On A Godless Planet

"Umm…"

Seeing Sumeragi-kun(?) step out of his room was confusing.

…A girl just left Sumeragi-kun"s room!!

I wanted to add "I"ve never even been in there before!", but that was not the issue here.

But I still had to check on this.

"Um…Sumeragi-kun?"

"Oh! Yesh! I"m Sumeragi Izumi!"

The name was right. So was the personality for that matter. However…

"A girl?"

"Yes! My b.o.o.bs aren"t as big as yours, but I do have something there! I"m enough of a girl that "I ate a banana for breakfast" sounds dirty to me!"

I had no idea what she was saying.

That meant it had to be him in there. However…

"Have you met me before?"

"No! If I"d met someone as busty and beautiful as you, I would definitely have added it to my mental storage, but I can"t find anything on you! That means we"ve never met before! Oh, and I"m a big b.o.o.bs worshiper!"

It felt like nothing but his appearance had changed.

At any rate, that seemed like enough to confirm this was really Sumeragi-kun.

…Hm?

Balancer casually appeared behind him…well, her.

…You"re not supposed to be here yet!

They had to know that. Which was why they communicated via text from behind Sumeragi.

Oh, right. He and I…well, Sumeragi and I were terraforming partners, so I just had to check my Revelation Board to see if this was indeed Sumeragi. So…

"Um, Sumeragi-kun!?"

"Yes!? What is it!? Do you want some tea!? Some breakfast!? Or is this a marriage proposal!?"

"I"m going to ignore all that, but I have some business to attend to, so goodbye for today!"

"Goodbye! I look forward to seeing you again!"

At least she was in a good mood. But for now…

…I need to get out of here!

I had to visit a certain place and check on some things.

Balancer was at a convenience store in between the apartment building and the school.

Raidou and Shifu had been shopping there before. Balancer could track them as an administrator, but that information was not needed for their current task. But based on the convenience store"s sales record…

They bought a lot of snacks with lightning and metal themes, like Kaminari Okoshi, Black Thunder, and Calcium and Iron Beverage, but that may have been a sort of good-luck charm.

"Balancer!!"

There she was. The busty G.o.d"s shoes screeched along the ground as she came to a stop and she slapped Balancer"s frame while catching her breath.

"Okay! Okay! We need to have a meeting! Behind the store!"

"Sumeragi-kun"s whole s.e.x has changed, so don"t worry about it! Okay, I have some questions, so get back here! Behind the store!"

This seemed like that thing where delinquents dragged a poor victim behind the store, but Balancer followed her regardless.

Balancer watched the busty G.o.d sigh.

"Yes, I would!"

When Balancer indicated the faucet on the back of the store, she grabbed their frame with both hands and shook it.

"C"mon, don"t do that! Who would recommend drinking from the same faucet used for cleaning outside the store, watering the plants, and washing things off!?"

"Are you like those people who claim all food is the same once it"s in your stomach!?"

Balancer used their administrative privileges to call over the automaton stationed as a convenience store clerk.

It was a female one. She handed the busty G.o.d a 250mL bottle, bowed, and returned to the store. The bottle with a silver, blue, and green mountain logo contained…

"…? What is this?"

"Um, so for us, we would be ingesting the "phase" of the Tanigawa Mountain Range, so it would have a purifying and energizing effect, wouldn"t it? Although the effects would be reduced by subst.i.tutions if that is not your territory…"

She asked a question.

"Does this water really recreate those regional aspects?"

But that was not perfect.

"Is there any water from Mt. Fuji?"

"Um, I really don"t think my divinity is at a level worthy of that kind of thing…"

"Yes. Um, I check on that here, right?"

She opened a Revelation Board.

They then checked on the idiot"s data.

"Hmm?"

I decided this really was strange.

Sumeragi and I had a partnership contract. It was sort of like a contract of mutual exclusivity between a G.o.d and a human, so this page had been added to my Revelation Board after Sumeragi chose me. In fact…

"You could say I only managed a real manifestation because Sumeragi-kun chose me."

That might seem insulting, but I could not deny it.

I felt grat.i.tude and many more emotions about Sumeragi for choosing me.

"So what does this say?"

The information on the Revelation Board had not changed from before. Which meant…

"Wait, this says Sumeragi-kun is still a boy!"

"Yay! The Tachikawa Will is so much fun!"

I wanted to buy some clothes, but I didn"t have the money for something at a fancy boutique. However…

"Looking around is free!"

Nice! I thought the best part about shopping was the fun of picking something out, not buying something. The people who enjoyed the buying part probably also enjoyed owning the things and doing their finances. Those things weren"t bad, but…

…Trying things on and seeing how I look in them is a lot of fun!

