"But New York?!" Paula insisted. "Working for a label."
"I know! I would have loved it. Even for a few weeks. But he won"t agree. And I think I might have to accept that. I mean, he has a point. There are lots of reasons why ..."
"Didn"t you just tell me I"ve got my whole life to be a wife and mother? And a psychiatrist in sensible shoes?" Joanne asked gently.
She had clear, grey eyes and a soft smile. Her head was t.i.tled slightly and Annie felt as if the eyes were staring into her deepest thoughts, reading her mind and smiling knowingly at what she"d found there.
"It"s our biggest challenge," Joanne added, "working out how to do the best we can for the people we love while remaining true to ourselves."
True to ourselves.
The words rang in Annie"s mind for a moment.
"You"re good," she told Joanne, "but you probably don"t need me to tell you that."
"You have to be true to yourself or it eats you up inside, eventually. Trust me here. I"ve heard it so many times from so many different people."
For several moments there was a thoughtful silence, then Annie s.n.a.t.c.hed up her bag and rummaged about for her phone.
"Booking the flights to New York?" Paula wondered.
"No. Calling Ed. There"s still five more minutes of lunch break, I might be able to catch him and then ... I"ll have the chance to talk to him again."
"To tell him you"re going to New York?" Paula persisted, excitement in her voice.
"Well ... I won"t put it quite as baldly as that ... but ... YES!"
Chapter Six.
Plane Lana: Black vest top (Topshop)
Black skinny jeans (Primark)
Pink pointy pumps (New Look)
Pink and black fringed scarf (Vintage Miss Selfridge
via Oxfam )
Overwhelming scent sensation (duty-free)
Total est. cost: 50
"Oh look! Look at that!"
"So you"re going to be fine. You"re going to be absolutely, totally fine? Do you promise? You won"t let one single thing go wrong?" Annie asked, aware that her heart was racing at panic-speed.
"Yes," Ed said simply, solidly, utterly rea.s.suringly. He placed his hands on her shoulders as if to weigh her down and bring calm to her frantic mind.
"So you"re going to go and see Mum this weekend, to give Dinah a break. And you"ll take the babies, but Owen will obviously be at the stall. But you"ll be back in time to give him dinner and-"
"Shhhh," Ed soothed.
"Mum said something about Stefano going away for a fortnight," Annie remembered suddenly. "I don"t know if that"s soon, or if maybe she"s just got confused. You need to speak to him and find out. Because if he"s going away, Mum can"t be on her own, she"ll have to come and stay with us, so we"ll need to know when that is. And I hope I"ll be back by then otherwise you"ll have too much to-"
"Annie! Stop it! I"ll speak to Stefano on Sat.u.r.day. I"ll get the dates of his holiday and the recipe for his chorizo ca.s.serole. OK? You were the one who wanted to go on this trip," Ed reminded her, his hands sliding to the tops of her arms, which he squeezed affectionately.
"Yes, yes ..." she said distractedly because now that the boarding card was actually in her hand, now that her entire family was a.s.sembled around her at pa.s.sport control ready to say goodbye, now she just wasn"t quite sure if she really could manage to go.
Ed put his hand under her chin and turned her face towards his.
Oh no. Oh no, it really was going to be time to say goodbye.
"Look, you"ve convinced me that this is a good idea. That it is really important for you," he reminded her, "so now you have to go. Stop worrying about us. We"re going to be fine. And you"re going to be great!" he encouraged her.
"Is it too late to change my mind then?" Annie whispered, her eyes fixed on his.
"Your luggage is checked in! That would cause all kinds of complications. Plus," he leaned over to whisper against her ear, "Lana would kill you."
This was probably true.
Annie hugged him very, very tightly, then pushed her lips against his in a deep kiss. Suddenly a gap of four weeks and the entire Atlantic Ocean seemed very real and very frightening.
"Do we have to watch this?" Owen asked from his place behind the twins" buggy.
Lana nudged her brother with her elbow. "We have to say goodbye too," she reminded him.
"Yeah, well, don"t think I"m going to kiss you."
"You"ll be sorry if our plane stalls, dives into the sea and we"re never seen again."
"Lana!!" Annie pulled away from Ed and made a horrified face, "don"t even joke about it."
"Please don"t cry over the babies," Ed warned her, "you"ll just make them upset."
Annie knelt down in front of the buggy and both Micky and Minnie began to giggle and babble, delighted with her attention.
"I"m going to see you later, buddies," Annie told them as cheerfully as she could, with a big smile across her face, although now that she was really doing this she felt as if her heart might crack.
