"I got a man," Susan said.
"Woman," said Harry.
"Man," said Jesse.
"Woman," said Thomas.
"Man," said Alan.
We all looked at him.
"What?" Alan said. "I"m gay."
"What was the point of that?" I asked. "About the naked person, I mean, not about Alan being gay."
"Thanks," Alan said dryly.
"They"re trying to provoke particular responses, that"s all," said Harry. "All of today"s tests have been of pretty basic intellectual or emotional responses, the foundation of more complex and subtle emotions and intellectual abilities. They"re just trying to figure out how we think and react on a primal level. The naked person was obviously trying to get you all worked up s.e.xually."
"But what was that whole thing about asking you about your childhood, is what I"m saying," I said.
Harry shrugged. "What"s s.e.x without a little guilt?"
"What p.i.s.sed me off was the one where they got me all p.i.s.sed off," Thomas said. "I swear I was going to clobber that guy. He said the Cubs ought to have been demoted to the minor leagues after they went two centuries without a World Series championship."
"That sounds reasonable to me," Susan said.
"Don"t you you start," Thomas said. "Man. Pow. I"m telling you. You don"t mess with the Cubs." start," Thomas said. "Man. Pow. I"m telling you. You don"t mess with the Cubs."
If the first day was all about demeaning feats of intellect, the second day was about demeaning feats of strength, or lack thereof.
"Here"s a ball," one proctor said to me. "Bounce it." I did. I was told to move on.
I walked around a small athletic track. I was asked to run a small distance. I did some light calisthenics. I played a video game. I was asked to shoot at a target on a wall with a light gun. I swam (I liked that part. I"ve always liked swimming, so long as my head"s above water). For two hours, I was placed in a rec room with several dozen other people and told to do whatever I wanted. I shot some pool. I played a game of Ping-Pong. G.o.d help me, I played shuffleboard.
At no point did I even break a sweat.
"What the h.e.l.l sort of army is this, anyway?" I asked the Old Farts at lunch.
"It makes a little bit of sense," Harry said. "Yesterday we did basic intellect and emotion. Today was basic physical movement. Again, they seem interested in the foundations of high order activity."
"I"m not really aware of Ping-Pong being indicative of higher order physical activity," I said.
"Hand-eye coordination," Harry said. "Timing. Precision."
"And you never know when you"re going to have to bat back a grenade," Alan piped in.
"Exactly," Harry said. "Also, what do you want them to do? Have us run a marathon? We"d all drop before the end of the first mile."
"Speak for yourself, flabby," Thomas said.
"I stand corrected," Harry said. "Our friend Thomas would make it to mile six before his his heart imploded. If he didn"t get a food-related cramp first." heart imploded. If he didn"t get a food-related cramp first."
"Don"t be silly," Thomas said. "Everyone knows you need to power up with carbohydrates before a race. Which is why I"m going back for more fettuccine."
"You"re not running a marathon, Thomas," Susan said.
"The day is young," Thomas said.
"Actually," Jesse said, "my schedule is empty. I"ve got nothing planned for the rest of the day. And tomorrow, the only thing on the schedule is "Concluding Physical Improvements" from 0600 to 1200 and a general recruit a.s.sembly at 2000, after dinner."
"My schedule is finished until tomorrow, too," I said. A quick glance up and down the table showed that everyone else was done for the day as well. "Well, then," I said. "What are we going to do to amuse ourselves?"
"There"s always more shuffleboard," Susan said.
"I have a better idea," Harry said. "Anyone have plans at 1500?"
We all shook our heads.
"Swell," Harry said. "Then meet me back here. I have a field trip for the Old Farts."
"Are we even supposed to be here?" Jesse asked.
"Sure," said Harry. "Why not? And even if we"re not, what are they going to do? We"re not really in the military yet. We can"t officially be court-martialed."
"No, but they can probably blow us out an air lock," Jesse said.
"Don"t be silly," Harry said. "That would be a waste of perfectly good air."
Harry had led us to an observation deck in the Colonial area of the ship. And indeed, while we recruits had never been specifically told we couldn"t go to the Colonial"s decks, neither had we been told that we could (or should). Standing as we were in the deserted deck, the seven of us stood out like truant schoolkids at a peep show.
Which, in one sense, was what we were. "During our little exercises today, I struck up a conversation with one of the Colonial folks," Harry said, "and he mentioned that the Henry Hudson Henry Hudson was going to make its skip today at 1535. And I figure that none of us has actually seen what a skip looks like, so I asked him where one would go to get a good view. And he mentioned here. So here we are, and with"-Harry glanced at his PDA-"four minutes to spare." was going to make its skip today at 1535. And I figure that none of us has actually seen what a skip looks like, so I asked him where one would go to get a good view. And he mentioned here. So here we are, and with"-Harry glanced at his PDA-"four minutes to spare."
"Sorry about that," Thomas said. "I didn"t mean to hold everyone up. The fettuccine was excellent, but my lower intestine would apparently beg to differ."
