The subt.i.tle is,
on account of still being 0,0
TBA
I realized I was in a place I didn’t know.
I had absolutely no idea where it could be.
All I can think of is that I must have suffered some kind of memory-loss. Well, okay. That basically meant I was totally clueless.
(Oh c.r.a.p, did I drink too much last night?)
I’ve often felt like drinking until I blacked out, but this is the first time it actually happened… at least I think that’s what happened. My memory is kind of foggy though, so I can’t really be sure.
“"…Why… Why, of all things, does it have to be a slime!?" I heard a girl cry.
Slime? What was she talking about?
That aside though, my eyelids were so darn heavy. Apparently I really did drink way too much. I couldn’t even stand up.
Someone– Water, bring me water.
Huh!? Even my voice wasn’t working.
What happened to my throat?
This is why cheap, strong liquor sucks. Expensive liquor doesn’t get you sick. One day I’d like to drink liquor that doesn’t get you drunk. Well, if there was such a thing, no amount of money would be enough.
That’s right. Where is my wallet? Maybe I got so drunk that I ended up pa.s.sed out on the roadside. I tried reaching my hand into my pocket, but my arm wouldn’t move.
And that’s when I realized there was something seriously wrong.
First, I had to open my eyes to find out what the situation was. However, my eyelids still refused to budge. I just wanted to check the current situation, but… the moment I thought that, the world was thrust into light.
What the? What was this? Why was my field of view so wide? I could see behind and above– there was also a girl. The moment I thought of looking at her, my field of vision narrowed.
The voice was next. If I could open my eyes, my voice would probably work too.
More at ease I tried to say, “Heey.”
And this time, my voice finally worked.
"Hey… You shouldn"t be crying here… Where is this anyway?"
When I asked her, the girl stared blankly back at me.
I didn’t think the room I’d seen a moment ago had an exit, but I couldn’t be sure.
"Didn"t you hear me? I"m asking you where this is… Or better yet, why is my line of sight so low? What the h.e.l.l is going on here?"
I probably meant he had fallen down, but even after trying, he couldn’t get up.
“I have a really bad headache from a really bad hangover, couldn’t you bring me some water?”
“I-I understand.”
The girl, who had until recently been crying, then went to the bookshelf and picked up a pitcher of water which she then… poured on my head.
“What, what are you doing! I said I wanted to drink water! Through my mouth!”
“What? But you don’t have a mouth anywhere, right?!” the girl declared angrily, when the angry one should be me.
“I don’t have a mouth? What are you on about? If I didn’t have a mouth, I wouldn’t be able to talk… right?”
Speaking of which, I haven’t been able to feel my mouth for a while now.
“Maybe it’s because of some dangerous disease. Maybe that’s why I can’t feel my hands, feet or mouth…”
“I wonder if it’s not because you don’t have any of those?”
She went to the bookshelf, took out a mirror that was shelved between the books and kneeled down in front of me, holding the mirror in her hands. The slightly foggy mirror was supposed to reflect my face, but what I saw there was a blue jelly-like shaped monster, only slightly bigger than a human head.
Slime?
It was a slime. A small-fry monster. Why was it there? I mean, wasn’t that thing supposed to be a mirror?
That means that…
“That’s you.”
She said it.
All right, I got it.
“Taking the present situation into account, I finally understand my current condition.”
“What? Really? I totally don’t understand it though.”
“I turned into a slime. Basically, fearing me, the hero, the demon king used his subordinate, the witch, to turn me into a slime… meaning you’re the witch.”
“That’s totally wrong! I mean, were you a hero?”
“I just thought that version would be more popular with girls… Oh well, whatever.”
“Oh well, whatever?!”
“I wanted to try being a slime once… this is a solution!”
(T/N: solution = pun on being a slime.)
I manage to make a slime arm separate from my head. It shoots towards the girl’s chest, making a hissing sound when it hits her clothes, dissolving them.
I saw some white underwear and then a moment of silence went by before she screamed.
“KIYAAAAA!”
