Kay sighed upon feeling the familiar cramps.Still, she prayed that perhaps, it was just that - cramps. Maybe she had something earlier that didn"t agree with her stomach.
However, the trip to the bathroom just caused her hopes to be dashed. Sure enough, she just got her period.
Kay laughed to herself as she got her pads.
To think that she"d prefer to have gotten diarrhea was kind of funny.
Each month, when her period came, she would be filled with bitter disappointment. It had been almost a couple of years since they had stopped using protection but she still did not get pregnant.
Even Stephan already had kids with his new wife.
Kay laughed a bit about that.
When her mother, Delilah, had announced that she was pregnant, Kay had been in total shock. Whilst it was true that her mother was rather old to have children at 49, it wasn"t unheard of.
In fact, nowadays, more and more women were having their first child after the age of 40. Even Janet Jackson had her first baby at 50 - though the one that broke the record was ?? at 70 years old.
In Delilah"s case, it was a double miracle.
For normal people, conceiving naturally after the age of 40 would be rare. In Delilah"s case, it was doubly so since she had trouble conceiving in the first place. After all, Kyle and Kayla were the result of fertility treatments - specifically, in-vitro fertilization.
They had taken Delilah"s eggs, and fertilized with Patrick"s sperm before it was returned to her (so to speak). Delilah was one of those that had unexplained fertility as the normal tests didn"t show anything.
So, Kay was thinking she was the same as her mother.
She had yet to go to see the specialist about it, however.
The fact that her mother could get pregnant so late in life perhaps meant Kay could, as well? Not being pregnant at that stage, but getting pregnant.
Still, this was something she would need to discuss with Joseph.
Perhaps it was better that they didn"t have kids yet.
Joseph was in college still after all and concentrating on his studies. She was also busy at work and didn"t think she would be able to divide herself to work and take care of the baby.
Hiring a nanny and au-pair seems to be the way but she was rather hesitant about that. She wished she could be like Betty - be a housewife but that life wasn"t for her. She"d probably drive her kids insane, too.
Be like Sayuri?
Sayuri would take six-months maternity leave and for the next two years, would not be so active at the office. After having the kids, Sayuri made a drastic move and change in her life.
Perhaps it was because of the fact that she nearly lost her life, and her kids, that she decided she wanted to be with Kyle. The company that she worked so hard to be in? The one that she thought she would take over?
She gave it up.
Kay didn"t think she could do that.
It wasn"t that she didn"t cherish having a family but she felt so alive at the company. Her Dad"s move to make her #2 in it after Kyle gave her a sense of fulfilment and achievement that she didn"t think possible.
Was she being selfish?
Was this why, perhaps, she had yet to get pregnant?
Was there a part of her that was worried that having kids would take away her freedom and make it hard for her to have a family?
So many worries.
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Joseph came home after a whole day of cla.s.s, to find his wife, curled up on the sofa.
He recognised that pose.
Putting his backpack on the table, he went over and hugged her.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently.
Kay looked at him, her mind full of all the questions and doubts that arose earlier.
"Do you think I"ll be a good mum?" she asked.
"Of course I do," Joseph answered without hesitation, "Just by you asking means you would."
Kay leaned onto Joseph, "But sometimes I"m so busy at work. I don"t want to neglect our kids but I … I don"t think I can …"
She stopped, then looked at Joseph, "Does that make me bad?"
Joseph kissed her forehead, stroking her hair, "No, it makes you, you. This is who you are, and I can see how happy you are at Smith Industries."
Kay smiled, hugging her husband tightly.
He always made her feel good about herself, and she loved that about him.
Initially, she felt that his impression of her was just too high. She wasn"t a perfect woman and she had her faults, yet, he didn"t seem to see them. Or care.
She was worried that he had made this mental image of a G.o.ddess of some sort and after being with her for a while, he would see the fallacy in that. That he would wake up from this dream and realise that she was just a normal woman.
Yet, as the months pa.s.sed by, Joseph never once showed any dissatisfaction or displeasure with her for anything she did. His treatment of her did not change and he still made her feel like she was perfect.
Eventually, she did ask him and he just looked at her weirdly, saying, "You are perfect."
She had been exasperated at that, and she pointed out all her flaws to him - to which, he just laughed.
"Being perfect doesn"t mean you don"t have flaws," Joseph said, "It means I accept those flaws because I love you."
She had been struck dumb by that statement.
No wonder her husband was an Author.
"If you"re up to it, we can see the doctor about it," Joseph said carefully, "For all you know, it could be a problem with me."
That was possible.
Unlike the olden days when a woman would always be blamed for not having children, people now knew that it could be the fault of the guy as well.
"Did you know that my father had ED?" Joseph asked suddenly.
Kay was surprised.
"He did?"
"Yeah," Joseph replied, hugging her close, "I guess it"s because I"m married now that he opened up to me. That, and because Auntie Hannah managed to get through that thick skull of his to get it treated."
"Your stepmom really understands your Dad," Kay observed.
"Yeah, she can get him to do things he normally wouldn"t," Joseph agreed.
Stephan had changed a lot after Lianne"s surgery. Joseph put it down to it being that the event had been such a life-changing event that his father took stock of his life.
What Joseph didn"t know was that Lianne"s surgery was only the tip of the iceberg. What truly pushed Stephan to change himself was finding out his dead wife was now his boss.
It made him rethink a lot about his life. His past, his actions and so forth. He also had a heart-to-heart talk and found that talking to a guy made it easier to open up.
After all, one talks a lot when one is out drinking.
"It"s ironic, really. Both of us have siblings now," Joseph mused, "Our family gatherings at the Smith"s are going to be so twisted."
Kay laughed, her earlier dissatisfaction over getting her period being washed away.
"Yeah, my younger brother and niece are of the same age as your younger brother," Kay replied, "When we have kids, they"re going to be so confused."
Joseph smiled.
"So, shall we go and see the doctor about it? I am fine either way, you know. We"ll only go if you want to and are comfortable with it," Joseph told her.
"And …" he began, stopping a while.
"And?"
"If it shows that we can"t have kids, we can always adopt," Joseph answered, "Or if I can"t give you kids, then we can do IVF with a donor sperm. There are so many ways to have children."
"If we are fortunate enough to be able to have our own children, then I will take care of them," Joseph told her, "I plan to do my writing full-time, so I can be a stay-at-home Dad. You go out and earn the bacon in the office. I"ll hold the fort at home."
Kay looked at her husband in surprise.
"Really?"
"Yes, of course, really," Joseph replied, "I find I enjoy writing. I use a pen name so I don"t feel the pressure of people knowing and I intend to keep it that way. The money I earn from writing is enough … "
Joseph coughed a bit at that.
Actually, Kay was earning more than enough for both of them but he never felt inadequate because of it. Even though there were some people that would talk and whisper behind his back about it. It didn"t bother him so long as she didn"t care.
This was the modern time, after all.
Who said that when the woman earns more, the guy was leeching off her? Or that he wasn"t good enough to provide for her? Each person had their strengths and weaknesses, and in any marriage, it is a collaboration and cooperation.
Joseph didn"t feel any less of a man just because his wife was wearing 10x more than what he ever could. He didn"t feel any less accomplished because he had his books. He knew his worth.
Kay, in the meantime, was content.
Her husband was perfect.