Take responsibility?! For making him fall in love??Lance was startled.
"What??" Lance shouted, putting his hand on Gareth"s chest to push him away.
However, Gareth didn"t budge, and held onto Lance"s arms.
He looked at Lance seriously, asking, "I don"t disgust you, did I? You actually returned my kisses, didn"t you?"
"This, and what you said earlier are two separate things!" Lance protested, "We"re practically strangers! This is only our second time meeting so what is with this love business?!"
"You tell me!" Gareth said in exasperation, "What kind of spell did you put me under? Are you some sort of warlock?!"
Lance looked at him incredulously, and saw that he was actually serious!
"What nonsense are you spouting!" Lance shouted, "Do you even hear yourself?"
"I can"t help it!" Gareth practically wailed, "I"ve never felt this way before. Well, no, that"s not true. I did fall in love before but it was nothing like this. You just hit me out of the blue. And you"re a guy!"
Lance looked offended and he managed to smack Gareth"s hands away, "Yes, I am a guy. So what?! I"m not the one that kissed you!"
Gareth, with his face pleading, reached out for him again but Lance avoided it.
"That"s not what I meant! This is all new to me. I … I …" Gareth started, his arms hanging down by his side.
Gareth sighed loudly, as he looked away. Gathering his thoughts, he looked back at Lance seriously, "I have never been attracted to a guy before. I have had just one serious girlfriend that I loved with all my heart, so you can imagine my surprise to find that I … I just can"t forget about you."
Gareth took one small step towards Lance, his eyes serious and sincere, "I tried forgetting you but I couldn"t. Just the thought of not seeing you again tore me apart. It was even worse then when I broke up with my girlfriend then."
Lance stood there in shock.
Hearing such a heartfelt love confession from this man hit him deeply.
Who wouldn"t feel touched?
Lance could see the internal struggle Gareth had been under, discovering that he was attracted to someone of the same gender. He, who had probably been ignoring or denying that part of him.
If Gareth had been gay from the start, like him, this confession wouldn"t have been as powerful as it was. Finding out, or realising that you"re attracted to the same gender really affects a person.
Despite the fact that Country Tz is rather open and allows same-s.e.x marriages, it"s not completely perfect. There is still that social stigma, or fear.
For someone who just discovered this part of his s.e.xuality, and for him to still go forth and embrace it, couldn"t have been easy.
Lance was moved.
Moved very deeply.
He couldn"t deny that he felt comfortable with Gareth.
And heck, this man could kiss very well.
"Gareth, I"m honoured, really I am," Lance began, "But I don"t think .."
"NO!" Gareth shouted suddenly, putting his hand on Lance"s mouth, "Don"t say it. Please, don"t say it. Just answer my questions, okay?"
Lance blinked and nodded dumbly.
Why couldn"t he just ignore this man?
Why couldn"t he just push him away and walk away?
Perhaps it was due to this man"s sincere actions, that Lance didn"t have the heart to be heartless.
"Do you hate me?" Gareth asked, taking his hand off Lance"s luscious lips.
"No," Lance replied honestly.
Gareth let out a breath of relief.
"Does the thought of me, a man, liking you, disgust you?" Gareth asked softly, his eyes sad.
"No!" Lance nearly shouted, appalled. Did Gareth not know that he, Lance, was gay? Did he think that he was disgusted with Gareth for liking a man?
Without thinking, Lance put his hand on Gareth"s cheek, saying softly, "There"s nothing wrong with you at all. Your feelings are pure and true. That is never wrong."
"Really?"
"Yes, really," Lance said, "Anyway, I"m gay. Don"t I disgust you?"
Gareth looked horrified then he realised what he said could be taken both ways as well. Then, he was happy because one of the things he was worried about was Lance being straight … then again, didn"t Lance return his kisses?
He was a d.a.m.n good kisser, too …
Gareth thought about what they had shared earlier and the tips of his ears got red.
He had never been so bold before and right now, he just couldn"t believe he had done what he did.
In public, too!
"So, if you don"t hate me and I don"t disgust you, why .." Gareth began hesitatingly.
"Because my heart is still healing," Lance said, answering the unspoken question, "I don"t feel I could do you justice to your sincere feelings. I don"t want to lead you on."
Gareth grabbed him again, "It doesn"t matter. I"ll take the risk!"
"No, Gareth," Lance said, "It wouldn"t be fair on you."
"Yes it would!" Gareth said, "How is it not fair on me? Look, like I said, all of this is new to me. But I know that your reason is not a reason at all. It"s just an excuse! The best way to get over a broken heart is to be in another relations.h.i.+p."