“Oooh, this dissolving solution really is quite fun to play with…”
Her bra size doesn’t seem too big. I was expecting her to be the slender type, but I’m a bit disappointed at how much she looks to be like a little girl. I wouldn’t go as far as saying she’s flat chested though. She’s probably a B-cup.
Luckily for the flat-chested, there’s also a demand for them.
“Even so, I wasn’t expecting it to be white. Seeing as you’re a witch I was expecting black underwear… Why are you suddenly taking your clothes off?!”
“Don’t look at me! If I don’t remove this stain quickly, the dissolving solution’s hole will get bigger!”
After undressing, the teary-eyed girl soaked a tattered handkerchief with water from the pitcher. She used it to dab at the stain, removing it as best she could before she started mending her clothes with a needle and thread. Not having any extra cloth on hand, the girl cut off a piece of her sleeve using scissors to use as patching material. Then, she got dressed.
This happened in the span of thirty-five seconds… super fast.
However, her panties are blue and white striped, that won’t do. This doesn’t mean striped panties are bad, but her bra and panties don’t match and for that I’ll have to deduct some points.
As I thought about this, the girl glared at me.
“What are you doing!? These are the only clothes I have!” she complained.
“My bad, I also don’t get it. I seem to have been quite confused. I forgot to melt your underwear as well.”
“If you dissolve it, I’m going to crush you…”
The girl was in the middle of yelling at me when she stopped and cleared her throat, as if just remembering something.
“… Ahem, as I was saying. I am the dungeon-fairy Ciel. I’m the one that scouted you to be a boss-monster.”
“Dungeon-fairy? I’ve never heard of one. But if you’re a fairy, are you some kind of monster?”
“Well, it’s a type of monster. There is a magic-stone in my head.”
Ciel then took off her hat and pushed her bangs aside to reveal her forehead. There was some kind of shining purple gemstone embedded in it.
Unless she was lying, that would be the magic-stone.
I once heard someone say that all monsters have a magic-stone embedded somewhere in their body. I don’t remember where I heard it though.
“So, you want me to be a dungeon-boss? I’m sorry I have to be the one to say this, but it looks like I’m a slime, right? I’ve never heard of a slime being a dungeon-boss…”
“It can’t be helped. A dungeon-boss is summoned at random and cannot be changed. If you refuse to be a dungeon-boss, I’ll be forced to hibernate for ten years.”
“I get it. You want me to stay as a dungeon-boss and that’s why you’re being so polite.”
“You knew?”
“Oh, that mean’s Ciel will be in trouble if I refuse, right? So let’s say, if you’re able to strike a sultry pose here that will blow me away, I’ll become a dungeon-boss! That said, you have no other choice but to obey, right? Or am I wrong?”
“… Well, you couldn’t possibly want to give that kind of order though, right?”
“Come to think of it, you were crying when you saw me. Why does it have to be a slime? You asked. Being summoned so suddenly was a shocking experience for me, you know? So if a contract with me is so disagreeable, you really don’t have to sign it.”
“That… That’s not true! I was crying tears of happiness. Happy I summoned a slime!”
“What, so Ciel had a slime-mania? She’s a pervert, huh.”
“That… That’s right! That’s why, please, make a contract with me…”
“I’m thirsty… Does this house not offer its guests tea?”
“You don’t have a throat though. And I just gave you water a little while ago…”
“Did you say something?”
“P-please wait a moment!”
Ciel took a green cup out of thin air and said, “Create Water“, casting magic.
“I am sorry, I am out of tea leaves. I can only offer you water.”
“Well, it can’t be helped if you’re not prepared.”
I saw the teacup, but now how do I drink it?
Tentatively, I stretch out my body like a tentacle, trying to immerse it in the cup. Yes, this seems to work in absorbing water.
As I absorbed the water I finally felt like I had drunk some water.
“Next, my shoulders are kind of stiff.”
“You’re the shoulder…”
“Did you say something?”
“I’ll ma.s.sage you!”
With a slightly irritated att.i.tude, Ciel started ma.s.saging my shoulders.
“Hey, that’s my head!”
“But I can’t tell where the head or the shoulders are!”