But I didn"t like the places with mannequins and where a clerk would come over to talk to you right away. I preferred a shop big enough that you felt like you could get lost in it. And in a station building like Will, there had to be a lot of customers like me. The staff was used to people who were only there to look and had no intention of buying anything.

So I had fun looking at and trying on the clothes like a jellyfish wandering the ocean in search of food. That sounded pretty poetic! And I guess that"s fine!

I was really into sleeveless things right now. Probably because I really liked the look of the girl"s new style uniform that new neighbor had worn. That"s what I wanted to see! I loved the way a hint of sideb.o.o.b stuck out of the sleeveless arm hole and I loved that urge to stick your hand into the gap there!

She seemed like a nice person, so it was possible she would let me stick my hand in there if I bowed down and begged, but I"d probably get the cops called on me. I was smart enough to know that much. There were times when the law refused to take your side even when you got consent. Dammit! Dammit all!

But I was a girl. So I was lucky enough to come equipped with my own b.o.o.bs, even if they weren"t as big as Senpai"s. Which meant…

"I can wear a sleeveless top and try it out on myself!"

It wasn"t a crime if I did it to myself! Of course it wasn"t. I"d still get the cops called on me if I did it outside, though.

But my b.o.o.bs were smaller than Senpai"s, so would I really get the customer satisfaction rating I wanted doing it to myself? I would hate for it to be a huge disappointment. So was this enough to emulate it properly? Hmm, no way to know but to try.

Oh, no! I quickly realized I really sucked at it! It was obvious the second I tried it on myself! I was sure I sucked even worse than the average person. The movements of my fingers were too stiff! My fingers couldn"t keep up with the ideal groping technique I could picture in my head! I realized that playing the piano and guitar was all about practicing your finger technique. But how was I supposed to get the flexibility needed to ma.s.sage some b.o.o.bs? Did I have to practice on myself?

"Well!? How about that!? You like that, don"t you!?"

No, that wasn"t working. Maybe trying it on someone else would help.

"Excuse me! Ma"am! Could I grope your b.o.o.bs real quick!?"

The clerk ran away in a hurry, so my charm was apparently too much for her.

The atmosphere was feeling fairly dangerous, so I considered heading to the Mujirushi Ryohin on the next floor up.

But just then…

"Hey, you."

"Yes!? What is it!?"

I turned around and saw a tall and busty girl.

"Oh, what a cutie."

"No! I was the one talking to you!"

I turned further around and saw a tall boy.

They both wore modified new style uniforms.

The boy slapped the busty girl on the shoulder.

"Ki, don"t rush out ahead of me."

"I just so happened to be closer is all."

"It doesn"t matter," said the boy as he stepped in front of me. And…

"So you are…"

He started to speak, but then he frowned.

"A girl?"

"Yes! I am indeed a girl! And I"m a big b.o.o.bs worshipper!"

When I responded, the busty girl"s face lit up.

"Eh!? Then how do you like these puppies!?"

"I"d love to get a feel of them, but I just now realized my technique needs work and I plan to start working on that!"

"I"m not entirely sure what you mean, but you must be the dependent of a busty G.o.d. How wonderful!"

"It is wonderful! I love busty people like you!"

The busty girl laughed quietly and then spoke to the boy next to her.

"Bil, I don"t think this is them."

"No, our information said they were a boy."

The boy groaned in thought and tilted his head, so I tilted my head too.

"Is something wrong!? Something worth calling the cops over!? Is there a bad guy around here!? Just so you know, I haven"t done anything wrong!"

"Yes, well, it seems we were mistaken. Based on the information we received, there must be a boy who looks a lot like you. Sorry for being so rude."

He got down on one knee and bowed his head.

"I should not have said what I did. I apologize."

"Apology Punch!"

His lowered head was in the perfect position, so I reflexively sent out my right fist.

It made a really dull sound and I could really feel the impact in my fist. Oww! How hard a head did this guy have?

"C-curse you! What do you think you are doing!?"

The busty girl was laughing her a.s.s off next to us, so it all felt pretty great. I struck a pose.

"That was the Apology Punch used to accept an apology! You didn"t know about that!?"

"Of course noooooooooooot!? Who would punch a complete stranger in the head!?"

"Who would see a cute girl practicing her b.o.o.b groping technique and mistake her for a boy!? Give me back my dignity! Give it back! Besides, if you think that"s a normal thing for a guy to be doing, that must mean you practice groping those busty girl"s b.o.o.bs in 30 sets of 5 every single day! ♪Raise your fingers high and spread them nice and wide♪"

"I do nothing of the sort!!"