"That"s a rebound!" Lance hissed, "That"s a horrible way to start a relations.h.i.+p!"
"Not if we"re both aware of it!" Gareth insisted, "A rebound is not as bad as some make it out to be, you know. It all depends on the people in the relations.h.i.+p."
Lance frowned, "What do you mean?"
"Look, if you"re alone, you"re going to be just thinking about him, right?" Gareth said.
Lance nodded.
It was true. His thoughts were on Mark almost 24/7. All the what-ifs, and if-only were on his mind. Their past interactions, their memories, the things they did together. All so bittersweet.
"Let me fill that gap in your heart," Gareth said, "Let me show you how much I love you, even though we"ve only just met."
"How does that help? How can that be fair to you?" Lance wailed.
"The fact that you are thinking of me already makes me happy," Gareth said with a smile, coming even closer, "That I do have some sort of importance to you, in some small way. Perhaps, I can become even more important than your ex."
Lance gulped.
It was true again.
He couldn"t deny that he did keep thinking fondly about Gareth from that one interaction. And Mark wasn"t even an ex. Just some wishful thinking.
Gareth, on the other hand, was real.
"If you find that you can"t forget your ex after being with me, then we break it off," Gareth said, "But, if you find that you can have feelings for me, then …"
Gareth trailed off, not finis.h.i.+ng the sentence but Lance understood.
Should he take the plunge?
"You really don"t mind that I have another guy in my heart and mind?"
"Of course I mind!" Gareth said, "But not in the way you mean. I mind because he"s the one that causes your eyes to be in so much pain and sadness. Those eyes should be sparkling with joy, not tears."
Lance was startled.
"You … you could see that?"
Gareth placed his fingertips near Lance"s eyes, "How can I not? They"re so expressive. It pulls me in."
"Are you sure about this? Do you really want such a broken man like me?"
Gareth gave him a smile, "I"m sure."
Lance pressed his lips together then made his decision. Many years in the future, when he thought of this moment, he thanked G.o.d that he wasn"t being stupidly stubborn as to reject Gareth.
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As Lance lay on the bed, looking up at Gareth towering over him and he asked, "Don"t you think this is going a bit too fast?"
Gareth, who was unb.u.t.toning Lance"s s.h.i.+rt, blinked and said, "Ordinarily, I would say so but somehow, with you …"
He reached down and kissed Lance, "It somehow seems just perfect."
"Smooth talker," Lance said, taking off Gareth"s s.h.i.+rt.
"You really have such smooth skin," Gareth said, trailing kisses down from Lance"s cheeks to his neck, "What do you do? Are you a model?"
Lance laughed, "Hardly. With this face, how can I be a model?"
Gareth frowned and looked at him.
Was there something wrong with Lance"s eyes?
Lance had an oblong face shape, whereby his forehead and lower face was the same shape with long sides. He had a slight cleft in his chin and lower lip, making Gareth want to kiss and suck on those lips. More so because Lance"s lower lips were fuller than his upper lip, which made it even better to kiss.
Lance had a thin, sharp nose with a subtle upward slope at the tip. To Gareth, Lance"s best feature was his eyes. They were so light that it looked gray but it was the most innocent and expressive eyes that he had ever seen.
"You are the blindest man I have ever seen," Gareth said, laughing, "But it"s a good thing. If you became a model and everyone could see you, I don"t think I can take it."
Lance raised an eyebrow, "Possessive much?"
"Mhmm," Gareth mumbled, pulling aside Lance"s s.h.i.+rt and stopped.
What was with this body?!
He just looked lean, but he actually had this sort of abs hidden underneath?!
Gareth ran his hands on those muscles and said, "Did I tell you I truly am in awe and appreciate this sort of abs?"
Lance laughed, a low, soft laugh that enticed Gareth even more, "It"s a good thing I have them then."
Lance ran his hands over Gareth"s arms and said, "While I like strong, muscular arms like these."
He could feel the biceps and triceps underneath the skin, something that wasn"t visibly seen on the outside. He didn"t really like a muscular type body but Gareth"s physique was really to his taste.
You can"t see it, but you can feel it.
Gareth smirked, "Then it"s a good thing I have them then."
Lance looked up at Gareth and thought to himself, "Such a handsome man."
Gareth had a square-shaped face, that is, his face is as wide as it is long, but it was more angular shape than a round face. His eyebrows were rather straight with a slight angle at the end, and his nose was straight, its bridge free of any humps or curves. His lips were full and wide, making them look like the most kissable lips ever.
Maybe that was why Lance didn"t resist the first time Gareth kissed him.
Which he was doing again.
Soon, both of them were too busy to think of anything else.