"Father has always been concerned with his power, his importance-andmaintaining that image. You know that, Case," Alex reminded him softly. "Tellme, does Mother believe him?"
"Mother has been staying out from under. She keeps her opinion, whatever itis, to herself. You know how Father reacts when he doesn"t get his way."
"And what about your brother?" Jim asked Case.
"Buck was just as confused as I was. Now that I know the truth, don"t think Iwon"t be writing him a nice long letter explaining things."
"When we get back to Portland, we"re going to call Mother and Father and tellthem we"re getting married," Alex warned her brother.
With a sigh, Case nodded. Then he smiled tiredly. "That"s going to set Fatheroff again. But that"s his problem, Alex. One of these days, he"ll get down offhis high horse and accept reality. Congratulations are in order."
Alex saw that he meant it. "Thank you."
"It"s late," Jim said, standing up. "Case, why don"t you take the couch. Alex,you take my bed up in the attic, and I"ll roll up in a sleeping bag next tothe stove. We all need shut-eye."
None of them disagreed. When they walked into the living room, all the lights.e.xcept one had been turned off, and Alex realized Jim"s folks were already inbed. As Jim got the blankets and pillows from a hall closet, Alex stood nextto her brother near the warmth of the stove. She hugged Case for a long time.
"I like him," Case told her in a low voice as they eased apart. He grinnedbroadly. "Not that you need my blessing or anything. All three of us kidsinherited Father"s stubborn nature."
She nodded. "It means a lot to me to know you don"t hold Jim"s past againsthim... us."
Opening his hands, Case murmured, "How can I? His decision is something Iwould never want to be faced with, Alex. My G.o.d, he must live in constant painwith that memory."
"He does," she whispered. She watched as Jim brought out two pillows andseveral blankets. When he went back to the closet, she said, "I always know when he"s seeing it all over again. His eyes go dark, as if he"s back inVietnam. It"s a faraway look, a haunted look. When he stays over with me, hesometimes wakes up screaming about Kim. It"s terrible, Case. In some ways,it"s eating Jim alive. I try my best to be there for him, to help him." Alexchewed on her lip. "But I don"t think love or understanding is enough."
Case squeezed her gently. "With time, some of the horror in Jim will go away,"he promised. "Until then, just keep loving him with everything you have, Alex.Your love, more than anything, will get him through this h.e.l.l."
Exhausted, Alex nodded. "Just be careful in Vietnam, Case. I"d die if you gothurt or shot down."
"I hope," Case muttered, "I don"t ever get shot down and captured by thoseCommie b.a.s.t.a.r.ds. That"s the thing I fear most." With a shrug of his broadshoulders, Case added, "I don"t know what I"d have done if I were in Jim"sshoes, Alex."
"If it"s any help, I learned that war does only one thing-it makes you awareof your need to survive."
"Well," Case said grimly, "I"ve got to fly one hundred missions before I cancome home. I know I"ll find out all about survival."
Worry thrummed through Alex. She looked up at her big brother"s shadowed andsober features. A fierce love for him swept through her. "I just want you homesafe," she whispered.
Jim glanced over at them as he placed a sleeping bag near the stove. "Let"s.h.i.t the sack, people. We"re all so tired we"re ready to keel over. Alex, youwant the bathroom first?"
She smiled. "No, you two do your thing. Women are always slower."
"I"ll go first," Case volunteered, and he picked up the small leather satchelthat sat near the couch.
Alex moved into Jim"s arms. With a sigh, she rested against his strong, lankyform. "I love you," she said as she slid her hand across his chest.
"I know you do, gal." Jim pressed a kiss to her cheek. "You were awfully bravetonight. You know that?"
Alex looked up and melted beneath his molten blue gaze. "Me? You were!"
"He was your brother, Alex. That"s just another thing I love about you-youdon"t jump to conclusions or get defensive. You let the other person say hispiece."
"I"m so glad Case doesn"t hate you," Alex said in a wobbly voice.
"With time, maybe," Jim told her, holding her gently in his arms, "the rest ofyour family will come around the way he has. I"m sure your father will refuseto come to the wedding, gal. I hope you"re prepared for that."
Alex held him tightly, hearing his solid heartbeat beneath her ear. "I don"twant them around if they aren"t going to be happy for us, Jim."
"Time heals all things," he soothed, hurting for her. "If Case came to you, sowill Buck, and then your mother. Eventually, your father will, too."
"I hope so."
He smiled and gazed down at her soft, flushed features. "I"m going to miss nothaving you in my arms tonight, but pretty soon, we"re going to change that."
Alex absorbed his smile, his sincerity. "What about an April wedding? Here, atyour folks" place?"
He lifted his chin and thought about it. "I know Ma and Pa would love it."
"What about you?"
"April"s a good month, lots of flowers, everything budding out. A newbeginning. How about tying the knot down at Raven Holler?"
A sweet joy swept through Alex. She leaned up and kissed him tenderly. "That"sa wonderful idea! The spot is so pretty, Jim. I love it."
"See?" he teased. "The magic of Raven Holler"s already working. You put thatgift of food at the bottom of the old maple tree and look what happened- yourbrother showed up to make his peace with us."
