Wasn"t she a nice little thing! Never got mad or anything, but just gave me back as good as I sent. I declare, I fell right smack in love with her that minute, and I don"t care a fig now for the girl I met in dancing school, upon my word I don"t; so I rushed back into the kitchen, coaxed the cook to give me two more hunks of gingerbread, and called out, "Won"t you have some cake?"
They came running up on the piazza like lamplighters; and while they were eating the gingerbread, _I_ was eating something I got especially for myself at the same time. Did you ever try it? You have a great big sour apple, as cold as it can be, and a tremendous pickled pepper, as hot as it can be; then you take first a bite of the pepper, and nearly burn all the skin off your throat, and then a bite of the apple to cool it again; and so on. It"s gorgeous, I tell you!
Presently the little boy (whose name, as I said, was Jimmy), stopped his eating to ask me, "Do you live in New York?"
"No, I live at White Plains. I go to the Military Academy there; don"t you want me to show you some drill?"
"Oh, Cousin Charley is going to teach us some time. He belongs to the Seventh Regiment. We love to be soldiers, though, and we know a boy, Freddy Jourdain his name is, who got up a whole regiment, and has parades, and went into camp, and everything."
"We have a camp at White Plains," I told them. "Do you ever go there in summer, Miss----" here I stopped, rather awkwardly, not knowing what her name was.
"Oh, I"m not "Miss" anybody;" she said; "I"m Nelly; but we go to the seash.o.r.e in summer "most always."
"Can"t you dress up in your uniform, and show us how you look at school?" said Jimmy.
"Yes, if you like;" here I remembered that the key of my room was in Aunt Elsie"s pocket, and had to say, "but I can"t get into my room now; I was locked in, and Aunt Elsie has the key."
"How do you come to be here, then?" said Nelly; "why, dear me, just look at the counterpane hanging out of the window; how funny!"
"Why, that"s the way I got out!" I said; and so I told them all about "The Castle Spectre," and "Lord Alonzo Algernon" Spooneyman, and we got into such a perfect _gig_ of laughter, that we nearly rode off in it!
(Now, don"t say that"s not a good joke, or I"ll not tell another word of my story.)
Just then out came Poddles, looking as surprised as ever; and Nelly exclaimed, "Oh, there"s that funny old dog! what do you call him?"
"His name is Poddles!" said I; "_I_ christened him."
"What a queer name!" said Jimmy; "let"s take him into our house and see what Gipsey and he will do!"
"Good!" said I. So, without remembering that plaguey white spread, I cut over the piazza railings with Poddles under one arm, and we all three rushed up stairs together.
They had such a famous play room, with a splendid swing, and a teetertorter, and ten-pins, and I don"t know what beside; and there was the nattiest little dog! but you know him, that "toy-terrier" of theirs.
Poddles looked a greater fright than ever beside him; so, to pay him off, we put that wretched Pod into a basket, tied it fast to the swing, and swung him up to the ceiling. It frightened him half to death, and serve him right, for being so ugly! after which he and Gipsey went to sleep in a big rocking chair, as friendly as possible. Then I gave Nelly a splendid swing, "ran under," and cracked my cocoanut three times, beside making my arms ache like everything; but I didn"t care, she was such a dear little thing.
Afterward Jimmy went and got a great plateful of rosy apples; and just as we were eating them, and having such fun, up came one of our girls, and said that "Miss Brandlaw wanted Master Tom right home!" Wasn"t it hateful? But, of course, I had to go; so I bundled Poddles under my arm again, bid them good-by, and walked off with Mary; but I poked her ribs and set Poddles at her all the way, which was some comfort.
I expected a scolding when I came home, and I didn"t have one--oh no!
Aunt Elsie wanted to know where I thought I should die when I went to--(no, I believe it was the other way, but never mind)--if I hung best bed spreads out of the window, and left my room without permission?
besides informing me that she should write to ma", and have me sent for.
Finally, she marched me up stairs again; and when I said I _must_ have something to do to keep me out of mischief, she gave me a Sunday school book to read, and took herself off.
Of course you will say I was dreadfully wicked not to like the Sunday school book, but I couldn"t. It was so full of hard names and long words, and was all about sanctification and justification and regeneration, and how was I to understand a word of it? I love Bible stories, but I don"t think there is a boy or girl who _understands hard doctrines_. Do you, Neighbor Oldbird?
I pretty soon gave up that employment, and amused myself instead with pelting the cats on the fence with a few marbles, and trying on my uniform, to see how I looked in it; until Aunt Elsie relented, I suppose, for she came up and asked me through the keyhole if I was sorry, and wouldn"t do any more. You can fancy what my answer was, and after dinner I got permission to go out and play on the sidewalk.
Neighbor Nelly and Jimmy joined me there pretty soon, and we had such fun playing "tag" and driving hoop. It wasn"t hoop _time_, to be sure, but that was no matter. Then, when we were tired of that, we all sat down together on the upper step of No. 9, and began talking about their school and mine, and what we learned.
