She sat down on the edge of the display to try and pull herself together and watched in a haze as a smartly-dressed couple wandered over to look at the pushchairs.
"I can"t believe that twenty minutes ago we were at the garage selling your convertible and now we"re in here buying a pram," said the heavily pregnant woman. "Life"s never going to be the same again is it?" she continued, looking almost as shaken as Katy felt.
"You"re right," replied the man, putting an arm around her shoulders. "But I wouldn"t trade with anyone in the world right now. And do you know what? I loved that car, you know I did, but I bet you I am going to love our new pram a million times more, especially when it"s got our little princess in it?"
Katy watched, mesmerized, as they both turned to face each other, huge smiles on their faces. Then they kissed, quite pa.s.sionately, for the middle of a Sat.u.r.day afternoon in an out-of-town store. When they had finished the man reached inside his jacket and pulled out several sheets of paper.
"So," he said. "I printed all this stuff off the internet last night, after you"d gone to bed to help us make a decision. Now the best one this website said is that one over there..."
Katy turned away. She couldn"t bear to watch the perfect partnership anymore. She looked again towards the door. Still no sign of Ben.
She hauled herself up and trudged to the check-out gulping back the tears which had suddenly threatened to engulf her. In the middle of her purchases being scanned and packed the sales a.s.sistant leant over and gave her a tissue.
"Hormones," she said kindly. "Happens all the time."
Absolutely mortified she hurled the bags into her trolley as fast as she could and virtually ran out of the store as if the building was on fire.
"b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l, are there wild tigers in there or something?" she heard Ben say, just as she was careering through the automatic doors.
"Where the h.e.l.l have you been?" she managed to splutter before bursting into floods of tears whilst trying not to hyperventilate.
"Hey, it"s OK, calm down. Did the other pregnant ladies not play nicely?" he said grinning.
"Stop," she shouted. "Just stop," she repeated angrily, looking up at him, bright red in the face. He stared back at her in shock. They didn"t do angry with each other. "I don"t need you to do funny OK? Just stop doing funny."
"OK," he replied, the grin wiped off his face. "So what do you need?" he asked slowly.
"I don"t know," she said desperately. "Just not funny OK. I need ....I need ...I need you to just be there sometimes. You know like when I"m going through h.e.l.l trying to make a stupid pram stand upright," she whimpered, staring at the floor.
"I see," he said quietly. "You need me. That"s a new one."
"Yep, well you know, just sometimes," she replied. They both stood for a moment staring at the ground, lost in their own thoughts until Ben gently prized the trolley out of her fingers and took it to the car to unload.
That night the atmosphere in the air was so chilling that it could have been made for horror movies. Pitch black, driving rain, howling a gale and with all manner of sudden bangs and crashes to make you leap out of your skin.
Which was exactly what Katy did when Ben jumped into the car, a flashlight illuminating only his face, as they headed out.
"Don"t go on the moors, la.s.sie, don"t go on them moors now," he moaned as he hovered in her face.
"Don"t Ben," she said, swatting him away. She had managed to calm down a little since the shopping trip that afternoon. Ben had profusely apologised on the way home explaining he had got caught up with an old pal who was working in Currys and could get him a discount. She was trying very hard not to be p.i.s.sed off with him still, especially as she needed every drop of positive energy she had to get her through the dinner party with Matthew and Alison.
Ben switched on the radio to listen intently to the afternoon"s football activity. Katy, her heart still thumping wildly, was busy trying to clear her head of the image of Alison hacking her to death with a b.l.o.o.d.y axe whilst Matthew dug her grave in a misty forest in the middle of nowhere.
"We"re c.r.a.p. They all want sacking," declared Ben eventually, pressing the tuning b.u.t.ton repeatedly to try and find some decent music.
"Leave it alone will you," said Katy.
"Sorry," he said, skulking down in his seat. There was an awkward silence before Ben dared speak again.
"Well I don"t know about you but I am on the edge of my seat with excitement at the prospect of a night with Dull and Duller. Wonder how long the tour of the famous nursery will take? I actually feel as if I have decorated it myself, Lady Alison has described it in so much detail."
"Don"t remind me," said Katy, her heart sinking at the prospect. "I"m going to feel so inadequate."
"No way. You listen here Katy," said Ben, pulling himself up in his seat. "You will not be an a.n.a.l mum who turns her children into serial killers. You are going to be as cool as f.u.c.k and this baby is going to love you for it."
Katy allowed herself to smile. "Do you know what Ben? That might have been the nicest thing you have ever said to me."
"Well I aim to please," he said. "I do try," he added when Katy looked sideways at him. "So where the heck are we going then?" he asked changing the subject.
"It should be just up here on the right."
Ben let out a long low whistle as the large, detached, new-build house came into sight.
"Wow, it"s a mini mansion. No more Lady Alison, its Lady Alison of WAG Towers from now on," exclaimed Ben.
