s.h.i.+kamaru was in Kakas.h.i.+’s office.The Sixth Hokage was surrounded by mountains of doc.u.ments as always, his hand hurriedly signing papers as if it was just waiting for the time it could go slack with exhaustion.
The window across the room had been thrown open, and you could see the streets of Konoha outside. The city seemed to glow under the suns.h.i.+ne of the bright morning, all wrapped up in a gentle, peaceful atmosphere.
“I’ve made you wait.” Kakas.h.i.+ said as he straightened out a sheaf of papers on his desk. “What business do you have with me today?”
“The Country of Silence.”
“Ah, that…”
s.h.i.+kamaru still hadn’t finished his report about the Union’s meeting the other day. There wasn’t anything particularly special to report, so he’d left it alone.
“Everything’s the same as ever at the Union. It’s made up of a collection of capable people, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“You’re one of those capable people too.”
Was he really? Was he really someone who was fit to represent Konoha?
“Do you really intend to go?” Kakas.h.i.+ asked.
“Yes.”
Kakas.h.i.+ let out a great sigh at his answer.
“Is it really necessary for you to go?”
“Sai’s been captured. Our village has lost a large number of s.h.i.+n.o.bi, both those who went missing during the war and those who ended up disappearing after. Whether they really left the village of their own free will, or ended up being captured by Gengo is something that we have to verify.”
“You’re really determined, huh.”
s.h.i.+kamaru silently nodded.
Kakas.h.i.+ closed his eyes and shook his head. He looked at s.h.i.+kamaru again.
“I get it. I won’t say anything more. Who are you thinking of taking? You’re not planning on going all by yourself, right?”
“Could you spare me two people from Anbu?”
“Huh…” Kakas.h.i.+ was cradling his chin in one hand, his elbow resting against his desk. There was a serious look in his eyes. “Wouldn’t Ino and Chouji do?”
“The Inos.h.i.+kaChou combination can be used for sneak attacks, however I don’t think it fits the requirements for this mission.”
“Because it’s a.s.sa.s.sination, right?”
“Furthermore, infiltration is a great part of this mission. I want people who can hide chakra.”
“Hmm…”
Kakas.h.i.+ closed his eyes and thought. He was taking s.h.i.+kamaru’s proposal and comparing it to all the other options inside his head.
“The one who deals the killing blow won’t be you, right?”
“I intend to use my jutsu to bind the target.”
“Then you’ll need someone for the killing blow.” Kakas.h.i.+ concluded ahead of any explanation. He understood what s.h.i.+kamaru was thinking.
Two Anbu…
One that could manipulate chakra, and conceal their presence. Another that held a jutsu which could deliver the killing blow.
“I have suitable people.” Kakas.h.i.+ said.
“Thank you.”
“I’ll make the arrangements.”
“You don’t have anything to tell me about my other duties?” s.h.i.+kamaru asked.
“None of your other duties are more urgent than this matter.” Kakas.h.i.+ said, and you could feel in that moment that he really was the Hokage.
He calmly a.s.sessed the relative importance of various matters, and made quick, firm decisions on which were to be carried out. It was because he was capable like this that s.h.i.+n.o.bi could work under him without worry, and give their all for the village. s.h.i.+kamaru thought they wouldn’t be able to function without him.
He didn’t have any thoughts like ‘I want to be Hokage’. But, it would’ve been a lie to say he didn’t feel the slightest bit motivated to grow. In front of a man like Kakas.h.i.+, s.h.i.+kamaru was still young and inexperienced, unable to compare to him, and it felt frustrating.
“I’ll tell the two I have in mind to return quickly. You can wait a little longer, right?”
“Please do it as quickly as possible.”
“I get it.” Kakas.h.i.+ smiled under his mask and stood up. He turned his back to s.h.i.+kamaru to gaze out the open window.
“You don’t have to burden yourself so much, you know.” Kakas.h.i.+ murmured.
s.h.i.+kamaru didn’t answer.