"Do you ever learn pieces of poetry?" asked Nelly. "My teacher, Miss Backboard, always gives the girls each a piece of poetry every Friday; so we call that poetry day."
"I used to learn pieces too," I said; "but I don"t care much for poetry unless it"s funny."
"Tell us a funny piece," said Jimmy.
"Ah yes, do!" added Nelly; and, of course, when a _lady_ asked me I had to, though I felt pretty bashful; so I began.
A DAY OF MISHAPS.
(AS TOLD BY BOBBY BREAKWINDOW, A SCHOOLBOY.)
[Ill.u.s.tration]
[Ill.u.s.tration: BOBBY AND ROVER.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
Oh dear! was there ever anybody so unlucky as I am, From General ----, who lost that battle t"other day, all the way back to Priam!
Come, sit down--do, and let me tell you all about it, and what"s the matter; Perhaps it will do me good to have a nice, comfortable, miserable chatter.
To begin, then. This morning I woke, and thought I was up with the sun.
So never hurried myself; but dressed slow, and came down, to find breakfast all done, And nothing left for me but one cold slapjack, and all the chicken gone, Unless, to be sure, I could have eaten the drumsticks, and one perfectly clean breast bone!
And, of course, I had to make haste, for it was nine o"clock and after, And the master had offered a prize to the earliest boy--and here was I beaten by even lazy Tommy Shafter!
But it was no use to fret, so I s.n.a.t.c.hed up my satchel, and would have been off in a minute, When lo and behold! my geography was gone; and though we hunted the house, it was plain it wasn"t in it, Till at last I remembered that yesterday I had gone after school to the dog pound, And then been fishing with Fred Lee; so, probably, it was at the bottom of the frog pond!
Well, off to school I went, and came in after every schoolmate; So, to pay me off, the schoolmaster and all the boys called me Bobby Toolate!
But that wasn"t all; for the cla.s.s was just up for spelling, And I didn"t know the lesson, and Tommy Shafter prompted me to spell boots _butes_; and that"s all I got for telling, Besides going to the foot of the cla.s.s, and having to get the lesson over; I tell you what! a hand-organ monkey"s life, compared to a schoolboy"s, is perfect rolling in clover!
And I wish I was a monkey, if I did get beaten--yes, that I do-- In a red coat all over spangles, and blue trowsers, and a long tail behind to come through!
Well, thank goodness, it"s over; but that"s not the half of my pother; For the very minute I got out of school, Tommy Shafter began to plague and bother, And wanted me to ride on the gate with him that goes in to his grandfather Chowser"s; So I did; but there"s spikes on the top of that gate; and, confound it, I went to work and tore my trowsers!
Just then along came Miss Kitty Snow, and didn"t I look dashing, And that hateful Tommy Shafter bawled out "How are you, trowsers?"
and jumped down and walked off with her; but just see if I don"t give him a thrashing!
To pay him off for what he did and more too; for, when I came home weeping and wailing, Pa boxed my ears, and said I was such a bad boy I shouldn"t go with him now out sailing; So I had the pleasure of seeing the rockaway drive up to the door, And pa and ma getting in, and sister Tilly, and brother Sam, and ever so many more, All looking so happy and gay, and not caring a bit for poor Bobby, Just as if I _wanted_ to get into sc.r.a.pes, and mischief and bad conduct were quite my hobby!
Then off they whirled; and as I was left alone, I thought I might as well be up and doing.
Oh, good gracious, why didn"t I sit still? but how could I tell what was brewing?
So I went to the stable to see our big dog Rover, and thought I would take him out with me; When, just as I had slipped his chain, he broke loose, and ran, I don"t know where! and, I"m sure, pa will never forgive me!
For he thought so much of Rover. Oh, dear me, what shall I do?
If it would be any use in the world, I really think I should begin to boohoo!
The stable boy told me not to take him; but I should like to see myself minding him _rather_; And of course, out of revenge, he"ll just go and make the worst of it to father.
Well, one would think that was enough; but when I came back to the house, oh jolly!
There was our big cat just making a spring at sister Tilda"s pretty polly!
And in my haste to save the bird I threw the poker at the cat and killed her!
And got myself in for a scolding from ma, and no great thanks from Tilda.
It"s six o"clock now; so, I suppose, they"ll soon be home as cross as any Tartar, To give it to me for being such a bad boy, though I"m sure I"m a regular martyr; Don"t you think so now, after all that I"ve just been telling?
No breakfast, no geography, late at school, tore my trowsers, kept at home, lost the dog, killed the cat, and didn"t know my spelling!
I think the best thing I can do is to go to bed, put my head under the clothes, And in a good, comfortable sleep try to forget all my sorrows and my woes; But you may be sure, after this, I shall not neglect to take warning, And begin to-morrow all right, without any sort of fail, by getting up early in the morning!
"There!" said I, when I had finished, and it quite wore my tongue thin to repeat such a long piece of poetry. "What do you think of _that_ for a story?"
"I think it is real funny," said Nelly, laughing; "I wish I knew something to tell."
"I can say a funny piece!" shouted Jimmy.