The wheels of Katy"s car scrunched on the neat gravel drive as they pulled up to the door. They were instantly bathed in a welcoming pool of orange light as ornate wrought iron lanterns came to life, illuminating them and the enormous front porch. Two beautifully-manicured, miniature trees in shiny copper tubs stood guard on either side of an imposing glossy black door with a very large moulded bra.s.s handle in the centre. The effect was more high-end restaurant than family home, thought Katy.
"It"s bigger than school," exclaimed Ben to Katy as he helped pull her fit to burst body out of the car. "They must be minted. Perhaps we should consider actually being good mates with them. There could be fringe benefits."
"Here, let me," said Matthew appearing at Ben"s side and grabbing Katy"s hand.
Katy jumped at the physical contact and withdrew her hand sharply. There had been no touching since the reunion.
"I"m pregnant, not disabled," she said as she wobbled upright and slammed the door behind her.
"Of course," said Matthew. "Sorry. Look get inside quick. Don"t get wet." He rushed forward and held open the thick black door, inviting them in to an imposing double height hall.
"Sorry but do you mind if you take your shoes off. New carpets have just been laid," he said as Katy crossed the threshold.
Katy looked at him to see if he was joking but he was obviously serious. She had a thing about people who asked visitors to take their shoes off. It always made her feel like something the cat had dragged in. She kicked off her shoes refusing to put them neatly on the shoe rack supplied for the convenience of guests.
"You sure Al would rather have my smelly, holey footie socks?" Ben piped up, waving his left foot in the air, revealing a worn through sock with a big toe sticking out.
"Come through," said Matthew ignoring Ben. "Alison is just finishing off in the kitchen."
"Hey mate, do you want to show me that programme now, just in case I get too drunk to truly appreciate the piece of history I"ll be holding in my hands?" said Ben as they moved through into the sitting room.
"I guess so," said Matthew as if he had only just noticed that Ben was there. "Come through to my office. We"ll be back in a minute Katy."
Katy stood in the middle of the sitting room which must have been at least twenty-five feet long, feeling lost and unsure what to do. She slowly looked around, admiring first the beautiful low-slung designer settee with its soft camel suede cushions symmetrically placed in each corner. She then noticed the state of the art floor lamp she had seen in a very expensive designer store in Leeds, which arched gracefully into the centre of the room to hover over a perfectly weathered coffee table. A super sleek Bose hi-fi system sat on a gla.s.s shelf and emitted wonderfully calming sounds as she walked to the other end of the room and stroked her hand down swathes of deep chocolate slubbed silk that hung from a thick wooden pole. She gently pushed the curtains aside and peeped behind them at the illuminated, perfectly manicured lawn. She turned and wandered back into the centre of the room and was just wondering what she could spy on next when her eyes rested on two impressively tall sculptural candlesticks that book-ended the obligatory row of photographs on the mantelpiece.
She took a sharp intake of breath.
This was it, Matthew"s life. The life he had lived without Katy but with Alison. Summarised in half a dozen images staring back at her, framed in matching understated brushed silver chrome.
She went slowly towards the mantelpiece, a little unsure whether she really wanted to see and even more unsure as to why she was unsure.
They were pretty predictable. Crazy young dating couple at a party. First summer holiday together. First skiing holiday together. First black-tie do together. First professional shot which was probably an engagement picture. And of course a glorious wedding photograph. Katy found herself scrutinizing Matthew"s face in each shot. She looked at his eyes and his mouth and then his body language. She realised she was trying to see if he looked happy. Happy in his post-Katy life.
She jumped as Alison came into the room.
"Sorry about that, just finishing off some little nibbles," she said as she placed two dishes of food on the coffee table.
"Nice photos," she finally forced out, at a loss as to what to say.
"Oh thank you. I do love our wedding photograph, it"s just so us."
Katy looked again at the largest frame and took in the artful black and white image. Matthew and Alison stood gazing into each others" eyes on the steps of what looked like a castle.
"So where did you get married?" she asked tentatively, not sure she liked the subject of conversation.
"Well, we found this brilliant castle in Hampshire with its own chapel. It was so perfect. It was hard work finding the right place though. We seemed to be viewing venues for weeks before we were satisfied. I still have a file this thick of everywhere we went to see, so if you are ever thinking of taking the plunge, you know where to come. You"re not married are you, you and Ben?"
"No, maybe one day, who knows?" Katy said unable to meet Alison"s eye.
"I was wondering if you were waiting until the baby is born?" she asked.
"No. We haven"t really got that far yet."
"Well you never know, Ben might have it all planned. The minute you give birth, he"ll pop the question," Alison ploughed on.
"Pop what question?" Ben asked as he strode back in the room.
"I was just being nosy Ben. I was asking if you have any plans to get married. I"m good at organising weddings you see."
