Bunny Rodriguez met me in the hospital lobby. We rode silently up to the ICU.
She said, "I didn"t want to bother you but it happened quickly. She just..."
Fighting tears.
I squeezed her hand.
"There"s nothing here for a kid," she said. "Nothing age-appropriate, I mean. The nurses were nice enough to unlock a side room off the waiting area. My husband"s with him, at least he had the presence of mind to bring a couple of books and the drawing materials. But it"s pretty bleak."
"What"s Chad"s understanding of what"s happening?"
"I was going to ask you that. Developmentally, I mean. How he actually feels, I can"t tell you. It was so sudden, I wasn"t paying attention to Chad. Talk about dereliction of duty."
"Your mind was on Gretchen."
"Even though she told me it shouldn"t shouldn"t be. Yesterday. When we were discussing Chad"s schooling up in the Bay Area and I stopped to ask her how she was feeling. She nearly took my head off. Barked that I should mind my own f.u.c.king business and follow instructions." be. Yesterday. When we were discussing Chad"s schooling up in the Bay Area and I stopped to ask her how she was feeling. She nearly took my head off. Barked that I should mind my own f.u.c.king business and follow instructions."
"That sounds about right," I said.
"Feisty to the end...the almost-end. One moment she was sleeping peacefully, actually looked better. The next moment the hospice nurse came in and told us her breathing had stopped, she"d gotten it restarted but it was weak, what to do next was up to me. I know Gretchen wouldn"t want to suffer but I forgot about that, it went right out the window because what I wanted to do was save my sister. As if. I hope I didn"t create a mess."
"Have the doctors told you anything?"
"They don"t expect her to last the night." Throwing up her free hand. "So maybe it won"t be a mess."
The hand I held turned clammy. "You did right, Bunny."
"Why do you say that?"
"It came from the right place."
"Road to h.e.l.l and all that? No offense, but that"s meager comfort."
"One way or the other, it"s going to end," I said. "She won"t suffer needlessly."
"I want to believe you." Gripping my biceps. "You come across believable, that probably works well for you."
In all sorts of situations.
We walked toward the main entry to the unit. She pointed to a closed, unmarked door.
"In there. I"d better go see Gretchen."
Chad Stengel sat facing a wall, arms crossed, legs splayed straight out, in a too-high chair pushed into a far corner. Books and drawing pad and markers were stacked neatly in an opposite corner. A white-bearded man in a plaid shirt and cords stood near the stack.
A casual onlooker might a.s.sume the boy was being punished for something.
The man muttered, "Finally." Then: "Dr. Delaware? Leonard Rodriguez."
"Pleased to meet you."
"You"ll take it from here?" Moving toward the door without waiting for an answer.
I said, "Sure."
Rodriguez said, "You"ll be fine, Chad. The doctor"s going to help you."
He left.
I brought a chair within five feet of Chad"s.
We sat there for a long time. Or maybe it wasn"t that long. I didn"t time it. It didn"t matter.
Eventually, he said, "She"s real sick."
"Yes, she is."
"She"s real real sick." sick."
"Yes."
"I don"t want to see her."
"That"s up to you."
"Not dead," he said. "I want to see her good."
I kept quiet.
"Dead is bad bad."
"Bad and sad."
"A lot bad," he said. "You"re her friend? That"s what she said."
"It"s true."
"You"re a doctor but you"re her friend."
"Your friend, too."
"She"s not mad."
"No."
"Not at me," he said. "Never at me."
"Never."
"She"s a little mad at Bunny."
"About what?"
"I don"t know...she"s good."
The small round face looked up at me. Clear-eyed, solemn. "Not healthy good. Good Good."
"You"re right," I said. "Your mom did some real good things."
ABOUT THE AUTHOR.
JONATHAN K KELLERMAN is one of the world"s most popular authors. He has brought his expertise as a clinical psychologist to more than thirty bestselling crime novels, including the Alex Delaware series, is one of the world"s most popular authors. He has brought his expertise as a clinical psychologist to more than thirty bestselling crime novels, including the Alex Delaware series, The Butcher"s Theater, Billy Straight, The Conspiracy Club, Twisted The Butcher"s Theater, Billy Straight, The Conspiracy Club, Twisted, and True Detectives True Detectives. With his wife, the novelist Faye Kellerman, he co-auth.o.r.ed the bestsellers Double Homicide Double Homicide and and Capital Crimes Capital Crimes. He is the author of numerous essays, short stories, scientific articles, two children"s books, and three volumes of psychology, including Savage Sp.a.w.n: Reflections on Violent Children Savage Sp.a.w.n: Reflections on Violent Children, as well as the lavishly ill.u.s.trated With Strings Attached: The Art and Beauty of Vintage Guitars With Strings Attached: The Art and Beauty of Vintage Guitars. He has won the Goldwyn, Edgar, and Anthony awards and has been nominated for a Shamus Award. Jonathan and Faye Kellerman live in California, New Mexico, and New York. Their four children include the novelists Jesse Kellerman and Aliza Kellerman.