"Please feel free not to share such information in the future, Thomas," Susan said. "We don"t know you that well yet."
"Well, how else will you get get to know me that well?" Thomas said. No one bothered to answer that one. to know me that well?" Thomas said. No one bothered to answer that one.
"Anyone know where we are right now? In s.p.a.ce, that is," I asked after a few moments of silence had pa.s.sed.
"We"re still in the solar system," Alan said, and pointed out the window. "You can tell because you can still see the constellations. See, look, there"s Orion. If we"d traveled any significant distance, the stars would have shifted their relative position in the sky. Constellations would have been stretched out or would be entirely unrecognizable."
"Where are we supposed to be skipping to?" Jesse asked.
"The Phoenix system," Alan said. "But that won"t tell you anything, because "Phoenix" is the name of the planet, not of the star. There is a constellation named "Phoenix," and in fact, there it is"-he pointed to a collection of stars-"but the planet Phoenix isn"t around any of the stars in that constellation. If I remember correctly, it"s actually in the constellation Lupus, which is farther north"-he pointed to another, dimmer collection of stars-"but we can"t actually see the star from here."
"You sure know your constellations," Jesse said admiringly.
"Thanks," Alan said. "I wanted to be an astronomer when I was younger, but astronomers get paid for s.h.i.t. So I became a theoretical physicist instead."
"Lots of money in thinking up new subatomic particles?" Thomas asked.
"Well, no," Alan admitted. "But I developed a theory that helped the company I worked for create a new energy containment system for naval vessels. The company"s profit-sharing incentive plan gave me one percent for that. Which came to more money than I could spend, and trust me, I made the effort."
"Must be nice to be rich," Susan said.
"It wasn"t too bad," Alan admitted. "Of course, I"m not rich anymore. You give it up when you join. And you lose other things, too. I mean, in about a minute, all that time I spent memorizing the constellations will be wasted effort. There"s no Orion or Ursa Minor or Ca.s.siopeia where we"re going. This might sound stupid, but it"s entirely possible I"ll miss the constellations more than I miss the money. You can always make more money. But we"re not coming back here. It"s the last time I"ll see these old friends."
Susan went over and put an arm around Alan"s shoulder. Harry looked down at his PDA. "Here we go," he said, and began a countdown. When he got to "one," we all looked up and out the window.
It wasn"t dramatic. One second we were looking at one star-filled sky. The next, we were looking at another. If you blinked, you would have missed it. And yet, you could tell it was an entirely alien sky. We all may not have had Alan"s knowledge of the constellations, but most of us know how to pick out Orion and the Big Dipper from the stellar lineup. They were nowhere to be found, an absence subtle and yet substantial. I glanced over at Alan. He was standing like a pillar, hand in Susan"s.
"We"re turning," Thomas said. We watched as the stars slid counterclockwise as the Henry Hudson Henry Hudson changed course. Suddenly the enormous blue arm of the planet Phoenix hovered above us. And above it (or below it, from our orientation) was a s.p.a.ce station so large, so ma.s.sive, and so changed course. Suddenly the enormous blue arm of the planet Phoenix hovered above us. And above it (or below it, from our orientation) was a s.p.a.ce station so large, so ma.s.sive, and so busy busy that all we could do was bulge our eyes at it. that all we could do was bulge our eyes at it.
Finally someone spoke. And to everyone"s surprise, it was Maggie. "Would you look at that," she said.
We all turned to look at her. She was visibly annoyed. "I"m not mute, mute," she said. "I just don"t talk much. This This deserves comment of some kind." deserves comment of some kind."
"No kidding," Thomas said, turning back to look at it. "It makes Colonial Station look like a pile of puke."
"How many ships do you see?" Jesse said to me.
"I don"t know," I said. "Dozens. There could be hundreds, for all I know. I didn"t even know this many starships existed. existed."
"If any of us were still thinking Earth was the center of the human universe," Harry said, "now would be an excellent time to revise that theory," Harry said.
We all stood and looked at the new world out the window.
My PDA chimed me awake at 0545, which was notable in that I had set it to wake me at 0600. The screen was flashing; there was a message labeled URGENT URGENT on it. I tapped the message. on it. I tapped the message.
NOTICE:.
From 0600 to 1200, we will be conducting the final physical improvement regimen for all recruits. To ensure prompt processing, all recruits are required to remain in their staterooms until such time as Colonial officials arrive to escort them to their physical improvement sessions. To aid in the smooth function of this process, stateroom doors will be secured as of 0600. Please take this time to take care of any personal business that requires use of the rest rooms or other areas outside your stateroom. If after 0600 you need to use the rest-room facilities, contact the Colonial staffer on your stateroom deck through your PDA.
You will be notified fifteen minutes prior to your appointment; please be dressed and prepared when Colonial officials arrive at your door. Breakfast will not be served; lunch and dinner will be served at the usual time.
At my age, you don"t have to tell me twice to pee; I padded down to the rest room to take care of business and hoped that my appointment was sooner rather than later, as I didn"t want to have to get permission to relieve myself.