Burdening himself…
Perhaps he was.
In a way even he himself couldn’t understand, s.h.i.+kamaru had somehow ended up carrying many, many burdens.
Even though he found things bothersome, he’d somehow ended up behaving unlike himself, and carrying so many things. Even though all these burdens were getting far too heavy for him to bear, he couldn’t throw any of them away, either.
s.h.i.+kamaru was scared to.
He got the feeling that he could end up throwing everything away, and losing himself in the process. He’d started out as someone who found everything bothersome. If he put down all his responsibilities and burdens for just one moment, then wasn’t it highly possible that he wouldn’t ever pick them back up?
And when that happened, then wouldn’t it be the case that n.o.body would need him anymore?
The thought alone was unbearably frightening.
“I’m going to tell you what I really think now.” Kakas.h.i.+ lifted his left hand into the air, letting tiny bolts of lightning crackle in and out of existence. “Right now, I really want to abandon all my duties as the Hokage and go to the Country of Silence.”
s.h.i.+kamaru could clearly hear the screaming frustration of Kakas.h.i.+’s heart: how the man wanted to abandon everything to go and kill Gengo with his own two hands.
But the responsibilities of a Hokage’s position couldn’t be abandoned so easily.
“Honestly,” Kakas.h.i.+ said, “I think it’s inexcusable of me to burden you with this.”
“Naruto and me, and every other one of our peers, we’ve already all attained positions with burdens and responsibilities. There’s no need for you to carry them all by yourself.”
“Is that so…”
The lightning in Kakas.h.i.+’s left hand melted away into nothing.
“s.h.i.+kamaru.” Kakas.h.i.+ looked over his shoulder at the Nara. “I wonder what it means to be an adult, sometimes.”
“Please don’t look to me for the answer to that. “ s.h.i.+kamaru sighed.
“I’ll come back again.” s.h.i.+kamaru said to the gravestone. Turning away, his eyes caught on the name engraved into the stone: Nara s.h.i.+kaku.
Naturally, he’d wanted to visit his father’s grave after his meeting with Kakas.h.i.+ ended.
What did it mean to be an adult? It felt like he could find the answer to Kakas.h.i.+’s question here, if anywhere.
In the Fourth s.h.i.+n.o.bi World War, his father had been with the Five Kage at the alliance’s headquarters. After the Five Kage had gone to the frontline of the battle due to the severity of the fight, Ino’s father and s.h.i.+kamaru’s father had taken charge of giving directions to the whole army.
Then, Obito had resurrected the Ten Tails and made it send its explosive Tailed Beast b.a.l.l.s in order to cause chaos amidst the Union’s army. As the killing blow had approached, s.h.i.+kaku’s last moments were spent thinking and conveying further strategies for the army.
He had been a s.h.i.+n.o.bi to the very end.
No…
The truth was that in his very last moments, s.h.i.+kaku had been a father. Although the only one who knew that was s.h.i.+kamaru, as his son.
What was it to be an adult?
s.h.i.+kamaru thought about that for a while.
Saying goodbye to his father’s grave, s.h.i.+kamaru’s feet took him to the next person he wanted to visit.
His teacher’s grave.
Sarutobi Asuma…
He was a man who had turned down the path of an elite that he’d been ent.i.tled to as the Third Hokage’s flesh and blood, and instead constantly stayed on the frontlines.
After s.h.i.+kamaru graduated from the Academy, it was under Asuma’s care that he’d been raised into the s.h.i.+n.o.bi he was today. Along with Ino and his best friend Chouji, the three of them had constantly been chasing Asuma’s back, struggling through missions.
Asuma, who’d gone through any crisis with a cigarette in his mouth and his same easy going att.i.tude, had been everything s.h.i.+kamaru aspired to be.
And yet, that Asuma could no longer be found in this world.
He’d died, in a battle against the ‘Akatsuki’ group who had been making schemes to take over the Earth.
