Furious, unsure what to say, I just stared at the two of them. Erika patted her hair back into place, now looking bored and vaguely annoyed. Chase was staring at me, his dark eyes haunted and luminous.
I wanted to run over and throw my arms around him, to beat the c.r.a.p out of Erika, to stake my claim. But the truth was, I didn"t have any right to do that. I"d slept with Zachary, the werepuma. But Chase had said I was enough for him. He"d never mentioned wanting somebody else. He"d lied to me. And I hated liars.
After a moment, I found my voice. "How long has this been going on?"
Chase dropped into the chair next to his desk. He looked over at Erika. "Maybe you"d better leave. I need to talk to Delilah."
She gave me a snotty look, then picked up her handbag and swished out the door. "Call me when you"re ready for dinner," she said over her shoulder, and I knew she wasn"t talking to me.
I waited till she"d closed the door behind her and then turned back to Chase. "When were you going to tell me about her?"
He squirmed. "I don"t know. Maybe never. She"s leaving at the end of the month. I"m sorry you had to find out this way, honey."
"Don"t you honey honey me," I whispered, wondering if Mother had ever gone through this with Father. We girls had always a.s.sumed he"d been faithful, and Mother had never given us reason to doubt him. But I"d just learned a painful lesson about a.s.sumptions, and it made me question a lot of things I"d believed. me," I whispered, wondering if Mother had ever gone through this with Father. We girls had always a.s.sumed he"d been faithful, and Mother had never given us reason to doubt him. But I"d just learned a painful lesson about a.s.sumptions, and it made me question a lot of things I"d believed.
Father was full-blooded Fae, and the Fae were seldom monogamous. Had our parents had their bouts of jealousy and temptation? Father was a handsome man, it was hard to believe no woman had ever tried to entice him away.
Chase gulped. "Erika came into town a few weeks ago. She called me. I haven"t seen her in years, and I thought we"d just have dinner and let it go at that. But she said she was sorry she"d let me go. She missed me. I told told her I was involved with you, but she didn"t care. She came here for lunch the next day . . . and . . . things . . . just escalated." her I was involved with you, but she didn"t care. She came here for lunch the next day . . . and . . . things . . . just escalated."
I tried to control my voice, to remain calm. "Do you love her?"
He jerked his head up. "Love her? No . . . no. Whatever love I felt for Erika vanished a long time ago. She"s just . . . I was so h.o.r.n.y, and you were . . ." her? No . . . no. Whatever love I felt for Erika vanished a long time ago. She"s just . . . I was so h.o.r.n.y, and you were . . ."
"And I was what? Conveniently not around? Did it ever occur to you that you could call me to come over here for a quickie at lunch? You know I would have." Now I was was mad. He couldn"t even come up with a good excuse. mad. He couldn"t even come up with a good excuse.
When he didn"t answer, I slammed my hand into the wall, taking care not to leave a dent. "So you"re telling me you"ve been f.u.c.king her because it"s too much trouble to call me? That you"re just too h.o.r.n.y to wait for me to drive over? Spare me!" I shook my head as the tears threatened to well up. Angry at myself for caring, I dashed them away. "At least I had the guts to tell you about Zachary right after it happened. And I didn"t keep on f.u.c.king him."
Chase jumped up, eyes blazing. "You never promised it wouldn"t happen again-"
"I told you that if it ever happened again, I"d tell you first. I"d give you the chance to decide whether you could handle it or not. I"ve never gone behind your back on anything-"
"Bulls.h.i.t!"
"What?" I strode over to the desk until we were inches apart. "What the h.e.l.l are you saying? Are you calling me a liar?"
"Get real, Delilah. You and your sisters are always hiding information from me. Or you just conveniently forget to tell me things I should know. How do you think I feel around you and your little band of superheroes? Camille and her hot studs, Menolly and her blood-crazed friends. All of you make your own rules, and every time I protest, all I hear is "Maybe we should go home and leave the demons to you, Chase" or "Oh, grow up and deal with it, Chase." Do you ever really really consult me? Do you even give a f.u.c.k about this world? Or are you just hiding out here because of the death threat your psycho queen slapped on your heads?" consult me? Do you even give a f.u.c.k about this world? Or are you just hiding out here because of the death threat your psycho queen slapped on your heads?"
