"It"s not that easy," Kay finally mumbled as she thought about it."I know, right?" Lance said with a laugh, "That"s why I said it"s a challenge. Your challenge."
He turned to look at her while grinning, "Mid-life crisis at such a young age. What is this world coming into?"
Kay rolled her eyes and punched him playfully on the shoulder, saying, "What mid-life crisis? I"m not having some sort of transition of ident.i.ty or lack of confidence."
"Not true," Lance argued, lifting up his shot of vodka at her, "As long as you find yourself asking deep questions like "what is the point of Life?" and "Where do I go from here?" which makes you depressed - well, that"s mid-life crisis for you."
"I suppose," Kay said reluctantly, "Maybe I should do what Kyle did. Dash off to some exotic country and ponder on this."
"I think your parents might have a say in that," Lance replied, "Unless you come back with a boyfriend or something."
"Urgh. No," Kay said with a shudder, "I"m out there to figure myself out, not get myself a man."
She didn"t want to get a man. Well, she did but she had to wait for him to grow up first.
Now it was Kay"s turn to look at Lance seriously and asked, "Your turn."
Lance didn"t answer immediately but first took shot. Finally, with a deep sigh, he said, "Mark got himself a girlfriend."
Kay snorted, "Mark is always getting himself a girlfriend."
Ever since they graduated, Mark was going out with all sorts of women. Blind dates, speed dates, impromptu dates. You name it, he"s done it. It"s like he was frantically looking for "The One".
"It looks pretty serious this time," Lance replied, "You know, I suddenly found out that all this "watching from the side" thing is a load of c.r.a.p. I thought I could handle it but seeing his stupidly happy face, I really wanted to punch it."
"I know that there can be nothing between us, but it still hurts like h.e.l.l," Lance said.
There was nothing for Kay to say. She could only sit there and listen. The love that Lance bore silently for Mark had been burning steadily for years, so it wasn"t a surprise that he would be having this sort of reaction.
Seeing, but not getting.
Just out of your reach, forever.
"Then who do you torture yourself so?" Kay asked softly.
Previously, she could only symphatize but now, she empathized.
Having to watch from a distance, while keeping your love hidden.
Although her situation was different for she had a sliver of a chance whereas for Lance, there wasn"t any. So she felt that the pain she was feeling was only 10% of what he was going through.
She wanted to understand his thoughts.
Lance snorted, "Do I have a choice?"
"Everyone always has a choice," Kay replied, "It"s just a matter of whether you want to bear with the choice you make."
"You can either tell him your feelings or not," Kay said, "You could cut yourself off from him and go to another city, find a new life. There are so many choices open to you but you choose to stay and watch him fall in love, over and over again."
She asked him seriously, "Why put yourself through all of that? I can understand if you have any hope but you, yourself, say that it is not possible. I"m sorry, Lance, but this really doesn"t make any sense to me."
"Because I"m weak," Lance said.
"Huh?"
"I convinced myself that I would be fine just watching from the sidelines," Lance explained, "I thought I would be satisfied just being his good friend. At least, we still could hang out together, be bros and all that."
"It was enough," Lance said with a sigh.
"Or so I thought. Perhaps a part of me never believed he would find someone or really be serious with someone. Perhaps a part of me thought this comfortable relations.h.i.+p would last forever."
"I didn"t want to lose that and I couldn"t bear the pain of going away and having his puppy face asking me why," Lance said with a grimace.
"I couldn"t beat to hurt him and I couldn"t bear to be apart from him."
"But now, I realise how stupid I was," Lance said as he continued drinking, "If I feel this much pain just seeing him so happy with her, what more if he marries her? Have kids? I want to be happy for him but I can"t."
As Lance"s hand went to take another shot, Kay stopped him, "I think that"s enough. How many have you had already? Four?"
"Seven," Lance replied, "But who"s counting?"
Kay stared at him. Lance had a high alcohol tolerance but even then, his face was already beginning to get flushed. That was the first sign that he had taken just a bit too much.
Kay had been too engrossed at first with her own problem that she had not noticed how much he had been drinking. In fact, he had started even before she came, right?
"Let"s go on a trip together then," Kay suddenly announced.
Now it was Lance"s turn to look at her and go, "Huh?"
"It"s perfect, don"t you think?" Kay said, the idea holding on to her the longer she thought about it, "I can go and "find myself" while you can go and figure out how to let go of Mark. My parents wouldn"t be so against me going on a long trip if it"s with you."
Despite the buzz in his head, Lance could see that the idea had merits.
Then, his face fell.
"I can"t," he said, his inhibitions starting to face as the alcohol started to hit him, "I have this project … and …"
He leaned towards her, "... man, did I ever tell you you"re so beautiful??"
Kay rolled her eyes and pushed him away. Lance was the type of person who was fine one minute and then BAM.
h.e.l.lo, flirt clown.
The fact that he got drunk meant he was. .h.i.t more than he let on. He would only let go when he was with her, though. He wouldn"t at all with Mark because he never wanted to step over that boundary.
He hugged her waist, saying while leaning on her again, "If only I could get turned on by a woman, I would be so all over you."
"Yeah, yeah," Kay replied, patting his head.
This was going to be a long night.
✿ Author only posts on w.e.b.n.o.v.e.l. ✿
The next day, Kay got up with a groan. She turned to see Lance still asleep and she rubbed her head, yawning. She glanced at the clock and noticed that it was already way past the afternoon.
Luckily, she had the foresight to send a message to Lance"s company the night before that he would be taking the day off today. Otherwise, they"d be in a panic right now.
It was also good thing she wasn"t working at the moment, as she was still a bit tired and looking like sh*t.
She glanced at Lance, satisfied that he was still deeply asleep and looking peaceful.
He had really gotten wasted last night so instead of going home, she just got them into a hotel room. He had been a really s...o...b..ring and crying idiot so she didn"t have the heart to just leave him alone.
She didn"t go to his house as that would have been worse since he stayed in an apartment with very nosy neighbours. The hotel next door to the club was fine enough.
As much as Lance became a flirt clown when drunk, he would only hug and snuggle while pouring his heart out. Nothing happened at all and they had slept peacefully after Lance had finished crying his heart out.
Kay went to the bathroom, wondering if she would be just as bad as this when Joseph got himself a girlfriend. She had no doubt that he would, considering how popular he is right now.
Prime of his life, isn"t it? High-school and all that.
Kay couldn"t help it but then accessed her phone to … observe Joseph in school. Seeing that very young face smiling, working hard, and all that made her heart both feel pain and full at the same time.
She wondered just how Lance could have gone through all of that with Mark. Throughout school, to be by his side but not.
Just as she finished was.h.i.+ng her face, Kyle reached out to her.
[What"s up, brother?] Kay asked absent-mindedly, as she placed toothpaste on the toothbrush. She stared at herself in the mirror before starting to brush her teeth.
[You"re going to be an Aunt]
Kay nearly chocked on the toothpaste. Spitting it out and rinsing her mouth, she asked incredulously [What the h.e.l.l Kyle? Just who is this hussy that you impregnated?]
[Sayuri]