She rested her cheek against his shirt front. "He already had his say on the front porch a few minutes ago."
"Apparently he didn"t finish." He gently pushed her away and gave her a nudge toward the door. "Go on now. I"m right behind you."
Cal looked even more dangerous in the living room than he"d looked on the porch, where the light had been dimmer. She noted his narrowed gunslinger"s eyes and cattle rustler"s expression. She wanted to believe that the three other men present would come to her rescue if he proved to be completely unreasonable, but she suspected that they were on his side.
Cal ignored her as she made her way to stand near the television, the farthest point in the room from the place he occupied near the kitchen door. As if she were invisible, he addressed the room"s other occupants.
"Here are the facts ... I love Jane, and she loves me. I want to stay married, and she wants to stay married. All of you are standing in the way." He fell silent.
Seconds ticked by. One after the other.
"That"s it?" Ethan finally asked.
Cal nodded.
Kevin tilted his head toward her. "Hey, Jane, he says we"re in the way. If we weren"t here, would you go off with him?"
"No."
"Sorry, Bomber. You"ll have to think of something else."
Cal glared at Kevin. "Will you get the h.e.l.l out of here? This doesn"t have anything to do with you. I mean it, Tucker. I want you out of here. Now!"
Jane saw that Kevin was only prepared to defy Cal so far, and he"d reached his limit. But as he began to rise, Annie"s words forced him back in his seat. "He"s part of this, and he stays!"
Cal turned on her. "He"s not family!"
"He"s the future, Calvin, the same future that you don"t want to look at."
Her words seemed to infuriate him. He reached into his pocket, drew out a set of keys, and fired them at Kevin, who came slowly to his feet as he caught them.
"Sorry, Mrs. Glide, but I just remembered a previous engagement."
Jane rushed toward him, finally seeing a way out of this mess. "I"ll go with you."
Everyone in the room seemed to stiffen.
"That," Kevin said, "... is a really bad idea."
"Sit down, Jane." Jim spoke in his firm paternal voice. "It"s too late for you to get a plane out tonight, anyway, so you might as well hear Cal out. Kevin, thanks for your concern."
Kevin nodded, shot Jane a sympathetic smile, gave Cal a worried look, and left.
She sank down into a chair near Annie"s. Cal stuck his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat, still addressing his family instead of her. "She thinks I only want her because she"s playing hard to get, and that once the challenge is gone, I won"t be interested. I told her that"s not true, but she doesn"t believe it."
"You do like a challenge," Lynn pointed out.
"Trust me ... living with somebody who"s trying to discover the Theory of Everything is more than enough challenge. Do you have any idea what it"s like to see mathematical formulas scrawled on the front page of your newspaper first thing in the morning, or on the bottom of a grocery list when all you want to do is remember to buy beer? Or how about all over the lid of your cereal box before you even have your eyes open?"
"I never wrote on your cereal box!" Jane bolted out of the chair.
"You sure as heck did! Right across the lid of my Lucky Charms."
"You"re making this up. He"s making it up! I admit I sometimes doodle a bit, but-" She broke off as she remembered a morning several weeks ago when a cereal box had been the only thing available. Resuming her seat, she spoke stiffly. "That sort of thing const.i.tutes an irritation, not a challenge."
"For your information, Professor, sometimes I can be talking right to you, and without any warning, you"re gone." He splayed his hands on his hips and stalked toward her. "Physically you"re standing right there in front of me, but your brain has taken off into hypers.p.a.ce."
She shot up her chin. "An irritation, not a challenge."
"I"m going to kill her." Gritting his teeth, he slumped down onto the couch next to his parents and glanced over at his brother. "You see what I"m up against?"
"On the other hand," Ethan said, "she looks real good naked."
"Ethan!" Mortified, Jane turned to Lynn. "It"s not the way it sounds. It was an accident."
Lynn"s eyes widened. "A strange accident."
"You"re getting off the subject," Annie said. "Personally, I believe Calvin. If he says he loves you, Janie Bonner, he means it."
