MY WASTE PRINCE

I look around me. After opening my eyes for a long time, I realized that I was in my room. That"s means I"m still alive.

"Xia He," my mother voice called out. I turned my head to the right and look my mother looking at me. Her expression show her fear.

My body feels very weak. As if all my bones had fallen out. But I forced myself to sit and lean my back against the wall. My mother immediately grabbed my hand.

"Xia He-er. Finally you gain your consciousness, dear my beloved daughter. Three days you were unconscious," she said and her tears fall down from her two beautiful eyes. Flowing through her cheeks. I nodded my head and felt my chest tight. Seeing my mother crying like that made me feel guilty and sad in one time.

"Xia He-er, don"t do this anymore. Kill yourself. Do you want become curious spirit? Dont"t you know that our family members who commit suicide should not get a proper funeral? Even their names may not enter our ancestors halls," she said with a vibrating tone of voice.

I knew what my mother said was true. However, why my mother don"t understand if I life, I have no future. My reputation was broken. Our society will mock me.

Moreover I thought that if I died curiously, I could haunt Jing Fei. That is my way to make her live unhappy. That is my revenge that I want to do.

"Do yo think your suicide attempt can cover up your bad behavior, Xia He?" my father voivlce was heard and I tried to look at the figure standing near the window. I know that figure is my father. Slowly my father walk over to me.

"You"re even more embarra.s.s your family with you action. You"re trying to kill yourself on the night of your sister"s wedding. People knewn your action and tell it in the city. They said that you are so stupid. They also said that I am an unfortunate father because have a daughter like you," my father said coldly.

In fact, I really want everyone to know that I killed myself. I want to embarra.s.s Huangtaizi who has rejected me. Then they will have bad thought about Huangtaizi and Jing Fei aftermath. In our society a.s.sumption, who died because suicide will give a curse to anyone who make them suciede . I want the public to think that I already cursed Huangtaizi and Yun Jing Fei if I die because suciede.

But I didn"t expect that my suicide attempt failed.

"I am ..." I don"t know what to say after seeing my father"s angry face. His face was flushed red. Suddenly my stomach felt sore and nauseous. Without notice and without being able to hold back, I am vomite.

"Xia He !" my mother scream and I see what I spit out. There is blood between them. My head got sicker and everything went dark again.

***

"Xia He, my beloved daughter. Please wake up! "my mother"s voice rang out. I open my eyes. Mother is beside me. Holding my hand.

"Mother," I said in a low voice. My mother nodded her head. Her tears fall down.

"Xia He. Finally you gain your consciousness again. Imperial docter said that you vomited all the poisons you drank, " she said to me. Maybe what my mother meant was my last vomit before fainting again. I am disappointed after hear her words.

"You will get well soon," my mother said again and I nodded my head slowly. I"m unhappy to hear that.

"Xia He, do you hate Mother?" she asked in a soft voice. The question surprised me. Her voice showed sadness and disappointment.

I shook my head slowly and answered "I never hated mother. I love you mother,"

"Do you hate your younger brother?" she asked me again and I remembered my young brother"s face. I shake my head. I never hated him, even though he often sided with Jing Fei.

"Do you hate you father?" she asked. I don"t know what to answer because I"m still angry ato my father who defended Jing Fei.

"Why did you ask me if I hate you, my young brother and father?" I protested to her. She sighed.

"Mother thinks that you killed yourself because you hate us," she said and cried. My chest feels tight see her like that.

"Mother, I never hate you. Don"t cry! "I begged her.

"But you tried to kill yourself. Don"t you know the sadness we will get if you kill yourself? My brother died because of suicide and I still felt sad because of that. Your grandfather became ill after his death because his sadness. Do you want us to be like that? "she asked me. Her tears fall down.

"I just want to make Jing Fei feel that she get cursed and live uneasy because that," I said softly. Honestly, say my reasoning.

"Your thinking is very ridiculous, Xia He. The person who made your uncle commit suicide is still alive. That person even looks very happy. She doesn"t look like someone who is cursed, "mother gave me a reason. I close my eyes. I know her words are right. I"ve heard of the story of my mother"s brother. He killed himself because he was betrayed by the person he loved. However, the person he loves is alive and happy.

"We were the ones who felt condemned because of his death. My family is difficult to get out of sadness. Your grandfather became ill and did not want to become a state official anymore. My family"s economic life becomes very difficult afterwards, " my mother said and I sighed and opened my eyes. I looked at my mother"s face.

"I am and your father can"t sleep because we are worried about your condition, Xia He. Secretly, your father cried when you are in critical condition. Your father even fainted because he don"t eat anythink. He really worry about you and don"t want eat. Do you know how broken his heart because your action?" she asked me.

I can"t longer hold back my feelings. My tears fall down. Remembering my father. who I love most. Even though we often fight, but I really love him.

"Bixia (emperor) said that your suicide attempt was a serious crime because you tried to embarra.s.s the royal family. Even if you are aware, you must be punished. However, your father said that it would be better for him to be punished than you. Your father is punished with a punch in your place, " she said. Her words made my heart hurts.

I am lameting my bad action make my father suffer like that.