"The car is fine. She"s a trooper. She"ll take us where we need to go. She may not look pretty anymore, but none of us do. I even started her engine before I set out to find you, thinking you might hear it. She purrs like a cat. A r.e.t.a.r.ded cat, but a cat."
I still didn"t like it. He grew silent as we hobbled together through the forest.
I had to ask, "Where did I go?"
"Huh?"
"Just now. After the accident."
"I don"t know." His voice became yielding, pliable. "I came to with my head indented on the steering wheel. The wasps were gone. Ada was shaking me awake. She had her seatbelt on, thank f.u.c.k, so she was fine. Maybe some whiplash. And you were gone. I don"t even know how you got out of your seatbelt. You"ve not only turned into the Hulk, but Houdini as well. "
I was so ashamed and so furious with myself for leaving the accident. And causing the accident, when it came right down to it. They were my wasps, weren"t they?
"You should have left me here," I growled.
He stopped. I could see a single beam of light in the distance, probably the car. It made the sticky blood on his face shine like a frozen pond.
"Perry," he said. His voice came out thick and raspy. "You have to accept that this isn"t your fault. You didn"t ask for this."
"How do you know?" I cried out. He was sparking some nerves just beneath my sh.e.l.l. "How do you know what I asked for?! Do you know what it"s been like to be me for the past few months? Do you have any idea what I"ve gone through!? Do you?!"
The non-bloodied skin on his face went an extra shade of white to match the moon. His eyebrows lowered, eyes dropped briefly to the ground. Then he brought them to meet mine and they softened like liquid honey.
"I don"t think I"ll ever be able to tell you how sorry I am. It doesn"t mean I won"t try, because you, Perry, you deserve a lifetime of servitude. Eons of groveling. Even then, I don"t think I can show enough, do enough to let you see. And that"s OK. You have every right to hate me for this lifetime and many others. You have every right to never see me again. To spit on my grave. But tonight, now, I"m not going to give up on you. I"m going to fix you or," his voice fell with weight, "die trying."
I didn"t know what to say to that. I opened my mouth and closed it again, letting the gravity of his words sink in. I couldn"t forgive him. I couldn"t let him die on account of me, either. He needed to go to the hospital. I needed to go to a hospital. But we both carried on in our stubborn little ways, protesting together but apart.
Dex let out a puff of breath and pointed at the light in the distance.
"Just one headlight left. Let"s hope we make it till dawn before seeing any cops. I don"t think they"d believe our story for a second. Especially since your jolly old father probably has a wanted poster of me down at the station already."
A minute later we arrived at the car. Ada looked fine except for a bruise on her elbow. She wrapped her arms around me in a lavish, squeezing hug, thinking she might never see me again. I foolishly told her it would be the last time we"d be apart.
Then she started wrapping me up in duct tape. Even in the middle of a car accident, I was still public enemy number one.
We got in the car and after I was carefully belted in, Dex managed to reverse it up the embankment. Luckily, it wasn"t as steep as it looked when we went bounding down it. The Highlander shuddered and smoked a bit but she worked and we were soon roaring down the highway again. The night sky was clear as we left the mountains and entered the softly rolling hills, and far off in the distance you could see the sky easing black to blue. The horizon looked fresh and clean and the dying stars twinkled brightest before they faded. Dawn was coming.
Time was ticking.
It was near eight in the morning, when the landscape was sunny, dusty and squint-worthy bright, that I felt a cloak of blackness settle over me like opaque net. It had been waiting to drop all night. I had been waiting to receive it. A net of indescribable evil.
A voice spoke out deep inside my head. That voice from the bowels of creation, one that encapsulated all pain and suffering the world has ever known - and relished it.
Give up, it said. To resist is to bring pain. Pain to your loved ones. Pain to yourself. Give up and you"ll be spared. You"ll be free.
Try me, I thought.
I raised my chin and looked at Dex and Ada, who were lost in their own thoughts, watching the flat farmlands roll past.
"Guys," I said, my voice shaking out of my chest. "I don"t have much time left."
Dex stepped harder on the gas. I didn"t know if it would be enough.
When we arrived outside the small, reservation town of Lapwai, I was a complete write-off. There was no hope left for me. I pushed and tried and projected and did what I could to get control back but I was too tired and too weak to be any threat. I spent the entire car ride trapped in my body and under the demon"s rule. I spoke in tongues, I writhed and screamed and tried to bite Ada and Dex until she was stealth enough to put a piece of duct tape over my mouth. She then proceeded to tape me down to the actual seat, using all three rolls of the tape they"d purchased from the gas station.
It was good timing that as soon as Dex navigated the Highlander up to a desolate rancher on the sage-brushed outskirts, the tape began to come loose from the seat and my thrashing was at an all-time high. Any longer and the thing would have propelled me into Dex and taken the car off the road again, for the final time. You only get to cheat the devil once.