"I believe him, too," Lynn said.
"Me, too," Jim offered.
Ethan remained silent.
Jane looked toward him as if he were her lifeline.
He regarded her with a hint of apology. "I"m sorry, Jane, but there isn"t even any question about this."
She had let herself entertain the fantasy that they were her family, looking out for her best interests, but now that the chips were down, blood called out only to blood. They weren"t the ones who"d wake up every morning wondering if this would be the day her husband was going to lose interest in her.
"You"re all wasting your breath." Cal leaned forward, resting his lower arms on his knees and speaking in a hard flat voice. "Bottom line is, she"s a scientist, and scientists require proof. That"s what you want, isn"t it, Jane? You want me to prove my feelings to you, just like you prove those equations you scribble all over the house."
"Love doesn"t work that way," Lynn pointed out.
"She won"t accept that, Mom. Jane needs something tangible to stick in her equations. And you know why that is? Because n.o.body"s ever really loved her before, and she doesn"t believe it can happen now."
She drew back in the chair as if he"d struck her. There was a ringing in her ears, a searing sensation inside her head.
Cal shot to his feet. "You want proof of the way I feel? Okay, I"m going to give it to you." In three quick steps he was looming over her. Without warning, he swept her into his arms and carried her toward the door.
"Stop it, Cal! Put me down."
Lynn jumped to her feet. "Cal, this isn"t a good idea."
"I"ve done it your way," he shot back. "Now I"m doing it mine." He kicked the front door open and carried her outside.
"You can"t settle this with s.e.x," Jane hissed. She gathered her anger around her as a shield to protect her broken heart. Why didn"t he understand he couldn"t use strong-arm tactics to solve something this complex? He was ripping her apart, and he didn"t even seem to be aware of it.
"Who said anything about s.e.x? Or is that wishful thinking?"
She sputtered with outrage as he bore her off the front porch and began walking toward the road. Although she wasn"t close to being pet.i.te, he acted as if she weighed hardly anything. His breathing remained normal, his arms steady, even as he carried her down the road toward three cars that blocked the way.
He lowered her to the ground in front of his Jeep, pulled a batch of keys from his pocket, and threw several sets on the hood. Then he steered her toward his father"s Blazer, which blocked the other two cars. "Get in."
"Cal, this is just postponing the inevitable."
He pushed her inside and shut the door.
She turned her head to the window. If she wasn"t careful, he would wear her down, and she would agree to stay with him. That would be disastrous. Better to endure the pain now than have to go through it again when he realized he"d made a mistake.
The Professor needs something tangible to stick in her equations. And you know why that is? Because n.o.body"s ever really loved her before, and she doesn"t believe it can happen now.
She rejected Cal"s words. This was his problem, not hers. She wasn"t so lacking in self-esteem that she would throw away love that was honestly offered. Maybe it was true that no one had ever really loved her, but that didn"t mean she wasn"t ready to grab it when the real thing came along.
Did it?
Cal turned out onto the highway, interrupting the painful path of her thoughts. "I appreciate the fact that you didn"t air all our dirty linen in front of my family."
"I can"t imagine there"s even a piece of underwear elastic they haven"t seen."
"It"s okay, Jane. I won"t snap your head off if you bring up the subject. I know I"ve done that before, but it won"t happen again. It doesn"t take a lot of insight to know that you see me as pretty aimless right now, and I appreciate the fact that you didn"t hit me with that in front of my family."
"Aimless?"
"Just because I don"t know what I"m going to do when I stop playing ball doesn"t mean I"m not worthy of you. I know you might think that, but everything will change as soon as I get things figured out. I just need a little more time to sort through my options, that"s all."
She stared at him, flabbergasted. This was the first time he"d acknowledged that he wouldn"t be playing football forever. But what did that have to do with her feelings toward him? Not for a moment had she regarded his lack of plans for the future as a roadblock.
"I"ve never said I don"t believe you"re worthy."