He’d died for the sake of letting s.h.i.+kamaru live…
Asuma had understood they had no chance of winning against the inhuman abilities of the Akatsuki member they had been faced against, and died while risking his life to protect s.h.i.+kamaru and his other comrades.
He, too, had spent his last moments thinking of others.
s.h.i.+kamaru had yet to find anything he would sacrifice himself to protect.
Of course, the people of his village and all his comrades were extremely precious to him. But it felt like those feelings were different from the extent of fierce protection that his father and Asuma had displayed.
Perhaps that meant that s.h.i.+kamaru still hadn’t become an adult.
He thought that in the first place that ambiguous word ‘adult’ referred to a child who’d at some point simply become trapped in their own body.
In that case, even Kakas.h.i.+ was a child at heart.
But Kakas.h.i.+ already had something he’d trade his life to protect.
‘For a Hokage, every person in the village is his child.’ Those were the words of Asuma’s father, the Third Hokage Hiruzen.
Maybe when Kakas.h.i.+ chose to become Hokage, he’d become an adult.
He wasn’t sure about anything anymore…
“s.h.i.+ka niichan!”
s.h.i.+kamaru was roused out of his pensive thoughts by the sound of that carefree voice reaching his ears.
A plump toddler was tottering towards him. Swaying left and right with clumsy little feet, she made her way towards him step by step.
“Mirai.” s.h.i.+kamaru called her name, his voice naturally turning fond and cheerful. His tense features softened, and his mouth moved to turn into a smile.
“Gyaa!” Mirai finally came to where he stood, and clung onto his legs with her short little arms. “s.h.i.+ka niichan!”
The toddler looked up at him with dazzling bright eyes, her tiny face splitting into a wide grin. The toddler’s smile felt like the sun, and s.h.i.+kamaru could feel his frozen over heart thawing with its warmth.
“It’s been a while, s.h.i.+kamaru.”
“Kurenai-sensei.” s.h.i.+kamaru greeted the dark haired woman that was Mirai’s mother.
“I’m not a sensei anymore, so you can stop calling me that.” She said, laughing.
Sarutobi Kurenai…
Originally, she was a jounin leader along with Kakas.h.i.+ and Asuma, in charge of a team made of s.h.i.+kamaru’s other cla.s.smates. But now she was a mother who had devoted all her time to parenting.
“You came to visit Asuma’s grave?” She asked.
“Yeah.”
“And your father’s grave?”
“I’ve just come from visiting him.”
Listening to their conversation and still clinging onto s.h.i.+kamaru’s leg, Mirai smiled and lifted her head.
“s.h.i.+ka niichan! Met Papa!”
Although the toddler could only manage halting sentences, she was bursting with the need to convey everything she could. Looking down at Mirai, s.h.i.+kamaru’s heart warmed up.
To become this child’s teacher…
It was a promise he’d made to both Asuma and Kurenai.
“I see, you came to see your Papa, huh?” s.h.i.+kamaru crouched down so he could speak to her eye to eye.
Mirai gave a delighted nod at being understood.
“Wow, how great of you, Mirai.” s.h.i.+kamaru said, gently patting her head. The soft feel of the toddler’s still downy hair seemed to travel along his arm and all the way to his heart, turning into a calming breeze that soothed his insides.
“Grow up soon, okay?”
“Mm.”
“You really love your s.h.i.+kamaru niichan, huh Mirai?” Kurenai said.
Mirai nodded so hard she almost pitched herself forwards, and s.h.i.+kamaru reached out to catch her with both hands.
For the sake of this child, he really couldn’t go and die just yet…
“Right!”
Mirai babbled the word with such timing, it almost felt like she’d read right into his heart.
“Well, thanks for liking me.”
s.h.i.+kamaru picked up Mirai and lifted her into the air. As the two year old shrieked with delighted laughter, s.h.i.+kamaru thought to himself one more time, much stronger than before:
I absolutely cannot die.