The busty girl laughed and looked my way.

"We came here to check out the clothes here, but this was way more fun than I expected. Bil, you lose this round. This girl…well, I"m not entirely sure what she is. She has no more power than a household G.o.d, but she has guts."

She then held out a hand.

"Sorry about this. He has a really hard head, doesn"t he? Those differences can be a surprise."

She held my right hand in hers.

…Hm?

Something felt wrong. And aside from that…

"Oh, the pain in my hand is going away."

In fact, my hand felt even better than before all this. I wasn"t sure what it was, so maybe the blood flow had improved. Or…

"Is this an illusion?"

"There, there. …Doing crazy things without thinking about the other person is fine, but be more careful, okay?"

After the girl rubbed my head, the boy sighed in exasperation.

"Well, that was shameful in the worst possible way. …Hato should be here soon, so let"s join her."

"Yes, it has been a while since the three of us were together. …Bye."

The busty girl stood up and then whispered in my ear.

"I was originally created as a guy. What do you think about that?"

"I think it"s wonderful!"

I answered immediately. And this made sense. When she had taken my hand earlier, her hand had felt weird. It had clearly been too hard to be a girl"s hand. But…

"I think that"s really cool!"

"Whatever your reasons were, you chose to look like that because it"s what you want to look like, right!? If people can choose their clothes to express who they are, then why not change their body for the same reason!? And that you chose to have big b.o.o.bs fits perfectly into my big b.o.o.bs worship."

The busty girl"s expression softened. And she rubbed my head again.

"My name is Kidou En. You can call me Ki. …Use that name where people know me and I"m sure they"ll help you out."

"Hey, Ki! We"re going!"

"Yes, yes," said the person going by the name of Ki. After waving at me, she turned swiftly toward the boy and spoke.

"I will follow you wherever you might go."

"Isn"t Sumeragi-chan running late?"

Shifu spread the convenience store meals out on the table in the game club"s clubroom.

They had rice b.a.l.l.s and salad. They also had a makunouchi bento for Sumeragi since he would be hungry, but they had also bought a lot of sweets to snack on while playing games.

"The other times, we would spot him on the way here and call out to him."

"Yeah. We usually see him from the hallway over there. …But we came here when he never showed."

"Does Sumeragi-kun know wherrre the clubroom is?"

"Yeah, he knows, he knows. He automatically comes to the right place after we call to him."

Tooru had been playing Gameboy with Yomoji for a while now, but…

"Ah, you a.s.shole! You aren"t using your absurdities against me, are you!?"

"Nooo, no, nooo. I"m actually having troubllle because I keep getting too many loooong ones. I either have to errrrase four lines at once or staaaaack them up."

"Whoever loses needs to let someone else play. But Tetris can be weird. The pieces can look a bit like runes after all."

"Yeah, it sometimes looks a lot like some kind of diagram. …How are you doing, Kuwajiri? Have you finished Sokoban 2 yet?"

"Kuwajiri-chaaan?"

"Eh!? Oh, yes!? What is it!?"

"Why are you zoning out?"

"Um, well, uh."

While Kuwajiri tried to find something to say, the door to the game club burst open.

"Is that Sumeragi?"

"Excuse me! What is going on!? Sumeragi-kun has turned into a cute girl!"

What in the world was that supposed to mean?

Decoding what Senpai-chan was saying was no easy task.

"Um, we split up earlier and you went to the apartment, right? And then you called us because you forgot your luggage."

"Yes! And when the door opened, a girl walked out! A girl left Sumeragi-kun"s room! So I panicked! All the fl.u.s.terediness vwooshed up inside me!"

"And you didn"t attack her on reflex? I"m impressed. A European G.o.d might have transformed her into a goat or fish on the spot."

"But when I took a closer look at the girl, I realized it was Sumeragi-kun!"

"The girl was? Are you sure it wasn"t a sister or cousin?"

"It was him! I could tell from the mannerisms and scent!"

"This uppercla.s.sman is fairly dangerous herself…"

"Hmm. Well, it"s a kind of illness, so don"t worry about it too much."

"When I tried talking with her, she kept talking about and staring at my chest, so I decided that was normal for Sumeragi-kun."

"Normal?"

"Sounds like turning into a girl didn"t change him at all…"

"Did turrrning into a girl really mean anythiiiing?"

"Are you sure he wasn"t just crossdressing?"