My appointment was neither sooner nor later; at 0900 my PDA alerted me, and at 0915 there was a sharp rap at my door and a man"s voice calling my name. I opened the door to find two Colonials on the other side. I received permission from them to make a quick rest-room stop, and then followed them from my deck, back to the waiting room of Dr. Russell. I waited briefly before I was allowed entrance into his examination room.
"Mr. Perry, good to see you again," he said, extending his hand. The Colonials who accompanied me left through the far door. "Please step up to the creche."
"The last time I did, you jackhammered several thousand bits of metal into my head," I said. "Forgive me if I"m not entirely enthusiastic about climbing in again."
"I understand," Dr. Russell said. "However, today is going to be pain-free. And we are under something of a time constraint, so, if you please." He motioned to the creche.
I reluctantly stepped in. "If I feel so much as a twinge, I"m going to hit you," I warned.
"Fair enough," Dr. Russell said as he closed the creche door. I noted that unlike the last time, Dr. Russell bolted down the door to the creche; maybe he was taking the threat seriously. I didn"t mind. "Tell me, Mr. Perry," he said as he bolted the door, "what do you think of the last couple of days?"
"They were confusing and irritating," I said. "If I knew I was going to be treated like a preschooler, I probably wouldn"t have signed up."
"That"s pretty much what everyone says," Dr. Russell said. "So let me explain a little bit about what we"ve been trying to do. We put in the sensor array for two reasons. First, as you may have guessed, we"re monitoring your brain activity while you perform various basic functions and experience certain primal emotions. Every human"s brain processes information and experience in more or less the same way, but at the same time each person uses certain pathways and processes unique to them. It"s a little like how every human hand has five fingers, but each human being has his own set of fingerprints. What we"ve been trying to do is isolate your mental "fingerprint." Make sense?"
I nodded.
"Good. So now you know why we had you doing ridiculous and stupid things for two days."
"Like talking to a naked woman about my seventh birthday party," I said.
"We get a lot of really useful information from that one," Dr. Russell said.
"I don"t see how," I said.
"It"s technical," Dr. Russell a.s.sured me. "In any event, the last couple days give us a good idea of how your brain uses neural pathways and processes all sorts of stimuli, and that"s information we can use as a template."
Before I could ask, A template for what, A template for what, Dr. Russell continued. "Second, the sensor array does more than record what your brain is doing. It can also transmit a real-time representation of the activity in your brain. Or to put it another way, it can broadcast your consciousness. This is important, because unlike specific mental processes, consciousness can"t be recorded. It has to be live if it"s going to make the transfer." Dr. Russell continued. "Second, the sensor array does more than record what your brain is doing. It can also transmit a real-time representation of the activity in your brain. Or to put it another way, it can broadcast your consciousness. This is important, because unlike specific mental processes, consciousness can"t be recorded. It has to be live if it"s going to make the transfer."
"The transfer," I said.
"That"s right," Dr. Russell said.
"Do you mind if I ask you what the h.e.l.l you"re talking about?" I said.
Dr. Russell smiled. "Mr. Perry, when you signed up to join the army, you thought we"d make you young again, right?"
"Yes," I said. "Everybody does. You can"t fight a war with old people, yet you recruit them. You have to have some way to make them young again."
"How do you think we do it?" Dr. Russell asked.
"I don"t know," I said. "Gene therapy. Cloned replacement parts. You"d swap out old parts somehow and put in new ones."
"You"re half right," Dr. Russell said. "We do use gene therapy and cloned replacements. But we don"t "swap out" anything, except you. you."
"I don"t understand," I said. I felt very cold, like reality was being tugged out from under my feet.
"Your body is old, old, Mr. Perry. It"s old and it won"t work for much longer. There"s no point in trying to save it or upgrade it. It"s not something that gains value when it ages or has replaceable parts that keep it running like new. All a human body does when it gets older is get old. So we"re going to get rid of it. We"re getting rid of it all. The only part of you that we"re going to save is the only part of you that Mr. Perry. It"s old and it won"t work for much longer. There"s no point in trying to save it or upgrade it. It"s not something that gains value when it ages or has replaceable parts that keep it running like new. All a human body does when it gets older is get old. So we"re going to get rid of it. We"re getting rid of it all. The only part of you that we"re going to save is the only part of you that hasn"t hasn"t decayed-your mind, your consciousness, your sense of self." decayed-your mind, your consciousness, your sense of self."
Dr. Russell walked over to the far door, where the Colonials had exited, and rapped on it. Then he turned back to me. "Take a good look at your body, Mr. Perry," he said. "Because you"re about to say good-bye to it. You"re going somewhere else."
"Where am I going, Dr. Russell?" I asked. I could barely make enough spit to talk.
"You"re going here," he said, and opened the door.
From the other side, the Colonials came back in. One of them was pushing a wheelchair with someone in it. I craned my head to take a look. And I began to shake.
It was me.