Dex slammed the car into park and he and Ada jumped out of the car while I remained writhing inside. The rusty door to the small house banged open and a tall, slim native man in jeans and an old, grey San Francisco Giants sweatshirt stepped out. He was surprisingly young, you know, for an exorcist, maybe a few years older than Dex. Dex shook the man"s hand vigorously and then, as the man shook Ada"s, someone else emerged from the trailer.
It was Bird. Stoic Bird from Red Fox, with his dusty denim jacket, weather-beaten face and imitation Raybans. Aside from a quick slap on the back, and Bird motioning to Dex"s head wound with concern, there was no time for a reunion. Dex pointed at the car and they all came running for me.
I tried with all my heart to get the creature away from me, to be able to act as myself to Bird and to tell him how much I appreciated him for trying to help me once again, but I couldn"t. If anything, my attempts made it push me back even farther. A layer of film settled over my vision, like I was looking through a thick piece of laminate, and all sound came at me as through underwater channels.
Dex opened the door and the exorcist and Bird peered down at me, sussing me out. I puffed in and out the piece of duct tape instead, tried to wriggle myself free and uttered supernatural groans.
The man, who I a.s.sumed was Roman, shook his head defiantly and started muttering in his native tongue. Then he began yelling at Bird in that language, pointing at me and frowning. Bird laid his hands on Roman and answered him back calmly, still in another language.
Finally, Dex asked, "Excuse me but what"s the problem?"
Bird looked at me and then at Dex with a tight-lipped smile. "Roman"s upset because I didn"t tell him how bad she really was."
"I didn"t know," Dex said to him, then he turned to Roman. "I didn"t know until last night. You speak English, right?"
"Yes, I speak English," Roman snapped. He gestured at me without much concern. "She"s too far gone; this is unfixable."
If I had a heart that still belonged to me, it would have been shattered wide open.
I was unfixable.
I was going to die.
Dex grabbed Roman by the front of his sweatshirt and brought him right up to his face.
"You"re going to fix her," he snarled, his dark eyes sparking as they bore holes into Roman"s. "She"s a lot stronger than she looks. She is still in there and you"re going to help her, or so help me G.o.d."
"You"ll need your G.o.d if you think you"re going to win this battle," Roman said. He exchanged a measured look with Bird and then gave a short nod. "OK. Let"s see what we can do. Just, please release me."
Dex stared at him intensely for a few seconds, the dried blood down the side of his face making him look borderline homicidal, before he backed off and unclenched his hands from the sweatshirt. He took a quick look at me and then walked away, shaking his shoulders, trying to cool off.
I was foaming at the mouth, the spillage leaking out underneath the duct tape. Roman brought his face in deeper to mine and started muttering in his language again. Even though he was Nez Perce, it sounded like Navajo to my faraway ears and would explain why he and Bird could talk to each other.
Bird nodded and replied back. Then as Roman started to undo the duct tape, Bird"s warm face filled my line of sight as he leaned close to me.
"Perry," he said gently. "I can see past these eyes. I know you"re in there. I know you can hear me. I know you must be scared right now but we"ll need you to listen to us. You must do what we say. This is going to be very complicated. But it"s not impossible. You must have faith. You must call on your faith. Faith in G.o.d, if you still believe. Faith in the universe if you don"t. Faith in love. Faith in yourself and faith in others. Faith will give you courage and grant you hope. Use that."
Roman said something else as he ripped off the duct tape from my legs.
"What was that?" Bird asked.
This time Roman whispered it. Bird looked back at my face and eyed it distrustfully.
"I see," Bird said softly. His jaw set.
Neither Dex nor Ada had caught the exchange. They were standing outside the trailer, Dex with his arms crossed and tapping his foot nervously, Ada babbling distressingly. They were too far away to hear. But I knew something was going on, something that only Bird and Roman knew. I wished I could have asked but all I did was continue to make shuddering groans.
When Roman was done freeing me from the seat, I thought the thing would have made me attack him and flail wildly like an injured worm. But I was motionless. Not in control, but quiet. Maybe waiting for them to let their guards down. Maybe the thing inside me knew what Roman was capable was. I sure as h.e.l.l didn"t.
Roman took my legs and Bird wrapped his hands around my shoulders and together they lifted me out of the car and walked sideways to the house. It was sunny but surprisingly cold, with a bitter breeze that rolled off the far-off hills. Dex kept the rusted door open as they took me inside.
From my limited view, the house was clean and threadbare. What little furniture there was was neat but still gave the impression of either poverty or neglect. There was a screen door that had holes punched through it in places and looked out onto the rolling, brown land outside.
They took me down a small narrow hallway with yellow walls that Bird kept hitting with his stocky shoulders. I could see a room at the end of the hall that looked like a study and a greenhouse combined, filled with plants and books. I was put into a room comprised of a narrow bed, an armchair and a few native artworks on the wall.
They laid me down in the middle of the bed, and as Bird left the room, Roman reached under the bed and pulled out three leather straps.
Dex"s eyes widened. "What are you doing?"
Roman ignored him and went around to the other side, pulling out three more straps. Then he leaned over me and started strapping me in, one across my chest, one across my hips and one across my legs.