"I mean, Shinto is 100% okay with crossdressing and I"m ready to accept it as just one more weird thing if he started doing it! But that was not crossdressing! I mean, the b.o.o.bs were jiggling a little."

"Eh? So Girl Sumeragi has big enough b.o.o.bs for that? So can she just worship herself now?"

"No, no, no. Mine are bigger, so Sumeragi-kun will still worship me."

"Not sure that"s something to brag about…"

"But! But! It"s true! It"s absolutely true! Sumeragi-kun wants to worship my big girl chest more than your big man chest!"

"Senpai-chan, Senpai-chan. I get that you"re freaking out over this, but you"re getting really childish. Yeah."

"Kuwajiri-chan, are you worried that a former boy has you beat in the chest department?"

"No, that"s not it! It"s not!"

"Anyway, I spoke with Balancer while rushing here, but…look at this Revelation Board!"

"Oh?"

"Right here! It says Sumeragi-kun is still a boy!"

Shifu thought for a bit.

"What does that mean? Was Sumeragi-chan rolled back as a girl despite being a guy?"

"That"s what I want to know!"

"Could his big b.o.o.bs worship have gone too far and transformed him?"

"Um, excuse me a moment."

Shifu looked to the side.

The undercla.s.sman there had not been saying much.

"Look, I"m not trying to accuse you of anything, so stay calm and listen, Kuwajiri-chan."

"I will tell you whatever I can."

"Good, good," nodded Shifu before asking the crucial question.

"You"re in charge of handling Sumeragi-chan"s rollbacks right now, aren"t you?"

"Eh?"

I voiced my confusion.

"I thought Kunugi-san and Kido-san were in charge of that."

"Well, they"re pretty busy and it was a bit too much to ask of them personality-wise…or lifestyle-wise I guess you could say. So that task was given to us. We"re a lot closer to Sumeragi-chan, after all. …Senpai-chan, you should really come visit us more often like this."

"Eh? Um, uh, well, but, I…"

"Kuwajiri, did you turn Sumeragi into a girl for fun or something?"

"No, but I was handling the rollback work while having a meeting with Kunugi-senpai this morning…"

"Yes, yes. And then what?"

"Well, remember how we were having a meeting over yakiniku two rollbacks ago when it went really well?"

"We ate a loooot of lamb."

"I gained some weight from that."

"Yeah, you are kind of made of alcohol."

"Eh? Eh? What does that mean?"

Shifu was hesitant to respond, but she did so when Kuwajiri gave her the go-ahead with a look.

"Kuwajiri-chan, the legends say you were born from the mead we G.o.ds made, right? That affects your body, so your blood alcohol level is always really high, isn"t it? You couldn"t get a moped license because of that, could you?"

"No, I couldn"t. It"s the same as how fire G.o.ds have a high body temperature. In my case, it only appears in the test results, but I do wonder if I can think so fast because I am effectively intoxicated at all times."

"Oh… So you don"t get drunk and it doesn"t show on your face, but it"s different on the inside?"

"I wish I was a more traditional kind of G.o.d…"

"Yes, but not showwwwing that you are drunk is a goooood thing."

"Is it? Well, I guess it is."

"Yes, yessss. Back during my heyyyyday, drinking was really popullllar among my followers. At the tiiime, I had bit of a short temper, so when I couldn"t get to sleep because they kept worshipping meeee in the middle of the night, I dropped three - I guess you would calllll them meteors? - on their heads to give theeeeem a h.e.l.l of a party! I can see why they feared me."

"Wow, Yomoji-chan doesn"t mess around."

"I mean, is there any difference between you and an evil G.o.d?"

"Now, now, now. I"ve calllmed down a lot since then. So, Kuwajiri-kun, not getting druuunk is for the best."

Kuwajiri tilted her head a bit as if to admit defeat.

But they could not end the conversation there.

"So, Kuwajiri-chan, what happened with Sumeragi-chan?"

"Yes, well, I have been on a banana diet for breakfast lately. Although come to think of it, my blood sugar must be high enough to shock the medical G.o.ds, so maybe there"s no point. But my body is obedient and I have been losing weight."

"Ohh, straightforward is best with you, Kuwajiri-chan."

"Thank you. Now, I was adjusting the settings as appropriate while peeling and eating my breakfast banana this morning."

And…

"In the middle of the work, the banana broke in half and it really surprised me, so I accidentally b.u.mped into the Revelation Board I was using to set up Sumeragi"s rollback. But there weren"t any errors and I managed to catch the banana, so I decided it all worked out."

"That"s what happened?"

"Yes, that is what happened"

"Hey, Senpai-chan?"

I spoke to the dumbfounded girl.