Laughing, feeling lighter and more hopeful than she had in a long time, Alexembraced Jim with a fierceness that paralleled her love for him. "My love foryou is forever," she said, her voice filled with tears. "Forever."
Epilogue.
February 14, 1966.
Humming softly, Alex looked at herself in the full-length bedroom mirror. Itwas Valentine"s Day, a special day for her and Jim. Her pale pink silk dressfit her perfectly with its long sleeves, scoop neck and Empire waist. Morethan anything, Alex loved the long, flowing lines of the knee-length fabric.The pearls around her throat emphasized her flushed cheeks, and she applied abit of pink lipstick. Jim was going to take her to dinner, and they had somuch to celebrate.
The doorbell rang. Thomasina, the cat, leaped up and raced down the hall. Alexsmiled, picked up her black leather purse and hurried out of the bedroom.
Although it was cloudy and cool, Jim wore his only suit, a dark blue one,without a raincoat. Alex smiled as she stepped aside to let him into thefoyer. In his hand was a bouquet of red roses.
"For you," he said, and leaned down to capture her warm, welcoming mouth.
The scent of the roses combined with Jim"s natural scent to make Alex headywith need. She leaned upward, pressing her hands to his chest. As he easedback from her lips, she saw his blue eyes dancing with happiness.
"I love you," Alex whispered.
Jim smiled and handed her the flowers. "You"re my life, gal. Here, these rosescan"t even begin to compare with how purty you are, but they"re the closestthing I could find to show you how you look to my eyes."
Taking the roses into the kitchen, Alex smiled gently. "If women only knew howromantic you Missouri men were, I"m sure there would be a run on the state, to capture each and every one of you."
Jim leaned against the counter as he watched Alex arrange the bouquet in a cutgla.s.s vase. He smiled. "I"m already hog-tied and spoken for." Her hair wascoiffed in a French twist, the soft bangs touching her brows. The dress madehim ache for Alex. Lately, since college had started, they"d had no timetogether-at all.
"You heard anything from Case yet?" Her brother had shipped over to Nam inlate December.
Alex took the vase into the living room and set it on the coffee table. "Yes.Finally! He"s at Da Nang." She laughed. "And he"s having a good time, Iguess."
"Oh?"
"He met this nun, a Sister Theo from a local Catholic orphanage. From thesounds of his letter, he"d fall head over heels in love with her this instantif she weren"t a nun." Alex laughed. "It serves Case right, he was alwayschasing the girls and using his fighter-pilot image to coax them intorelationships."
Jim smiled and retrieved Alex"s coat from the closet. He slipped it across hershoulders. "Payback can be a son of a gun."
Chuckling, Alex nodded. "Case spends his free time, what little there is, withthe kids of the orphanage. He loves kids! And I guess they love him, too. ButI kinda think he hangs around that orphanage mostly because of Sister Theo.From his description, she"s beautiful."
"Probably from the heart outward," Jim said thoughtfully.
Alex smiled up at his shadowy features. "I"m sure she is. Case really deservesthis, you know. For once he can"t chase the woman he wants in his arms. Iguess Sister Theo is a real neat lady. Maybe she"ll keep him in line overthere." Alex giggled.
"Speaking of neat things," Jim said as he pulled Alex to a halt at the door,"I have a surprise for you."
Alex tilted her head. "Oh?"
"I just received a call from a Major Kean." His hands tightened on Alex"ssmall shoulders. "The appeals board rescinded the charges against me, honey."
It took a moment for the information to sink in. Then Alex gave a cry andthrew her arms around Jim. "Oh! Wonderful! Oh, Jim!" she sobbed.
Shutting his eyes, Jim held Alex tightly against him, hearing his voice crackwith emotion as he said, "Major Kean said I"d be given corporal status and getall my back pay, plus my benefits from the GI Bill."
Tears glittered in Alex"s eyes as she lifted her head to see the reliefmirrored on Jim"s face. In that moment, she began to realize how much of asilent load he"d been carrying. "And your discharge?" she quavered.
"Medical," he whispered. Framing her face, he drowned in her sparkling grayeyes. "I"m free of everything, Alex!" Then, more softly, he added, "ExceptI"ll never be free of what I did to Kim... to her family. I"ll always try to atone for that...."
"You do every day," Alex said brokenly, "and in so many ways." She knew in herheart that Jim would always carry the guilt of his decision regarding Kim.There was nothing to be done about it, except to live with the knowledge andfeelings. There were times she saw the haunted darkness come back to Jim"seyes, and Alex knew that he was back there, reliving the atrocity that war hadfaced him with. And when those anguished moments claimed him, Alex wouldsimply hold and rock him.
Reaching up, she cupped his cheek with her hand. "This is going to be the mostwonderful Valentine"s Day we"ll ever have," she said.
Leaning down, Jim placed a long, tender kiss upon Alex"s lips. "All I want,"he told her thickly, "is you, and our future together."
Holding him as tightly as she could, Alex nodded, words impossible at themoment. With time, after her father heard about the appeals board overturningthe decision against Jim, she knew he would call her. As she felt Jim"s armstighten around her, his face buried against her, Alex smiled softly. "Our lifeis going to have its ups and downs," she said, "but we love each other,darling."
"And love will pull us through," he agreed, kissing her for a long, longtime.
end.