"It was an accident," Malone said.
She regarded Malone darkly. "Do you always do that to strangers? Is it some new sort of perversion?"
"I have never done such a thing before," Malone said sternly.
"Oh," the girl said. "An experimenter. Avid for new sensations.
Probably a jaded scion of a rich New York family." She paused. "Tell me," she said. "Is it fun?"
Malone opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He shut it, thought for a second and then tried again. He got as far as: "I--" before Nemesis overtook him. The second sneeze was even louder and more powerful than the first had been.
"It must be fun," the girl said acidly, producing a handkerchief from somewhere and going to work on her face. "You just can"t seem to wait to do it again. Would it do any good to tell you that the fascination with this form of greeting is not universal? Or don"t you care?"
Malone said, goaded, "I"ve got a cold."
"And you feel you should share it with the world," the girl said. "I quite understand. Tell me, is there anything I can do for you? Or has your mission been accomplished?"
"My mission?" Malone said.
"Having sneezed twice at me," the girl said, "do you now feel satisfied? Will you vanish softly and silently away? Or do you want to sneeze at somebody else?"
"I want the President of the Society," Malone said. "According to my information, his name is Sir Lewis Carter."
"And if you sneeze at him," the girl said, "yours is going to be mud.
He isn"t much on novelty."
"I--"
"Besides which," she said, "he"s extremely busy. And I don"t think he"ll see you at all. Why don"t you go and sneeze at somebody else?
There must be lots of people who would consider themselves honored to be noticed, especially in such a startling way. Why don"t you try and find one somewhere? Somewhere very far away?"
Malone was beyond speech. He fumbled for his wallet, flipped it open and showed the girl his identification.
"My, my," she said. "And hasn"t the FBI anything better to do? I mean, can"t you go and sneeze at counterfeiters in their lairs, or wherever they might be?"
"I want to see Sir Lewis Carter," Malone said doggedly.
The girl shrugged and picked up the phone on her desk. It was a blank-vision device, of course; many office intercoms were. She dialed, waited and then said: "Sir Lewis, please." Another second went by. Then she spoke again. "Sir Lewis," she said, "this is Lou, at the front desk. There"s a man here named Malone, who wants to see you."
She waited a second. "I don"t know what he wants," she told the phone.
"But he"s from the FBI." A second"s pause. "That"s right, the FBI,"
she said. "All right, Sir Lewis. Right away." She hung up the phone and turned to watch Malone warily.
"Sir Lewis," she said, "will see you. I couldn"t say why. But take the side corridor to the rear of the suite. His office has his name on it, and I won"t tell you you can"t miss it because I have every faith that you will. Good luck."
Malone blinked. "Look," he said. "I know I startled you, but I didn"t mean to. I--" He started to sneeze, but this time he got his own handkerchief out in time and m.u.f.fled the explosion slightly.
"Good work," the girl said approvingly.
There was nothing at all to say to that remark, Malone reflected as he wended his way down the side corridor. It seemed endless, and kept branching off unexpectedly. Once he blundered into a large open room filled with people at desks. A woman who seemed to have a great many teeth and rather bulbous eyes looked up at him. "Can I help you?" she said in a fervent whine.
"I sincerely hope not," Malone said, backing away and managing to find the corridor once more. After what seemed like a long time, and two more sneezes, he found a small door which was labeled in capital letters:
THE PSYCHICAL RESEARCH SOCIETY SIR LEWIS CARTER PRESIDENT
Malone sighed. "Well," he muttered, "they certainly aren"t hiding anything." He pushed at the door, and it swung open.
Sir Lewis was a tall, solidly-built man with a kindly expression. He wore gray flannel trousers and a brown tweed jacket, which made an interesting color contrast with his iron-gray hair. His teeth were clenched so firmly on the bit of a calabash pipe with a meerschaum bowl that Malone wondered if he could ever get loose. Malone shut the door behind him, and Sir Lewis rose and extended a hand.
Malone went to the desk and reached across to take the hand. It was firm and dry. "I"m Kenneth Malone," Malone said.
"Ah, yes," Sir Lewis said. "Pleased to meet you; always happy, of course, to do whatever I can for your FBI. Not only a duty, so to speak, but a pleasure. Sit down. Please do sit down."
Malone found a chair at the side of the desk, and sank into it. It was soft and comfortable. It provided such a contrast to O"Connor"s furnishings that Malone began to wish it was Sir Lewis who was employed at Yucca Flats. Then he could tell Sir Lewis everything about the case.
Now, of course, he could only hedge and try to make do without stating very many facts. "Sir Lewis," he said, "I trust you"ll keep this conversation confidential."
"Naturally," Sir Lewis said. He removed the pipe, stared at it, and replaced it.
"I can"t give you the full details," Malone went on, "but the FBI is presently engaged in an investigation which requires the specialized knowledge your organization seems to have."
"FBI?" Sir Lewis said. "Specialized investigation?" He seemed pleased, but a trifle puzzled. "Dear boy, anything we have is at your disposal, of course. But I quite fail to see how you can consider us--"
"It"s rather an unusual problem," Malone said, feeling that that was the understatement of the year. "But I understand that your records go back nearly a century."
"Quite true," Sir Lewis murmured.
"During that time," Malone said, "the Society investigated a great many supposedly supernatural or supernormal incidents."
"Many of them," Sir Lewis said, "were discovered to be fraudulent, I"m afraid. The great majority, in fact."
"That"s what I"d a.s.sume," Malone said. He fished in his pockets, found a cigarette and lit it. Sir Lewis went on chewing at his unlit pipe.
"What we"re interested in," Malone said, "is some description of the various methods by which these frauds were perpetrated."
"Ah," Sir Lewis said. "The tricks of the trade, so to speak?"
"Exactly," Malone said.
"Well, then," Sir Lewis said. "The luminous gauze, for instance, that pa.s.ses for ectoplasm; the various methods of table-lifting; control of the ouija board--things like that?"
"Not quite that elementary," Malone said. He puffed on the cigarette, wishing it was a cigar. "We"re pretty much up to that kind of thing.
But had it ever occurred to you that many of the methods used by phony mind-reading acts, for instance, might be used as communication methods by spies?"
"Why, I believe some have been," Sir Lewis said. "Though I don"t know much about that, of course; there was a case during the First World War--"
"Exactly," Malone said. He took a deep breath. "It"s things like that we"re interested in," he said, and spent the next twenty minutes slowly approaching his subject. Sir Lewis, apparently fascinated, was perfectly willing to unbend in any direction, and jotted down notes on some of Malone"s more interesting cases, murmuring: "Most unusual, most unusual," as he wrote.