_Cad._ No, no. You have read it twice, Mr Seedy, and you may leave me now. I am ill, very ill, and wish to be alone.
_Seedy_ (_folds up his papers and rises._) I take my leave, Mr Cadaverous, trusting to be long employed as your solicitor.
_Cad._ Afraid not, Mr Seedy. Lawyers have no great interest in heaven.
Your being my solicitor will not help me there.
_Seedy_ (_coming forward as he goes out._) Not a sixpence to his legal adviser! Well, well! I know how to make out a bill for the executors.
[_Exit Seedy, and enter Mrs Jellybags._
_Jel._ (_with her handkerchief to her eyes._) Oh dear! oh dear! oh, Mr Cadaverous, how can you fatigue and annoy yourself with such things as wills?
_Cad._ (_faintly._) Don"t cry, Mrs Jellybags. I"ve not forgotten you.
_Jel._ (_sobbing._) I can"t--help--crying. And there"s Miss Clementina,--now that you are dying,--who insists upon coming in to see you.
_Cad._ Clementina, my niece, let her come in, Mrs Jellybags; I feel I"m going fast,--I may as well take leave of everybody.
_Jel._ (_sobbing._) Oh dear! oh dear! You may come in, Miss.
_Enter Clementina._
_Clem._ My dear uncle, why have you, for so many days, refused me admittance? Every morning have I asked to be allowed to come and nurse you, and for more than three weeks have received a positive refusal.
_Cad._ Refusal! Why I never had a message from you.
_Clem._ No message! Every day I have sent, and every day did Mrs Jellybags reply that you would not see me.
_Cad._ (_faintly._) Mrs Jellybags,--Mrs Jellybags----
_Clem._ Yes, uncle; it is true as I stand here;--and my brother Thomas has called almost every day, and John every Sunday, the only day he can leave the banking house; and cousins William and James have both been here very often.
_Cad._ n.o.body told me! I thought everyone had forgotten me. Why was I not informed, Mrs Jellybags?
_Jel._ (_in a rage._) Why, you little story-telling creature, coming here to impose upon your good uncle! You know that no one has been here--not a soul;--and as for yourself, you have been too busy looking after a certain gentleman ever to think of your poor uncle;--that you have;--taking advantage of his illness to behave in so indecorous a manner. I would have told him everything, but I was afraid of making him worse.
_Clem._ You are a false, wicked woman!
_Jel._ Little impudent creature,--trying to make mischief between me and my kind master, but it won"t do. (_To Clementina aside._) The will is signed, and I"ll take care he does not alter it;--so do your worst.
_Cad._ (_faintly._) Give me the mixture, Mrs----
_Clem._ I will, dear uncle. (_Pours out the restorative mixture in a gla.s.s._)
_Jel._ (_going back._) You will, Miss!--indeed! but you shan"t.
_Clem._ Be quiet, Mrs Jellybags;--allow me at least to do something for my poor uncle.
_Cad._ Give me the mix----
_Jel._ (_prevents Clementina from giving it, and tries to take it from her._) You shan"t, Miss!--You never shall.
_Cad._ Give me the----
[_Mrs Jellybags and Clementina scuffle, at last Clementina throws the contents of the gla.s.s into Mrs Jellybags"s face._
_Clem._ There, then!--since you will have it.
_Jel._ (_in a rage._) You little minx!--I"ll be revenged for that. Wait a little till the will is read,--that"s all!--See if I don"t bundle you out of doors,--that I will.
_Clem._ As you please, Mrs Jellybags; but pray, give my poor uncle his restorative mixture.
_Jel._ To please you?--Not I! I"ll not give him a drop till I think proper. Little, infamous, good-for-nothing----
_Cad._ Give me----oh!
_Jel._ Saucy--man-seeking----
_Clem._ Oh! as for that, Mrs Jellybags, the big sergeant was here last night--I know that. Talk of men, indeed!
_Jel._ Very well, Miss!--very well! Stop till the breath is out of your uncle"s body--and I"ll beat you till yours is also.
_Cad._ Give----oh!
_Clem._ My poor uncle! He will have no help till I leave the room--I must go. Infamous Woman! [_Exit._
_Cad._ Oh!
_Jel._ I"m in such a rage!--I could tear her to pieces!--the little!--the gnat! Oh, I"ll be revenged! Stop till the will is read, and then I"ll turn her out into the streets to starve. Yes! yes! the will!--the will! (_Pauses and pants for breath._) Now, I recollect the old fellow called for his mixture. I must go and get some more. I"ll teach her to throw physic in my face.
[_Goes out and returns with a phial--pours out a portion and goes up to Mr Cadaverous._
_Jel._ Here, my dear Mr Cadaverous. Mercy on me!--Mr Cadaverous!--why, he"s fainted!--Mr Cadaverous! (_Screams_) Lord help us!--why he"s dead!
Well now, this sort of thing does give one a shock, even when one has longed for it. Yes, he"s quite dead! (_Coming forward._) So, there"s an end of all his troubles--and, thank Heaven! of mine also. Now for Sergeant-Major O"Callaghan, and--love! Now for Miss Clementina, and--revenge! But first the will!--the will! [_Curtain drops._
_Act III._
_Mrs Jellybags._
Oh dear!--this is a very long morning. I feel such suspense--such anxiety; and poor Sergeant-Major O"Callaghan is quite in a perspiration!
He is drinking and smoking down in the kitchen to pa.s.s away the time, and if the lawyer don"t come soon, the dear man will be quite fuddled.
He talks of buying a farm in the country. Well, we shall see; but if the Sergeant thinks that he will make ducks and drakes of my money, he is mistaken. I have not been three times a widow for nothing--I will have it all settled upon myself; that must and shall be, or else--no Sergeant O"Callaghan for me!
_Enter Clementina._
So, here you are, Miss. Well, we"ll wait till the will is read, and then we shall see who is mistress here.