Minnie, who was an acutely sensitive soul, seemed to pick up that all was not well and an anxious look began to build in her face.
Annie decided to unbuckle her and wrap her up in a big hug.
"Bye-bye Min, see you very soon. Very, very soon," Annie said, rubbing her hand over her baby"s back.
Her baby girl nuzzled her face against Annie"s shoulder.
"Daddy"s here, and Owen and Aunty Dinah. Mummy and Lana will be back soon."
"Mumma," Min said, squeezing her podgy arms tightly around Annie"s neck.
If Min cried or protested, Annie wasn"t sure if she would have the strength to walk through the departure gate.
"Boo!" Owen had crept up behind Annie and now popped up under Min"s face, causing her to break into a giggle. "Come to big bruv," he said, holding out his arms and grinning.
Min let go of Annie and accepted a lift from Owen without the slightest worry.
"You"re a star, Owen," Annie said, and bent over to kiss him.
"Watchit!" Owen warned, "no lips! One on the cheek is all you"re getting."
"A hug? At least a hug ..."
He gave her a brief, one-armed squeeze because of Min. "And remember my DVDs. The full list plus the money is in that envelope I put into your bag this morning. All right?
"Take care," she told him, swallowing a lump in her throat the size of a potato.
"We"ll be sweet as a nut, Mum. You go off with Lana and have a ball. And next time you"re going to New York, you"re definitely taking me, OK?"
She kissed him again and ruffled his hair, just to annoy him: "I love you, all right?"
Then it was time to squeeze the life out of Micky and give Ed one last, long hug. Until the build-up of tears behind her eyes was at danger level.
"You"ll be fine. You"ll be more than fine," she whispered, "you"re the best Dad ever and you run the house like clockwork."
Feeling his arms hold her tight and his curly hair brush her face, for a moment she thought of when she"d first been invited into Ed"s bas.e.m.e.nt of chaos. So much had changed. Imagine if she"d known then that he would become her totally domesticated husband and they would have twins!
"OK, see you in four weeks!" Lana called out. She was incredibly cheerful and excited. Ever since the flights had been booked, the cloud of boredom and gloom hovering above her for so long had completely evaporated.
She whirled round her family, landing quick kisses on cheeks then took hold of Annie"s arm. "C"mon Mum, it"s time to go. New York is waiting for us!"
As soon as her family was out of sight, Annie cried hard.
She cried all the way through the security process and on into the departure lounge. There, Lana marched her to a bar and made her buy a gla.s.s of buck"s fizz, even though it was eight in the morning. Only when the entire drink was downed, did Annie finally stop sobbing.
She blew her nose and began to look around through streaky eyes. There was a full ninety minutes till boarding.
"We could try on a lot of perfume in ninety minutes," she pointed out, with a final sniff.
"We could," Lana agreed with a grin.
"You"re supposed to stick to three or four ... apparently the nose gets confused."
"Right."
Annie hadn"t managed to doze for even one moment on the flight, and neither had Lana. It was cramped, chilly and claustrophobic on the plane. How had transatlantic travel managed to become like a marathon bus ride? Where was the glamour? People had once arrived in New York by steam liner with bellboys in pressed uniforms ready to trolley their initialled leather trunks behind them.
Annie pulled the lump of fibre held together by static which pa.s.sed for a blanket around her shoulders.
Once the champagne buzz had worn off, the first hour of the flight had been hard. Watching the coastline of Ireland slip away beneath them and the great steely grey expanse of water begin, Annie had brooded on the fact that the entire Atlantic Ocean was going to be between her and Ed, Owen and her babies.
An ocean! What had she been thinking? She couldn"t help feeling that there was no way she was going to last four weeks. This would be impossible. But it hadn"t seemed fair to mention such doubts to Lana, who was glowing, tingling, just about out of her mind with excitement about landing at JFK in a few hours" time.
Whenever Annie"s face looked worried, Lana had made her order another gla.s.s of fizz. So now, six hours later, Annie was gulping water and trying to recover from the effects of high alt.i.tude early morning drinking.
Plus, the concerned look on the face of their American air hostess was becoming a little bit off-putting. There had been no denying the reprimand in the last: "Another gla.s.s of sparkling wine for you, ma"am? Ok-aaaaay."
Lana had shut down the in-flight entertainment and was now looking out of her window with unmistakable delight. When Annie peered over Lana"s shoulder to get a glimpse of the view, she too felt a jolt of excitement. Below was a bright blue sea and a long blond strip of coastline.
"Wow! Could that be New England?" Annie asked.
"Maybe. Doesn"t it look beautiful? There are islands ... maybe it"s the Hamptons. Maybe we"re almost there."