Hit the ranch yesterday, little person. Looks good to me. Have had Lauer do some work on it this summer. Went fishing last night about sundown. Trout were rising fine. Nailed a two-pounder. He jumped a foot clear of the water after my fly, and gave me a hot time for about ten minutes. Woke up this morning at daylight and found a buck deer with two lady friends standing in the middle of the clearing. I loafed a fews days in Fort George, sort of thinking I might hear from you. Am sending this out by Jake. Will start for the Klappan about day after to-morrow.
She had not answered his first letter. She had tried to. But somehow when she tried to set pen to paper the right words would not come. She lacked his facility of expression. There was so much she wanted to say, so little she seemed able to say. As the days pa.s.sed she felt less sure of her ground, less sure that she had not sacrificed something precious to a vagary of self, an obsession of her own ego.
Many things took on a different complexion now that she stood alone.
No concrete evidence of change stood forth preeminent. It was largely subjective, atmospheric, intangible impressions.
Always with a heart sinking she came back to the empty apartment, knowing that it would be empty. During Bill"s transient absence of the spring she had missed him scarcely at all. She could not say that now.
And slowly but surely she began to view all her activities of her circle with a critical eye. She was brought to this partly in self-defense. Certain of her friends had become tentative enemies.
Kitty Brooks and the Bray womenfolk, who were a numerous and influential tribe, not only turned silent faces when they met, but they made war on her in the peculiar fashion of women. A word here, a suggestive phrase there, a shrug of the shoulders. It all bore fruit.
Other friends conveyed the avid gossip. Hazel smiled and ignored it.
But in her own rooms she raged unavailingly.
Her husband had left her. There was a man in the case. They had lost everything. The first count was sufficiently maddening because it was a half truth. And any of it was irritating--even if few believed--since it made a choice morsel to digest in gossipy corners, and brought sundry curious stares on Hazel at certain times. Also Mr.
Wagstaff had caused the stockholders of Free Gold a heavy loss--which was only offset by the fact that the Free Gold properties were producing richly. None of this was even openly flung at her. She gathered it piecemeal. And it galled her. She could not openly defend either Bill or herself against the shadowy scandalmongers.
Slowly it dawned upon her, with a bitterness born of her former experience with Granville, that she had lost something of the standing that certain circles had accorded her as the wife of a successful mining man. It made her ponder. Was Bill so far wrong, after all, in his estimate of them? It was a disheartening conclusion. She had come of a family that stood well in Granville; she had grown up there; if life-time friends blew hot and cold like that, was the game worth playing?
In so far as she could she gave the lie to some of the petty gossip.
Whereas at first she had looked dubiously on spending Bill"s money to maintain the standard of living they had set up, she now welcomed that deposit of five thousand dollars as a means to demonstrate that even in his absence he stood behind her financially--which she began to perceive counted more than anything else. So long as she could dress in the best, while she could ride where others walked, so long as she betrayed no limitation of resources, the doors stood wide. Not what you are, but what you"ve got--she remembered Bill saying that was their holiest creed.
It repelled her. And sometimes she was tempted to sit down and pour it all out in a letter to him. But she could not quite bring herself to the point. Always behind Bill loomed the vast and dreary Northland, and she shrank from that.
On top of this, she began to suffer a queer upset of her physical condition. All her life she had been splendidly healthy; her body a perfect-working machine, afflicted with no weaknesses. Now odd spasmodic pains recurred without rhyme or reason in her head, her back, her limbs, striking her with sudden poignancy, disappearing as suddenly.
She was stretched on the lounge one afternoon wrestling nervously with a particularly acute attack, when Vesta Lorimer was ushered in.
"You"re almost a stranger," Hazel remarked, after the first greetings.
"Your outing must have been pleasant, to hold you so long."
"It would have held me longer," Vesta returned, "if I didn"t have to be in touch with my market. I could live quite happily on my island eight months in the year. But one can"t get people to come several hundred miles to a sitting. And I feel inclined to acquire a living income while my vogue lasts."
"You"re rather a wilderness lover, aren"t you?" Hazel commented. "I don"t think you"d love it as dearly if you were buried alive in it."
"That would all depend on the circ.u.mstances," Vesta replied. "One escapes many disheartening things in a country that is still comparatively primitive. The continual grind of keeping one"s end up in town gets terribly wearisome. I"m always glad to go to the woods, and sorry when I have to leave. But I suppose it"s largely in one"s point of view."
They chatted of sundry matters for a few minutes.
"By the way, is there any truth in the statement that this Free Gold row has created trouble between you and your husband?" Vesta asked abruptly. "I dare say it"s quite an impertinent question, and you"d be well within your rights to tell me it"s none of my business. But I should like to confound some of these petty tattlers. I haven"t been home forty-eight hours; yet I"ve heard tongues wagging. I hope there"s nothing in it. I warned Mr. Wagstaff against Paul."
"Warned him? Why?" Hazel neglected the question entirely. The bluntness of it took her by surprise. Frank speech was not a characteristic of Vesta Lorimer"s set.
The girl shrugged her shoulders.
"He is my brother, but that doesn"t veil my eyes," she said coolly.
"Paul is too crooked to lie straight in bed. I"m glad Mr. Wagstaff brought the lot of them up with a round turn--which he seems to have done. If he had used a club instead of his fists it would have been only their deserts. I suppose the fuss quite upset you?"
