"Oh, I don"t know," Malone said. "I think they"re pretty funny."
"Shall we get back to the business at hand?" Her Majesty said gently.
"Ah," Malone said. "Anyhow, it isn"t the spies. And what we now have is confusion even worse compounded."
"Confounded," Boyd said. "John Milton. "Paradise Lost." I heard it somewhere...."
"I don"t mean confounded," Malone said. "I mean confusion. Anyhow, the Russian espionage rings in this country seem to be in as bad a state as the Congress, the labor unions, the Syndicates, and all the rest.
And all of them seem to have some sort of weird tie-in to these flashes of telepathic interference. Right, Your Majesty?"
"I ... believe so, Sir Kenneth," she said. The old woman looked tired and confused. Somehow, a lot of the brightness seemed to have gone out of her life. "That"s right," she said. "I didn"t realize there was so much of it going on. You see, Sir Kenneth, you"re the only one I can pick up at a distance who has been having these flashes. But now that I"m here in Washington, I can feel it going on all around me."
"It may not have anything to do with everything else," Boyd said.
Malone shook his head. "If it doesn"t," he said, "it"s the weirdest coincidence I"ve ever even dreamed about, and my dreams can be pretty strange. No, it"s got to be tied in. There"s some kind of mental static that is somehow making all these people goof up."
"But why?" Boyd said. "What is it being done for? Just fun?"
"G.o.d only knows," Malone said. "But we"re going to have to find out."
"In that case," Boyd said, "I suggest lots and lots of prayers."
Her Majesty looked up. "That"s a fine idea," she said.
"But G.o.d helps those," Malone said, "who help themselves. And we"re going to help ourselves. Mostly with facts."
"All right," Boyd said. "So far, all the facts have been a great help."
"Well, here"s one," Malone said. "We got one flash each from Brubitsch, Borbitsch and Garbitsch while we were questioning them.
And in each case, that flash occurred just before they started to blab everything they knew. Before the flash, they weren"t talking. They were behaving just like good spies and keeping their mouths shut.
After the flash, they couldn"t talk fast enough."
"That"s true," Boyd said reflectively. "They did seem to give up pretty fast, even for amateurs."
Malone nodded. "So the question is this," he said. "Just what happens during those crazy bursts of static?"
He looked expectantly at Her Majesty, but she shook her head sadly. "I don"t know," she said. "I simply don"t know. It"s just noise to me--meaningless noise." She put her hands slowly over her face.
"People shouldn"t do things like that to their Sovereign," she said in a m.u.f.fled voice.
Malone got up and went over to her. She wasn"t crying, but she wasn"t far from it. He put an arm around her thin shoulders. "Now, look, Your Majesty," he said in gentle tones, "this will all clear up. We"ll find out what"s going on, and we"ll find a way to put a stop to it."
"Sure we will," Boyd said. "After all, Your Majesty, Sir Kenneth and I will work hard on this."
"And the Queen"s Own FBI," Malone said, "won"t stop until we"ve finished with this whole affair, once and for all."
Her Majesty brought her hands down from her face, very slowly. She was forcing a smile, but it didn"t look too well. "I know you won"t fail your Queen," she said. "You two have always been the most loyal of my subjects."
"We"ll work hard," Malone said. "No matter how long it takes."
"Because, after all," Boyd said in a musing, thoughtful tone, "it is a serious crime, you know."
The words seemed to have an effect on Her Majesty, like a tonic. For a second her face wore an expression of Royal anger and indignance, and the accustomed strength flowed back into her aged voice. "You"re quite correct, Sir Thomas!" she said. "The security of the Throne and the Crown are at stake!"
Malone blinked. "What?" he said. "Are you two talking about something?
What crime is this?"
"An extremely serious one," Boyd said in a grave voice. He rose unsteadily to his feet, planted them firmly on the carpet, and frowned.
"Go on," Malone said, fascinated. Her Majesty was watching Boyd with an intent expression.
"The crime," Boyd said, "the very serious crime involved, is that of Threatening the Welfare of the Queen. The criminal has committed the crime of Causing the Said Sovereign, Baselessly, Reasonlessly and Without Consent or Let, to Be in a State of Apprehension for Her Life or Her Well-Being. And this crime--"
"Aha," Malone said. "I"ve got it. The crime is--"
"High treason," Boyd intoned.
"High treason," Her Majesty said with satisfaction and fire in her voice.
"Very high treason," Malone said. "Extremely high."
"Stratospheric," Boyd agreed. "That is, of course," he added, "if the perpetrators of this dastardly crime are Her Majesty"s subjects."
"My goodness," the Queen said. "I never thought of that. Suppose they"re not?"
"Then," Malone said in his most vibrant voice, "it is an Act of War."
"Steps," Boyd said, "must be taken."
"We must do our utmost," Malone said. "Sir Thomas--"
"Yes, Sir Kenneth?" Boyd said.
"This task requires our most fervent dedication," Malone said. "Please come with me."
He went to the desk. Boyd followed him, walking straight-backed and tall. Malone bent and removed from a drawer of the desk a bottle of bourbon. He closed the drawer, poured some bourbon into two handy water gla.s.ses from the desk, and capped the bottle. He handed one of the water gla.s.ses to Boyd, and raised the other one aloft.
"Sir Thomas," Malone said, "I give you--Her Majesty, the Queen!"
"To the Queen!" Boyd echoed.
They downed their drinks and turned, as one man, to hurl the gla.s.ses into the wastebasket.
In thinking it over later, Malone realized that he hadn"t considered anything about that moment silly at all. Of course, an outsider might have been slightly surprised at the sequence of events, but Malone was no outsider. And, after all, it was the proper way to treat a Queen, wasn"t it?