I couldn"t believe my ears. Did he really believe what he was saying? How could I have spent the past six months with the man and never tripped over the resentment he was spouting? Because that"s what was coming to the surface. His words were tainted with it, full of anger and envy. Unable to respond, I simply stared at him. For a moment, I thought I was going to shift, and I almost welcomed the transformation, but as I stood there, I realized that nothing was going to happen.
He closed his eyes and leaned against his desk, deflating slowly. "I"m sorry. I went too far. I know you care, I know you girls have a rough time . . . I"m just . . ." Letting out a long sigh, he said, "I don"t have an excuse, Delilah. I was frustrated about the way things have been going. Everything"s crazy, and it all seems linked to you girls. I guess Erika . . . she reminded me of a simpler time. She was here, willing, and I wanted her. So . . . I f.u.c.ked her."
Numb, unable to feel anything but a searing shame that I couldn"t even understand, I sought for words, but they were scattered and would not come. Finally, I turned away.
"I"ve got to get out of here," I said. "Menolly will call you if something comes up. You can always call Iris or Camille. I"ve got to . . . I just . . . I"m going to leave, and I don"t want to talk to you for a while."
"Delilah, you can"t go. We have to talk about this." He ran to my side and reached out to grab my hand, but I jerked away, standing frozen. I didn"t want him to touch me, didn"t want to feel his hands on my skin. "Don"t go. Please stay. I"m sorry I"m sorry. I"m sorry I didn"t tell you."
I shook my head. Maybe he was, or maybe he was just sorry I"d caught him. Either way, I didn"t want to know. Not now. Maybe not ever. "I"m going to walk out this door and down the hall. Please don"t follow me."
"Delilah-no!"
As I stepped through the door, I paused, avoiding his gaze. "By the way, you should know that Camille"s in the infirmary. She almost died today fighting a h.e.l.lhound. And just FYI, if we didn"t love our mother"s world and the people in it, we would have left it long ago. We"ve all paid the price in pain and injuries. We face death every time we go out there."
"Delilah . . ."
His whisper broke through my anger. I whirled around, glaring at him.
"If we didn"t love it here, we would would have left it to the h.e.l.lhounds and the demons and the wackos that walk the streets. The perverts Menolly takes out so they never hurt anybody again. The same ones you and your men can"t catch or can"t put away. So have left it to the h.e.l.lhounds and the demons and the wackos that walk the streets. The perverts Menolly takes out so they never hurt anybody again. The same ones you and your men can"t catch or can"t put away. So f.u.c.k you f.u.c.k you, Chase Johnson. f.u.c.k you and your insecurities and your lies. You want an open relationship? Fine! You knew I wouldn"t object. But I want it aboveboard and honest. At least my father"s people have enough honor to tell their lovers when they take someone new. Can you say the same?"
He held out his hand. "Delilah, please . . . can"t we just talk?"
I"d had enough. I wasn"t sure whether it was Erika herself or the lies that bothered me more. And I knew it would take a while before I could sort everything out in my mind. If we were to have a chance, Chase and I needed a break. I shook my head.
"Maybe in a week or two. But for now, let"s just call a truce. A break. As I said, phone Iris or one of the others if you need to talk to us about official business, but don"t contact me. I need to think. And so do you." With that, I shut the door behind me. I cried all the way down the hall.
CHAPTER 8.
Camille was sitting in the waiting room with Smoky and Morio by the time I"d washed my face and composed myself. Chase hadn"t come after me, and while I didn"t expect him to, I halfway wished he would have.
"You guys ready? We need to get out of here." Other than my voice sounding throaty-like I"d been around too much smoke or had spent all night yowling with the neighbor cats-I didn"t look any different, and I wanted it that way. I"d tell Camille everything when she felt better, but I didn"t feel like exposing the situation with Chase to Smoky or Morio.
Camille took one look at me and narrowed her eyes. "What"s wrong-"
Oh great G.o.ds, that intuition of hers. I flashed her a pleading look, hoping she could read my expression.