"You don"t have to say it. I know what you"re thinking. Worthy people work."
"You work."
It was as if she hadn"t spoken. "You"re a physicist. That"s worthy work. My father"s a doctor; Ethan"s a minister. The guys down at the Mountaineer are teachers, plumbers, backhoe operators. They tend bar or build houses. They work. But what am I?"
"You"re a football player."
"And then what?"
She caught her breath, still unable to believe he was willing to admit his professional career was coming to an end. "Only you know the answer to that."
"But, you see, I don"t know the answer. I don"t have any idea what I"m going to do with the rest of my life. G.o.d knows, I"ve got enough money tucked away for three lifetimes, but I"ve never seen money as the mark of anybody"s worth."
She finally understood. All along, Cal"s refusal to acknowledge either his age or the fact that he"d soon be forced to retire hadn"t been rooted in pigheadedness, but despair over finding work that would satisfy him.
She didn"t know why she was so surprised. This was the same man who"d insisted on marrying a woman he hated just so his child would be legitimate. Beneath all that macho strut, Cal had a strong set of old-fashioned values. Those values dictated that a man without worthy work didn"t deserve respect.
"Cal, there are so many things you could do. You could coach, for example."
"I"d be a terrible coach. You might not have noticed, but I don"t have a lot of patience with stupidity. If I told somebody something once and he didn"t get it, I wouldn"t have the patience to tell him a second time. That"s not the way to build a successful football team."
"What about Kevin? He says he"s learned more about football from you than anyone."
"That"s because he catches on the first time."
"You"re very good on television. Why don"t you think about broadcasting?"
"I can"t work up any enthusiasm for it. Once in a while it"s okay, but not for a life"s work. Not for me."
"You have a degree in biology. You could use that."
"My degree is fifteen years old. I don"t remember a darned thing. I only got it because I like science and the outdoors."
"You have a lot of experience in business. Maybe you could start a company."
"Business bores me. Always has. Always will." He glanced over at her, but didn"t quite meet her eyes. "I"ve been thinking that maybe I could work on my golf game. In a couple of years, I might be able to qualify for the pro tour."
"I thought you were a mediocre golfer."
"Not exactly mediocre," he said defensively. "A little better than that." He sighed. "Never mind. Stupid idea."
"You"ll think of something."
"Darn right I will, so if that"s what"s holding you back, put it right out of your mind. I"ve got no intention of spending the rest of my life lazing around and living off my money. I couldn"t dishonor you like that."
He meant that he couldn"t dishonor himself. She wondered how long this had been twisting away inside him? "Your future job prospects aren"t what"s between us, Cal. You still don"t understand. I can"t stand having my love tossed back in my face again. It"s too painful."
He flinched. "You"ll never know how sorry I am about that. I had a panic reaction. Some people take a lot longer to grow up than others, and I guess I"m one of them." He reached over and covered her hand with his. "You"re the most important thing in the world to me. I know you don"t believe it, but I"m going to prove it to you."
Releasing her, he swung the Blazer into a parking place in front of the hardware store, then cursed softly under his breath. "It"s closed for the night. I didn"t even think about that."
"You"re bringing me to the hardware store to prove you love me?"
"I promise I"ll take you dancing soon. Rock and roll, not country and western." He got out of the car, came around to open the door for her, and drew her out to stand next to him. "Come on."
Completely mystified, she let him lead her into the narrow alley that ran between the pharmacy and hardware store. When they reached the back door, he tested the k.n.o.b, but the door was locked. The next thing she knew, he"d kicked it in.
A security alarm shrieked.
"Cal! Have you gone crazy?"
"Pretty much." Grabbing her arm, he pulled her inside. What was he doing?
He manacled her wrist with his fingers and drew her past lawn chairs and lighting fixtures to the paint section. The alarm continued its disconcerting wail. "The police are going to come!" she exclaimed.
"Don"t you worry about the police; Odell Hatcher and I have been friends for years. You just worry about whether or not we can find the right wallpaper for that kitchen of ours."