aren"t a brightly-colored mess, though. I think a blue maid outfit would look nice on her.

Wait. No.

"Dolly, let me give you a quick question: You wanna do lewd stuff with me?"

Her mouth dropped. The very essence of her being seemed to glow. She shook with excitement. "Can we? Are we really? Yay~!"

I promptly hit her on the head. "The f.u.c.k you mean, yay? I"m your brother, we don"t do lewd stuff! I don"t mind other people doing it, but I, at least, won"t!"

Her sad face was heartbreaking. Tears welled up. It only lasted for an instant before she schooled her face to seriousness and replied, "Day, I think you should try harder at building up your sister complex."

Flicking her forehead, I thus began ignoring her in favor of Cory. "And you! What were you talking about?"

She put on a proud little smirk, pounded her chest, and said, "I slipped it in!"

"...Seriously kid. Phrasing." I rubbed my temple. "Please be more specific."

"Hehe...remember our kiss? Hm, it was fate. I didn"t even realize till later, you know? Ah. It"s amazing. What are the odds? Hehehe…."

"What odds? Kid, what is you talkin" about? Out with it!" I reached over and started shaking her.

"It"s our baby, what else?" She hummed cheerfully. "Don"t you get it? It"s part me, now part you. It"s our precious baby, okay? That time I must"ve reacted on instinct and slipped in my core, knowing deep down this way we"ll always be connected! And it hatched! It"s a miracle of life, proof of our destined love! No one, not even Dolly, can tear us apart now! Muwahahahaha~!" She cackled madly. Then broke off into a fit of coughs.

The information slowly trickled its way through. Kiss? Core? What the h.e.l.l? She "slipped it in"? I don"t remember anything like that...nothing came in during that time, right? I"m sure...no, maybe...she did use a lot of tongue, so it wasn"t impossible for something to have gone down while he was distracted. And he did swallow a bit of blood, he recalled, though he spit most of it out.

"G.o.ddammit." I narrowed my eyes. "You f.u.c.king Zhao Yanzi"d me!"

Meanwhile Dolly hugged me from behind. "Day. Get an abortion."