She cleared her throat. "I"m ready. I have to keep the bandage on for a week, but Sharah says I"ll heal up. I can add another scar to my repertoire, though. And it"s not going to be all that pretty."
"Scars or not, you"re beautiful," Morio said, helping her up.
When Smoky went to carry her, she shook her head. "I"m not an invalid. I"m tired of being carted around like I broke my leg. I needed help earlier, but Sharah cleaned out the wound and used a healing powder on it, and she also gave me a much-needed boost of energy in the form of zaybarz."
Zaybarz . . . yum . . . they were delicate elfin wafers, and they provided a much-needed shot of energy to the system, although it was short-lived. Excellent for that middle-of-the-battle fatigue. I wondered if Sharah might have one to spare but decided I didn"t want to hang around any longer than necessary. Best to avoid running into Chase again.
Smoky acquiesced for once, backing away as she shakily maneuvered toward the front of the building. He followed a couple steps behind, and I found myself getting a little irritated. She was my sister; I should be by her side, not him. I flashed a nasty stare at his back and caught Morio looking at me out of the corner of his eye. He dropped back to walk beside me.
"Are you okay, Delilah? Did Smoky do something to p.i.s.s you off?" he said, his voice barely audible.
I frowned, then sighed heavily. "No, no. Something happened-something that doesn"t involve him, or you, or even Camille, and I guess I"m just looking for a place to vent." Swallowing back tears, I gave him a little shrug. "It just sucks. I really need to talk to Camille, but she"s had such a rough time that I don"t want to make her feel worse."
The fox demon shook his head, his dark eyes glittering with understanding. "She won"t mind. When we get home, Smoky and I"ll go buy takeout for everybody, and you and Camille can have a long talk. That work for you?" He gave me a sweet smile that made me choke up again.
Maybe Camille was onto something. Maybe I shouldn"t be dating FBHs. I might be part human-all too human-but maybe I needed somebody who understood the Fae side of me. Or the Were side, I thought, my mind flashing to Zachary. He"d predicted a depressing outcome to my liaison with Chase, too, but I"d thought it was just jealousy. Now I wondered if he"d just been trying to spare me heartbreak.
I managed to eke out a smile. "Thanks, Morio. Camille"s a lucky woman. I hope she knows it."
His eyes crinkled, and he let out a short laugh. "Oh, she does. Trust me. Camille never lets Trillian or Smoky or me feel like we"re just window dressing. She may not show it to the world, but she"s got a terribly romantic side."
I nodded, then took a deep breath and quickened my pace until I was walking at Camille"s right side. Smoky glanced at me. Whether he had overheard my conversation or whether he just sensed my need, he dropped back, leaving me to steady my sister as we headed to the parking lot.
Camille glanced at me as I helped her over to her Lexus. "Something happened. I can tell. You need to talk about it?"
"Yeah," I said, "but not here. Morio said he"d take Smoky, and they"d go get dinner after we get you home. Maybe we can talk then, if you"re feeling up to it?" Sometimes I still needed my older sister"s advice. Menolly and I"d relied on Camille ever since our mother died. Camille smoothed over the frayed edges; she picked up the pieces and put them back together again. She was the glue that held our family together. Maybe that"s why we indulged her whims most of the time.
"No problem," she said, wincing as I helped her slide into the pa.s.senger seat. "It"s a good thing Morio has a license. I"d hate to see what Smoky would do behind the wheel." She flashed me a big old grin.
"He"d probably end up behind bars." I laughed, then sobered. "Thanks, I needed that chuckle." I kissed her on the cheek before heading back to my jeep, where Rozurial and Vanzir were taking turns playing some sort of Game Boy game. I hopped in the driver"s seat, motioned for them to fasten their seat belts, and started the engine.
"She going to be okay?" Roz said quietly, as if he could sense my mood.
I nodded. "Yeah, she"ll be fine. But I"m all talked out, so if you boys don"t mind, can we limit the conversation on the way home? I"m beat and tired and not feeling very good."
"Sure thing," Vanzir said. We made the rest of the trip in silence.
