"Iursan tried to hold me back, his face repulsed me so much I didn"t want to be in his presence! So instead of answering him, I hurried back to my quarters," Mami"s voice was now barely a whisper. "For days I didn"t come out of my room, I had frequent nightmares and I didn"t have much of an appet.i.te. My parents worried about me, they consulted various physicians but all of them could not determine what was wrong with me. I think part of it was because I didn"t answer their questions, I was so afraid that no one would believe me.""I"m sorry you had to go through that, Lady Mami. Had we known each other and were this close then, I"d have been there to comfort you," I said.
She forced a smile in response, but just by the look on her face, I could understand what she must have went through. The feeling of helplessness and not knowing who to talk to for fear of being accused a liar… I"d have been as depressed as she was. The trauma of being almost raped and having to hide it would have torn me apart. It turns out Mami was not only physically fit, she was also mentally strong.
"Iursan tried to see me a couple of times but I declined. I knew it wasn"t him who caused my nightmares, but my brain couldn"t distinguish his face from his real ident.i.ty."
"I was advised by one of the physicians who regularly checked on me to take walks to lift my spirits and to get rid of my nightmares, he said staying inside my room was only worsening my condition. Mother supported this claim and made sure I went out for at least a few minutes everyday. During my walks, I naturally avoided the places where I might b.u.mp into my cousin. One particular afternoon, as my maids and I were about to leave, I had an unusual visitor. The man was wearing a kitsune mask and was garbed in a yukata. Without a word, the man covered my face with my own mask, pulled me out of the palace, and brought me to a festival in town."
When I noticed that the pained expression on Mami"s face was slowly being replaced by happiness, something inside me felt relieved.
"My unusual visitor and I roamed the streets and stuffed ourselves at several food stalls. He never said a word, he just dragged me around and bought whatever caught his eyes. For the first time in a long while, I ate until my stomach was full. I had an idea who the man behind the mask was but I pretended that I didn"t for the sake of preserving the moment."
"Was he Iursan?" I asked.
"Hai," she nodded her head. "How could I not recognize the warmth of his hand against mine? In the years that we got closer and closer, he"s held my hand quite a few times for me to remember how it felt."
"Did he show his face in the end?"
"You"re quite impatient, aren"t you?" she teased.
I laughed, "Of course, I"m a sucker for happy endings after all."
"Then you will love what happened next," her face was now completely void of the hurt I saw earlier. "When it was time for us to head back to the castle, Iursan finally spoke and asked if we could take a quick detour. He promised we won"t be long so I agreed. Hand in hand, we went to a cloistered part of town. There, he took off his mask and stared at me with an imploring look. He begged me not to run away like last time as soon as he saw me take a few steps back. He demanded to know what he had to do so I would not be afraid of him anymore… He also reminded me that he and my cousin only looked the same but their similarities ended there."
"Seeing that I was no longer thinking of fleeing, he asked me how I was doing. My monster of a cousin apparently told him what happened. I told him I was still struggling to find my balance but I was working on it. Suddenly, Iursan went down on his knees, his hands clutched the hems of my kimono… The moment I saw him cry, my heart constricted in pain. He asked me for forgiveness, he apologized profusely for being unable to protect me from that time. I told him it wasn"t his fault, he didn"t know what the crown prince had planned in the first place. However, he insisted that he was still to blame. If he just kept his distance from me, we wouldn"t have attracted the attention of that rakeh.e.l.l."
"I pulled him up to a standing position, I couldn"t bear seeing him blame himself for something he couldn"t control. He was just a kagemusha, his real ident.i.ty held no power… He knew all of these but he vowed that he will keep an eye on the crown prince and those palace maids. He also promised to teach them all a lesson somehow..."
"A week after the festival, news broke in the entire city about how big of an uncouth libertine the crown prince was. Rumors about how he"d take advantage of any woman he fancies and how he"d sometimes resort to **** spread like wildfire. As we all know, it was accepted that the emperor was descended from the kami[1]. He acts as their messenger as he is believed to be in contact with them. Some even insist that the emperor was often inspired by the G.o.ds. These dictated that he should be a paragon of honesty and goodness, but because many of his son"s victims stepped out and proved the rumors to be true, the entire nation was in an uproar. He has produced someone so rotten and atrocious, it was normal for them to believe he is too."
"The emperor thought of so many ways to make the rumors stop but all his efforts were in vain. People protested and threatened the safety of the entire first imperial family, they wanted the crown prince"s life in exchange for the lives he ruined! Of course, the palace maids that a.s.sisted him did not remain unscathed. They were implicated and beheaded in public! When I found out, I immediately went to see Iursan. He confirmed that he was the one behind all of these."
"The noise and clamor were too much that the shogun had to take over. Commoners and even those that belong to the upper-cla.s.s cried for justice. Kaname-sama did his best to calm things down whilst making sure my cousin learned his lesson. It was decided that he was to spend a year as a commoner in the island of Sado. He was to fend for himself and was not to be given a single servant to a.s.sist him there. The edict was announced and the hearts of the ma.s.ses were appeased. My cousin was shipped to Sado."
"Iursan kept his promise and more, I was so thankful towards him! Because of what he did, our friendship blossomed into something much more special. He confessed his love for me and so did I, we were both happy in our own little world. Unfortunately, what cannot be can never be. Just weeks after the crown prince left, I was told that I was going to marry the very same man who gave my violator his punishment."