"I don"t think that is really anything to do with us Alison," said Matthew sharply.
"Don"t worry. Me and Katy don"t worry about such formalities," said Ben falling onto the sofa. "I reckon one day we will just wake up and say, you know what, let"s get married. We are more a spur of the moment, fly by the seat of our pants kind of couple, aren"t we love."
"That"s right," said Katy, looking anywhere but at Matthew. "Definitely."
"My word Al, is this tea?" asked Ben. "We"ll have to have a c.h.i.n.ky on the way home at this rate," he continued in a stage whisper to Katy.
"No, no, they are just some nibbles before we sit down to eat properly."
"I"m just pulling your leg. Right, did someone say go? I"m starving," he said, picking up an entire plate and helping himself.
Finally, after half an hour of embarra.s.singly awkward small talk, Alison announced that dinner would be ready in ten minutes.
"Would you like to see the nursery before we sit down?" asked Alison.
Katy and Ben looked at each other. Katy knew that it was the last thing she wanted to do.
"Love to," said Ben, with a shrug to Katy. "Which wing is it in?"
"It"s ridiculously big, isn"t it," said Alison as she led them upstairs. "But Matthew got such a good package when he was made partner that it meant we could afford this."
"Say big guy, you"re quite a catch aren"t you?" said Ben.
"He is now," said Alison smiling proudly at him. "But it hasn"t always been like this. You should have seen the mess he was in when I met him."
Katy was beginning to feel really weird. She felt all clammy and a bit sick. Something was wrong.
"So here we are," said Alison, as she opened the door at the top of the stairs. "Our nest."
Katy stepped into the room and felt her jaw drop. She had never seen such a beautiful room. It was a wonderfully serene sea of creams and greens that felt so soft and gentle that she wanted to curl up on the sheepskin rug in the middle of the floor and go to sleep. She stood in the doorway in absolute awe before finding herself drawn to the two cribs that stood side by side on the far wall underneath an enormous arched window. Delicate flowing canopies cascaded protectively over the perfect little havens, and as she got closer, she had to fight back the tears when she caught sight of a small green teddy bear placed in each one, waiting patiently for its new owner to arrive. She was aware that Alison was talking to her but she couldn"t concentrate. She turned around slowly and spotted an antique, dark oak rocking chair with a pretty patchwork cushion nestling on its seat. Again she couldn"t help herself but walk over and stroke its long arched back before turning around and easing herself down into it. She closed her eyes and gently rocked backwards and forwards.
She let her mind drift off until suddenly her composure was shattered. She thought of the bare white room back at her flat with cardboard boxes stacked haphazardly in one corner and carrier bags strewn in another, belching the random baby purchases made in a panic earlier that day.
Filled with dismay she realised what was wrong. She was jealous. And to her horror a vivid image popped into her mind of a picture perfect barn conversion with roses trailing up the wall and her with Matthew and their two kids waving from the front door.
She started to try and scramble her way out of the chair but found that her belly thought that it had found its perfect resting place and was reluctant to let go. Matthew came over to rescue her, touching her for the second time that evening as he gently took her hand and put his arm around her shoulder.
"You OK?" he asked. "You look a bit pale. Can I get you anything?"
"No, I"m fine. Absolutely fine," she said, looking at him wide eyed. "Lets" eat, now, starving," she said hurriedly before bolting to the door.
She could hear Alison prattling on as she came down the stairs but all Katy could think about was how she was going to escape this nightmare as quickly as possible so she would never have to look at Matthew"s life again.
Chapter 13.
"So we have rocket, fennel, watercress and pear salad. Enjoy," said Alison as she laid down the delicate white starter plates which were most certainly not of IKEA origin.
Ben eyed the foliage in front of him suspiciously, then picked up his fork, took a deep breath and dug in.
"I"ve found starters particularly hard during pregnancy, haven"t you Katy?" said Alison. "Everything seems to have sh.e.l.lfish, soft cheese or cured meat in it."
"I guess I normally end up having soup and I hate soup," said Katy miserably.
There was an awkward silence.
"Soup is always such a conversation killer isn"t it," said Ben. "Soup and death. They should be both banned from discussion whilst eating."
Alison stared at Ben and then turned to ask Katy a question. "So Katy do you think you will breastfeed or bottle-feed?"
"Forgot to add breastfeeding," muttered Ben under his breath.
"Well I don"t really know yet. Depends on what the baby goes for I guess," said Katy, kicking Ben under the table.
"Well we"ve discussed it, haven"t we Matthew, and I really want to breastfeed but obviously with two that could be exhausting, so I"ve bought a breast pump. Matthew will be able to feed them when it"s too much for me. I went for the expensive electronic one. Apparently hand pumping is really hard work."
"Breast pump?" questioned Ben perking up. "You mean you can buy something to milk your b.r.e.a.s.t.s."