Under Ye Zengchen"s gaze, I took off my clothes one by one.. coat, skirt, stockings…
As each piece of clothing left my body, inch by inch, my bare skin was exposed to his gaze.
I had yet to take off my intimates. I no longer had the courage to continue. I could feel my eyes tearing up with grief.
Sullenly, I hugged myself, my eyes looking away from him.
The picture on the TV screen is frozen, my fiance"s slumped expression is enlarged in front of my eyes.
I did not know what to do in the end. I did not dare to think what would happen to Zhong Tian today.
As I saw his hand stretching out towards me, I had a knee jerk reaction. I pressed my legs together, but my lip, my thin shoulders shivered and my chest heaved.
"Wait a minute", I glanced at the TV on the wall," turn it off."
He switched off the TV and put his hand on my head, gently rubbing my hair.
The touch of his fingers evoked the memories of the nightmares that trapped me in a hopeless abyss.
"Girl.." this was the most familiar way of addressing me. He hugged me and drew me to his warm chest. Then he kissed me lightly on my forehead.
"Did you miss me ?"
I clenched my teeth and finally succeeded in not calling out "I missed you terribly!"
"Do you hate me?"
"I hate you!"
How would I not hate him?
He had hurt me so badly three years ago, that I had stopped believing that there was anything called love in this world. Now that I had finally had my faith restored in men, and was looking at a future with Zhong Tian, he had suddenly re-appeared in my life and chipped away the remaining bit of dignity. What was I left with now?
A broken piece of thin ice ? I"m afraid its melting soon*
( * this is a play on her name Bo Bing which means thin ice)
"Can you forgive me?" He turned my face towards him.
"I ca", I looked at him, our eyes meeting. I tried so hard not to cry, " When you die!"
He laughed, and it was like the snow in my heart was melting. I was in a trance. I remembered the time I first saw that always laughing, elusive Zhengchen
"Then I can do whatever I want!"
I cried out, but the sound of my cry was swallowed by him, and only a faint hum could be heard.
…… …
As soon as my lips touched his, I suddenly woke up from my trance.
What he wants is not fair! He wants to figure out how much I still love him.
"No.. don"t!"
I struggled desperately, afraid that if I gave up on this, I would melt under his fiery gaze.
" Dont you think it"s too late to say "no"?"
He picked me up and dropped me on the bed!
…… …
He unb.u.t.toned his shirt and took it off. The rigid outline of a scar on his chest appeared in front of me. It was almost two inches long, pale in colour…is this the scar I had left him?
I wanted to touch it and extended my hand. But he caught it and pulled them over my head as he pushed me down on the bed.
Stripped of my clothes, he gazed down at my body, his black eyes stunned for a moment
" You are still so tempting when you take off your clothes"
" You are still such a beast when you take off your clothes!"
" You haven"t changed at all", he raised his eyebrows and commented.
But he had changed, and I had not known about it at all
On the bed, our limbs tangled. I couldn"t tell if I was crying, or struggling , or eager..
His lips, tongue, hands, wantonly roamed about my body, taking what he wanted
"Lets try your favourite position"
" This is clearly your favourite position."
" So you remember.."
"You…"
…… …
When he pushed my legs apart, and his body entered mine, he groaned with excitement, his lips smiling
I closed my eyes as tears dripped down my face
Pain… not from his bullying but from self-hatred at how quickly I surrendered under his body, longing for his body to merge with mine, never to be separated…
I had experienced so much hardship , but in the end I couldn"t resist him in bed. Why did I then force myself to let go of him ?
Pa.s.sion surged and ebbed, and it was so hard tobreak off. I was under his body , and finally as the tides surged in me..
He kissed so well, entangled with me wildly. This was his evil dominance over me, endless..
I had forgotten where I was as I met him every step of the way
…… …
I couldn"t remember how many times he wanted me. Finally, he hugged me in his arms and kissed my head.
My body was soaked with sweat. Our hot skins clung to each other. I was tired and I really wanted to stay in his arms after this long absence. If I slept like this, perhaps I wouldn"t feel the heartache in my dreams
I closed my eyes and unbiddingly, the thought of Zhong Tian came to my mind. I thought of the past…
This was ridiculous!
I sat up and felt my body ache. I picked up my clothes and put them on Then I combed my hair and patted my pale cheeks.
When I tried to get out of the bed, he grabbed by wrist so strongly that I couldn"t break free
" I have given you what you wanted, what do you want now?"
He said," Leave him"
Snap!
I slapped him hard. This was my answer.
He rubbed his face slightly and smiled. " If you fiancé knew what method you used to save him, what would he think?"
I told him , " Ye Xhengchen, don"t force me! I don"t want to see you again!"
As I went to the door, I heard him say very softly, " What should I do with you ?"
I walked aimlessly though the empty streets, stepping on the yellow flowers.
In my head, I heard his last sentence over and over again.
My eyes teared up.
In the evening, I showered. I didn"t know how long I spent in the shower to wash away the taste of him
I lay in bed. My head was dizzy. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but my mind kept playing the scenes of our love making over and over again - every position , every detail, every one of his expressions.
Ugh!! Why ??
Suddenly a message tone sounded on the phone. I quickly sat up, wondering if this was some news about Zhong Tian.
When I looked, the message was from a strange number, " I am really hungry! I want to eat a bowl of noodles cooked by you."
I looked at the message and thought of the cherry blossoms in the window that year, in his window, as well as mine.
Because between Ye Zhengchen"s apartment and mine, there was only a wall separating the two.
At first, out of courtesy, every time I made a delicious meal, I would send some to him. On holidays, I would invite him to dinner. As time pa.s.sed, it became a habit with him to come to my house for a meal and a drink
Once, he had come back from the hospital in the middle of the night and knocked at my door repeatedly, "Girl, I am so hungry!"
I woke up and opened the door and stood at the entrance, rubbing my eyes.
I said," Is this the time to be ringing the door bell of an unmarried woman?"
He looked at me clad in thin pyjamas. " If I took you as my wife, would that make you happy?"
I gathered up my pyjamas and stared at him, " Whoever becomes your wife, her life will be ruined!"
I put down the phone and wrote a message, " Go home and tell your wife to cook."
Two hours later, I deleted the message
Why ask such things ? Its difficult to give up and its difficult to continue..