"It did," Hazel admitted grudgingly. "It did more than upset me."
"I thought as much," Vesta said slowly. "It made you inflict an undeserved hurt on a man who should have had better treatment at your hands; not only because he loves you, but because he is one of the few men who deserve the best that you or any woman can give."
Hazel straightened up angrily.
"Where do you get your astonishing information, pray?" she asked hotly.
"And where do you get your authority to say such things to me?"
Vesta tucked back a vagrant strand of her tawny hair. Her blue eyes snapped, and a red spot glowed on each smooth, fair cheek.
"I don"t get it; I"m taking it," she flung back. "I have eyes and ears, and I have used them for months. Since you inquire, I happened to be going over the Lake Division on the same train that carried your husband back to the North. You can"t knife a man without him bearing the marks of it; and I learned in part why he was going back alone.
The rest I guessed, by putting two and two together. You"re a silly, selfish, shortsighted little fool, if my opinion is worth having."
"You"ve said quite enough," Hazel cried. "If you have any more insults, please get rid of them elsewhere. I think you are--"
"Oh, I don"t care what you think of me," the girl interrupted recklessly. "If I did I wouldn"t be here. I"d hide behind the conventional rules of the game and let you blunder along. But I can"t.
I"m not gifted with your blind egotism. Whatever you are, that Bill of yours loves you, and if you care anything for him, you should be with him. I would, if I were lucky enough to stand in your shoes. I"d go with him down into h.e.l.l itself gladly if he wanted me to!"
"Oh!" Hazel gasped. "Are you clean mad?"
"Shocked to death, aren"t you?" Vesta fleered. "You can"t understand, can you? I love him--yes. I"m not ashamed to own it. I"m no sentimental prude to throw up my hands in horror at a perfectly natural emotion. But he is not for me. I dare say I couldn"t give him an added heartbeat if I tried. And I have a little too much pride--strange as it may seem to you--to try, so long as he is chained hand and foot to your chariot. But you"re making him suffer. And I care enough to want him to live all his days happily. He is a man, and there are so few of them, real men. If you can make him happy I"d compel you to do so, if I had the power. You couldn"t understand that kind of a love. Oh, I could choke you for your stupid disloyalty. I could do almost anything that would spur you to action. I can"t rid myself of the hopeless, reckless mood he was in. There are so few of his kind, the patient, strong, loyal, square-dealing men, with a woman"s tenderness and a lion"s courage. Any woman should be proud and glad to be his mate, to mother his children. And you--"
She threw out her hands with a sudden, despairing gesture. The blue eyes grew misty, and she hid her face in her palms. Before that pa.s.sionate outburst Hazel sat dumbly amazed, staring, uncertain. In a second Vesta lifted her head defiantly.
"I had no notion of breaking out like this when I came up," she said quietly. "I was going to be very adroit. I intended to give you a friendly boost along the right road, if I could. But it has all been bubbling inside me for a long time. You perhaps think it very unwomanly--but I don"t care much what you think. My little heartache is incidental, one of the things life deals us whether we will or not.
But if you care in the least for your husband, for G.o.d"s sake make some effort, some sacrifice of your own petty little desires, to make his road a little pleasanter, a little less gray than it must be now.
You"ll be well repaid--if you are the kind that must always be paid in full. Don"t be a stiff-necked idiot. That"s all I wanted to say.
Good-by!"
She was at the door when she finished. The click of the closing catch stirred Hazel to speech and action.
"Vesta, Vesta!" she cried, and ran out into the corridor.
But Vesta Lorimer neither heeded nor halted. And Hazel went back to her room, quivering. Sometimes the truth is bitter and stirs to wrath.
And mingled with other emotions was a dull pang of jealousy--the first she had ever known. For Vesta Lorimer was beautiful beyond most women; and she had but given ample evidence of the bigness of her soul. With shamed tears creeping to her eyes, Hazel wondered if _she_ could love even Bill so intensely that she would drive another woman to his arms that he might win happiness.
But one thing stood out clear above that painful meeting. She was done fighting against the blankness that seemed to surround her since Bill went away. Slowly but steadily it had been forced upon her that much which she deemed desirable, even necessary, was of little weight in the balance with him. Day and night she longed for him, for his cheery voice, the whimsical good humor of him, his kiss and his smile.
Indubitably Vesta Lorimer was right to term her a stiff-necked, selfish fool. But if all folk were saturated with the essence of wisdom--well, there was but one thing to be done. Silly pride had to go by the board. If to face gayly a land she dreaded were the price of easing his heartache--and her own--that price she would pay, and pay with a grace but lately learned.
She lay down on the lounge again. The old pains were back. And as she endured, a sudden startling thought flashed across her mind. A possibility?--Yes. She hurried to dress, wondering why it had not before occurred to her, and, phoning up a taxi, rolled downtown to the office of Doctor Hart. An hour or so later she returned. A picture of her man stood on the mantel. She took it down and stared at it with a tremulous smile.
"Oh, Billy-boy, Billy-boy, I wish you knew," she whispered. "But I was coming, anyway, Bill!"
That evening, stirring about her preparations for the journey, she paused, and wondered why, for the first time since Bill left, she felt so utterly at peace.
CHAPTER x.x.xIII