"I"m pretty sure this is the banana"s fault, not Kuwajiri-chan"s."

"W-wait just a minute!"

"Oh, have you switched back on?"

"O-of course I have! I mean, a banana!? The banana broke and Sumeragi-kun turned into a girl!? Is the banana a euphemism!? Th-then what do I need to do with a banana to turn Sumeragi-kun back into a boy!? Peel it! Hold it in my hand! And then what!?"

"Hey, Senpai-chan? You"re headed in a weird direction here."

"So does this mean you prefer Sumeragi as a guy?"

"Eh?"

Senpai-chan"s expression went blank and then she rapidly blushed.

"B-but, um, uh…the banana! Yes! You want a banana! A banana to go with the corresponding fruit! The, um, peach, I guess!?"

"Hey, you"re still headed in that weird direction."

"Wahhhhhhhhhh! Shifu-san, what do I do!?"

"There, there. Come cry in my real-life big b.o.o.bs."

I couldn"t help but think how much Sumeragi-chan would have loved to see this.

But just then, a knock came at the door. It was a metallic sound but also a light one.

"Sumeragi?"

"Eh!? W-wait, if I"m here, he"ll think I"m stalking him!"

"Aren"t you, though?"

Everyone tensed up a bit, but then the person outside spoke.

"Is Raidou or Shifu there? It"s me. Kunugi."

Raidou looked over from his chair.

"Hey, what is it? If you need to carry out some art, I can help you."

"No, it isn"t that. I went to the library for some research and Kubiko told me something."

That being…

"Three big names have been sent here by the Divine Committee."

"Wow, Balancer is completely useless."

Well, that was true. And what did this mean, anyway?

"Did they send some inspectors because the Shinto terraforming is taking too long? Do they think they should take over instead?"

"Be careful. If only we had a bit more progress, we could probably manage the real manifestation of some physical types."

"But you"ve got us instead. Anyway, about Sumeragi…"

"Yes, that would be-…"

The voice suddenly stopped. After a quick apology, the presence behind the door left and was replaced by some extremely careless footsteps and a rough but light knock on the door.

"Are you there, Senpais!? I"m here to play some games!"

"Waaaah! Wait! Wait! I need somewhere to hide! It would seem really weird if I had just moved in today but was also already in the same club, wouldn"t it!?"

"Give up. That ship has already sailed."

I shook my head.

"No, no! Th-there"s a locker in here, right!? There it is!"

"Senpai-chan, we"re about to start a pretty long gaming session, so can you really go that long without visiting the bathroom?"

"G-G.o.ddesses don"t use the bathroom!"

"Shifu-senpai, is that true?"

"What do you say, Tooru?"

"Don"t pa.s.s this off to me!"

"C"mon, I want to know what you think. I won"t get mad no matter what you say."

"In that case," began Raidou.

"You"re the kind of girl that knows it"s better to get rid of what you don"t need. Plus, you"re always pretty and cute no matter what you do."

"Heh heh."

"Wow…"

The pa.s.sion was pretty intense. And…

"Heh heh."

"What"s so funny?"

"Say stuff like that more often! Then I"ll be even prettier and cuter!"

"If you do, I"ll probably be too awed to say anything."

That was what you got with a heroic couple from Norse mythology.

"This is kind of embarra.s.sing to watch."

"Kuwajiri-kun, do you not let it show on your face?"

"This really isn"t the time! I need somewhere to hide!"

"Hiiiii! Sumeragi Izumi, coming in!"

She came in!

"Wah!"

Now I"ve done it, I thought.

This was clearly out of the ordinary. It didn"t add up. I mean, the girl who had just moved in next door was all of a sudden in the same club as the uppercla.s.smen Sumeragi-kun already knew. Plus, I was freaking out.

"U-um, Sumeragi-kun? I-I can explain…"

"C"mon, Senpai-chan, just go with the standard explanation for this."

"What"s the standard explanation? Is there some magic word to solve all this?"

"You bet. It"s "stalker"."

"It might explain this, but not in a good way!"

Meanwhile, Sumeargi-kun looked at me.

"Oh! You"re the busty uppercla.s.sman from next door, aren"t you!? Yay! Are you joining this club!? Yahoo! I"m so happy the busty neighbor can also be a busty club neighbor! Thank you so much!"

Oh, thank goodness.

"Even as a girl, he"s an idiot…"

No, no, no, no. Well, yes, but it really saved me this time.

"O-okay, since Senpai-chan is thinking about joining, let"s go easy on her and have a welcoming party for her!"

I felt like I could never thank Shifu-san enough for playing along.