Iris hadn"t returned from the library by the time we got home. Roz took the hint when I asked him to make himself scarce. He mumbled something about checking out a lead he"d thought of regarding who had summoned the venidemons, and he took Vanzir with him.
I impatiently waited as Smoky tucked in Camille on the sofa. Only then did he allow Morio to drag him off to the store. The dragon hated going shopping, but he was getting accustomed to it.
As soon as they left, I dropped into the rocking chair and stared at Camille, who immediately pushed off the blanket and propped herself up on the cushions.
"You"d think I was dying," she said. "I love the dude, but d.a.m.n, he"s overprotective."
"Just wait until you find Trillian." I winked at her, not feeling up to chatter but realizing she was as bereft as I was, although for entirely different reasons. "I can hardly wait to see the fireworks when he finds out you"ve married both Morio and Smoky. And that you expect him to join in the fun."
She sniffed. "You know perfectly well that Trillian"s straight. And so is Smoky."
"And Morio?" I was killing time, and I knew it. When I finally told her about Chase, it would make it all too real.
"The subject"s never come up. I can tell you that if he tried to put the moves on Trillian and Smoky, they"d eat him alive. And not not in the good way." She shrugged. "Now, will you tell me what the h.e.l.l happened? You look like death warmed over." in the good way." She shrugged. "Now, will you tell me what the h.e.l.l happened? You look like death warmed over."
"Two things, actually. First, and we"ll talk about this later when Menolly wakes up, the Autumn Lord has ordered me to go back to Otherworld, to the forest of Darkynwyrd in search of a plant to help me control my shifting into a panther. He insists that I do so now-as in yesterday." I expected her to nix the idea, but instead, her eyes lit up, and she pushed herself to a sitting position.
"Home?" Camille"s voice trembled. "If we went back home, then Morio and Smoky and I could test our bond to see if it will lead us to Trillian. We"ve been working on strengthening the soul link. I had no idea when I agreed to marry them in the binding ritual that the chain created would turn out to be such a strong force. Kitten, I can feel feel it if they"re too far away from me. It"s like part of me feels stretched. Kind of freaks me out, to be honest." it if they"re too far away from me. It"s like part of me feels stretched. Kind of freaks me out, to be honest."
"That would be nerve-racking. So you don"t object to the trip?" It was good to know I could count on her, and the thought of having Morio and Smoky along was also rea.s.suring.
"h.e.l.l no, I"m so there. Menolly probably won"t be able to come. I"d rather not journey into the Darkynwyrd forest during the night, so she"s stuck here." Camille rubbed her head and slid back onto the pillows. "The pain reliever Sharah gave me is making me dizzy. Now tell me what else happened-because this sure wasn"t what was making you cry."
Voice shaking, I spilled out the whole story. "I can"t believe I feel so betrayed. Isn"t our father"s blood supposed to cushion us against jealousy?"
Camille laughed. "Oh Kitten, honey, no. No. Our father"s blood only gives us that potential potential, but it"s so much more complex than just blood. And think-you"re part cat. You have territorial issues. That"s the only reason I haven"t gone out and picked up a few kittens. I knew we couldn"t bring a cat into the household because you"d hiss and spit and make a fuss and pee on the floor instead of in your litter box. Which-speak of the devil-Iris is complaining about again."
"Oops." I rolled my eyes. Back home, there had been servants to take care of the mess. Although when Mother was still alive, we"d been a.s.signed ch.o.r.es so we"d learn how to fend for ourselves. Mother had never objected to the outside help, but she objected to lazy layabouts lazy layabouts, as she called the idle rich. "You"d think I"d learn, but I don"t need it every day . . ."
She shook her finger at me. "Yes, but we"ve had this talk before. I suggest you get your b.u.t.t in gear and sift it today, or she"s going to dump the whole thing outside and just leave you adrift next time you transform. Back to the territorial issue-you may befriend other cats outside, but the house is your territory. Just like Chase is your territory. Erika"s an intruder, and you don"t like her horning in on your domain one bit. h.e.l.l, I"m surprised you haven"t marked him."
I blinked. Territory? Now there was a word I understood. "Is that why I feel like I"m running a double standard? Because I slept with Zach and I expected Chase to understand. Well, I didn"t expect him to understand, I just wanted him to. But for me . . ."