“Even if you say that, I was supposed to be a human being, and yet why am I here as a slime?”
“Huh? Were you a human being? Is that why you speak a human language?”
“I guess so. But my memory is a bit hazy. I can’t even remember my name. For now, why don’t you prepare a temporary name?”
“Name? Even if you say something like that…” Ciel thought, while ma.s.saging my head.
“Make it a cool name. If it’s not, I won’t sign the contract.”
“How about… b.a.s.t.a.r.d?”
“b.a.s.t.a.r.d?”
“It’s cool, isn’t it?”
“The b.a.s.t.a.r.d you say, is it not the word that means a.s.shole, or illegitimate child or a good-for-nothing person? Is it not the word that carries those negative connotations?”
“…. Oh. Is that so?” Ciel asked innocently, shamelessly trying to dodge the question. She suddenly started whistling.
It was pretty good whistling too, almost like a professional performance.
But, b.a.s.t.a.r.d huh?
“All right, let’s go with that. It gives an outlaw-ish feeling, I like it. But being called Tard should be good.”
“Huh? Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
“Yeah, it suits me. When I introduce myself as a dungeon-boss, I’ll watch the opponent make a strange face and then I can proudly say I was named by my dungeon-fairy Ciel, right?”
“But, if you do that, my reputation… huh!?”
It seems Ciel finally noticed the meaning of my words.
“I’ll do it, the dungeon-boss thing. As a slime I don’t really have many other choices anyway. I would die as soon as I met an adventurer and that would be the end of that.”
“A-are you sure you want to do that?”
“Well, then I quit.”
“I’m very happy to be making this contract with you! Now if you could please sign it here!”
Using magic Ciel quickly writes the contract on the ground.
[Write thy name if thou wishest to become a dungeon-boss.]
The letters glowed.
“… that looks pretty official.”
“Well, it’s a contract.”
“Is an a.s.sumed name okay though?”
“Should be fine right? In most cases the summoned monsters don’t have names anyway and have to be named by their dungeon-fairies.”
Oh, is that how it is?
“What do I need to write with?”
“You can just trace it on the ground. The light will follow on its own.”
“Really? Well then…. Erm, Ciel and…”
“Wait a minute! Why is it my name you’re writing?”
Noticing that I was writing her name, she pushed me aside and looked down at the letters.
The letters I wrote glowed for a moment before disappearing.
“Well, I thought it might be a trap, and just wanted to make sure.”
“Well then it’s good that nothing happened right? And for your information, nothing will happen until you sign your own name… Otherwise contacts could be forced, and they can’t be, okay?”
“So that’s how it is… In that case, let me watch you write your name first Ciel.”
“Why do I have to write it?”
“To prove that it’s not a trap. It shouldn’t be a problem right? Dungeon-fairies can’t become boss-monsters anyway. If they could you wouldn’t have cried and tried so hard, flattering me until I agreed.”
“Why are you so suspicious?”
“I’m kind of an a.s.shole and so I know for a fact that lots of people carry grudges against me.”
“Regrettably, I wholeheartedly agree.”
Ciel then slowly sat on the floor and used her finger to write her name, but she caught her breath.
Her finger stopped.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think it should be fine, but I’m just worried about what will happen when a dungeon-fairy writes her name on the contract. Even the textbooks have no mention of this ever happening, so I can’t help but worry… hey… shouldn’t we stop?”
“Don’t stop. Or should I say, if there’s no precedent then you should do this for the good of future generations.”
“Wow, I understand now.”
With a shaking finger, Ciel slowly wrote her name down, one letter at a time.
The outcome…
“After all, nothing happened huh?”
Just like when I wrote Ciel’s name, the letters vanished and nothing happened.
“…Sc-Scary.”
“Well then, I guess it’s my turn now?”
Extending my tentacle, I smoothly filled out my name.
【Basu – Tado】
(T/N: We’ll go with b.a.s.t.a.r.d from now on.)
The letters I wrote blinked twice and disappeared and then the contract Ciel wrote also vanished, being absorbed by my body.
Current Quests:
– Learn how to manage dungeons
– Learn about your own abilities