"Is that really necessary?" Dex exclaimed, making a move for him.
Ada reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him back.
"You know it is," she said quietly, her eyes warning him to stay put.
Dex eyed her hand and then relented. They watched from the back of the room as Roman finished up. He fished a pocket knife out of his back pocket and flipped open the blade. He held the blade above me and I heard Ada gasp.
But he merely stuck the edge of the blade underneath the duct tape and freed me down the middle, tearing me open like sausage casing.
"I won"t rip it off," he said to me. "I know it would hurt you, still."
"I hope you"re talking to Perry," Dex said.
Roman gave Dex a grave look. "I am. I can see she"s there, too. But you both must understand that I may have to hurt Perry at some point."
"What? No!" Ada protested. "You don"t hurt her. You hurt what"s in her."
Roman straightened up and flipped his knife back in his pocket like it was second nature. Just what kind of a shaman was he?
"Sometimes you don"t have a choice," he said matter-of-factly.
"Is that what happened with the last boy, the one who died?" Dex asked snidely. He immediately regretted it. Roman"s eyes turned to steel.
"I barely touched the boy. He would have died anyway. I did get the demon out and that"s what counts. Do you think it"s easy to see that happen? He was only four. I had to move towns; everyone was saying I did something wrong. But I didn"t. The damage was already done when he came to me. It was too late."
The room grew silent. Dex looked down at the floor and Ada shifted uncomfortably.
Bird came back in the room holding a heavy box and placed it in front of Roman. He gave Dex and Ada a stern look. "If Roman seems cold, it"s because he has to be. The medicine man can have no emotional attachments to the person in question. He can have no fear. Evil preys on fear. It feeds on emotions. Even love."
Roman started lifting things out of the box. I raised my head to look and was struck by the fact that I could. Was I in control?
I tried to talk but nothing came out. My throat wouldn"t work, my mouth wouldn"t move. Just my head moved and it was probably the thing, trying to take stock of what was going on.
But Dex, he took his attention off the boxes and looked right at me. I held his gaze, wondering if he could see my real eyes or if they were just swirling black pools. His own eyes were magnetic, his brows furrowed grimly. It was like he was trying to tell me something, hoping I"d hear it. I didn"t know what it was, but it helped knowing he was there and watching me, trying to establish a connection.
Bird and Roman brought out a small native drum, something that looked like incense holders, matches, little wooden bowls and baggies of earth-colored herbs and plants. Roman looked up at Dex and Ada and said, "We have to set up for the ceremony. You will have to leave the room."
Dex tore his eyes away from mine with effort and shook his head. "I don"t think so."
Bird got up, one leg at a time, and placed his hand on Dex"s shoulder. "I know you care about her. But she"s not going anywhere for now. We have to cleanse the room. Then you can come back in."
Roman said something to Bird in the native language and Bird nodded sharply. He looked back at Dex with imploring eyes. "Please? We must hurry."
Dex and Ada sighed and left the room, both of them throwing a glance at me over their shoulders before they went out the door. Bird went over and closed it after them. It felt so final. I know he said they could come back in after, but I had no idea what was in store.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO.
With Ada and Dex gone, Bird lit up some sage and started waving it around in all corners of the room. It reminded me a lot of the ceremony we did in the sweat-lodge with Rudy. Rudy, the last shaman I had come in contact with. He had gone missing during that ceremony, presumably killed by the skinwalkers. I wondered if Roman knew how dangerous I seemed to be. I wondered if he was ready. Though the thought of him using physical force on me was scary, I was become desensitized to the way my body was treated, and if he had to hurt me to free me, then he could hurt me all he wanted. I"d welcome it.
Roman lit a few candles around the room, then pulled shut the thick curtains so the room was dark except for a bare lamp in the corner that created haunting shadows on the wall. Bird continued to wave the sage, then he lit another sweet-smelling herb and started all over again, this time chanting. At first to himself, but Roman would join in at odd times while he burned something in a wooden smudge pot.
After the last herb died to smoldering ashes and the room was thick with blue haze, Roman gestured to the drum. Bird eased himself cross-legged on the floor and brought the drum to his lap while Roman went to the door and stuck his head out, calling down the hallway.
Dex and Ada appeared in the doorframe, coughing and waving at the air.
"No," Roman said, firmly grabbing Ada"s hand in mid-wave. "Don"t move it. It is to help us. Breathe it in. It will help purify you both."
He shut the door behind them and told them to stand at the foot of the bed; then he came around the other side and stood beside me.
"Tell me how this all started," he said.
Ada and Dex looked at each other. Ada stepped a bit forward and started rehashing everything that had happened, leaving out a few things like the miscarriage and Abby.
"And where do you come in?" Roman asked Dex.
Dex coughed and cleared his throat, looking strangely sheepish. "The little one called me. I was the only one who believed what was wrong with Perry."
"What was Perry"s state of mind before all of this happened?"
Dex opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He clamped his lips shut and looked at Ada with a pained face. She raised her brow at him and gave Roman a sadly sardonic smile.