"You"re queen of the pride. You have to approve the other members of the harem if your mate brings somebody new home. Chase deprived you of that right. And don"t forget, he lied to you. I knew better than to trust Johnson-right from the beginning when he was trying to get under my skirts." She narrowed her eyes. "You want Menolly and me to have a little talk with him?"
I jumped. If Menolly summoned Chase in for a little talk, he"d come away skinned and boiled. That I knew for sure. Menolly was still overprotective of me. Camille had eased up on the Delilah"s-a-naive-little-girl att.i.tude ever since I"d b.i.t.c.hed both of them out about it a few months back. She"d backed off and was letting me fight my own battles when it came to love and life. Right now, I wasn"t certain I liked it any better than I"d liked being coddled. There was something to be said for having the hard knocks in life cushioned.
"No! I mean, not yet. Let me think for a while. Menolly said she didn"t think my relationship with Chase would work out, and I wondered why at the time. I doubt she would have predicted this." In fact, I was pretty sure she thought I"d I"d be the one unhappy to keep the relationship on an exclusive level. be the one unhappy to keep the relationship on an exclusive level.
Camille let out a sigh and leaned back. She closed her eyes. "d.a.m.n, my hand still hurts. Those h.e.l.lhounds are a b.i.t.c.h. But at least we know what we"re in for, should we run up against one in the future."
She squinted at me. "Listen, Kitten. Don"t let Chase throw you. You"re beautiful, you"re pa.s.sionate, you possess every quality a man could hope for. He"s either a jerk, or he screwed up big time because he thought with his c.o.c.k first, instead of his heart. We both know the blood runs south with men whenever they see a pretty face and a winsome body. Either scenario could be the case-but you you have to decide which one to accept." have to decide which one to accept."
"I guess," I said, thinking it over. "Do you think we should just take a break, put some breathing s.p.a.ce between us to think?"
"Well, we have to work with him, so you two are going to have to remain civil." She grinned. "If you really want my opinion, I think you should spend some time with someone more our speed, if you get my drift. Maybe you"ll find that dating an FBH isn"t going to work for you. Or maybe you"ll realize you really do love Chase, and then you"ll have to find a way to confront what happened today. Come what may, you owe it to both of you to give both sides of your heritage a chance. You have one very willing and gorgeous man waiting in the wings, you know."
She was talking about Zachary. Zachary Lyonnesse, who had made it abundantly clear he still wanted me. My stomach lurched. Should I chance creating more of a rift between Chase and myself? Or was it already there, done damage? Would I get along with Zachary better? Would we connect on a level Chase and I never could-on a Were level, even though his Pride didn"t consider me a real real Were because of my heritage? I headed toward the kitchen. Were because of my heritage? I headed toward the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Camille readjusted the blanket and sleepily closed her eyes.
"To make a phone call," I said. She was right. It was time to explore other options.
CHAPTER 9.
Zachary sounded surprised to hear my voice, but when I asked him if he wanted to get together for dinner on Sunday, he jumped right on board.
"What about Chase? Won"t he object?" he asked.
I stared at the receiver, wondering just how to answer. "Chase and I aren"t playing footsie right now." I hadn"t intended on telling Zach anything about what happened, but before I knew it, the whole sordid scene spilled out.
Zach let out a low whistle. "He screwed up big time. Tell me, what bothers you most?"
Even Camille hadn"t asked me that. I thought for a while. "The lies, I guess. The subterfuge. The sneaking around. I can"t stand sneaks. They p.i.s.s me off and always have. When I was little, K"sander-a child in my school before my mother yanked me out and taught me at home-befriended me, then he stabbed me in the back. He found out I was afraid of water, told the other children about it, and they tossed me into the pond out back of the Y"Elestrial palace."
"Holy c.r.a.p, why did they do that? Kids can be such little s.h.i.ts," Zach said, growling a little.
"We were always tormented because we were half-human. Trust me, while our parents loved us, we didn"t have many outside friends. The three of us grew up unusually close for sisters, and we"ve stayed that way. Anyway, I couldn"t swim, and I almost drowned."